American society has been ruptured not only with a meat cleaver, but also with a scalpel. The meat cleaver chopped along the gross divisions: liberals vs. conservatives, blue states vs. red states. The scalpel, with surgical precision, dissected families: children vs. parents, brothers vs. sisters, even husbands vs. wives. So severe has the rupture been that most people believe that reconciliation will be impossible even now that the election is over.
Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, obm, offers us a life-changing teaching that can heal and transform us. He taught that there are two “worlds” or spiritual dimensions: The World of Connection and the World of Estrangement. The World of Connection is characterized by love, joy, peace, generosity, and optimism. The World of Estrangement is characterized by animosity, disharmony, sadness, anger, fear, resentment, and criticism.
Just as palm trees do not grow in Antarctica, so joy never exists in the World of Estrangement. Just as juniper trees cannot grow in the Amazon rain forest, so anger never exists in the World of Connection. The two worlds are mutually exclusive; a person can be in only one world at a time. And the world you choose to be in defines you and your life.
My friend Ellen used this teaching to maintain her relationship with her brother despite their being on opposite sides of the political divide. When Ellen’s mother died fifteen years ago, Ellen realized that keeping in touch with her only brother was up to her.
Her brother Jeff was, until two years ago, an emergency room doctor in Atlanta. Ellen, who lives in Jerusalem, would phone Jeff once a month. Because Jeff’s hospital shifts were irregular, Ellen never knew when to call. Inevitably, Jeff, treating patients in the ER, would answer his cell phone and say curtly, “Why do you always call at the wrong time?” Ellen’s feelings would be hurt, but, as she told me, “I choose connection, so I would call him again the next month. If he chooses disconnection, that’s his choice.” For thirteen years, Ellen called her brother regularly; only once did he ever call her.
After Jeff retired, the situation changed. Jeff is divorced and various medical problems kept him from an active life. Bored and lonely, he started calling Ellen once every couple of weeks. But then a new problem threatened their relationship. Jeff was an avid anti-Trumper. He would go on and on railing against “the concentration camps” on the southern border. Ellen, grateful that Trump had moved the American embassy to Israel’s capitol Jerusalem, supported Trump. She didn’t want to argue with her brother, so when he launched into his political diatribes, she rarely contradicted him. She did start every conversation with a request, “Let’s not talk politics,” but half-way into their hour-long conversations, the topic inevitably degenerated into Trump’s latest sins.
Once, Ellen called and when Jeff answered the phone, she said cheerily, “Hi, this is your sister Ellen.”
Jeff responded. “I don’t have a sister. I’ve divorced you. You’re my first cousin once removed.”
Ellen held onto their relationship despite the hurricane force winds that were trying to pull them asunder.
Ellen was momentarily knocked off kilter. She gritted her teeth, then replied, “You cannot divorce me. I am your only sister, and I will always be your sister.”
“No,” Jeff said, his tone even and self-satisfied. “I can’t have a sister who supports Trump. You’re my first cousin once removed.” He sounded pleased with himself for having found a solution for his existential dilemma of how to keep Ellen in his life despite her odious politics.
It was a moment—one of many—where Ellen had to claim her own existential truth, that she is a proud denizen of the World of Connection, and would hold onto their relationship despite the hurricane force winds that were trying to pull them asunder. “I’m your sister,” she repeated. “Now tell me how your health is.”
The situation blew up only once. Jeff was pontificating about how Israel mistreats its Arab citizens. Ellen lost it. She screamed into the phone, “It’s not true! There’s an Arab on Israel’s Supreme Court. Arab doctors head departments in Israeli hospitals. You know nothing except what you read in the prejudiced press! You don't know anything! I live here!!” With that, Jeff hung up on her.
When she finally calmed down two days later, Ellen realized she faced a choice. On the one hand, she felt like she had had enough of her brother’s politics. She didn’t need him. Unlike him, she was surrounded by spouse, children, grandchildren and many friends. She would lack nothing if she never spoke to him again. On the other hand, she defined herself as a person who chooses connection.
“When I was yelling at my brother,” she told me, “I went to the World of Estrangement. It’s a miserable, dark world. As long as I’m angry at my brother, I’m stuck in that world. I don’t want to stay there.”
