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My New Jewish Name

My New Jewish Name

My quest to tap the essence of my soul.


"Hirshel, Hershey… Hirshel, Hershey…"

Growing up in El Paso, Texas, my stepmother's Mormon cousin had turned my Jewish name into jingle for a chocolate bar. He wasn't trying to be mean; actually it was quite funny. But at that moment I hated my Jewish name and I hated him.

On the other hand, I never related to my English name, Daren. What did it have to do with me? My best friend Damon and I would always make up names for ourselves – Kosimo, Otto, Bruno. With each name I had a different accent – Russian, German, Italian. I had difficulty remembering who I told people I was.

But as far as my Jewish name, it was simply embarrassing. When I showed up in a yeshiva at age 26, a rabbi asked me: "So, Daren, what's your Jewish name?"

"Aaah… ummm... Hirshel." Childhood anger flooded over me.

I asked him to call me Daren. But every now and then, he'd mention, "If you want to be called up the Torah, you'll need a Jewish name."

Actually, I was getting "called up" – but always for the lifting of the Torah, the only honor where one's Jewish name is not needed. So I had some time to decide what to do about my Jewish name.

Which got me thinking: What are names all about, anyway? Shakespeare said, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." In other words, what you call something is arbitrary.

I discovered, however, that in Hebrew this is not so. What something is called, reflects its inner essence.

In the Torah, it says that God brought all the animals before Adam, "and whatever the man called each living creature, that remained its name" (Genesis 2:19). The way that Adam named the animals was by understanding the unique aspect of each creature. A donkey, which transports material goods (chomer) called a chamor.

Our name reflects our unique qualities and strengths.

So too, each of us is given a name that reflects the unique qualities and strengths with which we've been created. The 16th century kabbalist the Arizal explained that a Jewish name, and even its numerical value, can tell you about the nature of that person. The Hebrew word for soul, neshama, contains the word shem or name, showing the link between a person's soul and their name.

By understanding our Jewish name, we glimpse aspects of both our essence and our purpose in life. That's why, when being called up to the Torah, we use our Jewish name When you call someone by that name, you remind a person of the meaning of their spiritual essence.

So now I was in a real bind. Since I had rejected my original name, it was as if I was without a name. Can you say: Identity crisis?!

So I definitely needed to choose a new name. Yet it is a very serious process to change one's name, as it affects one's fortune. For example, if a person is very sick, the name Chaim ("life") is often added to strengthen him. Only a few people know how to give new names correctly.

Kabbalistic Root

One day, my rabbi suggested: "If you'd like, we'll go together to a famous tzaddik (holy man) who can help you find your name."

I wanted to be prepared with some ideas, so from a book of Jewish names, I gathered all the most exotic names I could find: "Zerubavel, Beniyahu, Assa..."

A few days later, the rabbi took me to see Rabbi Yisrael Yaakov Fisher, known to be the greatest rabbi in the world for giving names. He knew the gematria (numerical value) of every name, and how that name corresponded to a word or verse of the Torah. They say he was able to look into the soul of a person, and ascertain the kabbalistic root of the person's name.

We arrived at his shul in the Geula neighborhood of Jerusalem at 8 a.m. There was already a long line of people waiting. As we inched along, my anticipation grew for a real mystical experience.

As I turned the corner to face the great rabbi, I met a little bent man with a respirator smiling at me as if I were a long lost cousin. He turned to my rabbi friend and engaged him actively in Yiddish.

"His Hebrew name is Hirshel. He does not like his name. I had him make a list."

Rabbi Fisher quickly took the list, and then looked up at me: "Azriel."

I hadn't even remembered putting that name on the list. But as soon as he said it, I knew it was supposed to be my name.

I walked out and thought about the meaning of the name Azriel: "My help is God." I always felt that God was taking good care of me. As I accepted the name in my heart, I saw a mental flash of an agile figure, very different from me at that moment, that I understood to be me as Azriel.

That big donor is at the Western Wall right now.

That afternoon, walking home, I thought about where my life was heading. At the time I'd been working on to start an international human rights agency to end the incitation of children to violence by Arab countries. A senator's aide had helped me collect names of donors in the Jewish world to help fund my project. The day before, I was given the name of a major player, and I was planning to contact him in New York.

