Should We Incur Debt for a Family Vacation?

The questioner said "we basically live hand to mouth with very few extras." You advised going into debt for the holiday. You did not enquire as to how they were going to pay back the debt. It seems there is very little money to repay it with. Dealing with debt is very stressful - something they will remember for a long time!

life in usa is economically unstable at present and election won't be any help! NO DEBT added, please, bad time! STRESS? having any panic attacks, any drug or alcohol involvment, any money concerns, social (boy or girl) concerns, dorm abuse, so on? talk HONESTLY to your mother and get her advice, just talking stress-abstract will do nothing but fool you!

For the Parents of the stressed frosher: being away from home like this for the first time is very difficult. You don't say how far away your child is, but maybe a visit home would help?
Losing sleep over stress IS a problem and can feed into a stress cycle, making stress even worse, so if this is a recurring problem, your child should seek help--or at least cut down on the caffein consumption!! And you need to make sure that your young one is getting a balanced diet, too BTW. Communicating a few times a week would be a good way to help your child through some of the difficulties of making this adjustment, but make sure you encourage her to have confidence in her own strengths and abilities, as well.

That statement "I don't want to go into debt for it" is confusing. Does that mean they are debt free right now and this will be their only debt, or that a vacation will add more debt on top of what they already owe?

If the first, and they will be able to pay off the debt in a few months, then I agree that the vacation is worth it. If they will just be adding more, I would say it's more important to be fiscally responsible. Yes, it's hard to say no, but a lavish vacation is something you should be saving for over months or years. You'll make equally wonderful memories on a less costly vacation.

Because there is another alternative to "I wish I had that extra $500 or even $5000 dollars," and that is to leave your children hundreds or thousands in debt to pay when you're gone!

"I don’t think I can resolve your issue for you. I can only tell you from personal experience..." If you can't resolve the issue, then how does your own personal experience help, but to fuel the fire? Mrs Braverman spent the next 200 words resolving the issue one way. If the issue is unresolvable then personal experience really doesn't add anything but rather just gives a one-sided position.

The answer is that it is unresolvable - you need to speak to someone who is realiable, unbiased to either party and knows financial matters. It is not a simple thing to simply arrange a family vacation - although these can be done with varying degrees of cost. The husband of the article is intimating that the family needs a break - this can be allieviated by taking a day-trip to a park or outdoors area. A camping exercise close, but not too close could be a cheap alternative to going on a full summer-vacation. If they are living hand-to-mouth, they maybe will able to go on vacation in 6 months with a little savings set aside. However, the situation is as you say unresolvable until the husband and wife sit down with a financial advisor or someone who can help with finances to see if they can make it work. If not, then other alternatives need to be arranged that will alievate stress and complement relaxation, even for a day. It seems to me that the husband's need for vacation is a symptom of a need to break out of the stress of life and needing some down time which could allieviate anxiety!

That being said, the wife is hundred-percent correct that if they don't have the money for it, they don't. This also needs to be addressed properly. It seems that the couple have a communication impasse. If both sides refuse to give in, and don't explain WHY they're saying what they're saying: i.e. husband needs to feel he is contributing or needs to destress etc, or wife wants to save for weddings or you need money for food, then you need some help with that.

While it's nice to say that on our deathbed we won't be lamenting that we wished we had that extra $500 or $5000, if that family is taking scholarship monies for their kids or other assistance (or will need to do so) and then going on a vacation, they are stealing. It's very easy to do a "staycation" or to find a way to do a family trip without breaking the bank or going out of your budget.

I'm reminded of something that was said at a Gateways Retreat I went to years ago...if you are here but you are behind on your school payments or shul dues, you shouldn't be here. It's not right for you to owe others money and come here for a lavish weekend (even with the learning).

While people feel that their hard-earned money is going to education and tzedakah, and they don't get to go on 'vacation', why do these 'below-the-bread-line' families have a right to get away?

It is a severe judgment on people who, quite frankly, have every right to de-stress and go on a vacation more so than anyone else. People who live hand-to-mouth and literally have large families and don't have many opportunies to move out of their stress-filled lives. Often they need to break out of desperate situations, other times they just need a break from everything. We have no right to judge others on their needs. In fact halacha dictates that if a wealthy man ate meat and drank wine every day and now became destitute, where the community has to provide for his needs, will be required (as much as possible) to make sure he lives at that same standard he was accustomed to. Every situation in this regard needs to be judged by a competant halachic authority on a case-by-case basis, but you see very clearly that the halacha understands that people have a right to live by a certain standard. While you 'feel' it is inappropriate, it is not necessarily the right approach, and if any family requires a vacation, we should try in everyway possible to help our brothers to allieviate the burdens they face, in whichever way possible. Which could mean simply to babysit the kids for an evening so the parents can go out and spend quality time together.

I'm torn on this issue. I'm of the mindset of when you go on vacation, you're running a tab, spending money. And parents should set a good example for their kids, set boundaries and limits, and teach them about budgeting and living within their means if they want them to grow up to be functional adults.

On the other hand, there are cheap getaways and deals, especially if you plan enough time in advance. And I wouldn't want to set an example for the kids of always putting money above experience, above quality time, or going on a vacation and constantly saying, "We didn't budget for that!" So if the lady and her husband can agree on a budget, that would be a good starting point.

If she is persistently complaining about stress and depression some things need to be done.

1. Make sure the pressure isn't coming from your end. Tell her whatever happens you will be proud of her. Discuss a lighter courseload. Some courses are hard such as pre-med but many enjoy it. Ultimately you want her to be happy and you a source of support.

2. Go to the school and try to get a sense of how serious the situation is.

This was what I needed to read RIGHT NOW. I prefer not to go into details, but thank you.