Soul Control, Part 6: Making Better Choices

Published: July 21, 2007

About the Author

Dr. David Lieberman

More by this Author >

David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., is an award-winning author and internationally recognized leader in the field of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. Techniques based on his seven books, which have been translated into 19 languages and include two New York Times bestsellers, are used by the FBI, The Department of the Navy, Fortune 500 companies, and by governments, corporations, and mental health professionals in more than 25 countries. Dr. Lieberman’s work has been featured in publications around the world, and he has appeared as a guest expert on more than 200 programs such as: The Today Show, Fox & Friends, PBS, The O’Reilly Factor, NPR, and The View. Infusing Torah wisdom into the psychological process, Dr. Lieberman lectures and holds workshops on a variety of subjects across a spectrum of audiences--frum and kiruv-oriented, alike. He writes a bi-weekly column called Human Nature 101 for The Jewish Press, and lives in Lakewood, New Jersey with his wife and children.

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Visitor Comments: 8

(8) Anonymous, January 23, 2014 7:57 PM

thank you

Thank you for the beautiful series. It was truly inspiring. Please keep posting!

(7) Anonymous, August 21, 2007 8:15 AM

Request

BS"D

Dear Rabbi Lieberman,
Thank you for this wonderful series.

Please, I really need the reference about the bronze winner feeling better than the silver.

Every blesiing.

(6) yonah, August 14, 2007 12:30 PM

terrific series

Thank you for posting this series.

I hope Dr.Lieberman will appear on Aish again in the future.

(5) Chavah, July 24, 2007 11:43 PM

self esteem

Thanks for emphasizing this lesson that one's choices in life matter tremendously. I would add that the problem w. today's generation is the negative influence of secular society, which is pervasive, even for the Orthodox community (more so the Modern Orthodox, obviously). We need to teach our children how to distinguish the benefits of secular society and how to properly engage in it without it taking away from our Jewish values and way of life. I'm thankful to Aish for providing a haven for those who may not have necessarily been fortunate to have a strong Jewish upbringing growing up who know all too well the emptiness and shallowness of modern society, who want to steer towards the true meaning that Judaism provides. This is helping the younger generation to build true self-esteem and a path to lead a better, healthier life

(4) Hardy Jonck, July 23, 2007 3:54 PM

Self esteem series best I have ever heard on topic in least amount of words

I want to complement David on his most excellent series on the topic of self esteem. Keep it up, I will look out for the next in the series.

The self esteem <-> ego see-saw is an amazing principle/type. I agree with David that most people today suffer from chronic low self esteem because we are at a historical low of doing mitzvot.

(3) Donald, July 22, 2007 4:04 PM

Thank-you so very much

I have heard bits and pieces of this advice over the years, but never heard anyone put it all together like you have. Thank you so very much, I really need help in this area!

(2) Rosen, July 22, 2007 6:49 AM

Choices & chance

Technology as a convenience in one way that alters our ego, but it all depends on how one goes about keeping things simple and straight-fwd. I generally think that low self-esteem has more to do with the choices we make and bad past memories more than technology itself...Perhaps another reason why many suffer from low self-esteem is due to so many kinds of medications available - even though you would take something like an anti-depressant, doesn't necessarily raise your self-esteem (though it may improve motor functioning skills)...Those born after 1980/5740 saw a lot of technologies collaborate together. Since I am what some may call a Reagan baby, I have seen the end of the use of LP records, a decline in sending letters through the mail, less use of personal checks, etc. As for mailing a letter, I still know how to do that by addressing the envelope and taking it over to a mailbox to be mailed. Some people who are younger than me probably don't know how to physically mail a letter properly, since they are so used to sending e-mails...All in all, the choices we make certainly do have an impact on our self-esteem that can either make or break it. The rest happens by chance, which is the external factor that determines self esteem...PS: If technology detracts our self-esteem, then what were the early Rabbis predicting that in 1840/5600 there would be an explosion of technology prior to the Messianic age? Did they think it was a good thing, bad thing, or a contriving thing leading to a significant world event? I've heard that when there was an explosion in technology, we would be closer to G-d getting messages across from one person to the other, similarly to that of the flood during Noah's ark, sort of speak...Nonetheless, as long as there is a purpose for the world, we must all make a good effort to make it a better place through selfless deeds/mitzvot of kindness.

(1) Emmes, July 22, 2007 6:45 AM

Low self-esteem because things are easier now than ever?

While there is something to be said about overcoming obstacles as a way of building self-esteem, I personally do not believe that advances in technology are solely to blame for a generation of individuals with low-self esteem. It is my opinion that the underpinnings of self-esteem are built in childhood. The building blocks are the type of interactions we have with our parents and the models we observe who teach us how to face and manage a variety of stresses. If one is unfortunate to receive poor role models who are unable themselves to model healthy behavior, then the child is left without tools to navigate critical life situations. Unless we as adults are able to find new and healthier models, it can be extremely difficult to create new behaviors and attitudes ourselves. Technology can be a wonderful tool. After all, without recent advances, we wouldn't have an aish.com or the plethora of educational devices out there which can help people improve their self-esteem and become informed on a variety of topics. In my opinion, it is how we choose to use these tools which make all the difference.

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