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- Praying for Someone You Don't Like
Try it -- you'll be surprised by the results.
Published: Saturday, November 08, 2008
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Visitor Comments: 22
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(17) Donna , November 17, 2008
praying for people you don't like
Dear Lori Thats really good!! Donna
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(16) SusanE , November 14, 2008
Pray That They Change Cause I'm Perfect??
I could name a few people that I don't particularly like. Maybe they don't like me either. We just don't get along well, and that might be a conflict of personalities. I find that it is better if I simply don't associate with those few people. or if we are in the same circles, simply reduce contact. Asking G-d to change them, seems wrong. They could be fine people that I bring out the worst in. Maybe they have been asking G-d to change me?? "Please G-d Help me to find the good in those people, and for them to find the good in me that we can get along." ............We still don't have to like one another, but each must pay the other respect, and be kind.
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(15) Anonymous , November 13, 2008
thank you
just want to express my gratitude to you, Lori, for always having something enlightening, instructive and intelligent to say. You know just how to put things into their proper perspective.
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(14) Anonymous , November 13, 2008
Important!
This is wonderful to do but always remember that we have every right to (and are commanded to) PROTECT OURSELVES from destructive, harmful people. There are people who are narcissistic and destructive to your mental health and your very soul (aren't we constantly taught how important it is to be a mensch towards others, to not embarrass people, to not cause pain with words, to raise our children with care and respect,etc.?) So, while praying for difficult/destructive people is a wonderful thing to do... remember you need to remove yourself from them as much as possible, or at least minimize your contact with them. This is important to mention in giving advice to people who have to deal with destructive, difficult people.
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(13) Debra Lewis , November 12, 2008
Very much appreciate this
My sister sent me this link after dealing with some very difficult in-laws. Thank you so much.
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(12) Anonymous , November 12, 2008
This works. I've been doing it for many years.
It's funny how when we pray to RSO to help others, we are the ones who end up being helped. We end up changing our negativity into genuine concern for our brothers and sisters. In one case, praying and giving small amounts of tzedaka daily with this person in mind allowed me to be open and accepting when the person approached me wishing to apologize. Otherwise, my heart would have been tightly shut, the doors to forgiveness locked forever. Bitterness is ugly. I'm glad I did not let it remain within me.
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(11) leah , November 12, 2008
powerfull!!
You can''t imagine how timely this article was written and that i read it today!! the divine providence is so unreal that i just burst out crying while reading it. let me explain.. i recently got the opportunity (mitzvah) to host a close relative who needed a place away from home for a long term time frame. however this person has a way of just saying hurtful comments (probably without meaning to be hurtful- just needs guidance)but after a while it got to me and i felt that my privacy was also be infringed on and...
and so this morning i prayed to G-d to help me tolerate this person so that i can help him and now i heard this article... it couldn''t have come at a better time
and i feel G-d''s love and concern for me by sending this message -
(10) S Ehrlich , November 12, 2008
It could work!
This idea is in the talmud (Brachos 9.b) That rather pray to G-d that they should do Teshuva/repent than praying they should be punished.
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(9) s , November 12, 2008
I have done the same. I didn't like certain qualities about a certain person, and so I prayed for them improve. Thanks for the message
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(8) RICH BANKSTON , November 11, 2008
STOP HATING... IT ONLY HURTS YOU
Hating someone is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Pray for them, it messes with their head.
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(7) Mark Geddy Smith , November 11, 2008
I'm not entirely certain I agree with you on this one.
Your movie clip reminded me about books that teach acceptance-and compassion, over anger and retaliation (in this case, using G-d as a mediator in a manner of speaking). I would say one needs to discern very carefully. there are bad folks who wrong you and need to be held accountable. even, not forgiven. praying for your enemies does not sound good to me. sorry. it has little to do with faith or ego. if you KNOW you need to react-like war for ex., then i am afraid you are not speaking to me. in addition, there is time for confrontation and the courage to risk everything and say 'this will not stand'-like Israel did with lebanon: and rightly so. I don't think they were praying for their terrorist enemies.
