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  • Torah Reading: Naso
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Speak to your body to wake up your soul.

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Visitor Comments: 20

(20) dmm, April 15, 2010 1:52 AM

because i said so

I think the word "bribery" and giving kids money rubs us the wrong way in our society... but aren't most of us ok with a reward system, and allowance based on helping out with chores? To me the difference is whether it is something that is established before-hand, or if it is offered in the heat of the moment when you can't think of anything else to motivate them. Also, as #11 said, you can always stop the bribery at a later point. As an example, I don't know ANYONE who potty trained their kids without some sort of candy reward. Still, at this point, my daughter knows that she is not going to get chocolate chips for going where she is supposed to. Another thing I think is crucial is for children to understand that, ultimately, the parents are the ones in charge. I love that my kids question, and want to know why they have to do certain things, and I explain my reasoning so that one day they will be able to arrive at their own right conclusions. But in the end, I am the mom. So for example Me: "Put on your coat before you go out" They: "But I don't want to" Me: "It is cold outside, you need your coat so you will be warm" They: "Oh, but I don't want a coat when it is cold." Me: "Mommy said you need to put on a coat before you can go outside." End of discussion.

(19) , April 14, 2010 9:55 PM

This is exactly y our kids are so spoiled.

(18) Jong, April 14, 2010 6:17 PM


Impressed by your wisdom Lori. Thanks a lot!

(17) Beri, April 14, 2010 7:57 AM

Excellent Lori!

I love it. You know, we modern, new age baby boomers think we're above this primitive type of motivation. But it works because of how we're made - a body and a soul. Excellent!

(16) Elana, April 14, 2010 4:37 AM

Context of study

I actually read the study #2 had in her comments. And if I read correctly, this study showed that children who were rewarded showed "less intrinsic interest in the activity than control subjects." Of course, they had to be bribed to do the activity in the first place...obviously it was an activity they did not enjoy the first time, so why would they do it again? This study was done on preschoolers. Small children are in the here and now...they do not have the ability to think abstractly about things. You have to do something over and over again to finally not do it for extrinsic purposes, and sometimes even that doesn't work...ex. yo yo dieting. Also, I think it is horrible to constantly bring up the past struggles like shoshana said, "remember how we were fighting and now we are not." Children must also understand that parents are human and do make mistakes. They cannot just soley rely on the parents' judgements. I'm glad when my children challenge me and ask me why they have to do so and so. Not because I said so (although I say that too) but I have to give them a they can understand and eventually make their own decision. Ex. Me: "It's cold outside, take a jacket" They, "no, I don't want to." I let it go and a few minutes later, "Okay mommy, where's my jacket, it is cold outside."

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