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Confessions of a Mean Girl

People really do change.

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Visitor Comments: 10

(9) Anonymous, December 25, 2013 2:37 PM

Hi Lori, I realize the point of your blog is to reiterate that change is possible. I am concerned that it is so much easier for the bully to stop than it is for the victim to heal or even just re define herself as a survivor that one could easily minimize what bulling really is - assault and abuse. Thank you for all your stufff!

(8) elizabeth, December 24, 2013 9:01 PM

while empathy and patience may be in order, the bullying needs to be addressed and stopped immediately. The bullied child should not have to wait until the bully outgrows his.her ways.

(7) Karen Jacobson, December 24, 2013 6:41 PM

Lori (almost live) missed the mark

It is not enough that this woman went on to make a good life for herself while her victims are still suffering. She needs to do something to make their live better and to reverse the damage that she did. Tolerating bullying and mean girls by writing off their behavior as them being victims of some unknown trauma to which we are not aware of is a cop out and actually helps bullies and mean girls write off their own bad behavior as a reaction to their circumstances and not the absence of compassion it truly is. Lori, you need to read Martha Stout's book "The Sociopath Next Door" so you will know that 1 in every 25 people you meet has no guilt, shame, or remorse at their ill treatment of others and they prey upon people who are empathetic and compassionate. Those would be the bullies and the mean girls. What they need is to be socialized and receive consequences for their anti-social actions. Like others have commented, writing off the bullies bad behavior for any reason just continues their bad behavior.

(6) Anonymous, December 24, 2013 5:43 PM

points to ponder

Wonderful video--important point.
Two things I would like to add to the previous comments:

1. It is not enough to 'feel sorry' and to 'make a good life for yourself' to the point that others would never know. I wonder if the 'mean girl' turned wonderful adult truly made amends with those she hurt, asked for their forgiveness. As she points out, the scars are much deeper and longer lasting. THAT, to me, shows real regret, courage, and an honest desire to right a wrong...not only to distance one's self from a previous identity.

2. Getting caught up in labeling--bully, bystander, victim, etc.-- helps 'box' people--not to help them. It is far more important to identify what skill or resource the person is lacking: be it confidence, empathy, social skills, socially acceptable clothing/mannerisms, flexibility, courage, and help them develop that.

(5) Mati, December 24, 2013 5:25 PM

Not always true...perhaps?

When I attended my 20th year class reunion, the guys that were the bullies were just the same. They hadn't changed. I decided never to go to another class reunion and haven't since. I am now 60.

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