Going Nowhere

I had very mixed feelings as I read this piece. No doubt, one can work hard and yet be underpaid and/or not make ends meet. And it is good to recognize that the nisayonos that Ribono Shel Olom gives us have a purpose; the author is correct when he states that we can even feel good about them, and perhaps gain humility from them. But beyond teaching acceptance and humility, perhaps the writer's niayonos are meant to teach him something else that (at least to me) he does not want to consider or confront in a really deep and meaningful way. He states early on: " I used to challenge my bosses. I used to speak up for what I believed was right. And what happened? I antagonized everyone and ended up unemployed." Is there more at play here than simply a mistake of "youth". Certainly, a mature person realizes that there is a way to say things without antagonizing, and even a time to refrain from saying things that won't be accepted. Later, he lists things he hates, repeatedly using the word "hate." Could it be that the writer has an antagonistic, negative persona? Could it be that the real lesson his nisayonos are meant to teach is that he needs to become a positive, supportive individual? He doesn't suggest the possiblity. Rather, he seems to skirt the issue, asking "Is the reason I am where I am because of my parents, my schools, my teachers, my lecturers or my ex-bosses? Maybe all or none of them? Probably it is because of me. " This sounds like a lukewarm acknowledgement of some vague responsibility buried in the list of other possible responsible players. And he concludes with the "... realization that I don’t know it all." Unfortunately, it is always easier to say "We must accept HaShem's ways" than it is to dig down deeper into the heart of an issue and pinpoint one's own area of responsibility. In which case, acceptance might not be the beginning of humility but rather the extension of avoidance. If I am wrong, I truly request mechila. I wish the writer well.

Look, we all know that life can seem unfair. And believe me, I have massive monthly expenses, and I have sometimes felt that the entire world was on my shoulders. What did I do? First of all, feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of time. I put my energy into finding opportunities I could succeed in. I worked extremely long hours and made it happen. Second of all, I really have faith in Hashem. I can't speak for you or anyone else, but every time I desperately needed money, Hashem granted it to me in an unexpected manner. I cannot give you a rational explanation for this. Lastly, you need to have a positive attitude. Don't like your job? Try to find another. Perhaps you could start a business part time until it takes off. I don't know what field you are in, but I do believe that it is damn near impossible to be successful if you don't enjoy what you do. Hope this helps.

Thanks for the uplifting comments

I live this life, described, I am on this road, it is destroying me, my self-esteem. I cannot support myself, this is not a way to live. Gratitude and humility will not pay the bills.

same here. waiting for things to change, praying that they will, and just feeling very very humble in the process. hope and pray things get better real soon for you, and for the rest of us too.

I think most of us have at some time felt this way in our lives, and we look at others and say, why is the world revolving around them, and not us? Why do I feel so totally worthless? Why was I put here? And often this despair, this terrible depression lasts not a short time, but eats up the years and it is an inner quest, sometimes discussed in the halls o therapy, and sometimes silent, but silent in its scream, in its anguish, and that scream often does reference also the terrible onslaughts of life, as in, people do truly suffer. We all hit the rocks bleeding. I know no one who does not suffer, at some point in their lives. And one can ask what is the point, and also maybe, as you've written this IS the point. But points hurt, and they are also the parts of a star, and I do believe we are all the hero and heroines of our own stories. It's seems to be an evolving journey for each of us, and different, and yet, humility, that part of the very word journey, as in if you listen "knee", as in day being jour, and KNEE, well this is about humility. Join me on a cloudless night filled with stars, and hold hands with me, as we encounter both the night, and enter into the light. Because it's truly ALL God.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You sound like you are about my age, perhaps a few years younger (I am 47), and I think you speak for a lot of us. I struggle with where I am in life too. I like that you aren't looking to blame but rather just express your dissatisfaction with your circumstances. Good luck!

If you have a lot of education, a long work history and have been in the same job for four years I expect that you are earning a living wage. If I can offer an obvious suggestion I would say that you need to learn to live within your means. How much are you paying to send your children to private school? Is that necessary? How much would you save by sending them to public school? How many cars do you have? How much are you paying for gas? What other unnecessary expenses do you have? Where else can you cut back? Things that you think are necessary often aren't.

Wonderful thoughts and advice from OpinionsToGo. In addition... Stop watching television, stop reading the newspapers and magazines. Instead of being told - what to think and what to buy and where to go and what to do - by those who don't really know anything themselves, start to think for yourself about what is REALLY important in Life and in YOUR life. Use your "fretting time" better - examine the real values in life. Aish articles have all the answers.

If the bills can't get paid on time and he is measuring his success in life by kissing up to his boss and making more money, then he simply hasn't created a happy life for himself. It's no ones fault, just the decision he made early on that hasn't worked out too well. Change it. In the meantime cut expenses and get a second job to get caught up on your bills. ~ ~ ~ The following statement from the mans article says that he never was happy with himself, because he had to 'make something of himself'. He lies every day at work pretending to be positive so that his boss is accepting of him. Is he that generous to his wife and children at home? Having a happy wife and children is a successful man.

Alan, you have to read the Gates of Gratitude by Rav Shalom Arush, it will change your life. Good luck.