The Date from Hell

Lori Almost Live Archive
Read and add your comments below.

Give Tzedakah! Help Aish.com create inspiring
articles, videos and blogs featuring timeless Jewish wisdom.

Published: March 3, 2007

Visitor Comments: 13

(13) Anonymous, June 28, 2011 5:19 AM

Thank you. Hit the nail on the head

(12) Anonymous, April 13, 2010 6:18 PM

Clarification needed

As someone else involved in DV, it's important to have a caveat for this message--while it is indeed a tragedy to make someone "unmarriageable" because they chose a bad restaurant or ate with their month open, if people are told NEVER to discuss misgivings then there will be many marriages that shouldn't be, that cause enormous devastation. DV signals are usually small signs rather than proven "facts." But they shouldn't be ignored.

(11) Jonathan, December 2, 2007 7:02 AM

She has a point!

With the emails I got about this I though I better check what all the fuss was about. having watched the video, I would like people to consider that all Rebbetzin Palatnick says is to get the facts - and use these, not opinions. Everything others have said regarding abuse and the permisability of relating truths when there are important facts that may harm somebody in a future relationship are all correct as well. But they are not what her vidio is about.

In my experience, there are dates who will accuse the person they've been out with of all manner of things simply because they don't conform to their expectations. who knows, maybe this date from hell, far from being the axe murderer, simply had the misfortune to be unable to find a parking space and was late by 6 minutes, or worse maybe the pasta slithered out their mouth when they inadvertantly opened it!

We don't know why this date was so classified as being from hell. and then again it doesn't matter. The only point here that is neing made by Rebbetzin Palatnick is use the facts not opinions.

(10) Rabbi Mark Dratch, October 19, 2007 10:16 AM

Sometimes there is a MITZVAH to speak Lashon Hara

As someone very involved in the area of Jewish Domestic Violence and Abuse, I am very concerned about the mesage presented by Rebbetzin Palatnick. The problem is that we don't know what the "hell" was. If there were abusive comments or behaviors, it was not OK to be silent. Anyone wh0 has informatin and does not share it is responsible for the harm that is caused to others. See my article,"The Mitzvah to Speak Lashon Hara" at the JSafe (Jewish Institue Supporting an Abuse Free Environment) website (Resources page).The Chafetz Chayyim himself obligates a person to speak out when he/she has information that can save another from harm.

I know that this was not the intention of the video-- but why these were "dated from hell" and why Rabbi Palatnick insisted that this man be set up again and again is not clear... and the wrong message could get out.

(9) Anton Zanesco, April 28, 2007 10:15 AM

Thankyounote

I have been listening to and recieving
Messages from your Site , that have
so much changed and enriched my
Live and I want to thank you !
I have most off all learned , that nothing can truly be done without People , that our Happiness derives
from sharing with others and that Love and gentle Ways will succeed.
Anton Zanesco

Anton Zanesco

(8) Daniela, March 8, 2007 7:36 PM

re: the facts

Problem here is, if she didn't get specifics, ie the facts, she was remiss in fulfilling her responsibility of informing her friends of certain negative aspects of his character, the reporting of which in the right circumstances fall under the category of permitted speech. I respect the fact that she feels she did something right because he ended up happy with someone who ended up happy with him, but it's also true that when you're setting people up you have a responsibility to look into negative reports and whether they should make a difference in whom you set a person up with. Just because someone is nice doesn't mean he's ok to set everyone up with. At least with more of the facts you can get a better idea of who to set someone up with - who knows, if Lori had asked for details, she might have set him up with his current wife anyway because she might have known that such and such a trait wouldn't be bothersome to her, while it was bothersome to these two other women. Not everything said about other people is necessarily "Gossip".

(7) sandy, March 5, 2007 10:10 AM

To anonymous about facts

What's your point? That Lori should find out, so she can now gossip? Perhaps you misread: Lori is saying that she COULD have done the wrong thing by giving her UNSUPPORTED opinion, and possible ruining a good match. She is thankful that this bad move was avoided because the third woman never asked her for an opinion, and Lori is now LEARNING from her mistake (the mistake she didn't make, but could have) to understand and tell others how harmful it could be to give opinions that are not facts.

Your comment is valid, except in regards to Lori's presentation, because it's exactly what she is saying! So in this case, you are backing Lori up, but the reproof to her was a blooper, because she already realized what happened, and even made it a catalyst for such a great presentation, sharing with US her life experience which she learned from!

Thank you Lori!

(6) Dena, March 5, 2007 9:02 AM

Well Said

Well said.
But, I was also wondering what they felt made him such a bad date. Could be if Lori had heard what bothered them, she would also have understood that maybe this is something that bothers one person but not another.
But, certain behaviors would DEFINITELY prevent me from setting someone up as there are things that are objectively unacceptable to anyone.
That being said, I agree that this is a point that we should take to heart about all areas of life. A little less yakety yak wouldn't be a bad thing!!

(5) Anonymous, March 4, 2007 11:29 PM

Good Point

Thanks, Lori

Good point, and well said. What a story! :)

(4) Anonymous, March 4, 2007 4:13 PM

Lori's facts

Perhaps Lori is doing exactly what she tells others not to -- giving opinion without facts. The women did not give a single description of the man's behavior to make the evening a "date from hell." Was the man disrespectful, mean, or nasty? Or was he just on another wave length? Was he emotionally in another universe? Was he more or less observant than the women expected? Was he more or less educated than expected? Did he do something that caused an allergic reaction? These are questions Lori should have asked those women who claimed the "date from hell." Was there a correctable problem?

I have gone on dates that were so bad I couldn't wait to get her home and I have gone on dates that I never wanted to end.

Get the facts Lori!

(3) chanah, March 4, 2007 1:31 PM

date from hell

all depends on what you call hell?

(2) Jane LaLone, March 4, 2007 12:38 PM

I would recommend this to everyone

Excellent commentary, not just about dating, but in general about giving unsolicited opinions and advice. Somethng I feel strongly about. I have encountered many who feel the opposite, that it is their right and responsibility to offer advice and opinions indiscriminently.

(1) Barry E. Lerner, March 4, 2007 12:20 PM

date from hell

Beautiful story, delightfully told; powerful, even transformative. Such a tale changes lives.

See All Comments

stub

About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

More by this Author >

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

Follow Lori on Twitter, @LoriAlmostLive

The Date from Hell

There's a big difference between fact and opinion.

Visitor Comments: 13

Submit Your Comment:

About the Author

Related Articles:

Most Popular In:

1.Stop the Complaining

2.When Bad Things Happen

3.As a Jew in State Prison

4.As a Jew in State Prison

1.Oklahoma Tornado

2.Dear Emuna: My Overweight Husband

3.Muhammad al-Dura’s Faked Death

4.Jews & Non-Jews in Israel

Sponsors

Aish.com Features

LANGUAGES:

AFFILIATES:

SECTIONS:

EMAIL LISTS:

ABOUT:

FOLLOW US: