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Please have in mind that your study of "48 Ways to Wisdom" is on behalf of a complete recovery for Rabbi Noah Weinberg -- Yisrael Noach ben Hinda. To receive "48 Ways to Wisdom" as a weekly email, enter your email address in the orange box on the right. Imagine being on a deserted island and you had never seen another human being before. When you meet one for the first time, you'll be thrilled! He walks, he talks, he thinks. You know he's a gorgeous, incredible reflection of God. How ironic if you met that same person in your hometown, you'd probably be indifferent. Our mistake is that we take people for granted. There are so many of them, we get bored. Ohev et habriyot literally means "love creation." More specifically, this teaches us to love human beings -- the pinnacle of creation. Not that we should ignore everything else. On the contrary -- if we love people, then love of animals, trees and the rest of creation will flow naturally from there. It's not good enough to love your spouse, or even to love God. You have to also love humanity as a whole. This may seem unfathomable. But it is the Jewish ideal. Hatred and strife are aberrations; peace among mankind is the way it's supposed to be. You'll find it straight in the Five Books of Moses: "Love your neighbor as yourself." We can connect with, and love all human beings. Appreciate the beauty of the human ability to communicate, to accomplish, to create. This is part and parcel of every human being. They're truly fantastic gadgets! MAKE A LIST OF VIRTUES What exactly does it mean to "love" others? The definition of love is "the pleasure of identifying people with their virtues." To focus on the goal of seeing the beauty of every human being, try making a list of virtues. The more potential virtues you're aware of, the more you'll appreciate others. Start with the obvious virtues, and then work your way toward more difficult ones. A good way is to look at people you enjoy, who give you pleasure, and analyze why that's so. Ask other people for their ideas, too. You'll end up with a comprehensive list for helping you love all kinds of people! Finally, prioritize your list: Identify which virtues are more important than others. You can't just love everybody the same. Be a connoisseur. Distinguish between one virtue and another. Here's some suggested virtues to get you started:
(list adapted from "Begin Again Now" by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin) THE LOVE LIST Right now, make a list of the people you love. How many names did you come up with? Two? (below average) Ten? (average) Twenty? (above average) When you think about all the pleasure that love brings, isn't it a shame our list doesn't include the thousands of people we meet in our lives! Our task is to look for the good in all human beings. Because until we learn how, we will only love a very tiny percentage of people. Realize how much longer your list could be if you began to consciously focus on people's virtues -- and not their faults. At every opportunity, focus on the virtues of your neighbors, relatives, boss, employees, customers, etc. Focusing on the faults is the number one mistake people make in their relationships. If you dislike someone, you are focused on the wrong thing. Try listing some people you don't like -- and see how many virtues they really have. You can't hate virtues, and you can't love faults. You can only choose which to identify a person with. EVERY HUMAN'S VIRTUE At the very least, every human being possesses at least one common virtue: They have a divine soul, created in the image of God. No matter how low a person has sunk, no matter how obnoxious he may be, there is still an enormous virtue of "potential." Every human being is an intellectual creature, with free will, and a deep desire to be like God. It's all a matter of focus. Parents love their children despite their faults. Despite the fact that they make in their diapers. Despite the fact that they hit each other. Despite the fact that they are selfish. So what do you love about them? They are intelligent, full of potential, they have vitality. They're alive. The reality is that every human being wants to be good and will die for it. Imagine a gluttonous boor. If you tell him "Kill these 1,000 schoolchildren or we'll kill you," he'll say, "Kill me." That's the essence of a human. To love humanity, be sensitive to those virtues that are common to all human beings. All people seek goodness and truth. It is this divine spark which distinguishes us from animals, and endows us with the ultimate potential -- free will. (That's no small virtue!) TO LOVE OR BE LOVED Which pleasure do you think is greater, to love or to be loved? Giving love is the greater pleasure. Because when you perceive someone's deep virtues -- whether it's his honesty, compassion or intelligence -- you are able to share in that beauty. At the root of our struggle to love is a conflict between the body and the soul. The soul wants to love others, because giving love is one of the deepest pleasures the soul can experience. The soul wants to reach beyond itself and connect with every other soul. On a deeper level, love of people is a way to get us in touch with love of God. Because in the spiritual dimension, there are no conventional boundaries between entities. It's all one unit. The body, on the other hand, would rather be the recipient of love. It's less demanding, more comfortable. See how you feel. If you're seeking attention, it means the body's in charge. Try to consciously connect with the soul's drive to love others. The beginning is difficult and you have to work to get the body to go along with it. But after you accustom yourself to seeing virtue in others, you'll find it easier to love all kinds of people! THE UNIVERSAL UNIT Humanity is one body. If you're slicing a carrot and accidentally cut your finger, do you take the knife and cut your other hand in revenge? Of course not. Why? Because your other hand is part of you, too. The incense in the Holy Temple was a blend of spices. All the spices were fragrant except for one, which had a pungent, unpleasant aroma. If the incense was prepared without all of its ingredients, including the malodorous one, it was unusable. So too, each Jew is integral to the whole and no one is expendable. When we appreciate that we are all one people, then hurting the other guy -- "paying him back" -- is as ridiculous as hurting yourself. That's why the Torah says to love your neighbor "as yourself." Hurting another person is as silly as cutting your other hand with the knife. Of course, the reality is that our bodies are separate units. When one person is eating, the other is not being nourished. So if you focus on the "body" aspect of others, that's inherently divisive. Try focusing instead on the other person's soul. Because when one person is learning, the other is growing. It's