A Woman's Power

by Mrs. Lori Palatnik

The woman sanctifies space and sets the tone in the home.

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Published: April 21, 2012

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Visitor Comments: 19

(15) Chana Yosefa, May 3, 2012 1:14 PM

If I am not for myself, who will be for me?

Lori, I loved your comments, but you misquoted Rabbi Hillel at the end. It is an important difference -- in line with your advice. If the woman doesn't take care of herself, she won't be able to take care of her family, and "if Mom's not happy, no one's happy."

(14) Estistahler, April 30, 2012 3:55 AM

The Jwrp free trip for moms provides women opportunity to bring home their inspiration enthusiasm energy and share the experience wisdom and excitement with their family !

lori you and the Utah 8 are making happy moms and happy homes with the Jwrp transform and grow free trips to israel we thank you and our families thank you

(13) daniel, April 26, 2012 6:48 PM

well said

i agree 100 % but in order to let youre wife take care of herself you need somthing called mony mony and alot of mony but i wana say somthing else i always encourage my wife to do good things to pemper herself and she does not do anything and it bohers me alot if anybody can help me i would like to heare.

(12) Raphaelle Do Lern Hwei, April 26, 2012 2:59 PM

To care for others, we must care for ourselves

I think this is a timely advice. We must take time to read Scripture, pray and meditate. Learn some skill, so that we can help our families and others. Women tend to be neglected by others, even by their family members. I have been coordinating the care of my elderly father and special needs brother who lives with him. The former was hospitalised from mid February to March for a bone degeneration complaint. My brother went for respite care. The other brother was on call as a medical doctor. They did appreciate this but not easy to get extended familiy's help.

(11) Yisroel Pollack, April 25, 2012 5:25 PM

Speaking Truly

I can heartily agree. I’m a middle-aged man who sits at home alone. I’ve never been married. I can attest to the unbearableness of the emptiness that prevails. The lack of energy, as Mrs Palatnik so aptly puts it, is palpable. The tedium, the listlessness, is beyond unpleasant. It’s excruciating. What’s lacking? Something very simple, yet very essential. A woman in the home. A woman’s touch and a woman’s voice: their absence is what makes everything so bleak. What I’d give to be able to have a woman to care about and in whom to take delight, one with whom to share secrets and a guarded trust. A woman’s presence makes the surroundings pulsate with life. Her being there is more luminous than a thousand watts of light. Yet, try as I may, I find I am unable to persuade a potential prospect to take an interest in me sufficiently strong to bode well for a future together. I’m rejected faster than I can figure out how to ask for a second date. I have no one to blame but myself. Evidently, I haven’t quite learned how to present a persona that will reassure and impress. I’m still stuck in some childish mold, with not I clue as to how properly to extricate myself from its hold. Thank you, Mrs Palatnik, for so instructive and penetrating a perspective on what a woman truly brings into the fold.

Anonymous, April 29, 2012 3:53 AM

A Little Advice to Yisroel

BH If you really want to marry, you must do two things: Get out of your house - volunteer work, fun night classes, etc.. and Get realistic about who you want to marry. So many men want to marry a woman 10 or 20 years their junior. If you are 40 or 50, there undoubtably many, many women YOUR AGE out there who are halishing to marry, whether it be for the first time or to remarry. As a man, you sit in the driver's seat vis-a-vis asking a woman for a date. If at your stage in life you are still unmarried, take a good, long, hard look at yourself. Professional counselling might help. Vigorously, actively look for your beshert. And don't worry: she's looking for you, too!

Yisroel, April 29, 2012 1:25 PM

Thank you, anon, for the kind words of encouragement and sage advice.

Anonymous, May 6, 2012 6:09 AM

Agree with "Little advice to Yisroel"....

Kol Hakavod to Lori for putting in words so well what we all know to be true about a woman in the home. UNMARRIED MEN: You're lucky, its a BUYERS market. But the reality - and I've seen this in my circle of over 15 unmarried dating women 32-47, men do want to marry a woman of 20 - 25 years younger than themselves. One man (54) said he wants to marry a 18 yr old - he was at a meal and made no secret of his advances to her. Her response:"Yuch!" What he failed to see was she NEVER saw him as a potential mate. But more like a friend for her granfather, even her father was younger than 54! I went on a date with a man 20yrs my senior, at the insistence of a shadchan - because the man was so "amazing" - BUT the thought of him ever in the future touching my hand made me feel ill. It was like imagining one's father trying to touch one's hand romantically (G-d forbid!). See why one would want to vomit? Make no mistake, he was in great shape FOR HIS AGE. But I constantly felt as if I was out with my father to do site seeing. I now know a man who is in his mid 40's, in great shape FOR HIS AGE. But he is insistent he wants to marry a 23 yr old. We are friends, only. But it is as if the logic switch got turned off. He is fit, probably more than a guy of 28....but a 23 yrd old woman is looking for a 25 yr old guy. Anyone over 30 is "ancient" in her book. To her, a man in his 40s is like her father. And while there are exceptions, the rule is: a woman will unconsciously search out and seek a virile man - MAX 6 yrs to her own age. Sadly, I see men at sixty still holding onto winning that dream of a woman in her 20s. And some shadchanim actually FUEL this madness -because there's money involved. Not married?Rethink your objective. Like the picture of a Banquet table with only long spoons, Hell is seeing men complain there's no one to marry when they are trying to fish in the wrong pond! LOOK ONLY for women MAX 6 yrs older or younger than yourself! Outside that is NOT realistic!

