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November 7, 2013 8:46 AM
giving brachot on your birthday
some of my kids call me, some do not on my birthday. I call them, if they do not call me, and I give all of them brachot. It is a mitzvah to give on one's birthday, and I love giving, and if I have nothing else to give, I always have brachot that I can and do give.
November 6, 2013 11:21 PM
Lori, you were the exact Jewish Martyred Mother by making that phone call. You called a child in another country in the middle of the night to remind them they didn't call you and it was your birthday? Your child wasn't feeling guilty UNTIL you called cause they didn't remember. OMG how much more Jewish Mother could that be? The stereotype lives on. Brighton Beach Memoirs 1986.
November 5, 2013 10:58 PM
Works great on spouses, too!
My husband hates "expected" giving like parties and birthday presents. So the year I turned 30, I asked if I could organize my own party, to which he eagerly agreed. I've been doing it ever since, and it's been fine. I get what I want (a party with my friends), he gets what he wants (no hassle of having try to organize something that he's not comfortable doing) and we're both happy. And married 30-plus years. He's the greatest at doing whatever really needs to be done; I see no point in complaining about the optional things that he doesn't like.
November 5, 2013 8:58 PM
never knew that guilt was Jewish
Always thought that the stereotype of the Yiddisha Mamma was the warm, loving, really devoted mother. Who had the true power of giving, a real ba'alas chesed. I don't think that's a martyr, but someone who can give and give and give. Like so many great women in our history, or like the Chafetz Chiam. Read Rav Dessler's essay on" -Giving and Taking".
November 5, 2013 7:32 PM
I agree with mort, number one
I agree with you mort, with your conclusions but not your resulting actions. It's tempting to use threats but of course it's not correct, no matter how satisfying! We have the same situation in our family, a brother who doesn't visit his desperately ill father in hospital nor take care of his mother who stays in a hotel near the hospital instead of being hosted in his home. Terrible. But still, no threats.
November 5, 2013 6:28 PM
I always enjoy you, Lori. Your comments are so meaningful. When I'm short of time, but see your name on the programI check in anyway....and always get a blessing.
November 5, 2013 5:01 PM
With 6 children, 10 grandchildren "the day" isn't so important to me. I tell them any time during the month is fine - for calls, emails, cards, lunch, dinner etc. That spreads the JOY over many days. I am truly blessed. May the Lord bless all us mothers. We need him minute by minute, day by day.
November 5, 2013 4:53 PM
There are no more Jewish mothers. THey died out long ago.
My mother was probably the last of the TRUE Jewish mothers. I mean the type raised in the shtetl, an "eishes chayal" who just barely survived the Holocaust, and later even ran a small "mom and pop" business in the worst ghetto in Brooklyn. I remember her buying live chickens and plucking out feathers on the roof of our 1949 tenement in Brooklyn, and then koshering them. Totally dedicated to nobody else but me. Never again can that kind of true Jewish mother exist ever again. The "emesa" mother-martyr. The real McCoy. Last of the Dodos.
November 3, 2013 2:47 PM
HAAPPY BIRTHDAAAAYYYY FROM SOUTH AMERICA COLOMBIA, THANKS G-d FOR I CAN KNOW YOUR LESSONS, THANKS TO YOU FOR BE A INSPIRATION, A GOOD WOMAN, THANKS THANKS THANK, NOW I CAN ENJOY MORE MY LIFE, I AM A PERSON MORE MATURE SINCE I HEAR YOU. YOU TALK THE TORA. THANKS FOR YOU LOVE THROUGH YOU LESSONS. THANKS
November 3, 2013 11:41 AM
Jewish Guilt is Sometimes Good
Sorry, Lori, but there are times when one should be the "guilt-giving Jewish mother." My brother hadn't seen his mother for over 7 years even though he lives one hour away by plane.(He was shamed into coming to see her only because the rest of the family was making a big birthday for her which, by the way, he did not attend). My mother defends her absent son to everyone else in the family and obviously never confronts my brother. If she laid down some guilt and threatened to change her will, he'd be running. There's nothing wrong with a healthy dose of "Jewish guilt."
November 5, 2013 11:02 PM
Maybe she wouldn't defend him if everyone else stopped attacking him....
....really, how is HIS relationship with HER anyone else's business? And if you need to vent about his behavior, then talk to your spouse, your therapist, or a single close friend, but don't attack him to her. As a mother, I can tell you I will ALWAYS defend my children against all enemies, both foreign and domestic (i.e. other members of the family.) Sounds like you haven't outgrown your sibling issues, no matter what your brother's sins may be.
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