Just then, a friend ran up to me: "You know that big donor you were looking for? He's in Israel. He's at the Western Wall right now."

I ran to the Wall, found Mr. Big Donor, successfully arranged a meeting. It was all I could do to hold myself back from saying: "My name is Azriel and God helps me!"

Back to El Paso

I was flying high as Azriel, but there was only one problem: I felt a bit guilty about getting rid of Hirshel all together. I liked the name Hirsh, it was just Hirshel I felt odd about.

A few months later, I was flying from Israel to New York for a family occasion. My father met me in New York. When I told him my itinerary, he said, "You're here in the U.S. and you're not coming to visit us in El Paso?!" I could tell he was hurt.

I tried to come up with a quick excuse.

"It's a matter of kosher food. What I am supposed to eat in El Paso, Texas?"

My father quickly accepted the challenge: "We'll kosher our kitchen for you."

Several days later I was in El Paso. The day after I arrived, a cousin whom I had not seen in 15 years passed away.

My father drove me to the funeral. I took along a book of Psalms to say by the gravestones of different family members after the funeral. As I stood before my grandmother's grave, I noticed the Hebrew names under her English name. Now that I knew how to read Hebrew, I began sounding out the name: "Miriam… the daughter of… Aaron… Hirsh."

I couldn't speak. Though I always knew that God loves me, did He care so much to fly me all the way back to the place I was born, just to help complete my name? Just as my great-grandfather was "Aaron Hirsh," I now knew how to shorten Hirshel in a way that fit perfectly: On that day, I became Azriel Hirsh.

Ready to be called up to the Torah.

Ready to take God's help, and embrace my next challenge.

Click here to find out the meaning of your Hebrew name.

August 2, 2008

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Visitor Comments: 30

(29) Formerly Feivel, March 10, 2016 10:22 PM

this piece inspired me to change my own name

Thank you Reb Azriel for this.

I was given the name Feivel at my bris-milah. And, I, too, never liked the name. I tried to embrace it, and to own it, and be called by it, thinking I'd eventually like it. But that never happened. Honestly, I inwardly cringed at the very sound of it.

This piece was truly liberating to read. A few days ago I consulted one of the great poskim of our generation and unburdened myself to him about my own name. He told me I can change my name, and drop Feivel, and how to do so, and gave me his blessing.

My new name will take effect this Shabbos, please G-d. I, too, am ready to be called to the Torah with this name, and ready, with G-d's help, to embrace my next challenge.

Thank you.

(28) Zal, July 3, 2014 10:57 PM

i couldn't use my jewish name :'(

Until i was 16 -i couldn't use my jewish name (shlomo zalman, after my grandfather) bcuz i was the only Jewish kid in my neighborhood. I would get beaten up or at least stigmatized as the odd man in a Christian country. It has changed now, 30 years later it is mostly cool and hip to be jewish in my native Poland. But i remember the happiest day of my life was when i become a US citizen, able to change my name legally to Zalman. It doesn't matter if it is yiddish or hebrew, as long as it reflects one,s heritage and connections to Gd and to our people. So i,ve always loved my jewish name and i love USA for being able to have Zalman on my legal documents. I don't share the author's dislike for his yiddish name and i don't understand his eagerness to sever the connection inherent in the name he was given as a symbol of jewish continuity...

(27) Catherine, July 1, 2014 3:41 AM

I do not have a Hebrew name, but whatever the feminin equivalent of "pure" is will do just fine. My parents named me Catherine, which means pure. But for 22 years of my life I mostly went by Cat. I had no idea how much I was robbing myself of knowing my true identity. Names certainly are prophetic!
Last Fall, I decided to go by my full name. Nothing really wrong with Cat, but it's funny how connected it was to my behavior and they way I saw myself, cut my hair, dressed, etc. Since I've been Catherine again, I know who I am and Who I belong to! B"H

(26) Anonymous, June 30, 2014 8:37 PM

Help with name

I feel that in my life I am missing determination. It comes in every aspect of my life. I work hard toward the goal and then when I am so close I stop to make a decisive step. My parents didn't give me a Jewish name. So I am wondering what female name should I choose in order to develop decisiveness?

(25) Rivkah, June 30, 2014 10:35 AM

I have always liked hearing of people changing their names, as I did. I converted to Judaism so took a Jewish name. Rivkah means to tie, so I thought it very appropriate

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