On June 8, 1933 a little girl, Joan Alexandra Molinsky, was born. Her parents, Beatrice and Meyer, were Russian Jewish immigrants who raised their two daughters originally in Brooklyn before settling in Larchmont, New York. Joan graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Barnard College in 1954 and before entering show business, she worked as a tour guide at Rockefeller Center, as a writer at an advertising agency and as a fashion consultant at Bond Clothing Store. She changed her name to Joan Rivers when she entered the acting world, and in February 1983, she became the first female comedian to ever perform at Carnegie Hall. She became famous for her direct sense of humor and for her insistence in "telling it like it is."
Though Joan was not an observant Jew, she was a member of Temple Emanuel in New York and often stated publicly that she "loved Israel." In the middle of Operation Protective Edge this past summer Joan told the media: "Let me just tell you, if New Jersey were firing rockets into New York, we would wipe them out. And Palestinians, you cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves. Don't you dare put weapon stashes in private homes. They started it. You're all insane. How do I know? Because I have been over there. That's how I know. And I wish the world would know. And BBC should be ashamed of themselves and CNN should be ashamed of themselves and everybody stop it already."
When Joan died on Thursday afternoon at the age of 81, from a series of cardiac complications following a routine surgery, the Jewish people lost one of our most outspoken and unapologetic voices. We may not have appreciated all of Joan's jokes or her satirical humor style, but we can learn from her courage and strength. Here are ten of her quotes that teach us how to follow our own dreams and stand up for who we are:
1. Appreciate the moment. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."
2. Be grateful. "I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. Things are happening."
3. Examine your beliefs. "Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."
4. Speak up. "I succeeded by saying what everyone else was thinking."
5. Learn to smile. "Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough."
6. Be true to yourself. "I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider."
7. Pursue your dreams even when the world tries to take them away. "What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care."
8. Face your fears. "I lived to be on stage and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show."
9. Use every opportunity. "I was smart enough to go through any door that opened."
10. Have confidence in your work. "You can find my book at your favorite bookstore and if it isn't there find a new favorite."
But the greatest legacy that Joan Rivers left the world is her famous expression: “Can we talk?” Joan was a person who lived her life as a connector, as someone who wanted to reach audiences, small and large and share ideas and struggles with others. In 1997, Joan published a candid book describing her struggle with bulimia after her husband’s death. And despite undergoing multiple plastic surgeries, Joan was open about her continuing challenges with her self- image culminating in her bestselling book “I Hate Everyone Starting with Me.”
Speech helps us to get out of our self-absorption and self-contained world. We do not need to face our struggles alone. Can we talk? Can we share our struggles and our triumphs with each other? Can we be proud of who we are and where we come from? Can we stand up for what we believe in? Can we talk? Can we admit that we are afraid and show up anyway? Can we talk? Can we learn to smile even when life is tough? Can we remember how to laugh with each other even when we see things differently?
Can we take this precious lesson from Joan Rivers and use it to change our own lives? To speak up when we need to. To face our fears. To share our struggles. To reach out to the world and to each other even when it seems like no one is listening.
Is there someone that you need to speak to? Is there something you have been wanting to share? Is there a conversation you know you need to have, but you can’t seem to build up enough courage? Try Joan’s three words: "Can we talk?" Sometimes that is all you need to say.
Thank you, Joan for teaching us how to speak up and how to share our struggles with each other. And for using your talents for defending Israel and the Jewish people.
(31) Dave, September 15, 2014 6:09 PM
Joan -- Defender of Israel AND Judaism
Let us not forget Ms. Joan Rivers also defended Judaism not just Israel. In fact, I don't think it's entirely fair to state that she ''wasn't observant'' as the article reads. She wasn't Orthodox -- yes but she was not indifferent either.
When Jews for J aired a commercial during Joan River's radio show this is what she said in her usual no-holds barred, take no prisoners attitude:
“Do not prostyletize on my show, you a-holes!” Rivers ranted after coming back from a commercial break where the ad was played.
“I am going to say right now that I am against this. I find this disgusting to put on my show!” she said.
“I am a Jew, I was born a Jew and I plan to die a Jew,” Rivers said. “How dare you. How dare you advertise on my show! And every time you advertise on my show, I will come out and say I find this disgusting, I find this offensive and I find this ridiculous!”
