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Projecting Onto Others

Chayei Sarah(Genesis 23:1-25:18)

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Visitor Comments: 2

(1) Anonymous, November 10, 2009 1:12 AM

projecting or protecting?

Rabbi, I know I have a hardened heart. I enjoy giving, but don't see the "poor" around me as being worthy of handouts. I've seen too many poor who are lazy, wasteful, and are get things I don't indulge in myself. I'm afraid that I pass up helping many people because I don't trust anymore. I'd love to know my giving was benefitting someone, and am often holding out. I don't want to be stingy. I know HaShem is gracious to all. Should I just give without concerning myself with how it's used...as He does? Maybe I just answered my own question?

Joshua, November 10, 2017 4:21 PM

Give to one who has wisdom

Hi - I'm no Rabbi. But it I have had a few experiences that have helped me with my own giving. Maybe you can use my lessons. First, find a local Rabbi who has a chessed fund. Chabad is great that way (easy to find, filled with chessed and ahavas Yisroel - they don't care if a Jew in need is religious or not.) Give your tithes to them and ask that they distribute it to those in need. YOU don't need to be the judge. YOU just need to do the mitzvah. Second, realize that all of the money belongs to Hashem. He can easily give you a taste of what it means to been needy if that's the lesson required. I was once wealthy. Then, we had to close a long-running business in 2008 like many others. We started another business and then another and then another. But one failed business made me destitute. My fault, but I learned for the first time in my life what it means to wonder where the money would come from to feed myself and my children. I was so humiliated, I couldn't show my face in public. I didn't know that everyone around me admired the courage of entrepreneurship, and actually held me in high esteem even though in my own eyes for the first time I thought of myself as a failure. I was wrong of course, but the point is, I hadn't known that there were families throughout our community who were struggling. They didn't know that we were struggling, financially, either. It doesn't have to be because of laziness. For 2 years I had 3 jobs to pay the bills and just 4 hours of sleep per day while trying to rescue our investment. If it weren't for the chessed of our community, we would have lost our home. Now, we have a business that's thriving. As we rebuild, I am careful to set aside $ in a separate bank account every time we generate income. I give the bulk of that money to the Rabbi's chessed fund, because he knows who needs it most and who "deserves." He uses HIS Torah scholarship and wisdom and intimate knowledge of each family's unique situation.

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