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The 24-Hour Rule

Sometimes it's best to go to sleep angry.

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Visitor Comments: 24

(24) iris Moskovitz, June 15, 2009 8:40 AM

As always-wonderful advice! How do you do it?

As usual, your perspective is given in such a beautiful and clear way. I love the 24 hour rule of your husband. I will try to incorporate it in our marriage. My husband will simply step out of the house, take a 20 minute walk, and come back refreshed.

(23) Tracy, March 12, 2009 5:04 PM

just don't begrudge

I think it is important that if you ARE going to sleep angry, that you are at least not punishing your spouse with your anger at the same time. Punishement by snide comments, snips, and silent treatment are not constructive. A person needs to try (yes, try, as hard as it may be) to reflect as to why they are angry, and to see the other person's side of the situation. step into their shoes before you rebuke so you can maybe see why they said or did the thing that angered you. i try not to go to bed angry. if for some reason you don't wake up, or they don't, do you really want that they last way you felt about your loved one??? anyway, that's me. good luck!

(22) Anonymous, March 8, 2009 12:16 PM

Thank you for adding in about abusive cases.

Thank you for adding in about abusive cases. When I was married, I read all the marriage books trying to find out what I should do in my case. No one mentioned that in abusive cases giving more doesn't help. Adding that in can help many people. I always look forward to listening to you and am so inspired by what you share.

(21) Anonymous, March 5, 2009 5:07 PM

new book

What's the title of your new book, Lori, and where can one get it? Thanks, as always, for good advice! Yosher koach.

(20) Anonymous, March 4, 2009 10:15 PM

morals in relationships

Dear Lori, I was reading an article written by George Will , which originally appeared in the Washington Post newspaper on February 26 . it was titled " Mindful eating, mindless sex." "As eating as become highly charged with moral judgements, sex has become notably less so and Eberstadt, a fellow at Stanford University's Hoover institution, thinks these trends involving primal appetites are related.'In 50 years, she writes,' for many people, 'the motral poles of sex and food have been reversed'. Today, there is, concerning food, a level of metaphysical attentiveness" previously invested in sex. If food is the new sex,Eberstadt asks, 'where does that leave sex?' She says it leaves much of sex dumbed down - junk sex akin to junk food. It also leaves sexual attitudes poised for a reversal. Abundant research has demonstrated that diet can have potent effects, beneficial or injurious. Now, says Eberstadt, an empirical record is being assembled about the societal costs of laiisez-faire sex...Today the "all-you-can eat buffet" is stigmatized and the "sexual smorgasbord" is not. Eberstadt writes: 'The rules being drawn around food receive some force from the fact that people are uncomfortable with how far the sexual revolution has gone- and not knowing what to do about it, theyturn for increasing consolation to mining morality out of what they eat.' Perhaps. Stigmas are compasses, ponting towards society's sense of its prerequisites for self-protection. Furthermore, as increasing numbers of people are led to a materilist understanding of life- who say not that "I have a body", but that "I am a body"- society becomes more obsessive about the body's maintenance. Alas, expiiration is written int the leases we have on our bodies, so Bon appetit." I haven't quoted the whole article, but you proably grasped the point. The last part about being or having a body sounds like Rav Noach zt'l speaking. It is an interesting article,worth elaborating on.

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