(30) Anonymous, September 13, 2014 5:50 AM
Joan Rivers Pears And Cavier
Joan Rivers – Pears and Caviar
If Rivers identifies in any way as a Jewish performer, it's in the emphasis she places on survival -- a skill she first learned from her immigrant parents.
"They both had to flee Russia because of the revolution, but my father left because his family was so poor, and my mother left because her family was rich -- 'court Jews' who sold fur and bricks to the czarist army," she says.
"My mother was only 6 years old when she left, but she remembered servants carrying big silver platters with pears stuffed with caviar in for dinner," Rivers adds. "And then when her family came to America they were desperately poor, and my grandfather couldn't take it. He went back to Russia and died of starvation in St. Petersburg. It was my grandmother who made the transition to life in America. And it was only in America that my parents could have met and married."By the time Joan was growing up in Larchmont, N.Y., her father had become a physician and a founder of the town's first synagogue, which initially met in the local firehouse. The young Joan loved to perform but was even more eager to please her parents and pursue "everything a nice Jewish girl was supposed to do." She earned an English degree from Barnard College in 1954 and married a Jewish businessman but was "completely miserable," she says. She divorced him six months later, and then announced that she intended to pursue acting.
"My father truly thought I was mad and threatened to have me committed," she says.
"I left home at that point, and I didn't talk to my parents for a year -- including Yom Kippur, which was awful," Rivers continues. "I was all alone, but I had an Italian boyfriend, and he just drove me around until we found a temple that would let me in without a ticket. God bless this little temple in the Bronx that welcomed me in."
http://www.jewishjournal.com/arts_in_la/article/joan_rivers_life_audacious_as_always_20071228
(29) Anonymous, September 12, 2014 2:28 PM
Excellent!
This is excellent! Thank you so much for posting this!
(28) Anonymous, September 12, 2014 6:12 AM
To The Author
What do you have to say about her beyond sick "joke" related to the Holocaust AND her not apologizing for it. On this and various other things, stop this nonsense of making her into a "hero" and "role model."
GeeMiller, January 6, 2015 9:38 PM
Whadaboud it?
Joan annoyed many people, the nasty things said about her online were just despicable.
Joan would have laughed and then made them madder than ever with a choice piece of the truth...not her truth, not your truth, just lain the truth
She was a form of Zen Judaism, an elemental spirit that saw things from ovet there to the left a bit, and I was never so amused when Joan started in.
I NEVER missed a night when she was Johnny's stand-in host.
I got annoyed often (not being perfect guarantees you a joke of Joan's wiould hit close to home)but the actual affection I felt for her was earned...no Catholic surviving a Mother Teresa joke is gonna not laugh at a Holocaust joke...your sense of humor seems a bit "my way or the Highway"ish...Joan made a joke, she didn't deny it or pretend it was OK...shame on you for finding such a narrow reason to not honor a gifted comedian...(some say Genius, call me in 50 years ...and I'll ask you "Can we talk?")
Miss you Joan.
(27) Anonymous, September 10, 2014 10:46 AM
Melissa Rivers
I hope Melissa has a "spiritual awakening", starts lighting Shabbat Candles and eventually realizes that there's a bigger picture in this world that gives life real meaning. As for her Mom, Gd's the true Judge. Glad she stood up for Israel before she passed away. Hashem calls the shots. Sobering.
Anonymous, September 11, 2014 5:27 AM
she does
check out the season where they light Shabbat candles on a Joan & Melissa episode on youtube
(26) Anonymous, September 10, 2014 2:18 AM
i'm the anonymous person who said i had read Joan's mother was NOT Jewish
i went back and did find the article where i read that her mother Beatrice was NOT Jewish. I didn't mean any disrepect. i simply Had read she was NOT Jewish and wanted to express that.
so here is where I read it:
it was in an article in the Daily Mail (online) by a Michael Thornton and the date was Sept.4, 2014.
I'm disabled and in pain which is why I suggested perhaps someone else could look for that article.
but, since someone was upset by my comments, I went back and did locate the exact article.
Of course, I don't if it's accurate. but, many people, Jewish and Non Jewish are not aware that if a person's mother is not Jewish then the person is not Jewish.
Anyway the article in the Daily Mail online is where i read her mother Beatrice was not Jewish.
May everyone be signed and sealed in the Book of Life, i"h.
(25) Avi Goldstein, September 9, 2014 10:15 PM
Ona'as Devarim
Yes, Joan Rivers was very funny. Unfortunately, often the humor came at the expense of someone's feelings. The fact that something is humorous, or that the subject of the humor is famous, does not make it permissible. Ona'as devarim, hurting someone with words, is applicable even for comedians.
