Where's the Salt!

Don't blame, don't complain. A simple phrase that can change your life.

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Comments (78)

(74) Reva Van Leeuwen, August 13, 2017 6:08 AM

Thin positive and voice gratitude

Hi Lori, I've missed hearing your voice on Aish lately. Thanks for all that you teach us. I learned to work on flipping the negative thoughts and behavior patterns into positive ones. "Don't blame and don't complain" is replaced in my head with "Take responsibility, think positive and voice gratitude". When I manage to do those simple, but not easy things, I am aware of and can concentrate on that with which I am blessed by Hashem on a daily basis. I work on taking responsibility for how I react to the challenges in my life, big or small (and I do enjoy salt on my veggies!). I write a daily gratitude list and realize how truly blessed I am. Thanks Hashem for all of Your blessings! Reva Van Leeuwen, Israel

(73) ben, August 11, 2017 9:35 AM

I want to try this magic of dont Blame ...dont compaint


I won't wear a ban but I will Lori Palatnikput 10 dollars a side every time I blame or complaint!

(72) Donna Holland, August 10, 2017 10:30 PM

I Love Salt!

Thought provoking and eloquently stated. It helps to remind ourselves to accept and celebrate our blessings and let go of the things that would otherwise destroy them.

(71) Anonymous, August 10, 2017 8:10 PM

Not to take away from the important message and lesson

but isn't the quote from ethics of the fathers...who is RICH? one who is happy with his portion?

(70) Nancy, August 10, 2017 11:28 AM

The use of the word perfect

Life simply does not work that way. Re: Children cleaning their rooms "imperfectly." What does that even mean? When we ask a child to clean his/her room, we need to TELL them specifically what we want them to do. I also believe we need to praise them once the job is done, if they have put forth a good faith effort. In this arena, if we do nothing but complain and criticize then our children will stop making the effort to do anything at all. Is this what we want? I think not.

(69) Lynda, May 7, 2014 1:00 PM

My husband does this. I do too in a different way. I don't feel entitled a lot of the time. I'm not one to say I deserve what everyone else has...but sometimes I do get envious. Lori's points are soooo very true. I really don't complain about traffic and I can tet a lot go by. I just wish more ppl were kind & caring like me. I'm the one who ALWAYS lets ppl go ahead at the store if they have 5 items or less. No matter what. And I have 4 kids & plenty to do. But I enjoy all the little things you can do to help others. And I hope to do more of these little things.

(68) Anonymous, September 25, 2012 2:02 AM

How beautiful!!! Just the way we ought to begin the New Year, being grateful

(67) Natalie, February 29, 2012 7:56 PM

Wow it is amazing how just one little clip can change the way you feel. Great work

(66) ruth, November 3, 2011 7:07 PM

stop being dor hamidbar eternal complainers

i love your article, its great and true. \ i hate hate hate hate hate complaints. it irritates me so much.\a person who cannot say thank you to hashem can not say thank you to any person either. its arrogance and stupidity and that is the ugliest marriage ever

(65) Anonymous, November 3, 2011 9:28 AM

10 reasons to smile

i will send you my 10 reasons they are not what you are expecting - in hebrew nd english they are out in my garden.

(64) ruth, November 3, 2011 9:27 AM

dont complain bring light in the world, rabbi of chabad

soon i will see this but have no time right now. love the title and live it. i have the most beautiful garden in jerusalem,opp the shuik in shirizly street that brings joy and pleasure to everyone.i al ways say the angels guard it as nothing gets stolen and hundreds of people pass by daily,its part of the toursof the area now. look forward to seeing your article

(63) Anonymous, October 27, 2011 2:08 PM

nice

(62) Anonymous, September 28, 2011 12:34 AM

inspiring

wow amazing. luv it :)

(61) Anonymous, September 12, 2011 1:02 AM

umm.....

its true we do complain a lot but bottleing up all our complaints 4 3 weeks w/o letting it out might not b the best idea cuz at ther end ull let it all out!!

Tali, September 25, 2011 11:13 AM

A different focus!

