GOOD MORNING! Are you in a loving marriage -- or hope one day to be in a loving marriage? Do you want that relationship to be always filled with love and joy? If so, this week's Shabbat Shalom may be one of the most important editions you'll ever read. Here are the:
5 Ways to Stay In Love Forever
1. CHERISH YOUR WIFE. RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND The core emotional need of a woman is to be cherished. This is the husband's number one responsibility. That means making her feel loved and appreciated, that she's your number one priority. A man's core emotional need is to feel respected by his wife. When he comes home, he wants to feel that there is at least one person in the world who thinks he's got what it takes. That means getting off the phone when he walks in the door.
2. TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE GOOD FRIENDS Under the marriage canopy one of the seven blessings given to the bride and groom is that they should become "beloved friends." The hallmark of friendship is that each person validates and respects the other person's feelings and needs. Validation means: What's important to you is important to me. It's a key way to make your spouse feel loved.
3. REMEMBER THE FOUR GOLDEN WORDS: LISTEN, COMPROMISE, REPAIR, GRATITUDE Agree to keep one basic rule at the beginning of your marriage: No matter how upset you are, never launch a verbal attack. Fighting with insults only makes problems worse and erodes the relationship. Instead, implement the four golden words:
Listening: It's essential for working together and solving problems. Allow your spouse to speak without interruption and then repeat what has just been said. This reassures your spouse that he or she was heard.
Compromise: Strive to solve problems where both of you are happy with the solution. Neither one should feel coerced into accepting the other person's point of view.
Repair: When you hurt each other emotionally, repair the breakdown and remove the lingering feelings of anger and resentment. Aim for 100% reconciliation. A little resentment multiplied 50 times can create a wall of bitterness.
Gratitude: You can never say thank you enough to your spouse. Try to notice everything your spouse does for you and acknowledge it with sincere gratitude.
4. ESTABLISH STRONG BOUNDARIES Your spouse is your number one priority -- not your parents, relatives, friends, children, work, or hobbies. Set strong boundaries that show you value your marriage and don't allow anyone or anything to weaken your relationship.
That means meeting your spouse's needs before your parents' needs, coming home with enough time left in the evening to have quality time together.
5. GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE DAILY Marriage is ultimately about making each other feel good and striving to give your spouse pleasure on a daily basis on his or her terms -- whether it's physical affection, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service (like helping out in the house, running errands) or spending quality time. Get in the daily habit of doing it. You'll enjoy giving more than receiving.
(The above wisdom is from an Aish.com trifold pamphlet which I send out to those who donate. If you would like a copy -- or copies -- please either donate via check or AishDonate.com -- or send a self-addressed stamped envelope to 3150 Sheridan Avenue, Miami Beach, FL 33140. It might just be the perfect wedding gift!)
Torah Portion of the Week
The Torah continues with the laws of physical and spiritual purity. The focus of this portion is upon tzora'as, a supernatural physical affliction sent to warn someone to refrain from speaking badly about others. The disease progressively afflicted home, clothes and then one's skin -- unless the individual corrected his ways and followed the purification process stated in the Torah.
As mentioned above, there are three types of speech transgressions: 1) Loshon Hora (literally "evil tongue") -- making a derogatory or damaging statement about someone even though you are speaking the truth. 2) Motzie Shem Ra -- slander -- where what is spoken is negative and false. 3) Rechilus (literally "tale bearing") --telling someone the negative things another person said about him or did against him. Check out http://www.chofetzchaimusa.org/aboutus.html for daily lessons in Shmirat HaLoshon, proper speech -- or ask at your local Jewish bookstore, JudaicaEnterprises.com or call toll-free to 877-758-3242 for books and tapes!
The second Torah Portion, Metzora, continues with the purification process for the metzora, the person afflicted with tzora'as and then the home afflicted with tzora'as. The portion ends with the purification process for discharges from the flesh.
* * *
based on Love Your Neighbor by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin
The Torah states that:
"He (the person afflicted with tzora'as) shall be brought to Aharon the priest or unto one of his sons the priests." (Leviticus 13:2)
The Dubno Magid said that many people speak loshon hora because they are not fully aware of the power of the spoken word. How often people rationalize, "I didn't do anything to him, I only said a few words." The metzora, who has been afflicted with tzora'as because of his speaking loshon hora, is taught a lesson about the power of a single word. He must go to a priest who will decide if he is a metzora or not. Just one word by the priest ("Unclean!") will completely isolate him from society. No more will the metzora minimize the destructive capability of words.
Words can destroy. They can destroy someone's reputation. They can destroy friendships. They can destroy someone's successful business or someone's marriage. Therefore, we must be careful with them as we would be with explosive material.
CANDLE LIGHTING - April 12
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Guatemala 5:58 - Hong Kong 6:23 - Honolulu 6:31
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New York 7:14 - Singapore 6:51 - Toronto 7:39
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Keep cool; anger is not an argument
-- Daniel Webster
Rabbi Kalman Packouz
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