_(english).jpg "The Prosecutor")
_(english).jpg "Judaism and the 12-Step Program")
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_(english).jpg "Because of You...")
Because of You...
Stop blaming and start living.
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Published:
July 7, 2007
Visitor Comments: 11
stub
About the Author
Mrs. Lori Palatnik
Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.
Follow Lori on Twitter, @LoriAlmostLive
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(11) Jason, January 4, 2008 9:43 AM
This video changed my life.
I don't really believe in life changing, mind numbing experiences. However, I had my equivalent of one as a result of this piece. I have suffered for a long time with the pain of childhood experiences. I have spent many years saying "because of you..." This piece game me the courage to forgive, forget and move on.
Thank you Lori,
Jason
(10) Anonymous, December 21, 2007 6:46 PM
It is in denial that healing is denied. You can't just brush deep hurts under the rug. They have to be addressed even if it is only to discover that is is "because of you". Then when you acknowledge real hurt the healing process can begin. Some people were so badly hurt & neglected emotionally that they wouldn't even know how to begin to put those wheels on there car. The basics of living were never taught to them in their dysfunctional homes. We need to stop judging those who say they are hurting & start helping them to heal......just putting a smile on & acting like nothing ever happened never healed anyone that I know of. Anyway, just my thoughts.
(9) Anonymous, July 15, 2007 2:00 AM
Two Different Circumstances
I think Lori, whose advice is very good, is talking about circumstances that are different in the song. Looking at the song lyrics, it appears that the woman did suffer quite a bit of emotional abuse from her mother. The lyrics represent circumstances that are not simply growing up in a normal household, the 90 percent that Lori mentions.
I want to point this out because there are many returning to Torah who do come from abusive families. I don't think Lori understood the lyrics to the song. For some, it's not easy to just "put wheels on the car." The emotionally abused child--now living in an adult who is returning to Torah--must be addressed and not simply told to "put wheels on the car."
In the highly acclaimed books "Inner Torah" and "Practical Inner Torah," the author, Miriam Millhauser, shows clearly that it is okay to look at your past and say, "Because of you, because of x,y,z, I now have these problems, this outlook, these habits."
If we don't find out where our bad habits come from and if we don't try to address our emotional child within us, we will simply be putting mitzvot and halachah on top of a weak foundation--not a good recipe.
There certainly are times when we need to say, "Because of you, because of this," etc. Then we know where to start in beginning the true healing process.
I recommend the Inner Torah books to anyone interested in wanting to learn how to become intimately aware of yourself, the Inner Torah that Hashem gave each of us to know and to work on all our lives.
(8) Catherine Manna, July 12, 2007 10:21 AM
your right on!!
You're absolutely right!! It's understandable to say "because of you when your 10 years old but WE need to stop blaming others for our choices and decisions that we make in life. I guess that's part of realizing who you are, where you came from, and that there is a wonderful awesome creator, almighty God, that is waiting to hear from us, and he will show us the way to understand how to live, and be happy and take responsibility for the choices that we make in life. Who's in control of how you feel?? You! Who can always make it better? GOD!!! I love you Lori, you've helped me realize allot! Even those that have been abused, can understand that "we" can be in control of everything we do, and how we think, if we trust in Gods word to help guide us, our every move, and our very thoughts, we'll be ok! God bless you! See ya next year at the wall!!!!!!!
(7) suzy, July 12, 2007 2:51 AM
I agree
We have free choice and can choose what path to take. We can either do something or do nothing. And if we do nothing, it's nobody's fault but our own