The point is that it is our MINDSET which must change. This is not an exercise in bottling up our complaints, this is an exercise which trains us to change our perspective on the things we usually complain about. It trains us to remember that the things we would be normally bitter about aren't so terrible in the grand scheme of things, and to realize just how fortunate we are. With a little work, you will begin to feel lucky every time you are stuck in a traffic jam or your mother-in-law in difficult, because it will be so obvious to you that this is just another case of someone who forgot to bring salt to a picnic. This "campaign" aims to evaporate frustration and bitterness, not bottle it up. Good luck!

(60) susan, August 21, 2011 5:42 PM

video

thankyou for the great video its true we do bame and complain it is hard to change habbits but it can be done we are very lucky and fortunate even sometimes it seems like its not i have much to be thankful and greatful for im working on it thanks again life is a full of blessings we just need to stop!!! look and really see whats there in front of us i keep this saying close to my heart to remember g-d takes care of his littlest birds and he too will take care of me too amen

(59) Anonymous, July 31, 2011 3:30 AM

gr8 vid

Thanks Lori for a great video. I was just wondering where in ethics of our fathers does it say that. I know Who is rich? one who is happy with what he has. But i dont think I remember the Who is happy? question. Thanks!

(58) Anonymous, July 22, 2011 7:31 PM

Why eggs can taste good without salt

Our minds are conditioned to eat eggs with salt. G-d made the egg perfect. Try eating eggs with out the salt. We're used to whining and complaining when not getting our way. We don't see the beauty in the perfection of the moment. We spoil it with our monkey minds. A mind of G-d will enjoy the day of the picnic even without eggs.

(57) chana Tova Sokol, July 20, 2011 6:34 PM

well done

yes, i loved the message and smile about your wisdom and will try harder to be a happy lady with my life

(56) Chava Berg, July 19, 2011 5:05 PM

a tiimely campaign

thank you Lori for giving us something positive to do during these three weeks that have generally negative connotations with lot's more "don'ts" added that cloud the carefree vacation and summer mood of the season. Don't blame, don't complain, don't second-guess Hashem......Another angle on bringing down the Third Beit Hamikdash!

(55) Anonymous, July 19, 2011 12:29 PM

Sometimes the lack of salt is to teach us the real flavor of the picninc.

When god does not see it fit to give us what we want, there is still a present: A good crop is only possible with tender garnening and good seeds G-d's blessing. We need to monitor our thoughts (seeds) be grateful (gardening) Remember that at each disapointment there is a lesson to be learned (don't forget the salt next time) that will only make us appreciate the gift we wanted and all the other ones on the way so much more= learning to appreciate is the gift.

(54) Mike Tam, July 18, 2011 10:54 AM

Its not just the small stuff

The big stuff also comes from God, and also works on the same premise. Instead of being angry that we lost a loved one, focus on the gift that you received for the time you had together, the beautiful memories of when they were with you, and ways in which you can enhance their memory, either for individuals or for a public cause. The fact that we love makes us feel alive; and that., too is a gift. Of course, it helps immensely if one has a broader grasp of the concepts of soul and afterlife and purpose of creation, because then (with guidance) we can make sense out of things that appear random and arbitrary. Good luck to all and thank you Lori, for the flavorful reminder.

(53) Anonymous, July 17, 2011 10:51 PM

Up to a point

I agree on the trivial matters like the salt at the picnic, the rain on the planned day etc. But what of the real suffering that we see in the world? On a daily basisi as part of my work I have witnessed much suffering over a period of over forty years in my profession. I have seen people who have done no harm to anyone struck down with illnesses which leave a mark on their families long after they are gone. If the world were a perfect place Lori, you would be 100% right. Unfortunately it is not.

(52) Ezra Benjamin, July 17, 2011 6:53 AM

important message

This is the most important message in life. Also. the most difficult thing to do. Thank you for making it easier. Where can I buy those bands from? I will need to buy in bulk.

(51) Anonymous, July 17, 2011 3:49 AM

Courts blame after arraigning the arrested from evidence

There is a place for blame and criticism on matters that are important yet agree for small trivial easily dismissed matters: unnecessary to waste moments putting a finger of blame on someone to be accountable.

