Soul Control, Part 1: Self Esteem

Torah Reading: Balak

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Published: June 16, 2007

Visitor Comments: 10

(10) D, February 13, 2011 4:04 PM

Dear #9

Dear #9 Do something extremely small, basic, and mechanical that you view as positive. I'm not talking about the hard stuff, like giving up the bad influence or taking on a major project. I mean, waking up in the morning feeling miserable, depressed, and like a failure of a human being who is absolutely worthless--- and then: 1. Washing your hands netilat yadayim 2. Making your bed etc. as you do one small act that makes you feel like you have some sort of control/positive impact-- I'd say praying but, oh lord, when I am in a slump davening for me is one lung mumbled-out "get this over with" ordeal---- anything small... force yourself to give someone a compliment. make yourself fake-laugh in the hopes it leads to at least one real chuckle. etc. the point is, for getting out of the slump rather than thinking how big and hopeless the ditch you need to climb out of is, or trying for somethign big and failing and getting more dejected, do something small and manageable that you know you can do. then, when you successfully do it, automatically you'll feel slightly better. that means you now have the strength to take on another, slightly larger thing. I'd say that then you eventually move on to huge hard things, but actually more likely than not you get stuck in the "middle-things" stage, then you get in a rut, then you start regressing, then you get depressed again... but this time it's a teeeeny bit easier to pull out.

(9) Anonymous, June 24, 2007 2:01 PM

About Those Choices

Good video, fresh insights. Thanks.
But
The worse (more fragile) self-esteem is, the harder it is to forego what helps feel better temporarily. Even though negative consequences will eventually keep one down and prevent positive change, the pain of hating oneself and the emptiness and worthless feelings seem to create overwhelming
pressure to keep going in the wrong direction.

I want to change, but how do I get the wherewithal? The ruts I am in are so deep that I can barely even see over them, no toe holds or hand holds are visible right now, and I'm too heavy anyway. I've already tried giving up and playing dead, but that doesn't help at all. I'm just going to look up to heaven, cry out, and see what help may come. Maybe this series...., but you look and sound too sharp to have ever been hopelessly mired so able to relate. I hope you don't hurl stale behaviorialist cliches, like loaves of stone down on me. Please, a helicopter or a paratrooper, or a cyanide pill.

(8) dina, June 18, 2007 6:44 PM

INSTRUCTIVE AND INTERESTING

r. L.Presents clearly and succintly in novel way. Very enjoyable and I really learned something.

(7) Rosen, June 18, 2007 5:05 PM

Very cohesive!

That's a great sum-up of self-esteem - the body, ego, and soul! Now, I have learned that our ego can deceive us on our superficial desires. As for the soul, I feel that I have made some significant impact in sending money/tzedakah to Jewish, secular, and political organizations through either direct mail or online correspondence...When will part 2 of this video series come out?

(6) Yerachmiel Milstein, June 18, 2007 11:58 AM

Great stuff!

Can't wait for the next installment!

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About the Author

Dr. David Lieberman

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David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., is an award-winning author and internationally recognized leader in the field of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. Techniques based on his seven books, which have been translated into 19 languages and include two New York Times bestsellers, are used by the FBI, The Department of the Navy, Fortune 500 companies, and by governments, corporations, and mental health professionals in more than 25 countries. Dr. Lieberman’s work has been featured in publications around the world, and he has appeared as a guest expert on more than 200 programs such as: The Today Show, Fox & Friends, PBS, The O’Reilly Factor, NPR, and The View. Infusing Torah wisdom into the psychological process, Dr. Lieberman lectures and holds workshops on a variety of subjects across a spectrum of audiences--frum and kiruv-oriented, alike. He writes a bi-weekly column called Human Nature 101 for The Jewish Press, and lives in Lakewood, New Jersey with his wife and children.