Don't expect your kids to be the same.

by Mrs. Lori Palatnik
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

Click here if you are unable to view YouTube videos.
Submit Comment
In honour of L, who has helped me realize
every beautiful emotion imaginable
and for reminding me that being true to myself
will always get me everything I want in life,
however long it takes.

Sponsor an episode of Lori Almost Live. Click here to find out more.

Published: December 10, 2011

Like this article? Help us create more. Aish.com exists
only through the support of our readers.

Visitor Comments: 8

(7) ana, December 15, 2011 11:01 PM

who wants all children to be the same?

i never heard anything like this, unless i count how some people think all people should be the same--the same color, with the same interests, with the same way of practicing religion. i've never heard this from parents, unless i count the parents who want the children to be just like them instead of just like themselves. poor children. poor parents.

(6) chavie gottlieb, December 13, 2011 10:03 PM

poster children aren't dull!

Boring child? Sounds like the mother needs some hobbies or outlets. As my kids turn into productive and happy young adults, the nachas is beyond great. I could just watch them function in mundane tasks over and over again and never be bored. I was a part of their development and that is never boring. Yes, we educate each child in their own derech but having a rebellious child is challenging and not needed for an exciting family life. There is still a wide gap between poster child and rebellious. Nothing wrong with average. It sounds like your friend was trying to make someone feel better. And for those who have poster children, just count your blessings and enjoy your nachas. Your grandkids will bring much excitement into your life!

(5) Shulamis Mallet, December 13, 2011 7:28 PM

All roads lead to roam

Great video Lori. I think the picture you present is a little too simple though. Really difficult kids usually become really difficult adults. The key is to not lose contact with them. As difficult as it is, stay with them, show faith in them. You have a better chance of getting them through the hard times and teaching them how to deal with their own issues. As far as the poster child, unfortunately many of them go off the deep end. They're usually poster perfect for a reason. Often it's to make up for some crisis in their life that has affected the other family members and they feel a need to be perfect. Beware! Don't assume that that child isn't harboring some really deep troubled feelings. It's a parent's job to make sure they know what's going on in the minds of all their kids, as best they can. That child may one day explode! Even if the child really is poster perfect, by discussing issues that are going on in their lives, you teach them how to communicate, and how to think more deeply. Then you don't end up with a boring child (or adult) either. It's the kids in the middle of the road that are the real test and often end up the best. They'll go through bouts of difficulty, but with support and guidance, they'll learn how to handle life's bumps. They'll also be more tolerant of others that have more difficulty with the bumps. Just don't keep throwing their mistakes back in their faces. I wouldn't want my kids to be exactly like me, either. If I want to see myself, I can look in the mirror. (Mirrors are overrated). Each one has a unique road to follow. When you know you've started them on the right one and have given them the tools they need to get where they need to go, you can more or less sit back and enjoy the ride. Sure, sometimes you need to help them pay the tolls and handle the pit stops, but more or less, they're good to go and are their own GPS, G-d's Personal Servant. All the Best, Shulamis

(4) yochevet uziel, December 13, 2011 7:07 PM

three cheers for diversity

I have just one child, a son. He thinks for himself. Sometimes he drives me and everyone else crazy because his thoughts are so far out and original. We all try to listen to him. Then he'll say, "Did you understand?" and we'll say, "Not a word." He also has obsessive compulsive disorder which makes him afraid to do certain things which are easy to most people. One day, I found myself being very kind to him, giving him a choice between getting the granola, which scared him because he had a 'rule' about it, and getting the yogurt. My first inclination was to yell at him and tell him to just get the granola, and not to be ridiculous. Then I was struck by a thought, "He is not me." I have my limitations and rules, he has his. I need not be scared because he is not like society demands. So thank you, Lori for once again sharing your compassionate wisdom. It is so refreshing.

(3) Joanna Vail, December 13, 2011 2:48 AM

joannavail@gmail.com

I wish my mom could have seen this video when I was younger. I think it would have saved her a lot of anguish to see how different I was than my siblings. I hope as I get older, she can grow to appreciate my differences. It's a lot of pressure being the "different" kid in your immediate family, among your siblings, but families tend to appreciate the different child later in life.

See All Comments

Submit Your Comment:

  • Display my name?

  • Your email address is kept private. Our editor needs it in case we have a question about your comment.


  • * required field 2000
Submit Comment
stub

About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

Lori Palatnik is an author and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio and has lectured on five continents, illuminating traditional practices and life-styles for our contemporary world. She and her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, live in Washington, DC, where she is Executive Director of the Jewish Women's Renaissance Project. Lori is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond—The Shabbat Experience Step-by-Step"; "Remember My Soul", which explains the Jewish concepts of soul and the afterlife and a guide to anyone who has ever lost a loved one; and "Gossip—Ten Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul", featured on "Dr. Laura" and FoxNews.com.

Related Articles:

  • Bringing Our Kids Home
  • Wiring Our Kid's Hard Drives
  • Should We Have More Kids?

Most Popular In:

Sponsors

    Upcoming Holiday

    • Shavuot: May 27 - 28, 2012
    A fascinating, big picture overview of the holiday of Shavuot and the Ten Commandments.
    Why did God wait 49 days before giving the Torah?
    Discover the most important intellectual development in human history.

    Aish.com Features

    • Arrange for Kaddish