Tazria(Leviticus 12-13)

All About Gossip

"Wisdom is to the soul as food is to the body."
    --  Rabbi Avraham Ibn Ezra, 1090-1167

There is good food and bad food. There is good talk and bad talk. Just as some things are not healthy yet taste great, so too there are some very juicy conversations we should not be listening to!

There's nothing quite as tasty as a good piece of gossip. It allures and seduces. On the surface, gossip looks harmless. It appears as a victimless crime. Yet gossip is packed with empty calories, and is more dangerous than artery-hardening cholesterol!

Instinctively, we sense that gossip is wrong. It is for this reason we devise all kinds of justifications, like, "Well, it's true!" Or, "I would say it in front of him." Or, "Everybody knows about it already." We rationalize that if the person we're talking about doesn't know, what can it hurt?

Judaism, however, says that gossip does hurt. Not only does it injure the person spoken about, it blemishes the one who says it. It even hurts those who hear it!

The drive to relate gossip demeans the one who says it. It is an attempt to bring down the people we envy in order to make ourselves feel better. Every time we speak badly about another, we feel less inclined to perfect and improve our own character. Eventually, we become smug and self-righteous, demeaning others, rather than taking the more difficult path of improving ourselves.

So pernicious is gossip that it destroys the very fabric of society.

CLOSED COURT AND NO JURY

This week's Parsha deals with the issue of "tzora'at," a spiritual malady that comes from speaking gossip. In Judaism, gossip is defined as relating negative information about another, even if it is true. ("Slander" is when it's not true.) And not only does the Torah enjoin us not to speak gossip, but even further, we are required not to listen.

In contrast with secular society, which often goes out of its way to glorify gossip, Judaism perceives it as extremely harmful. In fact, there is much Jewish literature on its divisive and insidious effects.

Television shows, and even the news, thrive on gossip. They even go so far as to employ "professional" gossip columnists! And when the real thing can't be found, the media creates it. Witness that ever-popular and long-running American staple, the soap opera - a never-ending series of bad situations in which the characters are constantly demeaned.

All this further dilutes the quality of life. We are constantly made to feel our mistakes will be looked at in a disparaging light. We develop a fear of failure, knowing that every fault will be examined, illuminated and publicized. And, on top of that, we will be discussed behind our backs, with no form of defense or recourse. Closed court and no jury!

In a spiritually sensitive world, newspapers would come with nutrition labels. Some columns would contain the warning: "This is bad for your soul!"

THE ROAD AHEAD

If we are to live a more meaningful life, we must strive to be engaged in conversation that is productive and fulfilling.

No one wants to be talked about negatively. Certainly no one wants others to speak gossip about his children or others he loves. A world in which we are free from human judgement is one we have to create, for ourselves as well as for our children. Develop and practice the habit of not speaking and not even listening to gossip. This applies even if the information is true, and even if the one spoken about wouldn't mind.

Your friends will appreciate knowing they are never discussed, and your children will develop the confidence that comes from living in such a trustworthy environment.

As the Chafetz Chaim said: "Before you speak against someone else, think how you would like it if someone said that same thing about you."

BRAINSTORMING QUESTIONS TO PONDER

Question 1: What was the most harmful thing someone ever said about you?

Question 2: Who do you know that is constantly gossiping (friend, coworker, etc.)? In what ways is this person getting you "down?"

Question 3: What is the one thing you could undertake to reduce gossip in your life?