Fear Not

Very interesting and helpful advice. Personally, my biggest concern is passing on my feelings of inferiority to my children. This is very easy for me to do as I do not "get" things" real easily and, therefore, am apt to get really intimidated in the work place or professional enviroment. Naturally, the next result is to feel that everyone is somehow smarter, better, more capable etc. than I am. Yes, Lori, I really have to watch this!

I have listened to many of your talks over the past two years. They are all interesting. This is the first one that has very powerful advice. Probably because it involves adept parenting character before our children. Not easy. One must also distinguish between fear and healthy concern. It is not wrong to wait up to the wee hours for your children. They can roll their eyeballs. But love is sometimes like that. Thank you for the excellent delivery, which it always is, of this important message.

Passing on my negativity to my children is my biggest issue. I'm a very emotional, out-there kind of person. It seems impossible to keep my thoughts and feelings from my children. I've had so many disappointments and heartbreaks in my life, I've been hurt and am hurting and struggling so much, and I'm not able to keep it to myself. My kids hear all my outbursts, my pain, my struggles. I feel terrible about it, but it is so hard. What's a mother to do? Pretend? Put on a show? I keep asking questions and I don't get answers. When I had children I was so determined not to do to my kids what my mom did to me. And I'm failing.

So good, Lori. You are, as usual, inspiring. This is exactly what I needed to hear due to my upcoming divorce and trial. I must start being more careful around my children, and at least tell them it will all be ok.

Decades ago I did 7 years of therapy and my therapist (around 1977) said he went to a dinner for Archibald Cox. I asked (as this was the same name as the Special Prosecutor) if this was the Watergate Archibald Cox? He responded, no that he was a psychologist that spent "30 years in the chair" - 30 years being a psychologist. Cox in his speech remarked that the most remarkable thing he learned in 30 years in the chair was that neurosis was "inheritable." Perhaps this is our greatest liberation from MItzrayim - to not embrace the predefined enemies of the state of parents and accept friends and relatives on our own terms. Now that's an EXODUS !

I got a link from a friend from one of Aish's video clips, I never come onto this site (now I will probably start coming on more often). I started clicking here & there & got to this amazing clip. You see, I struggle from lots of fears that has become a "family issue" my mom is a overprotective ferarful person & so are most of my siblings. I needed this reminder. I know I don't want my children to struggle the way I did & do. Lori, well said!

Thanks Lori. Your mother and you definitily reprisent protecting qualities of our Matriarh Rachel. Our kids are our future, our grandkids - even more so. Especially in our trubling times ( a lot of thunderstoms around) we should give hope and encouragement and not despair.

I'm glad your friend could feel safe telling you her doubts. That's important in a friendship. We all need to be careful not to pass along phobias, doubts, anger and other negative emotions to our kids. Have a problem with in-laws, teachers or neighbors? Try not to involve your kids.They shouldn't have to deal with those problems. growing up is hard enough.

Dear Lori - Much thanks for your comments on passing fears to children. I remember some of the warnings and concerns of my father, of blessed memory. He did dangerous work, with heavy machinery and he was always concerned about safety. But he was blessed with a life without any serous injuries. He did not break any bones or go to the hospital, as far as I knew. However, I sometimes felt that he showed too much fear over small matters. He could be very critical of me, at times. Perhaps what he really wanted was to be listened to. He wanted me to hear what he had to say. He wanted my respect. Perhaps my father wanted me to follow the fifth commandment to honor your father and your mother by listening to them...

I always had a fear of learning how to swim, but I made sure my older daughter learned how to swim. At first, she was terrified, but now she loves going swimming. I am attempting to convince my younger daughter to also take lessons, but so far she shows no signs of interest. I won't give up ,though.