Time to Let Go

I once wrote a poem, titled, "The Last Child Leaves Home" It described her room, her belongings and her character and personality traits. I remember one line: "her many books line the wall. She read them deep, she read them all". To those of you who are experiencing this now, I want to say that it took awhile for my husband and I to regain a purely "couple relationship". It helped to reminice about the time we met and the things we first liked about each other....because those things are still there....They haven't been lost, only covered up by layers of responsibilities....to jobs, children, aging parents. Now your job is to dig them out again. It helped me to make a list of all the things, over the years, that I appreciated about my husband. Now, after almost 30 years of "empty nest", we enjoy just doing simple things together. We see many losing their partners and it makes us soberly aware of the limited time left to us. And I truly treasure every day.

Lori You are so right, it is a sweet and blue time when the kids leave home. It is the honor of seeing them happy and fullfilled as young accomplished adults. It is sad to have empty rooms, filled with their many awards and pictures. It certainly gives us a new freedom to endulge in ourselves to grow in other directions, with no children, at home; but with the knowledge, that the phone, the computer is at our fingertip to connect our lives that sometimes is miles apart. Sarah

When meaning walks out the door, open your door a little wider and something will walk right in. Seriously, when my two children went off to college I felt so bereft. Now what? Well, the same day my daughter left for college, and my son was already ensconced at MIT, a young Chinese man knocked on my door, asking if anyone in the neighborhood was renting rooms, because he was fresh out of Tianamen Square and needed housing while he studied at Tufts. So it happened, a stranger walked into our lives, just like that. This saga ended when it turned out he had a wife, and she and he lived with us for a short time, but it wasn't going to work out longterm, for all sorts of reasons. Still, it's an example of what can happen. I think Lori, that you are so right about having interests and passions outside of one's children. I do remember a friend saying to me confidentially, that she didn't think she and her husband would have anything to talk about when their four children finally took off. I thought this was very sad, and that if she meant this, that there was something seriously "wrong". But I didn't tell her. I also so totally agree with what you are saying about God, and the bond that brought us all here, that miracle. So Yes and YES! to this very lovely and sensitive piece. It would have helped me to read this, at that time, when I did feel very depressed, and even with so many interests, it was hard to let go. Some people do say, "Let go and Let God". Ruth

having done a marriage course i understand the importance of not just focusing on the kids they are only in our homes for a short time but our spouses are with us for alot longer so we must not leave it till are children have flown the nest to realise who we are sharing our lives with.

I am a single mother for the past 13 years and my youngest child leaves for college in August. I needed to hear this! It is going to be an adjustment (there were 8 children)!

Thanks Laurie, we need to prepare for many departures in life, children, and then unfortunately spouse. At the beginning of my widow-hood, seven years ago, I felt I had no identity, my children had been long gone and married, and I was devoted to my husband. I loved being his wife. I did have a strong relationship with G-d, but still didn't know who I was. My relationship with my G-d is growing daily, but I still have an empty void. Have you any videos on this subject. Shalom Rosemary

I just packed a teenager off to CAMP - only for a month! - and I'm surprised how hard it is to let go, and fill the emotional void that appeared when I realized I was "off duty" - and that I could stop worrying about this particular kid 24/7. It's all a question of balance, I guess. Recognizing this now will help me later when this child - and my others - get married, b'ezrat Hashem, and leave home for good! Thanks for this video.

Lately, when adult-children graduate from college, they tend to go back home to live with their parents for at least some time, even if they have a job or two that they attend. With the economy and job market the way it is, there is certainly a reason why many adult-children graduate from college and come back home to their folks. I happen to be one of them, however, I am trying to push my own weight around and help my folks around the house such as running some of their errands, helping them with the computer, etc. My parents sometimes say, "what would I do without you?" So, it's pretty difficult to move out due to the housing market and working wages not really keeping up with the cost of living.