(24) Geraldine, September 9, 2014 5:36 PM
Jewish values?
Laughing at ourselves is great, and Joan Rivers did it well, and laughing some everyday is wonderful. Laughing AT others, making fun of them, especially something superficial like looks, having fun at others'r expense, even humiliating them, is not only NOT great, but very NOT Jewish, and Joan Rivers did that well also, too well. Tell me, please, what is funny about those things?
I love that she stood up for Israel. So what? She became a role model for so much that is antithetical to "Jewish values." And when she died, she ordered a disgustingly gross and ostentatious funeral, ordered that she be cremated, and asked that donations be made to three organizations, all of which are good causes but none of them Jewish. She was assimilated into the Hollywood lifestyle, didn't keep kosher, Shabbat, or most other mitzvot, and her idea of tikkun olam was to rip people apart based on their fashion choices or their looks. Do you even remember what she used to say about Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, and the rest of the royals, having nothing to do with them as people, only with their physical appearance?
Jewish values? Robin Williams, a"h, who was not Jewish, and also supported Israel, had more Jewish values and clever humor in his little finger!
(23) Sharon Gomer, September 9, 2014 7:03 AM
Betcha Joan has met G-D with the comment "Can we talk" and betcha she is keeping Him in fits of laughter. Joan thanks for the laughter, thanks for the generosity in your charity work, thanks for your heartfelt support of Israel, thanks for being a bundle of honest fire. For all the people who criticise you for doing what you did best, well, people learn to laugh at yourselves everyday and life will seem so much better and the day will be so much easier to get through. RIP little Jewish funny but honest lady - will miss your wonderful ability to make us laugh which is the spice of life.
(22) Cauck, September 8, 2014 7:01 PM
So she supported Israel. She also seriously harmed the image of Jews.
A few years ago while surfing TV channels, I happened to see Joan Rivers' major performance in London, UK. Upon starting her act she almost immediately identified herself as Jewish. Then within minutes, she launched into the most vulgar & disgusting monologue I've ever hraed. Very unfortunate that for millions of viewers, at least on the subconscious level, such a connection was established between Jewish humour & sheer filth.
(21) Boca Mom, September 8, 2014 5:22 PM
always look for the good
Everyone has faults, no one upon their death should be remembered for those,unless they were truly evil, which is not the case here by any means! Joan Rivers made everyone laugh, and she supported Israel when lots of other people who have more money and less to lose did not! She had chutzpa but in a good way. For those who want to find fault with her, ask yourself if you are blameless and what you would want people to remember about you when you die. I remember and applaud her for the things she did for Jew, for women and for everyone by making them smile and laugh!
(20) Anonymous, September 8, 2014 3:39 PM
Joane Rivers-funniest lady on the planet
--and a true mensch (if that can be applied to a female?!) She defended Israel and her Jewish people-enough said. Plus some of her jokes made me laugh so hard I'd literally almost fall out of my chair-not many can do that! Rest in peace, and hope G-d is an appreciative new audience...!
(19) Anonymous, September 8, 2014 1:23 PM
A positive angle
Thank you for expressing the positive aspects of Joan River's humor and life view point. I agree with other comments that Joan's surface humor does not reflect the best of Jewish values, particularly, "her telling it like it is" and her raunchiness. But there are other examples that the author provides that we should take to heart, and are seemingly inspired by her Jewish values.
Gee Miller, September 9, 2014 12:36 AM
O really?
O really?
Joan represented the best of Jews and Non-Jews alike...she had the courage and dignity to get seriously funny by putting all of us in the spotlight.I just went through several vids of her performances and I still couldn't stop from laughing out loud. She went right there , where most people fear to go...the truth.You missed a lot of good stuff if you judged Joan by her profanity (real life isn't pretty) and her hitting taboo subjects. Someone once said Jews had a self defense system that worked very well...keep our enemies laughing so hard they don't have time to hurt us.
Joan was one of the very special people God gives us , and while I never met her I am so very sad she's gone.
(18) Joy, September 8, 2014 10:42 AM
Joan Rivers - One of a Kind!
We're all entitled to our opinions - incl. those who detested her rauch and put-down type of humor; however, what she "put down" were the myriad of human foibles - all of which deserved closer observance to see the innate humor through the insults.
