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April 21, 2014
April 25, 2014 4:02 PM
what's wrong with guys out there?! A lot!
There are many wonderful girls out there and many fewer good guys. Guys come with long and unrealistic wish lists that have nothing to do with what these guys have to offer!! These guys feel that they have the upper hand, and, sadly, the Jewish world confirms their perceptions. Many guys string girls along, although in the long run they have no intention of making commitments and every intention of working through their long lists of potential dates. These men cause untold emotional injuries to women. We have to stop facilitating these behaviors by refusing to recommend these self-serving men to women and thereby becoming accomplices in their misbehaviors. We must become more sensitive to the singles amongst us and work a lot harder at matching singles. And, in doing so, it's time to think and work out of the box. Furthermore, mothers, we have to do a lot better at raising boys to be ethical young men! For shame!
April 24, 2014 7:54 PM
I have to agree with Rachel's comment (#2)
With all the checking out the guy, I must agree that some pretty bad characters present themselves very well to the world. I followed all of Lori's tips, and I fell for one of them. Big tzaddik, great guy, etc. I thought I was getting such a prize. It was all such a show. Once we were married, he reverted back to who I guess he truly is, which is not at all how he acted on our dates. On dates, he was so interested in me, big smile leaning towards me as I spoke, ran after me. After we were married, he pretty much didn't even talk to me. I think he's seriously flawed and unable to relate to a woman. Now he's on his 3rd wife. To this day, I continue to be told what an amazing guy he is. No one knows what he's really like. It's scary, isn't it?
April 23, 2014 10:00 PM
How about, LISTEN TO YOU GUT!
While I understand Lori's suggestion of encouraging people to research their prospective dates, one of the problems that has arisen is that people have become divorced from their own inner voice, that quiet intuitive gut that guides them if they are willing to listen to it. Why do people ignore that gut? Well, because the Rav said the boy is from an amazing family! The chavruta said he's a great learner! His best friend said he's very caring! The shadchan said he's the catch of the county! Men who are abusive or who exhibit unhealthy relationship behaviors are often charmers and well-liked by others. You can dig all you want and often will hear positive things. Also, the emphasis on research puts other people in an uncomfortable position. Do you know how many times I hear of divorces where a lot of people knew the guy/girl had issues but no one wanted to say anything?!!!?!?!
April 23, 2014 3:26 PM
Go out at least 3 times
I once went out with a girl, whom I thought was not so nice looking and too loud personality. There was no way I would want to marry her, based on that first date. The shadchan insisted so much that I decided to go out again just to show that I am not picky. Somehow, when I saw her picture in the living room, while waiting for her, I got very attracted. When she came, I saw her in a different light and became crazy for her. I then wanted a third date with her, but she didn't want. From then on, I made sure that I would never reject a date early on unless it was really bad. I was lucky to eventually marry a very good girl.
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