So Ellen picked up the phone and called her brother. “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” she said.
He was surprisingly docile. “That’s okay,” he responded. And then he launched into a soliloquy about prospective Covid-19 vaccines. He didn’t say it, but she picked up how relieved he was that their connection was re-established. No one is happy in the World of Estrangement.
Estrangement and the Immune System
Ironically, just when Americans most need a high-functioning immune system to protect against Covid-19, they may be disabling their immune systems by their politically based family frays. According to Dr. Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a professor of psychiatry at Ohio State University, and her husband, Dr. Ronald Glaser, an immunologist, marital arguments elevate stress hormones and depress the immune system.1 Although it has not be tested, it’s likely that all interpersonal friction has the same effect.
No matter how much you detest your relative’s political affiliation, disowning your parent, child, sibling or spouse puts you in a world full of anger, sadness and fear.
Thus, choosing connection is the wisest choice you can make. No matter how much you detest your relative’s political affiliation, choosing to disown your parent, child, sibling, spouse, or cousin puts you into the World of Estrangement, a world characterized by anger, sadness, resentment, and fear. When you move out of a family relationship, you move into a dingy, dark, disease-infested house.
Bruria, a brilliant woman quoted as a sage in the Talmud, once upbraided her husband, Rebbe Meir. Ruffians in the neighborhood were harassing him, and Rebbe Meir prayed that they should die. Bruria counselled him to pray that the sins should cease rather than the sinners. In other words, separate the deed from the doer.
To love your relative while you reject his/her politics is a feat that requires tremendous inner strength. Now that the election is over, it’s time to put down the hatchet and pick up the phone. Say, “Hi, I just want to tell you that our relationship means too much to me to lose it. Can we agree to disagree? I love you and I want to be connected to you.”
No matter what response you get, you will have made one of the most significant choices of your life. In the election, you voted as you did because you want to make the world a better place. With that phone call, you will.
- Good and Bad Marriage, Boon and Bane to Health by Sharon Lerner, New York Times, Oct. 22, 2002
(25) David Stewart, February 5, 2021 9:51 PM
Wishful thinking
While I enjoyed this article and agree that we must connect and work out our political differences, it's still wishful thinking. The differences between Republicans and Democrats, between the Left and the Right are so great that they are unbridgeable. I say this with sadness. The Left, including the mainstream media, Hollywood and Universities, has shown it's true and ugly face these past few years, even before President Trump came along, with hateful intolerance to all those who disagree with them. They prefer shutting down people through censorship as we have seen recently and through insults such as "racist", "sexist", "xenophobic", "anti-Semitic" to name a few. This kind of rhetoric has made debating each other impossible no matter how hard we try. Conservatives like myself are unworthy of debate because my ideas are reprehensible to the Left. Their solution is to tear me down, ruin my reputation, make me lose my job, humiliate me, etc.
This is very similar to the lack of peace between Israelis and Palestinians. One side wants the other side dead. They are so brainwashed by their hatred of Jews from an early age that peace is virtually impossible. Peace can only be achieved when both sides recognize each other and agree to speak to each other.
We live in very frightening times and I see my beloved America, once a beacon of hope and freedom for millions of people around the world, descend into tyranny. I did not think this could ever happen in my lifetime. Maybe it's time for Jews to leave America and go to our real homeland, Israel where we truly belong. Mashiach is coming and this gives me hope
(24) Karen, December 25, 2020 9:52 AM
keeping relationships with political differences
I find this article very difficult. I despise Trump. He is the worst president the US has ever had. That Israelis, especially the religious, love him, shows that they haven't taken into consideration the Al Chet of Yom Kippur. If they actually read the Al Chet, they'd realize that Donald Trump has committed every single sin of the Al Chet. Anyone who has committed every Al Chet sin is not anyone who should be president of the US, let alone loved by Jews. Shame on those who love someone who G-d would not appreciate.
