3 Keys to Self-Esteem

by Mrs. Lori Palatnik

How to nurture self-esteem in your kids and yourself.

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Published: March 2, 2013

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About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

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Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

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Visitor Comments: 17

(15) Freedomlover, August 20, 2013 4:44 PM

Amazing Said

Very well Said that we all are priceless :)

(14) Ann, April 4, 2013 8:25 PM

Self-esteem and worth before HaShem

Over the years I have come to realize that I'm not really "worth" much--but because HaShem made me, I'm worth everything to Him. On that basis it is my life's work to make every moment useful and to be there for others--the need is endless. To fulfill tikun olam requires no sense of worth except in HaShem's eyes. That is all that matters. That is what brings me happiness.

(13) Sharon, March 13, 2013 4:55 AM

Awesome

I have never seen or heard anything so powerful. Lori is the greatest speaker ever!!!

(12) Heather, March 6, 2013 8:54 PM

Thanks!

Thanks for this message! It was really encouraging & really appreciated it! Blessings

(11) Suzanne, March 6, 2013 7:33 PM

As in so many areas of life ...

what we need when it comes to self esteem is balance. Yes, we are blessed to be G_d's people and that is great. Yes, there are those of us who are blessed with a whole lot of gifts and that is great, too. But, Lori, I think you are correct in mentioning that some people have such outsized egos that they come to believe that they are "too good" for the things you mentioned (i.e., careers, relationships and life choices). They can believe that there is always something "better" just around the corner and don't THEY just deserve it! We, parents, have quite a responsibility in striking just the right balance between having kids with a decent sense of self worth or egotistical monsters who romp around the world with an outsized sense of entitlement.

(10) Karen h, March 6, 2013 2:41 PM

Thanks, I needed that.

Most of my life I've felt worthless. Listening to your almost live tape made me feel awesome. Thank you! B'Shalom, Karen

(9) SusanE, March 5, 2013 8:05 PM

we are - Gam zu le tovah.

I agree Lori. Everything wehave eveer needed, what we need now, and what we will need is already here on Earth. God has given it to us to use and enjoy and to replenish. --------------- Remember to enjoy the wonderful moments and to revel in them while we are living in them. He wants us to, that's why he makes them available to us. The future is always 5 minutes away. Don't lose today by always keeping your eyes on Eternity. If you enjoy the moments in life, Eternity will be much, much better.

(8) Natan, March 5, 2013 7:50 PM

Why and how?

The video on esteem is great. However, ... I grew up in post-Holocaust Vienna, Austria. I was the only Jew in my school, the only Jew in my neighborhood, and some kids in Elementary school liked to dance around me singing "Jud Jud spuck im Hut" - Jew Jew spit in the hat. My mother used to tell me how much better the other kids were though I had all A's. She also told me not to be like ... listing all the men I knew. As a result I had to be cautious and test every person I met to see if they were Antisemites or in any other way not to be trusted. It was a way of life for me. I had not idea that there are other ways to live. Now my children distance themselves from me because they do not understand why I make such a big thing about being Jewish. My wife, who's parents were also Holocaust survivors, says she understands - I do not believe it though. My mother tried to tell me not to hate. I was also told that any person could be a monster. That includes Jews, too. So, where is the soul? I do not see any place, literally and figularly, where a soul could reside. I used to try to be Orthodox, but I do not know any more where our place is. If we are the chosen people, for what? And what if there are other worlds with people similar to us, are they not chosen? I want to believe but find it very very hard.

BT, March 6, 2013 2:02 AM

What a Glorius people we are!!

My friend Natan...for just One day...change your glasses..to a pair that takes in all the blessings ,beauty,and gifts of fortune the Jewish people now posses....Then of you chose to put back the old pair...

(7) Antonio Perez, March 5, 2013 6:29 PM

A word of caution

Yes Lori, but we have to be careful concerning self esteem that it doesn't create arrogance and entitlement. So many people use self esteem to be arrogant toward other people and shove other people out of the way because they're entitled. Self esteem without humility and respect for other people and their rights as well as ours is the stuff of what happened in Europe in the 1930s and '40s. God is our source and our inspiration. Without Torah, what is life? It has to be according to God and not ourselves alone.

(6) L.S., March 5, 2013 6:10 PM

I always teach my students...

I always teach my students that REAL self esteem is EARNED through achievement. Real self esteem does not come from "A" for effort, or "C" just for showing up but from rising to the occasion, putting in the necessary work, and then achieving goals. In today's day and age of "everyone is beautiful" and "A for effort, outcome based education", teens have a weird dichotomy of hyper arrogant on one end and having pitifully low self esteem and self confidence on the other hand. I gain my self esteem not from someone buying me chocolates or telling me my skirt is nice but rather, from the education I earned, money I earned that was not handed to me, and responsibilities I have tackled and succeeded in from using my inner resources and problem solving skills. It's a bitter pill to swallow that there are winners and losers in life and that not everyone can always be a winner. In a sports game, one team is the winning team and the other, the losing team. As such, in other facets of life, some people accomplish educational and career objectives and others do not. The "everyone is a winner" mentality gives those who are too lazy to succeed a cop-out. May we all strive to achieve success to some measure and may we all summon the strength to be able to do so.

(5) dorothy b, March 5, 2013 5:00 PM

we are all special and unique....

thank you, Lori....your words are always so true and empowering...thank you for these simple guidelines..they are helpful and instructive. You are anexcellent speaker and teacher....one I always listen to.

(4) Ezk, March 5, 2013 4:27 PM

wonderful

good job Lori !

(3) Anonymous, March 5, 2013 1:29 AM

WOW!!!

Amazing!! This is Exactly the way I have been raised!!!! This is Also, why I have never married - I am so deeply picky, and regretfully, the choice of men who have ANY kind of respect (TRUE not feigned, sincere, honest, respectful, kind and loving) seems to be non-existent. I Very regretfully prefer to be alone than "cavort about" and become deeply sad. Your opinion and values are not "archaic" in the least, they are based on the timeless notion, in my opinion, that there is sanctity in relationships, that human intimacy is PRIVATE, as should be one's life. I Love what you have affirmed, for it speaks to the innate reduction of human relations to the commodificational exchange of human life - reducing it to being expendable, trivial, and of little worth. Our society is damaging many innocent individuals and lives, and those amongst us who "buy" would buy into this pervasive mindset pay the horrendous price of having our values distorted, destroyed, perverted, as our lives. Thank you so Very much for your Very necessary reminder.

zvi, March 5, 2013 7:26 PM

Shallow/poor advice

The response of the woman above is exactly why the advice from Lori is so bad. If we all think we are so great, why would we settle for a mere mortal spouse. Very bad advise ... I am shocked. One of the leading child psychiatrists asserts that children brought up to be well mannered and good citizens are much happier than those pumped with self esteem. Bravo for that. That's the old time schooling that my parents, and those of their generation gave, and it worked better by all standards than the (relatively) entitled offspring of the "self-esteem" generation.

(2) Anonymous, March 4, 2013 12:06 AM

WOW

such godliness in u!

(1) Anonymous, March 3, 2013 2:03 PM

Thank you

Dear Lori, thank you so much for this video. It is the message I needed in these unexpectedly difficult times. You have given me hope and have opened my eyes to HaShem's glory countless times. Some times life can be so difficult. One tries hard, one prays, one tries to be a good human being only to be faced with more adversity. It's difficult not to give in to despair and sadness. How Is one to survive? It's in those moments that messages like these are helpful. Thank you so much. May many people enjoy your messages and may see what HaShem has to offer.

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3 Keys to Self-Esteem

How to nurture self-esteem in your kids and yourself.

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