Praying for Someone You Don't Like

Dear Lori Thats really good!! Donna

I could name a few people that I don't particularly like. Maybe they don't like me either. We just don't get along well, and that might be a conflict of personalities. I find that it is better if I simply don't associate with those few people. or if we are in the same circles, simply reduce contact. Asking G-d to change them, seems wrong. They could be fine people that I bring out the worst in. Maybe they have been asking G-d to change me?? "Please G-d Help me to find the good in those people, and for them to find the good in me that we can get along." ............We still don't have to like one another, but each must pay the other respect, and be kind.

just want to express my gratitude to you, Lori, for always having something enlightening, instructive and intelligent to say. You know just how to put things into their proper perspective.

This is wonderful to do but always remember that we have every right to (and are commanded to) PROTECT OURSELVES from destructive, harmful people. There are people who are narcissistic and destructive to your mental health and your very soul (aren't we constantly taught how important it is to be a mensch towards others, to not embarrass people, to not cause pain with words, to raise our children with care and respect,etc.?) So, while praying for difficult/destructive people is a wonderful thing to do... remember you need to remove yourself from them as much as possible, or at least minimize your contact with them. This is important to mention in giving advice to people who have to deal with destructive, difficult people.

My sister sent me this link after dealing with some very difficult in-laws. Thank you so much.

It's funny how when we pray to RSO to help others, we are the ones who end up being helped. We end up changing our negativity into genuine concern for our brothers and sisters. In one case, praying and giving small amounts of tzedaka daily with this person in mind allowed me to be open and accepting when the person approached me wishing to apologize. Otherwise, my heart would have been tightly shut, the doors to forgiveness locked forever. Bitterness is ugly. I'm glad I did not let it remain within me.

You can''t imagine how timely this article was written and that i read it today!! the divine providence is so unreal that i just burst out crying while reading it. let me explain.. i recently got the opportunity (mitzvah) to host a close relative who needed a place away from home for a long term time frame. however this person has a way of just saying hurtful comments (probably without meaning to be hurtful- just needs guidance)but after a while it got to me and i felt that my privacy was also be infringed on and...
and so this morning i prayed to G-d to help me tolerate this person so that i can help him and now i heard this article... it couldn''t have come at a better time
and i feel G-d''s love and concern for me by sending this message

This idea is in the talmud (Brachos 9.b) That rather pray to G-d that they should do Teshuva/repent than praying they should be punished.

I have done the same. I didn't like certain qualities about a certain person, and so I prayed for them improve. Thanks for the message

Hating someone is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Pray for them, it messes with their head.

Your movie clip reminded me about books that teach acceptance-and compassion, over anger and retaliation (in this case, using G-d as a mediator in a manner of speaking). I would say one needs to discern very carefully. there are bad folks who wrong you and need to be held accountable. even, not forgiven. praying for your enemies does not sound good to me. sorry. it has little to do with faith or ego. if you KNOW you need to react-like war for ex., then i am afraid you are not speaking to me. in addition, there is time for confrontation and the courage to risk everything and say 'this will not stand'-like Israel did with lebanon: and rightly so. I don't think they were praying for their terrorist enemies.

This is a very simple (not necessarily easy) and powerful too. What I've found works best, and I've been using this for several years, is simply to focus inward for a moment and simply ask God to bless that person. That's it. No specifics beyond that. It's quick, effective, and over time easy. It makes a big difference in my life every time I do it. Try it. It works.

This is most effective rule for us to survive. Being far from conformation and surrender, we have a choice to change our life through love and compassion. Negative energy against other could destroy us first. Light is ultimate weapon against darkness.

One can't expect it is going to change the violator, but it might make the abused feel a little stronger, or it may help preserve the abused's health. If at all possible, the best solution is to get out of the workplace. But, sometimes that is nearly or absolutely impossible. Still, it is good advice. May I add that increasing prayer in general at these times is beneficial?

O.K. Lori, you are so wise, I am going to do as you say!

sometimes that somebody becomes our very own partner (husband or wife)to the point the only thing in sight is divorce, reaching out to G-d will be a powerful stretch, it may not save our marriage, but it might, if it doesn't, it will save us and help us grow and mature, & our outlook on blaming will disipate, growing through prayer towards G-d helps us not take these issues into the next relationship. That's when we know that we know we have no more issues with the present person whom we don't like, and we won't transfer our loads of emotional baggage onto others.

While it is easy to feel bitter at difficult people, and even wishing they (metaphorically) "drop dead", it takes a lot more effort to judge them favorably and forgive as needed. I have learned that in Ethics of Our Fathers, one should judge the other favorably.