Human beings tend to lack patience when it comes to making decisions. We frequently want results - now! People may throw themselves into a certain decision - for better or for worse - just to get the decision out of the way.

On the other hand, others may mull over decisions for along time because they don't have the confidence to make the right decision.

But as we know, decisions can come back and haunt us. And we ask ourselves, "Why didn't I think about this longer?"

Take note of how you go about making decisions. Do you deliberate? Is it off the cuff? Impulsive? Without thought of consequences? Do you consider the weight of important issues? Or do you simply shrug your shoulders and make a decision out of ignorance?

The 48 Ways says you can achieve wisdom "bi-yishuv" - which literally means "by sitting." There is a decision to be made at every moment. And any decision worth making is worth making well. Don't be hasty or make snap decisions. Slow down. Think about it. Mull it over. See the different aspects. Reflect. Stay calm. Deliberate. Sit on it.

This will give you more confidence in solving problems that inevitably occur in career, marriage, and parenting. Because once you do make a decision, you'll always know it was the most practical and best decision you could make.

FOUR STEPS OF DELIBERATION

Deliberation means to ponder insights, events, ideas - whatever we encounter in life. Let things lie a while, then go back and mull them over. The Sages say that whatever you encounter, study it four times. This process is compared metaphorically to the act of planting - because wisdom is for the soul what food is for the body.

1. PLOWING - The first time you go over an idea, it's just "breaking up the soil."

2. PLANTING - The second time, the idea is beginning to make sense. You're "putting seeds into the ground."

3. HARVESTING - The third time, you come to a full understanding. You're "reaping the wheat."

4. DIGESTING - The fourth time you integrate the idea into your life. You digest the idea and it "nourishes" your soul.

We all want to achieve great things. Rabbi Yoizel of Navarodok said: "A man wants to be a scholar and a leader overnight, and to sleep that night as well!" Real growth, however, is a long process. That's why deliberation is the best tool, because it forces you to reach deep into your powers and implement the best available options.

With all the things you want to achieve - and the short time you have to achieve them - putting time aside for deliberation is the best investment you'll ever make.

THE SEVEN TOOLS OF DELIBERATION

TOOL #1 - Nightly Recap

Before you go to sleep at night, look back and review the events of your day. Try to identify what you learned. Then project toward the future. Anticipate what you can reasonably expect to encounter the following day, week, or month. This takes a lot of discipline, but don't give up. This process will open up entirely new dimensions in living!

Do this review technique every week before Shabbos, every month before Rosh Chodesh, and every year before Rosh Hashana. Also do this before your birthday, graduation, promotion, wedding, or any major life event.

Do this consistently for the rest of your life. Deliberate on what you've done in the past, and what you want to do in the future. If you don't, you're just running through life. You'll end up someplace - and you won't know how you got there.

TOOL #2 - Capture Insights And Concretize

During our lifetime, each of us has insights into truth: moments when we realize what it means to be a friend, what we are doing wrong, what we really want out of life. Often, we think that the moment of realization has changed us. But usually it hasn't. Why? Because unless we concretize the insight, we won't act on it. And in the end, the effect of the moment is forgotten altogether.

Deliberation is the process by which we concretize insights. It enables us to figure out how to put our ideas into practice. If you decide you want to help a cause, for example, be sure to first structure a careful, detailed plan for how to benefit that cause. Without such a plan, your good intentions won't help anyone.

When you reach an impasse, pause. Analyze why you've hit a stumbling block. Deal with the problem. Don't look for the quick, easy solution.

TOOL #3 - Think Before Speaking

In the Book of Proverbs, King Solomon advises, "Don't be quick to respond." Careful reflection ensures a much wiser response than an impulse reaction!

Criticism has a way of getting under our skin and making us attack the source of the criticism. Hasty reactions are a defense mechanism, and usually not the most effective one.

Before you react to anything, give yourself a chance to consider what happened, and think what it really means.

When someone hurts or insults you, wait before you react. You're naturally on the defensive. Be careful not to say or do things that you'll later regret. Before you start shouting, pause. Catch a hold of yourself and count to 10.

When someone asks you a question, think before you answer. Don't be afraid to say "I don't know." When asked for your point of view, learn to say "I'm not sure" or "It seems to me..." In the long run it will gain you respect.

TOOL #4 - Analyze Material

When you hear or read something, train yourself to sum up the central point in a few words. If you don't take the time to think over what you've learned, you're just blindly following another person's ideas. If it's worth the investment of your time to learn a piece of information, then it's worth deliberating about.

Next, examine the implications of what you've read or heard. The most efficient method for doing this is to have a list of standard questions you always ask. For example:

• Is the source objective?
  
• What is the evidence cited?
  
• What part of it don't I understand?
  
• What are the implications/consequences of this for my life?

Formalize this process. Ask yourself probing questions like: what, how, where, why? Take a piece of paper and write out the pros and cons. This gets the ball rolling and gives you a constructive direction.

Asking these questions will sharpen your analytical abilities - and will help you to apply what you learn. Even though it seems that this process will slow you down, once you master the technique, it will become quite automatic. Then you'll be able to analyze what you learn with lightening speed, and make better decisions, faster.

TOOL #5 - Be Prepared

Deliberating before you confront a problem will enable you to act with much greater confidence when the problem does arise. Before you walk into a situation that can backfire on you - a job interview, a family gathering, etc. - consider in advance what you may have to confront, and practice for it. Give yourself catch phrases that - in the heat of the moment - remind you what your real goal is. Role-playing is another good way to prepare.

Be confident, and no one will be able to pull the rug out from under your feet.

TOOL #6 - Give It Time

To get clarity, you sometimes have to walk away from a situation - and back to it later. People often go to sleep at night with problems and wake up in the morning with solutions. If you feel yourself coming up empty, take a break for while and come back refreshed. Solutions may jump right out at you the next time around.

Almost without exception, over time, we get our answers. You may be more clever and resourceful than you give yourself credit for. Stick with it. Ask others for advice. Ask God for help. The clarity will come.

TOOL #7 - Don't Become Handcuffed

Imagine walking on a tightrope high above Niagara Falls. As you inch your way to safety, you notice a maniac coming after you from behind. No longer are you just concerned about falling to either side, you also have to be sure the maniac doesn't catch up to you!

In a sense, life is the same way. Every step we make has real consequences - yet at the same time we have to quickly move on with life. Make the best decisions you can, but keep moving forward so that you can deal with other pressing issues as well.

WHY IS "BEING DELIBERATE" AN INGREDIENT IN WISDOM?

• We all want greatness. Realize that it takes time and hard work to find it.

• Learn to deliberate. You'll make better decisions and increase your confidence.

• If it's not worth mulling over, it's not worth studying in the first place. Because all that information may just overload and confuse you.

• We all have ups and downs, good days and bad days. If we're not on guard, we can act impulsively.

• We need to be able to distinguish between "reality" and "moods."

• To know what you're living for, take the time to think it through. Otherwise you could end up with a very superficial life.