(10) Suzanne, April 25, 2012 7:36 AM

Thank you

I was expecting a guilt trip. I try so hard to keep a positive attitude and make a welcoming home, but so often when my husband comes home that all goes out the window. I'm walking on eggshells trying not to upset him, I'm keeping the boy out of his hair so he can relax, I'm trying to shield the boy from his frustration, etc. By the end of the evening, I'm just as stressed out as my husband was when he came home. I just spent about three months getting about 3-4 hours of sleep a day because I was trying so hard to take care of every one (and I only have 1 child). I appreciate someone understanding that I can't put my own needs on hold indefinitely.

(9) Esther, April 24, 2012 10:43 PM

Always beautiful Stuff Lori! Thanks so much Esther from Montreal

(8) anonymous, April 24, 2012 10:12 PM

it helps if your husband is supportive

My husband was totally insensitive to where I wanted to live and decided to make major life decisions on his own. Being good to yourself works, when the person you marry is good to you. A manicure and exercise class does not help if you are married to a selfish man. BH my husband changed but not before 24 years passed. That's a long time to be unhappy. I am trying to take care of myself now.

Anonymous, April 25, 2012 11:29 PM

I have the same problem

I have the same problem-my husband is also self-absorbed and infantile. He expects me to listen to his problems but has no interest in mine. We share absolutely nothing except our children (age 2 and 5) and the address. What good does this advice do if I'm raising in a way, three kids?

(7) Leora Tasker, April 24, 2012 8:36 PM

thank you Lori

Lori, what you offer is a tremendous Blessing to those hearing what you are saying and I for one am very grateful for it. You uphold what is secret in every woman's heart.Thank you. May you always be Blessed.

(6) Anonymous, April 24, 2012 3:55 PM

Thank you so much for this. And for reminding this single mother that she is what sustains and empowers her children.

(5) Ambujam, April 24, 2012 3:31 PM

Love thyself so that you may be able to undersatndothers feelings.

If we women loveourselves and take care of ourwell-being,men can't use us as bonded laborers.

(4) Gavin-Chaim Marsden, April 24, 2012 12:19 AM

Thank G-d for women

When men say the blessing to Hashem for creating them as men I have always said it is because we get the pleasure of appreciating women as they truely are!Beautiful,Unique and Inspiring!In a humorous vein I am grateful that Hashem planted in women an appreciation and attraction for men for we are truely not as beautiful as women.Lori is right when she says that women sanctify space.They also do so much more.In my humble opinion women are the repository for the Shechinah in the world.The feminine aspects of Hashem are exemplified by the beauty,sensitivity,love and compassion of women.Her innate,instinctive wisdom guides the male and all who live in the home on their journey through life.When the waters of life get stormy its the womens embrace and words of solace that inspires,encourages and guides her husband and children on,to reach for ever higher goals.A women always has an answer for her wisdom,love and beauty are in fact all the answer that a man needs.In a more humorous vein I know that women were created in the Image of Hashem but I am not so sure about the men.Men create wars,are abusers and very often are a slave to their desires.Women are not perfect but 'wow' do they come close.Women are afterall direct partners with Hashem in the act of creation.They provide the space where the physical fetus grows in the women but also the spiritual space,where according to the Midrash,the child learns the whole Torah in the womb. I,as a man,stand in awe as the women gives birth in pain but then surrounds the child with a love that will sustain it too 120.Chassidic teaching teaches that a husband must listen to his wife for it is as if the Shechinah herself that is talking to him.At 18 men are commanded to leave their home and cleave to their wife.The wife you will note is not commanded to cleave to her husband.She is ultimately the bastion of strength in the home.Rooted in her unique and unwavering spirituality the eihes chayil gives strength,love,blessing to Yisrael

(3) Miriam, April 23, 2012 4:02 PM

Perfect! Thank you!

Regarding inspiration: My life has changed since I got my mp3 player. It plugs into my car and I download fabulous classes on it. Totally life changing. I don't dread errands any more: I look forward to being in the car!

(2) Alexandra, April 23, 2012 9:07 AM

The right blog for this week

Hi Lori, Thanks so much for your videos. And particularly this one which is very relevant to my week. They always feel very friendly - as if I were really speaking to you. I also want to thank you also for the advice you gave me by email many years ago. You really helped me to feel connected to the world outside my home town. To the person who dedicated this weeks episode I'd also like to say I think it's a lovely sentiment: "for reminding me that being true to myself will always get me everything I want in life, however long it takes."

(1) Anonymous, April 22, 2012 11:57 PM

Yes, we MUST take care of ourselves first. In my opinion, we must also surround ourselves with positive life forces. Sometimes we have to make the painful but necessary decision to cut toxic members of our extended families out of our lives in order to maintain good mental and phsycial health. My spouse and child are number one in my life, and if I am being infected by toxic outsiders then nobody will be happy. Like it or not, I am the architect of my home. If I build a positive foundation, my family will respond in kind. Thank you for providing this thought provoking and close captioned blog.

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About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

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Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

Follow Lori on Twitter, @LoriAlmostLive

A Woman's Power

The woman sanctifies space and sets the tone in the home.

Visitor Comments: 19

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