3 Keys to Self-Esteem

what we need when it comes to self esteem is balance. Yes, we are blessed to be G_d's people and that is great. Yes, there are those of us who are blessed with a whole lot of gifts and that is great, too. But, Lori, I think you are correct in mentioning that some people have such outsized egos that they come to believe that they are "too good" for the things you mentioned (i.e., careers, relationships and life choices). They can believe that there is always something "better" just around the corner and don't THEY just deserve it! We, parents, have quite a responsibility in striking just the right balance between having kids with a decent sense of self worth or egotistical monsters who romp around the world with an outsized sense of entitlement.

Most of my life I've felt worthless. Listening to your almost live tape made me feel awesome. Thank you! B'Shalom, Karen

I agree Lori. Everything wehave eveer needed, what we need now, and what we will need is already here on Earth. God has given it to us to use and enjoy and to replenish. --------------- Remember to enjoy the wonderful moments and to revel in them while we are living in them. He wants us to, that's why he makes them available to us. The future is always 5 minutes away. Don't lose today by always keeping your eyes on Eternity. If you enjoy the moments in life, Eternity will be much, much better.

The video on esteem is great. However, ... I grew up in post-Holocaust Vienna, Austria. I was the only Jew in my school, the only Jew in my neighborhood, and some kids in Elementary school liked to dance around me singing "Jud Jud spuck im Hut" - Jew Jew spit in the hat. My mother used to tell me how much better the other kids were though I had all A's. She also told me not to be like ... listing all the men I knew. As a result I had to be cautious and test every person I met to see if they were Antisemites or in any other way not to be trusted. It was a way of life for me. I had not idea that there are other ways to live. Now my children distance themselves from me because they do not understand why I make such a big thing about being Jewish. My wife, who's parents were also Holocaust survivors, says she understands - I do not believe it though. My mother tried to tell me not to hate. I was also told that any person could be a monster. That includes Jews, too. So, where is the soul? I do not see any place, literally and figularly, where a soul could reside. I used to try to be Orthodox, but I do not know any more where our place is. If we are the chosen people, for what? And what if there are other worlds with people similar to us, are they not chosen? I want to believe but find it very very hard.

My friend Natan...for just One day...change your glasses..to a pair that takes in all the blessings ,beauty,and gifts of fortune the Jewish people now posses....Then of you chose to put back the old pair...

Yes Lori, but we have to be careful concerning self esteem that it doesn't create arrogance and entitlement. So many people use self esteem to be arrogant toward other people and shove other people out of the way because they're entitled. Self esteem without humility and respect for other people and their rights as well as ours is the stuff of what happened in Europe in the 1930s and '40s. God is our source and our inspiration. Without Torah, what is life? It has to be according to God and not ourselves alone.

I always teach my students that REAL self esteem is EARNED through achievement. Real self esteem does not come from "A" for effort, or "C" just for showing up but from rising to the occasion, putting in the necessary work, and then achieving goals. In today's day and age of "everyone is beautiful" and "A for effort, outcome based education", teens have a weird dichotomy of hyper arrogant on one end and having pitifully low self esteem and self confidence on the other hand. I gain my self esteem not from someone buying me chocolates or telling me my skirt is nice but rather, from the education I earned, money I earned that was not handed to me, and responsibilities I have tackled and succeeded in from using my inner resources and problem solving skills. It's a bitter pill to swallow that there are winners and losers in life and that not everyone can always be a winner. In a sports game, one team is the winning team and the other, the losing team. As such, in other facets of life, some people accomplish educational and career objectives and others do not. The "everyone is a winner" mentality gives those who are too lazy to succeed a cop-out. May we all strive to achieve success to some measure and may we all summon the strength to be able to do so.

thank you, Lori....your words are always so true and empowering...thank you for these simple guidelines..they are helpful and instructive. You are anexcellent speaker and teacher....one I always listen to.

good job Lori !

Amazing!! This is Exactly the way I have been raised!!!! This is Also, why I have never married - I am so deeply picky, and regretfully, the choice of men who have ANY kind of respect (TRUE not feigned, sincere, honest, respectful, kind and loving) seems to be non-existent. I Very regretfully prefer to be alone than "cavort about" and become deeply sad. Your opinion and values are not "archaic" in the least, they are based on the timeless notion, in my opinion, that there is sanctity in relationships, that human intimacy is PRIVATE, as should be one's life. I Love what you have affirmed, for it speaks to the innate reduction of human relations to the commodificational exchange of human life - reducing it to being expendable, trivial, and of little worth. Our society is damaging many innocent individuals and lives, and those amongst us who "buy" would buy into this pervasive mindset pay the horrendous price of having our values distorted, destroyed, perverted, as our lives. Thank you so Very much for your Very necessary reminder.

The response of the woman above is exactly why the advice from Lori is so bad. If we all think we are so great, why would we settle for a mere mortal spouse. Very bad advise ... I am shocked. One of the leading child psychiatrists asserts that children brought up to be well mannered and good citizens are much happier than those pumped with self esteem. Bravo for that. That's the old time schooling that my parents, and those of their generation gave, and it worked better by all standards than the (relatively) entitled offspring of the "self-esteem" generation.

such godliness in u!

Dear Lori, thank you so much for this video. It is the message I needed in these unexpectedly difficult times. You have given me hope and have opened my eyes to HaShem's glory countless times. Some times life can be so difficult. One tries hard, one prays, one tries to be a good human being only to be faced with more adversity. It's difficult not to give in to despair and sadness. How Is one to survive? It's in those moments that messages like these are helpful. Thank you so much. May many people enjoy your messages and may see what HaShem has to offer.