My descent into madness.

Dear Audience,

Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time out, not only to read my writing, but also to respond. I have read each and every response and they have all brought me more of the quiet but profound joy and satisfaction that comes to the author who learns he or she has touched someone's life for the better.

I am so very glad and grateful that you have been inspired by my story. Whether you responded as a mental health professional, a fellow sufferer of mental illness or an interested reader all your words are welcome.

My intention in writing this article was to help lift the stigma that continues to surround the topic of mental illness and hurts all those who suffer and the loved ones who suffer along with them.

My intention was also to provide company of sorts to those who suffer today, those who suffered in the past and those who are trying to help loved ones and to provide support and be a friend via the gift of the written word.

Another goal in writing this piece was to expose the often times hurtful, condescending or abusive approach of so-called mental health care professionals and psychiatric institutions. A degree does not make a professional. The products of the brain are useless when dispensed without heart.

Humility, empathy, compassion, understanding, honesty and respect must be at the front lines of any attempt to heal sufferers of mental illness.

Sadly, those of us who suffer from mental illness are often not able to speak out in our defense. This helps to allow abusive attitudes to proliferate. This article is an attempt to help break the wall of silence that can hurt via its passive stance.

Kay Redfield Jamison (the author of "An Unquiet Mind") is mentioned and recommended by one of my readers. I second the recommendation of this memoir. Ms. Jamison has more recently written a book entitled "Touched with Fire" that is more research oriented but fascinating in its enumeration of statistics and other relevant factual information that lead to the conclusion that many of us who are "touched with madness" are artist of different sorts (poets, writers, painters and other such passionate types).

I mention this because perhaps you too, if you relate to my words from personal experience, are an artist at heart. If so, I encourage you to unleash that inner creativity, as you are able with regard to your particular inclinations...

And I encourage you to write as well...speak out and let the world learn about you (and others via the resulting understanding) if you can and are able.

And speak out and let the world know if you feel you have been treated unfairly by any so called professional or care institution. Silence hurts. Words help.

I do wish to add that since the writing of this piece (about a year ago) I am , thank God, continuing to do well and improve and the symptoms of mental illness are becoming even fewer and more far between.

Warm regards to all my readers. And again, thank you for your kind words and blessing. May you be blessed with your own angels and always, with siata dishmaya, help from the One Above Who is especially close to struggling souls and who seeks to help those who aspire to greater heights.

Shani Silverstien

Published: Tuesday, August 4, 2009
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Visitor Comments: 14

(14) Daniel, September 26, 2010 10:17 PM

Empathy and understanding

Shani Silverstein, You and anyone affected by mental illness, be they actually diagnosed or just family of the diagnosed, have my empathy and understanding. I do think we need to combat the stigma and give increasing encouragement to Researchers in the field. As mental illnesses are unique that they cover both the physical and mental, this is something that takes the energy and help of an entire community to treat and hopefully cure. You and others have my support.

(13) Sara, April 13, 2010 3:25 PM

My child has bipolar disorder

I would like to thank Shani for this wonderful, uplifting article. My son was diagnosed recently. We are still working out all of the kinks in the treatment. Something I find terribly upsetting is the attitude that we cannot tell anyone what is going on with my son because of the stigma it would create for the family. Isn't it difficult enough to have this illness without having to be ashamed of it? My son is amazingly talented and kindhearted. To think that someone will judge him, and us, because of his illness seems very unfair. I hope that articles like this will help to break the barriers and stigma that are associated with mental illness.

(12) Elisha, November 29, 2009 6:38 PM

bipolar & genetics

First let me start off by trlling you that as a fellow bipolar person you are straight on. Thank you for your honesty and your clarity. How do I deal with a potential shidduch telling me they are worried about the illness being passed to the kids?

(11) R, September 13, 2009 5:57 PM

depression and marriage

Kol hakovod- Shani Many orthodox frum people suffer in this way because they don't get the right treatment in time and many marriages suffer or breakup because of this! - I too have my own story and am now trying to be out there to help people to learn from my experience! Be strong ;) hatzlacha and thank you!

(10) Anonymous, August 21, 2009 1:56 AM

same diagnosis, recommendation, friendship

I fell into depression at age 18. I thought it was the natural process of metamorphing into adulthood-to no longer care,no longer experience joy or sense of accomplishment. Followed, alternately were wild imaginative exertions of the mind, which were, can I say this in print, exhilirating and crazy. It took me a long time just to agree to be cured of this ability to be so high, until I fell almost completely away from functioning. This episode led to cure, through a wonderful psychopharmacologist who I would recommend to anyone (symptom free for almost twelve years) Still today, as Elul approaches, I find myself thinking that I have really squandered my potential, could have been perfect, and saved the world, and therefore must cry hard and long, like forever to get forgiveness. Or a fear that I will not posesss keilim with which to pray. Your article helped me to realize that these thoughts can be vestiges of illness. Thank you. I would like to communicate with the author, she seems intelligent can you hook me up with her ? kv't

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