(17) Anonymous, September 8, 2014 6:18 AM
She was still a Jew
I didn't care much for her style but she is a Jew and defended Israel to the end. Thank you Joan for standing up to the anti semite bullys in the world. Cnn, bbd, etc. you will be missed. That made me proud of her.
(16) Isabella Buccinna, September 7, 2014 10:43 PM
Joanie, what a GAL.
Bless God for people like Joan Rivers. Fervent defender of the State of Israel and Jews around the world. Yes, it's true that Joanie was at times brash and some of us didn't agree with some things she said, but she a legend and rightly so. She is missed.
(15) Kelly, September 7, 2014 10:27 PM
Hardly a role model.
From watching her on television most of her so called 'wit' is comprised of vile insults, especially as she has got older. Her show 'Fashion Police' is unwatchable for this reason.
(14) Geraldine, September 7, 2014 5:00 PM
Joan Rivers' mouth a good example?
I agree that Joan Rivers was a proud Jew and a staunch defender of Israel. I agree that she had some wisdom to impart, as in the lines quoted here, and simply by the idea that we should laugh at ourselves.
But most of her humor was based on vicious barbs, either making fun of people or downright saying terribly unkind things about them as people or about how they look. How is this a good example for us to follow? Her sense of humor and "satire" was exactly what Judaism teaches us NOT to do.
Yes, she stood up for Israel, and that's a good thing. Yes, maybe she was a good and kind person in her private life and gave lots of tzedakah (I don't know this for sure, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt). But her public persona was mean and vicious and demeaning, mostly lashon harah pure and simple, and I don't think this is something we should laugh at or applaud.
steve, September 7, 2014 6:01 PM
find the positive
This article is NOT applauding lashon hara -- it is giving tribute to a famous Jew, focusing on the positive she did embody and lessons that we indeed can derive from her life. The article clearly states that there are things that joan rivers represents that we do not condone, but why not use this occasion -- a death that the entire world is talking about -- and give a positive jewish perspective.
Anonymous, September 7, 2014 8:54 PM
You left out obnoxious. Whenever I saw her on a talk show, I would change the station. I am convinced that she was a good loving person in her private life, but as an entertainer, as annoying as you can get. Her voice, her delivery, her self-righteousness........what gives her the right to attack people, especially many whom she had never met, in such a personal way, and what does that say about those who pay her big money to do that?
Anonymous, September 7, 2014 9:30 PM
humor was based on vicious barbs
I am glad you mentioned that point. I also find it interesting that her demise was caused by a procedure performed on her throat, the source of her voice. It is difficult for me to respect shock humor.
Anonymous, September 10, 2014 10:51 AM
Pretty Good Minds Think Alike
OMGosh! The exact same thought crossed my mind.
SteveD, September 7, 2014 10:40 PM
What are you nuts?
What do you have, Romex for brains? She just told you not to follow her or anyone before making up your own mind. Do you have a reading comprehension problem? Must you hate everyone 24/7?
Negative sentiment moron.
Lisa, September 8, 2014 12:43 AM
You too Geraldine are guilty....
You just said a bit of your own lashon Hara on a woman you really don't even know!!
Let's remember her gift of making others laugh....AND she was not shy about defending Israel!! She gets my vote!
Lowa, September 8, 2014 1:58 AM
she was a PARODY of the world's viciousness!!
Yes, Joan spoke LASHAN HARA, but to such an EXAGGERATED EXTENT that the effect of that lashon hara was diminished. ie...when she spoke about Elizabeth Taylor and her EATING...yeah, that was mean, but through that COMEDIC FORMULA JOAN embodied that vicious mother-in-law who always calls you FAT or that STEP MOTHER who always calls you UGLY. Joan was just getting back at the cruelty of people (many of whom were Jews, both "secular" and "orthodox") who had said mean things to her. Through her making fun of it all, we could VENT our OWN frustrations at all the evil amongst us "civilized" beings.
Anonymous, September 8, 2014 4:15 AM
agreed
I agree with Geraldine. Yes she had her good points. But most of her fame came from that type of humor and I don't understand why suddenly she's so wonderful. She hurt a lot of people.
(13) Laura, September 7, 2014 3:29 PM
Her mom had to be jewish
Where her family davened in Larchmount an that time they would have NEVER let them in. Very serious, I know shuls check especially when they have children
In my shul, you are prohibited from being on the bemah, That is why they check.