(50) Stever, July 16, 2011 7:07 PM

I think there is a thin line between a truly spiritual (a Holy spiritual) worldview and the fatalism of religion. I too think it was a tad bit superficial. How does forgetting a condiment compare with the loss of the loved one or facing a devastating illness of your own or someone else you love. I think the overall message of not complaining is good as far as it goes, but as Lieby noted, it's easier not to sweat the small stuff.

yosef, July 19, 2011 1:34 AM

this is not a talk about suffering...

as much as it's a talk about happiness. Seems to me Lori is talking about how to be happy - by focusing at the positive in life, especially when something negative happens. This is a mistake all of us are prone to making, and it can be fixed with such an outlook on life. But your example of tragic occurances are a whole different animal. forgetting a comdiment DOESN'T compare to such tragedies.

(49) B, July 15, 2011 4:34 PM

shhhhhhhh...it's okay....

To those that did not see trend begin to start of complaining about having "no salt" by saying this was not realistic and it only applies to small things...shhhhhh, stop, listen. It's okay. What is being said is true. There are many things out there that truly are less signficant than we choose to admit. Blaming and complaining has become such a reflex to deflect what's true or real. Sometimes we do not want to face the truth. And those things are used by Satan to dog our heels, to try to steal our joy from many angles, to confuse us, to exasperate us, etc. Yes, there are heavy things out there that happen from the loss of someone you love to finanical hardship, etc. But so many only see that...what's right in front of them and it steals their joy almost immediately. We need to stop, be quiet and either try to find the true meaning of what is going on, or stop and lean on our God and not worry as we are commanded to. When we welcome worry or sorrow or anger at the drop of a hat, what have we gained? Nothing. A waste of energy. We all need to be aware, and there is a level of acceptance in some things and an avenue to pursue more...but there ARE blessings all around us. We just need to stop and look at them and appreciate them, or use what is going on as a guide to talk with our Father. Because that is key in our relationship with the Father...to talk with Him everyday. Seek His wisdom because that makes you wise. Seek His counsel because that can make YOU a better counselor for those around you that may need your counsel. Yes, the adage "don't sweat the small stuff" can apply in many cases...but don't "ignore" the small stuff either. Simply learn how to deal with those things...keeping blaming and complaining to a minimum because it distracts you and those around you. It makes it harder to see what is real. My prayers for love and peace to you all!

(48) amy lefcoe, July 15, 2011 3:47 PM

thanks lori!

you continue to inspire and make a difference for us all.

(47) Jose, July 15, 2011 8:19 AM

Very good video

Me encanta el mensaje que envia, para que nos enfoquemos en las cosas que tenemos y no en las que nos faltan. El egoismo del hombre hace no reconocer la realidad de la provisión diaria del Altísimo en todas las áreas de la vida. Enhorabuena y Gracias por compartir el mensaje.

(46) Anonymous, July 14, 2011 3:44 PM

reality...

not to alter her message, but not everyone receives the abundant blessings Lori can count on in her life. i think this would be more meaningful if she had included difficulties in life that are truly challenging, and not these irrelevant and superficial annoyances.

(45) Jari Laiho, July 14, 2011 7:53 AM

Awesome video, G-D runs the world :-) Shared in facebook :-)

(44) mordi, July 14, 2011 7:22 AM

Leiby Kletzky

I was going to ask about your campaign in conjunction with Leiby Kletzky, but i see someone has already broached the subject. Don't blame, don't complain is fine for the lack of salt at a picnic. Let's just leave it at that level. Another name for it is : " Don't sweat the small stuff ".

(43) Anonymous, July 14, 2011 6:04 AM

one lives on the earth your video is for the angels

It is a nice thought but not realistic, Mistakes are not made by god but can be viewed as such by the poor and the ill, that is human nature and that is what makes our tradition so beautiful it leaves room to me angry and happy with god.

