A Long Goodbye

At the age of 83, after a six month battle with heart disease, my mother died. In my heart of heats - I knew this was the end, but I kept believing she would make another ten years. Her favorite expression to me was "there comes a time." Since my dad had died 6 years before after a long battle with cancer, I had to make sure that my Mom's story was taped.(since I missed the opportunity with Daddy) So I did just that...I asked her questions about her life in Russia and how she came to America etc. so I could hear her voice the rest of my life. We said all that had to be said, yet when the moment came when she died-I couldn't believe that my best friend and confidante was now with the neshamahs of her family. May their memories all be for a blessing!!!!

I hope I can have enough of a warning to say all the appropriate goodbyes and take care of all my responsibilities. Then, when I had "cleared my accounts", I wouldn't mind going to sleep on Earth and waking up in Heaven.

An aunt of mine past away from cancer last year and the family kept it top secret. I knew something wasn't right, but when I asked I was told it's nothing serious....It must be very difficult to tell your close ones that there's a terminal illness, but the pain of losing someone and not knowing that its coming is equal to a sudden death even though she suffered in pain before dying.

I unfortunately lost my father at a very young age-not quite four years old. When I got older, I would go to his grave and simply cry, because of the fact that I do not really remember him. I was raised by an incredibly loving and special mother, and an uncle, whom was like my father figure. Just two months before my uncle's death, I went to go visit him, with my then 6-month-old daughter. I simply could not bear to leave his side. I am so very sorry that my uncle had to suffer for so long from so many illnesses, but I am so grateful I was able to say an appropriate goodbye to him.

As always, you are amazing and insightful, Lori.

My mother died suddenly, and the family was in shock. My dad's illness stretched on for many years, and the family was drained. My hope is to go like my mom.

Beautifully said Lori. G-d bless you.. שלום

Sorry for your loss, but I disagree wholeheartly. I have been ill for 8 1/2 years and friends and family have ignored me and disappeared from my life. Nobody wants to hear, and to be honest, I don't care to hear what any of them have to say at this point. You see, when you are struggling and people you thought cared about you aren't there to help, why would you want them around in your last days. To watch over you so they can assuage their guilt. When my time comes, which will be in the near future, I wish to die in my sleep. Free of the the foolish ness and lack of compassion of the others.

beautiful words - that penetrate the heart

Why Why Why do people choose NOT to say I love you to their loved ones every single day...say I'm proud of you every single day...I'm so lucky to have you in my life...yes we want our loved ones to be with us always but NEVER NEVER let a moment pass when you don't say I LOVE YOU so there won't be any regrets.

there is a beautiful song by Leonard Cohen which begins with these words in the summary line. It's profound, because yes, we are all going to that place, and how and when, is mostly unknown. But if God decides how and when, then perhaps God also has a role in our story, as we live it. And if this is so, then the learning curve that is built into all of our stories is just this most beautiful and true message of Lori's. We can live it by loving it, and by telling those we love, just how much they mean, to us. It could be that treating each moment as if it could be the last, is the way to live, in an ever lasting way.

First Lori, thank you for "Remember My Soul". It has got me thought the most difficult time of my life. I lost my mother 7 weeks ago, and have found the wisdom and love in your book to be just what I've needed. I continue to study Torah in her name, which is something I've never done before. Mom had a drawn out illness, and yes, I was able to tell her all that was in my heart. That's not to say that I wish I could have said more. As time passes, there are times when I think that I wish I could have said this or that. But I truly believe G-d knew what was in our hearts and therefore we didn't need to say certain things. Up until the day before she passed, we were able to laugh and share the love that we felt. Her last day, though, she was too weak to even open her eyes, but there were no goodbyes and certainly no regrets. I thank G-d that He took her out of her pain. The most important thing my mom ever told me will always be with me. As I was her only caregiver for the past three years, I would say to her, "Mom, how can I go on without you?" I'll always remember her answer: "G-d will give you the strength."

One thing I've learned is that we should not take for granted our friends, family, and others that inspire us, because there can always be the chance we may never see or hear of them again...As for those who have bothered us, even years ago, to what degree is it okay to contact such individuals on how much they upset and disappointed you via Facebook, Google, or whatever internet medium where you can finally say what you need to say to them and get it off your chest - or is that just a bunch of negative energy and a waste of time dwelling on such people who you believe did you wrong long ago?...All in all, I am quite grateful for my friends and family, and should not take that for granted given how much life changes determining who stays and who goes..

such words of wisdom. don't wait until it's too late.

That was amazing- Thank you so much!!!!!!!