Wish we had more people sticking up for Israel!
(12) Jerry Solomon, September 7, 2014 3:15 PM
Ambivalence & Ambiguity???
Hurray for Zionist Support!
Why was it specified that there would be NO RABBIS at her funeral???? JayS
Teri, September 8, 2014 11:44 AM
She didn't specify "no rabbis" at her funeral
She didn't specify "no rabbis" at her funeral. She said in her book that she didn't want "...some rabbi rambling on..." at her funeral - that's a big difference. A rabbi from Temple Emanuel-El officiated at the funeral.
(11) Rabbi Bill kurry, September 7, 2014 3:01 PM
It's so nice to hear someone not be afraid to speak the truth.
Being politically correct is a farce when obfuscates they truth. She was just wonderful and we will miss her dearly.
Anonymous, January 6, 2015 10:07 PM
Todah Rabah for such kind and true words, Rabbi.Kurry!
You speak for me as well...what an opening for Joan to crack wise! LOL
Maybe she is laughing at us the living, trying to judge her life... I can almost hear her ..."Oh...grow up!"
(10) Rahel, September 7, 2014 2:46 PM
May her memory be a blessing.... I thank Gd for zionism..she was a holy warrior I think she was 100 % Jewish...
from wiki : Rivers was born in Brooklyn, New York,[13][14][15] the daughter of Russian Jewish immigrants Beatrice (née Grushman; January 6, 1906 – October 1975) and Meyer C. Molinsky (December 7, 1900 – January 1985).[15] Her elder sister, Barbara Waxler, died on June 3, 2013 at the age of 82.
(9) Anonymous, September 7, 2014 12:40 PM
i read recently in an article that her mother Beatrice was NOT Jewish
up until recently i also thought Joan Rivers was Jewish. (her
father was). but in a bio in a recent article I read that her mother
Beatrice was NOT Jewish. If that is true, then she was not truly
Jewish although she identified as Jewish.
perhaps someone else can check this out further.
Lisa, September 7, 2014 2:51 PM
Can we talk?!
Who says that? Only a Jew!!!
Oy, it would be a shonda if Joan Rivers wasn't a Jew...but keep your kippa on....she's Jewish!!
Teri, September 7, 2014 4:17 PM
To #9 - Anonymous
You make an assertion questioning Joan Rivers' Jewishness based on an article that you recently read. What article? Where did you read it? You don't say. In fact, after casting this aspersion, you suggest that "...perhaps someone else can check this out further." The point of this article was how we lost an outspoken and unapologetic voice for Jews and Israel. Your comment seems to me to be particularly mean-spirited and in poor taste.
Rivka, September 7, 2014 4:46 PM
Joan was Jewish
I don't know where you heard her mother was not Jewish but from the accounts I have read, Joan's mother Beatrice Grushman was Jewish.
(8) Maria Dodoc, September 7, 2014 11:56 AM
Thank You!
(7) Miriam, September 7, 2014 11:10 AM
I once heard her say:
My mother was so desperate for me to get married she took out a billboard at the highway reading: "Last available Jewish girl left before leaving the Bronx"!
(6) Russell, September 7, 2014 2:53 AM
May god comfort her family and the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
(5) Jimmy Sell (Ari Chaviv), September 6, 2014 8:59 PM
Zichrona L'vracha.
(4) Ron, September 6, 2014 6:58 PM
Really sorry about her passing
I actually knew her just by name and by the video in which that was posted in the article.
As Nancy (comment 1) said, may her Neshama have an Aliya!
I highly appreciate what she did for Israel
(3) Lisa, September 5, 2014 9:42 PM
What a great strong energetic lady !!
Nothing was given to Joan....she fell....she got back up!! Family was numero uno in her life!! Israel, like you said, was also a priority!
Joan had a sterling work ethic.....81 hard earned years & still wants to look good & put in a full days work!
But the cherry on top was her priority to make everyone laugh!
What a selfless gift.....
That's what we need more than ever these days.....to take time to laugh!
Joan....we'll miss you!
BD"H
(2) ruth berkovits, September 5, 2014 12:49 PM
thank you
Thank you for writing such a beautiful article about Joan Rivers.
I remember her sharp wit and courage to say it like it is.
(1) Nancy, September 5, 2014 10:23 AM
BD"E Joan Rivers. May her neshama have an aliya. I have a very strong appreciation of what she said about Israel and I wish I had uttered such profound words!