like on the soccer field -- if one guy scores a goal, we're all winning, because we're all one. You are not going to lose because he's a wiser person; rather it makes it easier for you to become wiser. Your knowledge helps me. You can teach me. Whereas if you're a rich man, it makes it a little harder for me to be a rich man. That's the difference between spirituality and physicality. The souls are one. It's like two guys on a boat, and one of them is drilling a hole in the bottom. "What are you doing?!" his friend shouts. "Oh, don't worry," replies the first one, "I'm only drilling under my OWN seat." The hole in the ozone layer does not discriminate. Drugs and theft and violence have no boundaries. The Jewish concept of "Tikkun Olam" means that each of us is responsible to repair the world, to the best of our ability. LOVE STARTS AT HOME Don't believe anyone who says he "loves humanity" but has a miserable relationship with his own family. If a person can't see any virtues in his own brother, than how will he find them in others? In order to attain love of humanity, a person has to start with his own family. The healthy psychological progression is to move from love of parents, to siblings, to spouse, and then on to our children. From there the goal is to love others as much as a parent wants to love a child -- nothing stands in the way. Marriage is a good training ground. It teaches you how to identify with another as yourself. There is one love, however, which must precede everything. The Torah says to love your neighbor "as yourself." This means it's not realistic to love your neighbor, unless you love yourself first. If you feel unhappy about yourself, you cannot love others. For the love to be real, it has to flow from yourself outwards. One simple technique is to focus on your virtues. Every day, pat yourself on the back for the good traits you have. Are you a caring friend? A hard worker? Ambitious? Sincere? Take pleasure in your strengths. CHECK YOUR METER Imagine you have an acquaintance, and then one day you discover he's your long-lost brother. You'll immediately want to find out everything about him! What happened? Isn't he the same person you knew yesterday? His personality and virtues didn't change one bit overnight. So why all of a sudden are you so interested? Because now you feel a greater motivation to love him. Take a reading: How do you feel about other people? How do you instinctively react when a stranger walks into a room? Do you feel a surge of warmth, or is your first response to hold back? Are you anxious to discover what he's all about, or do you feel an intrusion? The Talmud tells how the sage Hillel was constantly being harassed by a particular person. Hillel responded: "My son, how can I help you?" Hillel always said "my son" in order to arouse an emotional connection, as if this person could be his son. When you talk to others as strangers, that's what they remain. But if you get into the habit of addressing people as a friend or brother (without sounding patronizing), then you will find it much easier to love them. Think of three things you would do if you found out your neighbor was really your long lost brother. Play it out. (You'll see that people will respond quite positively to being the object of your love!) Start treating everyone with more care and respect. Any time you encounter a difficult person, try thinking, "If this was my son, how would I deal with him?" Finally, realize that all human beings are God's children. A STORY OF BROTHERLY LOVE When one human being loves another, the Almighty joins them. Once there were two brothers who inherited a farm. They worked the farm together for years in brotherly love. After a time, one of them found a wife, so the brothers divided up the farm. The married one built a new house and lived with his wife, while the single brother lived by himself in the old building. The brothers continued to work their farms and made a good living. The married brother eventually had a large family of 10 children. And the other brother was still alone. One day, the fellow who was alone thought to himself: "I've got this whole farm and all this money, but I only have myself to take care of. My brother has 12 mouths to feed." So in the middle of the night, he took some bundles of wheat, climbed over the hill that separated the two farms -- and put the wheat into his brother's silo. One night the married brother was thinking to himself: "You know, I've got a beautiful wife and children. My world is rich. But my brother is all alone. All he has is his wheat." So, in the middle of the night, he took a bundle of wheat, climbed the hill, and secretly placed it in his brother's silo. Back and forth each of the brothers went. Every night each one would secretly climb the hill and put wheat in the other's silo. One night, the two brothers met at the top of the hill. And immediately they understood what had been happening. They fell into each other's arms and hugged. It is on this site that the Almighty chose to build the Holy Temple. Because when one human being loves another human being, the Almighty is with them. Because that's what life is all about. PUTTING IT ALL INTO PRACTICE The 48 Ways says: "The external awakens the internal." This means that even if you find it difficult to love others, you can still do actions that demonstrate love -- with the understanding that this will ultimately affect your insides. Here is a short list of ideas to help awaken love of others:
WHY IS "LOVING HUMANITY" AN INGREDIENT IN WISDOM?
Published: Monday, January 10, 2000
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May G_d Bless Israel!
Ever since I began reading 48 ways to wisdom I have learned an awful lot!I pray that G_D will richly Bless you with good health & hapiness! Thank You!
(6) Debra, 17/9/2008
Awesome!
What a wonderful article! If everyone would learn this what a wonderful world it would be!
(5) David Nassi, 17/9/2008
It is so wounderful when articles like this one are given to you at the exact moments in yor life when you need a refresher on life. G_D is always with us we just have to open our eyes...
(4) ruth housman, 16/9/2008
love is more than....
I often think about how to define this word LOVE, this yearning feeling, this totally encompassing feeling that surely does include everything you have mentioned and more... There is an inchoate quality to LOVE. All songs are truly love songs if you listen closely and harmony, a word that is about peace is also for music, for singing together. I think God has played a little trick on us and this is: I do believe if we love anything, anybody, any beating heart, with all our strength, with all our soul, with all our might, then we have in deep ways fulfilled the commandment to love God, and even those who remain atheists or agnostics, have unwittingly fulfilled that commandment, that has everything in this world, to do with tikkun olam.