(42) Elkins,Leonard, July 14, 2011 2:05 AM

I try to live this every day

At the age of 43 I tried this for the first time.I've tried over and over to remember i have so much, thanks to G-D.I have been doing this for 29 years and find myself remembering to turn it over all the time. Im not perfect but am getting better at it all the time. I must tell you my daughter does this by never seeing aa cloud but the sun above the cloud. Thanks LRE

(41) Anonymous, July 14, 2011 12:39 AM

The message applies to oneself, not only the mother-in-law.

For some people they complain about themselve to themselve. May I suggest that this message can apply to ones own self assessment.

(40) Arlene Gold, July 13, 2011 10:27 PM

I needed that!

(39) Anonymous, July 13, 2011 9:42 PM

But how does this answer...

I love this concept and I think it can and should be applied in almost every circumstance. However, how can this possibly apply to, G-d forbid, the death of a child, such as the recent horrific murder of Leiby Kletzky? Did G-d plan that or was that in fact the act of a depraved, evil person? We have been given free will. When something horrible like that happens I see it as the outcome of G-d's having given all people free will. Tragically some people use that free will to do evil. Are there lessons to be learned, even from a tragedy? Yes. However, when a parent is in the depths of mourning the untimely and awful death of a child, how is it helpful to think that G-d, to whom we turn for comfort and guidance, is ultimately responsible for the death of our child? That I cannot accept. For the everyday, mundane problems, yes, don't blame, don't complain. Even for bigger problems, don't blame, don't complain. The positives in our lives should not be forgotten. But I personally don't find this approach fits every circumstance. I just can't.

(38) LILIAN UZIEL, July 13, 2011 8:13 PM

i lik very much this articles from lori and let her know that every thing from her y lean a lot. thank you lori

(37) Cookies, July 13, 2011 7:23 PM

That was so profound.

That was a reality check. How easy it is to forget your blessing

(36) Iara foschino, July 13, 2011 7:06 PM

Thank you

Thanks so much for bringing this awareness

(35) Anonymous, July 13, 2011 6:33 PM

ALL SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE IN ALL WALKS OF LIFE ARE THOSE WHO TAKE THIS MESSSAGE TO HEART

G-D BLESS YOU LORI AND G-D BLESS YAAKOV- MAY WE BE ZOCHEH TO SEE A CHANGED WORLD FROM THE ACCIDENT HE SUFFFERED.

(34) Samuel, July 13, 2011 4:47 PM

beautiful & moving

A beautiful presentation expressed so eloquently and meaningfully. The message is so important and every time that I have watched it (5x so far!) it has made an emotional impact. May we all get the message! Thank you

(33) Maggie Raiwalui, July 13, 2011 4:35 PM

Thank you for the encouraging and uplifting words for my day today!

(32) Anonymous, July 13, 2011 4:34 PM

Very nice video- positive message

My problem with this is that if G-d planned everything, why did he plan the Holocaust? I never knew my grandparents and my mother had a very heavy heart all her life. I find it difficult to believe G-d could have planned this horror.

(31) Elliott Massry, July 13, 2011 3:48 PM

Don't Blame Don't Complain

First i feel privileged to say Thank You its what we all need to Hear and helps us get thru the day positively we should get a charge of Torah every day it could make a big diference and your attitude the whole day yould be surprised at least 5 10 Minutes a day could change everything youl'd see the diference the more Torah the better. Don't Blame Don't Complain is important to be aware of if your going to Blame someone wait contemplate like Rabbi Noah Weinberg said in Blessed Memory said to us directly alot of times you could tell the outcome of things just by looking a little into the future like if i do or say this or that you can tell the outcome of things.Just STOP WAIT think dont react quick do not do things very quick out of your first reaction you can make a mistake rather think it thru then maybe it would be better dont say or do nothing. Rather first work on your faults and mistakes not to repeat them and not be quick to judge yourself or other people introspect yourself first. And correct others when calm in private in due time. Of course not in front of people.

(30) Brian Beckman, July 13, 2011 3:46 PM

1

Complaints are like curses, which most of us have been trained not to utter in public. One little one can wreck everything for everyone! But, for some reason, many of us are not trained not to complain.

(29) beth, July 13, 2011 3:43 PM

inspiring and true

this was an amazing video, thank you for the message!

