Our Job As Parents

by Mrs. Lori Palatnik

Director, supervisor, and consultant.

Published: September 13, 2008

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Visitor Comments: 15

(15) B. Solomon, November 24, 2008 1:28 AM

Thanks

I love all of your videos. I look forward to viewing the new ones when they come out and I often view your earlier videos more than once. So, I just wanted to say "thanks!"

(14) Anonymous, October 12, 2008 5:24 PM

so inspirational

I love your site, keep up the great work. Shana Tova U'mesuka

(13) andrew, September 18, 2008 9:08 AM

exceptional!

Yor are my best consultant for my daily chalenges like a parent! Thank you so much.

(12) Feigele, September 17, 2008 6:06 PM

All of the Above!

Let’s imagine you have 5 or 6 or more children. So how many times and how long are you going to be a director, a supervisor and a consultant. How do you keep track when and with which child your position should be. How do you jungle from one to the other? Do you say to yourself, ok this is Jim, so now I’m a director, oh, here comes Rachel, ha ha careful Im now a supervisor, oh no, Robert is calling, he needs some advices. Oh boy, who am I? I’m confused, what just happened, did I give advice to Jim and told Robert what to do or hurray I got it right I was a supervisor with Rachel, then of course, comes Lea and Sam, which one am I with them. Ok, forget about the whole thing, I think I’ll just be a mom and G-d will let me know how to handle each of my children at any time and any place. Of course, there is a time and place for everything, but as a mom I believe we are all of the above: director, supervisor and consultant at all times. You cannot severe your ties at a certain time or age. It has to be constant.

(11) Shoshana, September 17, 2008 8:50 AM

Great!

I always enjoy Lori's words. Today, the simplicity and directness of her message make it phenomenol. But, how can the director mother of a fifty-something all of a sudden stop directing and start being a consultant? Lastly, I feel relieved that I am a consultant to three thirty-something year old parents.

(10) Anonymous, September 16, 2008 8:59 PM

great

now to more in details of aplication

(9) ruth housman, September 16, 2008 2:43 PM

at the millinery shop

Hi, I am truly enjoying so many of your commentaries, especially your sparkling delivery, on line. Of course you are so right in this very engaging way of seeing our roles as our children grow. It's a good reminder for those of us who have trouble letting go of old roles, that we too, are in the process of transforming. Our children, too, as they grow, see us differently. Their "first gods" sometimes has feet of clay and love makes allowances for our mistakes. We can be "us" with different hats and love is about knowing when to let go, and how to hold on in judicious and loving ways.

(8) Ross, September 16, 2008 9:21 AM

great

Thanks I really liked the line the supervisor cares more about the teenager than themselves.

(7) SusanE, September 15, 2008 8:18 PM

Parents Wear a Lot of Different Hats.

Your video is so right, Lori. My jobs as Director and Supervisor are finally over. I don't know what determines when that shift happens, maybe when the kids begin to become independent and slowly try their wings, while we supervise. Then when they are on their own, we fall into the role of consultant. That is the most difficult transition. I'm there now for both of my adult children and it took me several years to realize it was time. I think that role continues until the parent dies. At least I hope it does. It is such an honor to be consulted by my grown children. Thanks Lori.

(6) Anonymous, September 15, 2008 8:15 PM

This one couldn't get better

I wish my mother would hear this,she doesn't realize how much me & my siblings suffer from her constant criticism & parenting advice (how we should dress-restyle the sheitel, run our homes-if you just sweep the floor the room will look better...

(5) Hinda Leah, September 15, 2008 7:54 AM

each child reaches stages at different ages

I can not disagree with anything you have said. Our roles as parents MUST change as each of our children change. As each child develops at their own pace we must plug into their individual needs at the time. Teenagers are a different ballgame altogether. It is a stage of life that is a transition between being a child and being an adult. Sometimes they act like children and sometimes they act like adults. This is the most difficult stage since your "director" role should lessen and your "supervisor" role should increase. Yes, we must allow our teens to learn responsibility sometimes by allowing logical consequences to occur.
Thank you for bringing to mind the difference between our roles as parents during the different stages of our children''s lives. God willing we will come to realize when each child hits those stages and the Almighty will give us the strength to deal with them appropriately.

(4) Rosen, September 14, 2008 9:10 PM

parental life stages

Thanks again, Lori! That pretty much sums up my life so far when it comes to the relationship with my parents. I am independent, and get consultation from them whenever needed as they are always there for me, in addition to them being married for well over 36 years.

(3) Anonymous, September 14, 2008 8:33 PM

Looking forward to becoming a Supervisor

Hi Lori, I loved this. I definitely feel like the director..having a 9 month old baby...looking forward to begin a supervisor...Saw you in FL today..thanks for your much needed, and very funny talk...looking forward to iy'h seeing you at the Partner's Conference. :-)

(2) Anonymous, September 14, 2008 10:42 AM

when to let go

Whst if you have an adult child (23 years old) who you feel is still in need of direction/supervision (even though they don't seem to listen)? They are still dependent...not responsible adults...When do you just let go and be the consultant...?? It's not so easy.

(1) Anonymous, September 14, 2008 9:42 AM

Multirole

I'm the "consultant" for 2 of my kids and the "supervisor" for the youngest. I have to be careful to remember which role to play and when. Well done, Lori.

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About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

More by this Author >

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

Follow Lori on Twitter, @LoriAlmostLive

Our Job As Parents

Director, supervisor, and consultant.

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