Praying for Someone You Don't Like

by Mrs. Lori Palatnik

Try it -- you'll be surprised by the results.

Published: November 8, 2008

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Visitor Comments: 22

(22) Haddassah, July 11, 2009 6:44 PM

It may be hard...

But it's worth it. Thank you so much for reminding me of this mitzva! God be with you.

(21) Tsofiya, February 4, 2009 1:03 PM

pretty hard though

Dear Lori, this piece was very inspiring as usual. I actually have been trying to improve myself and not judge others. But it is quite hard to pray for them, you know. But I'll keep trying. Thanks again!!!

(20) Anonymous, January 4, 2009 3:18 PM

I do not like....

I love my grandson, but really do not like him, as he has been a tremendous burden on my finances, emotions and health. I have been praying that G-d will help him become a mench, but after almost a year, nothing is happening. Shall I just keep on praying? Thanks.

(19) Anonymous, January 4, 2009 10:36 AM

One more thing to add to this:

I think I'm the person you are referring to that said this in class. One more thing I'd like to add to it: I told this woman that I daven for her every day for nachas and good things to come to her (she has had a lot of tsoris in her life). She got teary-eyed and thanked me sincerely. It totally changed the way SHE relates to me, as well as the way I relate to her.

(18) Atticus Yap, November 28, 2008 12:18 PM

I will share this wisdom with others.

Dear Lori, thank you for sharing. I'll share this piece of wisdom with others. Not only by reaching others, I'll reach myself...I can now talk to God even more deeply...it can also helps me to understand people (from their angles)and myself even more..to correct others is to love them...yet we are not perfect...from that, we can also learn our mistakes and be a better person...and thus show better examples to others. I'm learning everyday. I thank you.

(17) Donna, November 17, 2008 8:08 AM

praying for people you don't like

Dear Lori Thats really good!! Donna

(16) SusanE, November 14, 2008 1:57 PM

Pray That They Change Cause I'm Perfect??

I could name a few people that I don't particularly like. Maybe they don't like me either. We just don't get along well, and that might be a conflict of personalities. I find that it is better if I simply don't associate with those few people. or if we are in the same circles, simply reduce contact. Asking G-d to change them, seems wrong. They could be fine people that I bring out the worst in. Maybe they have been asking G-d to change me?? "Please G-d Help me to find the good in those people, and for them to find the good in me that we can get along." ............We still don't have to like one another, but each must pay the other respect, and be kind.

(15) Anonymous, November 13, 2008 10:25 AM

thank you

just want to express my gratitude to you, Lori, for always having something enlightening, instructive and intelligent to say. You know just how to put things into their proper perspective.

(14) Anonymous, November 13, 2008 7:34 AM

Important!

This is wonderful to do but always remember that we have every right to (and are commanded to) PROTECT OURSELVES from destructive, harmful people. There are people who are narcissistic and destructive to your mental health and your very soul (aren't we constantly taught how important it is to be a mensch towards others, to not embarrass people, to not cause pain with words, to raise our children with care and respect,etc.?) So, while praying for difficult/destructive people is a wonderful thing to do... remember you need to remove yourself from them as much as possible, or at least minimize your contact with them. This is important to mention in giving advice to people who have to deal with destructive, difficult people.

(13) Debra Lewis, November 12, 2008 5:32 PM

Very much appreciate this

My sister sent me this link after dealing with some very difficult in-laws. Thank you so much.

(12) Anonymous, November 12, 2008 11:50 AM

This works. I've been doing it for many years.

It's funny how when we pray to RSO to help others, we are the ones who end up being helped. We end up changing our negativity into genuine concern for our brothers and sisters. In one case, praying and giving small amounts of tzedaka daily with this person in mind allowed me to be open and accepting when the person approached me wishing to apologize. Otherwise, my heart would have been tightly shut, the doors to forgiveness locked forever. Bitterness is ugly. I'm glad I did not let it remain within me.