Anonymous, February 5, 2021 10:10 PM
So much for gratitude
I assume you are not religious but you could at least show some gratitude for everything Trump has done for Israel and the Jewish people. What sins has he committed? Moving the embassy to Jerusalem, recognizing that city as capital of Israel, ending the disastrous Obama Iran deal so that they cannot develop a nuclear weapon that would most likely be used to attack Israel, recognizing Israel's sovereignty over the Golan Heights, cutting the funding to the anti-Semites haters on the Palestinian side, cutting funding to the Israel haters at the UN. I could go and on and on. He has done more for Israel and the Jewish people than most Jews in America. And for that he deserves praise. On the other hand, the Democrats have become the anti-Semite and anti-Israel party with the despicable woman of the Squad who have dominated them including the newly elected senator from Georgia, Warnock who is a disgusting anti-Semite as well. This doesn't bother you? It clearly doesn't bother many Jews in America, who are so mixed with non-Jews that they became disconnected from their roots. That's the real tragedy. Be very careful what you wish for
(23) Anonymous, November 9, 2020 9:13 PM
Thank you for the excellent article
While it is disappointing to see an excellent article about the value of holding love rather than anger in your heart sidetracked by commentators' negative statements about political parties, it does rather make the author's point for her.
I agree that sometimes distance and a lack of contact is needed from truly toxic relationships where actual physical harm could result, but there is still enormous value in not allowing their actions to further dictate your life (by 'marinating in pain' and being unable to move past the anger and hurt). Making the choice to join the World of Connection is still a goal that can be pursued, even (or perhaps especially) after being harmed by someone.
As someone outside the US election and who has not been 'marinated' in the current culture of demonizing political rivals and invoking End of Days scenarios should X be elected, I find it deeply sad to see how even some of the commentators' lives are being blighted by this divisiveness. The author's call for engagement and kindness is clearly much needed.
As when divorced parents continue battling and sniping at each other, the children are the ones who ultimately suffer. It would be nice to see both sides of the election come together to try to create a kinder future - which is hard to do when vilification and antagonistic claims remain the order of the day.
I remember the same rhetoric (albeit less mainstream) in most previous elections - especially about the potential impact on Israel and how one party/candidate would spell its doom. Yet, we are still here and so is Israel. Perhaps that historical view might allow some of the heat and pressure to be released from the current emotional climate and permit more tolerant and inclusive dialogues.
(22) Anonymous, November 8, 2020 4:49 PM
the election is over?
You started with a premise that isn't true. There are questions, accusations, lawsuits. First, we must put the election and its integrity to rest, then move on to forgiveness and connection. Otherwise, resentment and distrust fester. My personal opinion, of course.
Regina, November 9, 2020 12:07 AM
CORRECT
Thank you for stating the obvious. The comment I wrote to that effect was deleted.
AM YISROEL CHAI
(21) Hadassah Schecter, November 8, 2020 4:37 PM
After the Election, Choosing Connection
This article really hit home.
It helps put things in the proper perspective.
As hard as it is to understand and accept things that don't seem to make sense, we have to realize that there are more important things that are a priority.
Thank You, Mrs. Rigler.
(20) Anonymous, November 6, 2020 1:52 PM
As much as these comments and this article try so hard to be respectful, the divide is still visible. I too believe this is because the conversation runs much deeper than specific policies. The thing is, BOTH sides see the other as potentially leading this country to ruins. So many fears are actually shared by all, the difference is where the "threat" comes from:
- Left = socialist = some version of communism or fascism (depending on who you talk to) = eroding any vestige of morality and freedom = destroying America -> terrible for Jews
- Trump = far right affiliation and authoritarianism = chaos, decreased decency, and decreased liberty = destroying America -> terrible for Jews
I struggle to have healthy discussions with the other side too so I try my best to remember our hope is in Hashem and my identity is certainly not wrapped up in this political circus. Not always easy but as comment 19 mentioned, focusing on happier things than political disagreements with family and friends is a much better alternative than getting ripped apart with each "breaking news".
Harry Pearle, November 6, 2020 4:59 PM
Why ANONYMOUS? Try Rabbi Preida Lesson of 400X? (Democracy)
Dear "Anonymous"
Perhaps part of the problem is ANONYMITY and lack of RESPONSIBILITY.
Why call yourself, "Anonymous"? Are you with AA, (Alcoholics Anonymous)?
Secondly, I think a big part of the problem is a lack of REPETITION.
If we want to truly explore our differences, it may take a lot of time and work.