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(6) jeff , November 11, 2008
A great tool that works
This is a very simple (not necessarily easy) and powerful too. What I've found works best, and I've been using this for several years, is simply to focus inward for a moment and simply ask God to bless that person. That's it. No specifics beyond that. It's quick, effective, and over time easy. It makes a big difference in my life every time I do it. Try it. It works.
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(5) Meira , November 11, 2008
The only way to get through
This is most effective rule for us to survive. Being far from conformation and surrender, we have a choice to change our life through love and compassion. Negative energy against other could destroy us first. Light is ultimate weapon against darkness.
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(4) Jane , November 11, 2008
Good Advice if it is possible
One can't expect it is going to change the violator, but it might make the abused feel a little stronger, or it may help preserve the abused's health. If at all possible, the best solution is to get out of the workplace. But, sometimes that is nearly or absolutely impossible. Still, it is good advice. May I add that increasing prayer in general at these times is beneficial?
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(3) Kelly Woo , November 10, 2008
O.K. Lori, you are so wise, I am going to do as you say!
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(2) A , November 9, 2008
reaching out to The Almighty when we don't like someone
sometimes that somebody becomes our very own partner (husband or wife)to the point the only thing in sight is divorce, reaching out to G-d will be a powerful stretch, it may not save our marriage, but it might, if it doesn't, it will save us and help us grow and mature, & our outlook on blaming will disipate, growing through prayer towards G-d helps us not take these issues into the next relationship. That's when we know that we know we have no more issues with the present person whom we don't like, and we won't transfer our loads of emotional baggage onto others.
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(1) Rosen , November 9, 2008
forgiving difficult people
While it is easy to feel bitter at difficult people, and even wishing they (metaphorically) "drop dead", it takes a lot more effort to judge them favorably and forgive as needed. I have learned that in Ethics of Our Fathers, one should judge the other favorably.
About the Author
Lori Palatnik

Lori Palatnik is an author and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio and has lectured on five continents, illuminating traditional practices and life-styles for our contemporary world. She and her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, live in Washington, DC, where she is the Executive Director of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project of Aish DC.
Lori is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond—The Shabbat Experience Step-by-Step"; "Remember My Soul", which explains the Jewish concepts of soul and the afterlife and a guide to anyone who has ever lost a loved one; and "Gossip—Ten Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul", featured on "Dr. Laura" and FoxNews.com.


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(22) Haddassah , July 11, 2009
It may be hard...
But it's worth it. Thank you so much for reminding me of this mitzva! God be with you.
(21) Tsofiya , February 4, 2009
pretty hard though
Dear Lori, this piece was very inspiring as usual. I actually have been trying to improve myself and not judge others. But it is quite hard to pray for them, you know. But I'll keep trying. Thanks again!!!
(20) Anonymous , January 4, 2009
I do not like....
I love my grandson, but really do not like him, as he has been a tremendous burden on my finances, emotions and health. I have been praying that G-d will help him become a mench, but after almost a year, nothing is happening. Shall I just keep on praying? Thanks.
(19) Anonymous , January 4, 2009
One more thing to add to this:
I think I'm the person you are referring to that said this in class. One more thing I'd like to add to it: I told this woman that I daven for her every day for nachas and good things to come to her (she has had a lot of tsoris in her life). She got teary-eyed and thanked me sincerely. It totally changed the way SHE relates to me, as well as the way I relate to her.
(18) Atticus Yap , November 28, 2008
I will share this wisdom with others.
Dear Lori, thank you for sharing. I'll share this piece of wisdom with others. Not only by reaching others, I'll reach myself...I can now talk to God even more deeply...it can also helps me to understand people (from their angles)and myself even more..to correct others is to love them...yet we are not perfect...from that, we can also learn our mistakes and be a better person...and thus show better examples to others. I'm learning everyday. I thank you.