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Partnership Or Merger?

Marriage isn't a 50-50 proposition.

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The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 28

(28) Yvonne Michele Anderson, April 12, 2008 2:24 PM

But just because you are not contributing the same things at the same time, does not mean that one should not be working always to contribute their best...!

Good marriages do not just happen...they take much effort. Be wary of taking a good marriage for granted...Love is not something to be taken for granted...

(27) Yvonne Michele Anderson, April 12, 2008 2:15 PM

What a wonderful analogy...I completely agree...the "mine" and "yours" of partnership is very different from "ours" of merger...

Merger in marriage is definitely what you want! Each spouse works to make ends meet, not necessarily contributing the exact same things in the exact amounts, but contributing their best towards the common good...

(26) malka, April 10, 2008 8:48 PM


Good point, marriage is not about the couple giving 50/50 all the time. One might give more than the other sometimes, depending on the situation. Each one should just do what they need to do and not worry about how much the other has done. Of course if it really bothers them, they could talk to their spouse about it.

(25) Yisroel Pollack, April 10, 2008 8:46 PM

A Modest Reply

If I be permitted to do so, I would like to reply to my critics, Ronni and Elana. To Ronni I say (I'm glad you think I'm funny and…) when I speak of subordination I'm speaking of an ideal situation. Actual situations, however wonderful they may seem to be, are only approximations of the ideal. Superficially they may seem to work and provide valuable benefits, but of the ideal they still fall short. I'm with you entirely on the importance of the respect a husband should show his wife. That's what I meant when I spoke of the honor and decency with which he must treat her. As for love, it really truly is highly desirable. Moving on to another detail, I didn't speak of domination. I spoke of subordination (and submerging), which is a kind of submissive subservience (which I favor). The opposite of subordination is superordination; and that's something quite different from domination. Someone might dominate no one at all and yet be superordinate relative to a great many. On your point about the kesuba, I fail to see its (your point's) force. It should come as no surprise at all that if a man is acquiring something as precious as a Jewish wife he should indeed have to pay dearly for the privilege and undertake full financial responsibility....And to Elana I say this: If what I say sounds a bit anachronistic, that's a good thing! It counts in its favor! All the worse for twentieth-century American values and attitudes! May the A-lmighty have mercy on us all. A Chag Kasher Vesameach!

(24) Melinda, April 10, 2008 5:02 PM

Expect 40 and give 60

A wise teacher of mine gave this word of advice in a class he was teaching. I never forgot his words. They have helped me have so much patience with all of my relationships.

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