Rabbi Preida, in the Talmud, was rewarded for his patience as a teacher.
He had a difficult student, who required 400 repetitions, to learn.
(See ERUVIN 54B)
I wish Aish.com would discuss the lesson of Rabbi Preida.
Finally, DEMOCRACY is about TRIAL and ERROR and COMPROMISE.
So, insisting that there is only one way, will not work in democracy and in life.
===========================================================
===================================================
, November 6, 2020 5:33 PM
Hi Harry,
I prefer to not include my name because I am wary of online privacy in general (I actually never comment anywhere else and do not have Facebook). That being said, Aish's policy does require me to provide them my name and email (which I do honestly) should an issue arise. I respect all who post their names as well as those who don't. As the topic of this page is communicating with those who have different views and you mention compromise, attacking me right off the bat was a bit disconcerting.
As far as AA, I do not happen to be part of the program but command anyone working on fighting their addiction. Alcoholism is no joke and detroys so many lives. May those living that battle find peace and strength to overcome.
If by repetition, you mean both sides should talk more I wholeheartedly agree. But there is a difference between truly conversing and simply waiting for the other person to stop talking so one can hurry to say what they want to say. I'm afraid each side is so deep into the trenches, it's become difficult even for well intentioned people to see anything past the immediate wall in front of them. As an aside, I saw your comment 7. I do give Trump credit for positive actions for Israel but also feel that he is not the end all be all. No politician is and no party of going to "save" us, which is why I believe focusing on Torah study is more important than getting caught up in all this.
Rabbi Preida and the slow learner is a great lesson in patience and commitment to Torah learning. A more in-depth article on Aish would be great!
Shabbat Shalom!
(19) Anonymous, November 6, 2020 11:58 AM
Re: Don't sweat it
I have chosen to occupy my life with much happier pursuits and am no longer marinating in pain from the sibling estrangement. (Great expression, btw). We now have what I would call a cordial relationship, for which I am very grateful. Thank you for your thoughtful feedback!
(18) Anonymous, November 6, 2020 4:11 AM
Tired of Accusations
When my husband died earlier this year, guests at the shiva actually made comments to the effect that Republicans are racist, etc. They put their wish to express their political views above concern for my situation as a widow and whether I might wish to hear such talk or no. They may have assumed I agree with their views or maybe they think those who disagree have no rights, even for comfort during shiva. I’m quite disgusted with all the self righteousness of Leftists and their refusal to be civil to anyone who thinks differently.
Anonymous, November 6, 2020 3:35 PM
Shiva is no place to discuss politics, let alone add to your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.
May your husband's neshama have an aliyah.
Anonymous, November 8, 2020 5:06 PM
May your husband’s neshama have an Aliyah
I’m so sorry you were subjected to that pain during Shiva.
MESA, November 9, 2020 9:45 PM
I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that your shiva got hijacked that way. A shiva house is not a soapbox. May Hashem comfort you among the mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim.
(17) Moshe Horowitz, November 5, 2020 10:45 PM
Where can I find r' volbe essay about the two world's?
Sara Yoheved Rigler, November 6, 2020 12:54 PM
Author responds
The book is in Hebrew only, called "The Olam HaYedidut"
(16) MESA, November 5, 2020 9:37 PM
Thank you Sara Yocheved. It bothers me so much when people on social media say that "if you're voting for ____, unfriend me now." We don't have to lose connections over this. I don't have to stop caring or disconnect just because others don't agree with my views.
(15) Yael Davidowitz, November 5, 2020 7:15 PM
We all win when we choose connection
Thank you for this timely piece. Well articulated and so true. Let us all work to make the world a better place within our sphere of influence and control.
(14) Ann Snyder Kravitz, November 5, 2020 5:40 PM
Thank You
The thoughts that you expressed gave me comfort. But I am blessed with so much love in my life that my husband and I are able to live comfortably in the world of Connectivity.
(13) Debbie, November 5, 2020 4:34 PM
Beyond wisdom!
Excellent, superb and so very wise!!