(28) Laura, July 13, 2011 3:25 PM

How Obvious, How Brilliant!

I can always remember the significance of 1492 or 1066, but how easily and frequently I forget such a simple and life-sustaining message. Thanks be to G_d and my dear friends for remembering me and sending this on!

(27) Anonymous, July 13, 2011 3:15 PM

Great video, great message, but...

Great video, great message, but... it stopped short. G-d gives us discomfort and pain to help us recognize that things need to be fixed. We need to recognize our role in causing the pain, and our role in helping to eliminate or mitigate the pain--how to make certain that we remember to bring the salt to the next picnic.

(26) Regan, July 13, 2011 3:12 PM

Salt

One thing I keep in mind is that God hates whinning. While it is important to seek resolution when the need arises, it's crucial to approach the problem with faith and welcome God's intervention. When he sees a willing heart it moves Him to act. It's the blame God attitude the fails. Leaving the doors of our hearts and minds open to Him will allow Him to move on our behalf.

(25) Victoria WAGNER, July 13, 2011 3:05 PM

Copied from "A Complaint Free World.org"! BRAVO!

I'm thrilled to see that this thinking has no boundries whatsoever. I've worn the "A Complaint Free World.org" 's purple band weeks at a time until it became automatic that complaining only attracted more of it and made me less thankful of a person. Lori is right, wear the bracelet, focus on G-d's blessings, He showers us with so many - each day! Be grateful!

(24) david frankel, July 13, 2011 3:03 PM

youre 100% right on the money i think people cannt live with out complainng

(23) Baruch, July 13, 2011 2:52 PM

Don't Blame Don't Complain

Mrs. Lori Platnik...is of course right ...everything is HEAVEN sent...and still pain is pain...so I WISH TO ASK HER ...IF YOU FORWARD THIS QUESTION TO HER...WHAT DOES G'D GAIN FROM OUR SUFFERING...SURE IT IS FOR US...BUT IF IT PAINS HIM TO SEE PEOPLE SICK...WHAT DOES DOES HE GAIN FROM OUR SUFFERING?...

(22) AA, July 13, 2011 1:40 PM

Agreeing and somewhat disagreeing on a certain level.

Yes we should appreciate what we DO have, but yes a person can also want to improve on what they are not happy with. Maybe trying to improve it will help make them happy. The object of the complaint may be small to one who doesn't care about it, but it may be important to someone else because that adds to his or her enjoyment. So to me the answer is to 1. appreciate and focus on what you DO have. 2. Don't complain unless something can be done to help you or if once your unhappiness is out you will then be allowed to help yourself. 3. Complain if something can be done about it. Psychologically not good to keep things bottled up inside, and if the object matters to you, you will still be somewhat upset about it, and you will display irritability in a not directly related setting - which might be even more problematic.

ignatz, July 13, 2011 2:45 PM

complaining not good -- period

Dear AA, if "something can be done to help you," then by all means consider doing it -- but definitely skip the "complain" step, which doesn't accomplish anything at all, except making you feel worse. As for "not good to keep things bottled up," that is just Freudian narrishkeit -- civilization depends on all of us keeping things bottled up!

(21) Donna Perel, July 13, 2011 1:09 AM

Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! All I did was let my family watch the video. I didn't say a word. Sometimes it is best to be silent and let someone else get the message across.

(20) Barry, July 12, 2011 3:27 PM

Other similar programs to help you along

This is a great idea. Here's another link about a similar program that was started several years ago. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/17362505/ns/today/t/are-ya-kidding-me-no-complaints-days/

(19) Victor Sam'an, July 12, 2011 3:19 PM

Where's the Salt!

Hello Lori, your voice, your words, your style of expressiveness are all, nice to hear, interesting to know, . Your articles and the ones of your colleagues are of great benefit and needful to read. Thanks with appreciation and respect.

(18) Carole Perl, July 12, 2011 1:13 PM

Great message. Great presentation.

(17) Anonymous, July 12, 2011 3:26 AM

POWERFUL

Great powerful message! the way the video was put together was amazing!! great job!