(11) leah, November 12, 2008 10:33 AM

powerfull!!

You can''t imagine how timely this article was written and that i read it today!! the divine providence is so unreal that i just burst out crying while reading it. let me explain.. i recently got the opportunity (mitzvah) to host a close relative who needed a place away from home for a long term time frame. however this person has a way of just saying hurtful comments (probably without meaning to be hurtful- just needs guidance)but after a while it got to me and i felt that my privacy was also be infringed on and...
and so this morning i prayed to G-d to help me tolerate this person so that i can help him and now i heard this article... it couldn''t have come at a better time
and i feel G-d''s love and concern for me by sending this message

(10) S Ehrlich, November 12, 2008 7:16 AM

It could work!

This idea is in the talmud (Brachos 9.b) That rather pray to G-d that they should do Teshuva/repent than praying they should be punished.

(9) s, November 12, 2008 3:59 AM

I have done the same. I didn't like certain qualities about a certain person, and so I prayed for them improve. Thanks for the message

(8) RICH BANKSTON, November 11, 2008 1:24 PM

STOP HATING... IT ONLY HURTS YOU

Hating someone is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Pray for them, it messes with their head.

(7) Mark Geddy Smith, November 11, 2008 12:47 PM

I'm not entirely certain I agree with you on this one.

Your movie clip reminded me about books that teach acceptance-and compassion, over anger and retaliation (in this case, using G-d as a mediator in a manner of speaking). I would say one needs to discern very carefully. there are bad folks who wrong you and need to be held accountable. even, not forgiven. praying for your enemies does not sound good to me. sorry. it has little to do with faith or ego. if you KNOW you need to react-like war for ex., then i am afraid you are not speaking to me. in addition, there is time for confrontation and the courage to risk everything and say 'this will not stand'-like Israel did with lebanon: and rightly so. I don't think they were praying for their terrorist enemies.

(6) jeff, November 11, 2008 11:53 AM

A great tool that works

This is a very simple (not necessarily easy) and powerful too. What I've found works best, and I've been using this for several years, is simply to focus inward for a moment and simply ask God to bless that person. That's it. No specifics beyond that. It's quick, effective, and over time easy. It makes a big difference in my life every time I do it. Try it. It works.

(5) Meira, November 11, 2008 9:52 AM

The only way to get through

This is most effective rule for us to survive. Being far from conformation and surrender, we have a choice to change our life through love and compassion. Negative energy against other could destroy us first. Light is ultimate weapon against darkness.

(4) Jane, November 11, 2008 9:04 AM

Good Advice if it is possible

One can't expect it is going to change the violator, but it might make the abused feel a little stronger, or it may help preserve the abused's health. If at all possible, the best solution is to get out of the workplace. But, sometimes that is nearly or absolutely impossible. Still, it is good advice. May I add that increasing prayer in general at these times is beneficial?

(3) Kelly Woo, November 10, 2008 12:58 AM

O.K. Lori, you are so wise, I am going to do as you say!

(2) A, November 9, 2008 8:38 PM

reaching out to The Almighty when we don't like someone

sometimes that somebody becomes our very own partner (husband or wife)to the point the only thing in sight is divorce, reaching out to G-d will be a powerful stretch, it may not save our marriage, but it might, if it doesn't, it will save us and help us grow and mature, & our outlook on blaming will disipate, growing through prayer towards G-d helps us not take these issues into the next relationship. That's when we know that we know we have no more issues with the present person whom we don't like, and we won't transfer our loads of emotional baggage onto others.

(1) Rosen, November 9, 2008 5:44 PM

forgiving difficult people

While it is easy to feel bitter at difficult people, and even wishing they (metaphorically) "drop dead", it takes a lot more effort to judge them favorably and forgive as needed. I have learned that in Ethics of Our Fathers, one should judge the other favorably.

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About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

More by this Author >

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

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Praying for Someone You Don't Like

Try it -- you'll be surprised by the results.

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