(12) Laiv, November 5, 2020 2:36 PM
A beautiful idea but does it apply
I do not disagree with anything that was written, we should always seek the world of connection, but what does that look like. For all those who didn't like Trump or didn't like Biden your sentiments are misplaced. This election had nothing to do with either of them, or the democrats or republicans for that matter. They are just the face of a much larger battle. I'm curious if anyone would think that the divide would be bridgable between someone who sympathized with Stalin or Hitler and someone who didn't and that a phone call could make that chasm navigatable, or even should it be navigatable. Biden is not a bad person or even a bad politician, but the Democrats were very open and honest about their intentions to push him as far left as they can towards socialism./communism. They were even honest about their intentions to get Kamela behind the steering wheel, leading this country. If you know someone as I do, my son for instance, who is all for that, is it possible, and again I ask, should I even try, bridging that gap? Just so you understand, my grown son lives with us, we love him, help as we can. But there is, unfortunately, a radical gap in our beliefs. I am terrified for us as Jews, who 70% voted for socialism, and make no mistake that is what you did, that we are going to be faced with some very difficult decisions should things go the way those systems always go. Ultimately the connection we have to preserve, protect, and hold over any other connection is to Hashem and His Torah. There is an existential threat looming, and many of our brothers, sisters, children, will be on the wrong side of that threat. It terrible, sad, and very gut-wrenching, but it is coming and we better be prepared to stand for what truly matters, Hashem and His Torah, no matter the cost. Not just for ourselves, but especially for those family members on the other side of the divide. We are supposed to be in the age of wok culture, hopefully, we as Jews will wake up to this.
Harry Pearle, November 5, 2020 3:29 PM
LAIV: Try DIVIDING up your arguments, for REPETITION? (Rabbi Preida)
Thanks for sharing, but let me suggest you DIVIDE up your argument.
Your statement is hard for me to understand, like one long run-on sentence.
Sometimes, if we break up our statements, we find more CLARITY.
Rabbi PREIDA, in the Talmud, ERUVIN 54B
had a student who required 400 repetitions of each lesson.
In one case, Rabbi Preida gave the student 800 repetitions.
If you break up your arguments, you make it EASIER for people to go over it
again and again, I think. PATIENCE vs IMPATIENCE?
Thanks Harry
JEFF, November 5, 2020 3:59 PM
Laiv,
You are 100 % correct, can not bridge the gap, with people seeking to destroy us.
Harry, you can disagree without being condescending.
MESA, November 5, 2020 9:31 PM
This is exactly why we need connection more than ever. We may not like it when fellow Jews vote for someone who is likely to hurt us but if they don't have us, they'll have no one.
LarryB, November 6, 2020 4:02 AM
Laiv,
I agree with what your saying and am struggling wth how to deal with this election results and friends. Im also having no problem dealing with family who voted for the marxist couple. But the few friends I have who did, it is difficult, and I have not figured out how to deal with them or if I ever will. One person who I was going to paint their house for free I will now make an excuse why I won't. I did not know they believed this way. How can I make friends with people who would destroy this country and time will tell how many lives. It's difficult for me to get past the abortion issue in the first place when thinking about this. How can I make friends with someone who willingly votes for a party that will allow abortion up until the last minute even during labor? Pretend it doesn't exist. I am truly confused like never before.
Miriam Jacobs, November 8, 2020 3:48 PM
False and exaggerated claims
I feel very bad that you are so upset, but please know the claims about last-minute abortions and many other political claims about socialism, anarchy, etc. are lies and gross exaggerations. Mostly they are just plain not true. As many other commenters have said, I have every hope that H" will lead us all in the right direction.
Jeff, November 8, 2020 8:14 PM
False and Exaggerated Claims??
Really?
Anonymous, November 10, 2020 12:07 AM
absolutely false!
Late term abortions account for a fraction of all abortion cases and are usually only done because the child is definitely going to die at birth or because the mother's health is endangered. As for early abortions where this is not the case...we don't and shouldn't decide that for other people. Because if that is put into place if a frum person is ever chas v'shalom in a situation where a rabbi gives a heter to abort that will not be honored either. Self induced abortions will come back and lead to tragedy. Unfortunately in America there is no Nefesh Echad or EFRAT. There may be one or two organizations but they are small. We have no nationalized health care or subsidized child care or drug programs. The child may be born but there will be no programs to keep it from starving or give it education, remedy the deficits caused by a drug addicted mother or keep it from being abused by that mother. So we cannot and should not take on abortion for people of other faiths and nationalities. But that was not the thrust of this article. And I don't know why but I suspect that "ellen" was actually the author herself.
