The Cheater

Lori Palatnik is absolutely right. Thank G-d, I am now 50 years of age. Growing up, my parents NEVER pressured me to get all "A's" & " B's". They were happy if I also came home with a "C". I also got "A's" & "B's", especially in spelling & vocabulary, research papers or anything that concerned writing, music, and drama, but I was never pressured. Thank G-d, I NEVER cheated a day in my life and NEVER was afraid to tell my parents when I got a "C". Part of the reason is thanks to my parents NOT pressuring me and part of the reason is that I myself was very much against cheating. I would much rather receive a lower grade and NOT cheat than to receive a higher grade and G-d forbid cheat because I always wanted my own grade, not someone else's. I am also raising my children in the same way. Even if they come home & tell me that they feel the grade they received was not good enough because it was a "C", I never tell them they are right. I always encourage them and tell them that it could always be better, but that "C" is also a good grade. The only negative thing about my parents not pressuring me is that even though they did want me to finish college, I never did finish my degree which I regret today although sometimes pressure can work in the reverse & a child will drop out due to the pressure.

Mrs. Palatnik - thank you so much for this video. Thank G-d, my parents were wonderful about this - I remember a test that I failed in high school; I am blessed with intelligence, thank G-d, but a certain subject is just not my thing. My parents made it very clear to me that (1) they would always love me no matter what, (2) they knew I'd tried my best, (3) we'd look into options for doing better next time, and (4) school isn't the most important thing in life. I cry when I see friends and students of mine who value themselves only by their grades. Mr. Ben Sion Shuali - first of all, not every person learns in the same way. Some people are book creative and less bookish. Is it such a crime to choose art over advanced Science? They would not be missing the basic classes, I am sure. And even if you feel that they should be taking all of the only-text classes - why must is be done through pressure? Why can't it be done through conversation? Understanding? Compromise? Make sure not to lower a child's self-worth in their own eyes - and in yours! And see to it that the next generation realizes that just because they may not have been blessed with brilliance of the mind in one area, they have talents in others, and we love them just the same.

Talking to another teacher the other day, some parents demand their girls do well in every subject to get into the right seminary to get the best shidduch. Add to tha,t the right weight (thin) and you get a self-absorbed generation--not to mention the young men whose mothers (yes mothers) train them to look for model thin girls who have attended the right seminary. What has happened to molding the character of our children?

Very, very good. Really think this was great advice especially part about what adult is good in everything. I think alot of grown ups should internatize this message too. Too much emphasis put on materialism, how big the house, how big the income etc.

I wish the principle at my daughter's school would watch this! You are so right. There is so much pressure for them and she's only in 2nd grade. I try here in the home to take the pressure off of her. It's hard to parent when the school is not always on the same page as the parent. Thank you again Lori!

I would like to know how Lori dealt with the parents & the young lady in this situation. It is easy to say the parents should not pressure the child - it is more difficult to deal with the actual episode of cheating.

My parents wouldn't even let me get a "B" in anything! I have an Ivy league BA and MS degree and my parents still think of me as a failure because I am not a doctor or a lawyer. I live with depression and self loathing every day of my life from years of my parents telling me I'm a loser and criticizing me all the time. I will not do the same thing to my kids!

Every parent should watch your video, Lori. There is so much more to a childs future than good grades and soccer. A child with good character can reach greater joy in life than most of us.

Without pressure, what teenager wouldn't choose music, art, or phys. ed.? Some pressure is necessary during the teenage years to teach that the mind is the most important gift we have. It is that mind that allows us to make the very choices of character vs. grades that you discuss.

Oh wow!! You are absolutelly right!! I hope most parents get to watch this. How can they request so much from they child if they are not 100% perfect. Nobody is. Very good message.

The parents who put all this pressure on their children to be perfect, are really doing a big disservice to their children. Many young ladies in my community are unfortunately being over burdened, and are suffering from many problems, such as anxiety and anorexia or bulimia. The young ladies feel that the only thing they have real control over is their food intake, and nothing else. The parents need to open up their eyes, and not try to make their children be what they could not accomplish for themselves. We can not live out our unfulfilled dreams through our children.

Children with autism such as Asperger's and high-functioning autism spectrum don't make good eye contact, but almost always tell the truth. Plus, these individuals generally do well in school as long as they are concentrated well enough on what they are doing. It's just the social skills they tend to lack, but they can gradually learn from them.

how true.... the impossible expectations set the children up for failure.they try yet its never enough ( there will always be someone better out there anyways). its no wonder that we have kids in the system , smart talented kids who have just given up because the bar is so high. let kids be the best at who they are.