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Do I Look Fat?

On being truthful to your spouse.

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The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 34

(31) Yehudith Shraga, June 6, 2013 2:08 AM

The comment on "hungry and starving children in Israel"

Dear Lori, I greatly care for your try to help the Jewish organization "Yad Ezrra",but I may not stop myself from noticing that it has made me feel hurt for Israel.I think that before we speak about something we have to think it over several times:both the message and the form matters! As good as your intention may be,the FORM you put your message in may deviate the objective understanding of the true picture.

I would like to say on behalf of Alli'ya from former Soviet Union,which came to Israel with nearly and no means to support ourselves,we weren't allowed to take out of Russia more than 300$ for an adult and so it was 600$ a family had on the arrival to Israel. WELL,there was no ONE day that we were left without basic needs and help.We learned !We worked! and we succeeded greatly!Just to mention that our two daughters got the opportunities in Israel which they may not even dream in their country of birth: our elder daughter is currently the 3rd Degree student of the Chicago University ( after graduation of the 1st degree in Jerusalem University and the 2nd in Colombia University), our younger one has made her 1st degree in Tel-Aviv University and is now making her 2nd degree in the Weizmann Institute of Science. I am very proud of my daughters and most thankful to the BASIC LEVEL of life here in ISRAEL, where common people have such opportunities for themselves and their children!

I think, that before we speak about any problem we should investigate its roots first. The country of Israel is the country of the Highest Human Values, and only the most irresponsible parents may come to the situation for their children to be hungry and starve! It is Jewish to give money for charity, but it ISN'T Jewish to live on charity. It is Jewish to speak openly, but when we speak about a whole country the objectiveness of our view should be insured and the implications of our statements thought over and over!

(30) Suzanne, June 3, 2013 6:17 PM

I'm sorry, I disagree

Obesity is a serious problem in the US. If your spouse is overweight, it DOES affect attraction. It also affects the overweight person's health. You don't have to be a jerk about it - but honestly, I'm sick of people telling others that you're 'insensitive" to bring this up. Insensitivity works both ways. An overweight spouse is making it easier for their own spouse to look elsewhere (even though it's not right) and they are setting themselves up for serious health issues in the future.

(29) Ken J, June 3, 2013 9:00 AM

Don't support lying!

Don't set your spouse up to lie (choosing to lie or be unbelievable). Never ask a question if you don't really want to hear a truthful answer!
No need to point out a weight issue unless there is a primary concern for health.

(28) Jay, June 1, 2013 12:51 PM

Thank you

so much for your message. This morning I have been obsessing about asking an old friend for forgiveness for not doing something years ago. I was going to call this person with my guilt but that would not help him or me. Most likely, my words would bring him pain and guilt. Your right! Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut and see if you can rectify something you think your responsible for without further upsetting a person. Thanks again.

(27) Bobby5000, June 1, 2013 11:59 AM

Couple should be considered about the other's feelings. People will change physically and emotionally and you must be ready to accept those changes in a marriage.

That said, a husband can make a comment with these guidelines,

1. No repetition You make your comment one every few months. Don't nag.

2. Be nice. A woman may be hurt. Don't make the situation worse by saying you find her unattractive.

3. Consider underlying causes Is she unhappy. Try to see why (but don't emphasize that you want to help her problem so she'll lose weight).

4. Recognize that even if a husband doesn't say anything, his wife may still feel free to criticize him about other things. Women like to verbalize their feelings.

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