Larry Bartlett, November 10, 2020 6:50 PM
Whats the difference?
Depending who you agree with late term or not so late term abortions are murder. My understanding in orthodox judaism many believe it is. I also believe it is murder. I believe we should decide for other people. Like any murder it should be illegal. We even decide for theft so this isnt so difficult to understand. Self induced abortions should also be illegal just like any directly responsible murder is. AS for late term abortions i watched Joe Biden and Kamala Harris on video both say they want abortions at any time. As for late term abortions they happen all the time. As does the selling of human body parts. This has all been proven. Yes there is nationalized health care yes there is drug programs there is so much welfare it is ridicilous. Im for all of that just not murder. We should take on the abortion issue for everyone. If we dont support life do you really believe hashem will support us? I believe once you support the killing of the innocent there is not anything that that will not be tried and eventually supported. Supporting the killing of a child because of food or the mothers social problems is not far from supporting the killing of handicapped people or he elderly because of the problems they cause others.
(11) Anonymous, November 5, 2020 12:33 PM
Thankful.
I am thankful my family understands and practices this concept. I plan to share this article with them to thank them.
(10) Anonymous, November 5, 2020 11:36 AM
Intelligent and wise words for politics and beyond
(9) Tirtza Singer, November 5, 2020 7:30 AM
Great article.Found it very helpful and heartwarming!
wonderful article.
I so appreciate your addressing this issue.
I found it really hopeful and heartwarming.
Thank you!!.
(8) Yochai Robkin, November 5, 2020 12:10 AM
beautiful article
"No matter what response you get, you will have made one of the most significant choices of your life. In the election, you voted as you did because you want to make the world a better place. With that phone call, you will." - well said.
Beautiful article for fraught times
(7) Harry Pearle, November 4, 2020 11:25 PM
Back to EDEN and the TREE of Good and Evil? (Rabbi Manis Friedman)
I have some splits with family and friends, but you have me thinking.
It may actually be worthwhile to dwell on some political differences and other
differences, so we can OPEN UP more: "Words from the heart, enter the heart"
My own view is that Trump is not the answer. He is like a "One Man Band"
Democracy is not about one person, one idea, one party. It is for all.
Thomas Paine wrote: "When opinions are free, in matters of government and
religion, TRUTH will finally and powerfully prevail Age of Reason(1793)
I like what Chabad Rabbi Manis Friedman said on YouTube, 4min
"Thoughts on the 2020 Election":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpQ8IkuXMAE&t=271s
THANKS for this wonderful suggestion on Peace, Shalom.
www.SavingSchools.org Harry
Anonymous, November 6, 2020 3:04 AM
Gratitude to President Trump!
Harry,
Harry; not only do I fully disagree with your comment on the President, I am especially highly saddened by your lack of gratitude for all the many good and vital things--Donald Trump has done for Israel, the Jewish People, and for America. Just as one vital example among many, he has taken action to prevent Iran from destruction to Israel. Beyond sad, that there are those who have not learned from what occurred in the 1930s.
Anonymous, November 9, 2020 12:08 AM
AMEN
HAKORAT HATOV
(6) Anonymous, November 4, 2020 8:20 PM
Its about values
about 40 yrs ago I would have agreed. Certain Values were taken for granted by all and only the HOW of their implementation were a matter of politics. Today the values upon which civilization itself rests have become politically negotiable ,hence the deep divide that can't be bridged over a cup of coffee and a phone call. To me killing the unborn in the last months of pregnancy as proposed by socialists is murder and not just a political opinion to gloss over once in a while, Same applies for the enlightened "liberals" arranging with like minded doctors to take the life support of a parent away leaving it to the unsuspecting "conservative" siblings they excluded from their council,to hold the hand of the dying, with no one else to be found by searching nurses, as "doctors" and "liberals" disappeared upon their decision.
Anonymous, November 5, 2020 9:35 PM
You don't have to share the same values in order to care about someone and stay connected.