Shmeeloo, July 12, 2011 12:13 PM

Notice the Good- compliment

R' Orlewek (gross misspelling I'm sure) teaches that it may be very difficult for a complaner just to stop. He suggests redirecting this noticing of small details to noticing positive things. To thinking about the good things that happened today. To finding genuine things to compliment our loved ones about.

(16) Anonymous, July 11, 2011 11:20 PM

Excellent!!

Thank you thank you thank you Lori!! I watched with my 8 and a half year old son and we thought it was outstanding. We could BOTH really use that message. Now just to remember it!

(15) Steven, July 11, 2011 6:13 PM

Awesome!!!!!

I'm all for this! In fact I'm always complaining that ther'e's too many complainers out there!

(14) andrew, July 11, 2011 5:38 PM

Great!!

Lori, how wisdom Hashem gave you! Thanks for remember that G^d runs the world. How free I feel after this video.

(13) Liliane, July 11, 2011 9:23 AM

Loved it

(12) Anonymous, July 11, 2011 5:42 AM

so true!

thanx so much for helping us see all the good we have!

(11) April Sharrock, July 11, 2011 2:11 AM

Our family discussed gratitude at the dinner table tonight and then I discovered this video. We all gathered to watch it and just want to say thank you. Aish has enriched our lives, increasing the desire to learn and change. Hashem has blessed us through you.

(10) Rosen, July 10, 2011 6:00 PM

avoiding complaints

I came across an interesting piece of philosophy saying that life doesn't have to be taken so seriously since it is only temporary...This video speaks a lot of truth, because I can admit that I can feel really miserable on some of the most beautiful days such as problems at my bank, among some many more, even though it is really not necessary to focus on all of one's problems and constantly review them until all of them are resolved before enjoying a beautiful day. Unfortunately, it is very easy to fall into the trap of misery while ignoring beautiful days and discounting the good in life as automatically given resources.

(9) Danny, July 10, 2011 5:50 PM

Good reminders

What I like about Lori’s posts is that she includes herself in the foibles of life. She admits her own mistakes and problems that she speaks about. Therefore I take her far more seriously in that Lori tries along with all of us to better ourselves, but sometimes falls short just like we all do. This makes her legit as she is human after all!

(8) el, July 10, 2011 4:38 PM

Thank you Lori!

All great ideas are simple and easy! Thank you Lori!

(7) Dwight Mann, July 10, 2011 2:27 PM

Hey hey hey

Now that is a message worth repeatin many times. . .

(6) Harry Pearle, July 10, 2011 2:15 PM

Good Complaining vs Bad Complaining

Excellent idea, but I think it needs some comment. Complaining and blaming is not bad, in and of itself. It is a matter of went to complain and how to complain............The wonderful improvements and innovations happened because people complained and then they tried to do something about it...........Why the very existence of AISH.COM is a response to the complaint that Jewish people are not observant enough.........On the other hand, if we get carried away with complaining about anyting and everything, we can drain our desire to do anything about anything. I think we should look for a balance between acceptance and action, as we find in the Serenity Prayer...THANKS/Harry@RochesterNY

(5) CyberCyndi, July 10, 2011 2:08 PM

wristband

where can I get one of those?

(4) Vivienne Tankus, July 10, 2011 2:06 PM

Brilliant!

Terrific! Thank you, Lori, for such an inspiring video! No wonder everyone lovely to attend your classes! This is a perfect reminder to keep the perspective. May G-d strengthen your work and bless you and yours with good health and long life. all the best, Vivienne

(3) Lisa, July 10, 2011 1:02 PM

Just stop the blame game!!

eWell said......teaching this to our kids is also crucial.....they will have a much more positive outlook on life as they go forward...to college....their first job, etc. Hoping for a complete & speedy refuah hanefesh & refuah ha guf for Yaakov ben Esther.

(2) Laura Salmans, July 10, 2011 11:59 AM

He is in control

Thank you :

(1) jamie, July 10, 2011 8:46 AM

Excellent point

I'm going to try this. By the way, you can do this with any wristband, even an elastic band will do the job!

 

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