Anonymous, November 10, 2020 12:13 AM
again not true
Late term abortions are very very rare and usually in case of danger to the mother or a fetus that will not live anyway (anencephalic). As for taking away life support that has not been done but halacha is nuanced on that as well. If it was not there would be no such thing as a halachic living will. I have seen situations where a Rabbi, yes a respected rabbi has paskined in the case of terminal illness that it is not necessary to put in a feeding tube. In that particular case a feeding tube would have led to suffering believe me would not have saved a life. again this is not the author's point. However, we are not rabbis and halacha has nuanced views on abortion and on when to "pull the plug". We are a living halacha not l'havdil like other religions where a woman died of an infection while pregnant because the only option was premature delivery and "it has a heartbeat so we can't do it". Or putting a demented person through dialysis even though they scream pull out the access endangering themselves and the person administering the treatment. We are a religion of nuance and rachamim. We must leave those decisions to our rabbi and we want a country wherein that Rabbi's decisions will be respected. That means we must leave out country as a country where freedom of choice is an option.
(5) Anonymous, November 4, 2020 5:19 PM
As a religious woman and someone who strongly apposes Trump there just does not seem to be anyplace for me to connect. I do hope this is helpful for others.I may need to engage by disengaging.
Anonymous, November 6, 2020 4:25 AM
Why You're Wrong
Trump has said and done many toxic things, but none of them rise to the level of giving assistance to the murderous regime of Iran that has vowed to exterminate Israel.
For all the blather about Trump and various fringe white supremacy groups, there's a complete failure on the part of Democrats to condemn the antisemitism of BLM and the hateful Congressional "Squad".
I have to wonder what kind of a person you are if you can't conceive that relatives or friends may have voted for the obnoxious Trump because they find much of the agenda on the other side to be even worse.
But, it's a whole lot easier to think that you have the patent on virtue. If you only surround yourself with those who think exactly like you,it'll save you the energy of thinking or of living up to Torah ideals of giving others the benefit of the doubt. But it's your choice. And please learn how to spell "opposes".
Anonymous, November 6, 2020 12:51 PM
Thank you
Sorry for the typo and thank for making my point.
Nancy, November 8, 2020 5:03 PM
To commenter who stated why you’re wrong
I am a moderate Democrat but that DOES not mean I am letting Sarsour, et al off the hook. Also, I am always interested in hearing from folks with opposing points of view. Finally, we always need to put pressure on our elected officials if we don’t like the actions they have taken. Always. I’ve communicated with Democrats and Republicans alike when I wanted them to take action on a particular issue.
(4) Anonymous, November 4, 2020 4:31 PM
Beautiful Sara Rigler! Nothing is better than peace.....even if sometimes it's very difficult!
(3) Joseph A. Apicella, November 4, 2020 1:59 PM
Aish has been on top of this
This is another article that seeks to bring peace to the world. The site is commendable for this effort. The hatred expressed during this election was worst
than during the Vietnam war. I was against the war and never got into the heated discussions that was as heated as some of the discussions that have taken place during this election. Even among veterans I never hear negativity about my choice not to serve. Let's never forget Covid is still out there and people are dying. Let's all join together and defeat this common enemy.
(2) Alan S., November 4, 2020 1:08 PM
Informative and beautiful.
As usual, a relevant and well written article by Ms. Rigler that brings much needed perspective on political divides in families and friends. If only the rest of America, indeed, the rest of the world could appreciate the knowledge contained within this article .
(1) Anonymous, November 4, 2020 12:03 PM
Being estranged from one's sibling
I was estranged from a sibling for a reason that had nothing to do with politics. In fact, both of us hold the same political views. Without going into details, I can tell you that this 4 year estrangement brought me a VERY sharp pain. Will Ellen and Jeff become close friends? That seems highly doubtful, but it is commendable that they were able to patch up their relationship. As the saying goes, I would not wish this type of estrangement on my worst enemy!
Anonymous, November 6, 2020 4:28 AM
Don't sweat it; what about divorced couples?
If people can get divorced from spouses whom they once vowed to live with forever, I see no reason you can't cut the cord on a sibling if the sibling is toxic to you.
As for your pain, I strongly urge you to occupy your thoughts with happier and more constructive things so that you don't marinate in pain.