The other day, while Hurricane Dorian remained offshore and its trajectory remained yet uncertain, I took my kids to see what we knew would be unusually large waves. We were standing under the pavilion taking it in when a man standing next to us turned to me to comment on how extraordinary the waves were. Instead of employing any one of the many appropriate adjectives to describe them, he felt comfortable and maybe even compelled to use an extreme profanity to capture their ferocity.
Putting aside the fact that he had no reason to believe I myself was comfortable with that language, he was either oblivious or maybe indifferent to the fact that I was standing with young children. My 12-year-old looked up at me and asked, "Why did he need to curse?”
I didn’t have a good answer.
In 1952, an episode of I Love Lucy was deemed “controversial” television because it centered around Lucy telling her husband that she was expecting. The CBS executives thought using the word “pregnant” was too risqué and so they had her simply tell him they were “having a baby.”
In 1961, comedian Lenny Bruce faced his first charge for obscenity after swearing in a stand-up comedy set. After being released and arrested several more times, he was finally detained, charged, and found guilty of obscenity in 1964.
While some relics of this era still exist (in Virginia, “Profane swearing“ is a Class 4 misdemeanor punishable by a $250 fine), the world has radically changed and, with it, the environment we live in. Obscenity has gone from a crime to a legitimate form of communication.
The FCC still defines profanity as language that’s so “grossly offensive” to “members of the public” that it becomes a “nuisance.” The problem is who defines “grossly offensive,” who are the “members of the public,” and what qualifies as a “nuisance”? The goalposts on all three are moving rapidly and not towards traditional or modest definitions.
Remember when people in positions of leadership and distinction were held even more accountable for carrying themselves with dignity and class? GovPredict, a political analytics firm, tracked an unsurprising yet shocking trend regarding politicians and social media. In 2014, there were 83 instances of lawmakers using profane words online. In 2017, this grew to a whopping 1,571 instances and in 2018 there were 2,409 instances. So far 2019 has put all those years to shame. According to the firm, politicians have been swearing up a storm and using words that used to make us blush at campaign stops, in press conferences, at debates and on their social media.
The profanity epidemic starts at the top with our current foul-mouthed President regularly using vulgarity. But many of those who seek to defeat him, while claiming to be more “presidential” are no better in this area, comfortably dropping obscenities in public spaces.
It is no longer safe to watch an interview with an elected leader or watch a debate in front of children. We can’t take for granted that public places will be profanity-free. And the media has drastically lowered its standards. CBS, the same network that once refused to air the word “pregnant,” recently featured a show whose title was a cleaned-up swear word. Popular radio stations regularly play songs with words that as recently as 10 or 15 years ago would never have cleared censors.
Why is it so bad? What is wrong with a cursing? Doesn’t it reflect passion, feeling, emotion? Isn’t cursing a healthy way to find release, to respond to pain or frustration? Shouldn’t we believe the research that says cursing has positive benefits?
The animal part of us wants to curse. When we hold back, we are expressing our very humanity.
The answer is no. Giving in to the urge to use a profanity is to forfeit our very humanity and indulge an animal impulse. Our sacred Torah tells us the ability to speak, the art of communication, is what differentiates man from animal. When we elevate it, we are acting more God-like, and when we lower ourselves to use vulgarity or obscenity we are expressing the animal part of ourselves.
In “What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves,” Professor Benjamin K. Bergen shares the research behind cursing. For example, he describes how some stroke victims can still swear fluently even if their other language abilities are severely impaired. Advanced language comes from the more sophisticated parts of the brain while swearing taps into much more primal neural hardware in the basal ganglia. Similarly, Tourette’s syndrome, which involves dysfunction of the basal ganglia, can cause an overwhelming urge to swear. The animal part of us wants to curse. When we hold back, we are expressing our very humanity.
That is why our rabbis (Shabbos 33a) were so opposed to what they call nivul peh, vulgarity of the mouth. When we express self-control and discipline, we are imitating God and we thereby exhibit dignity and class. When we fail and give in to a natural urge to curse or swear, it is demeaning, we are diminishing ourselves.
Fighting this urge is not always easy, particularly when something upsets us, frustrates us or we are physically hurt. In today’s age, it can be particularly challenging when much of our communicating takes place through typing or texting, where we may allow ourselves to use words digitally we wouldn’t use verbally. Yet, the capacity to preserve dignified language even in those moments and those mediums is in some ways the very measure of our humanity and Godliness.
Using or listening to vulgarity is taking a pure, beautiful gift, the power of communication, and contaminating and spoiling it. Whenever I hear someone curse to try to make a point, I can’t help but think if they were more intelligent they would find a more effective way to communicate that point without needing to distract with the shock value of using an obscenity. I am always less impressed, not more, less focused on what they are saying and more focused on why they said it like that. I am less persuaded, not more. Most of all, I am disappointed that they have chosen to transmit their contamination to me, to compromise my environment and to harm the climate that we share.
We can only protect our spiritual environment if we each take responsibility and do our part. Whether online or offline, the words we say and how we say them reflect the essence of who we are and who we aspire to be. If we make the “members of our public” judge all obscenity and vulgarity a “nuisance” and “grossly offensive,” we can demand clean speech that won’t leave emissions that negatively impact our environment for our generation and generations to come.
(22) Nancy, October 6, 2019 12:36 PM
How to reverse the trend
As cliched as this may sound, we need to start with ourselves if we have not already done so. I can't control anyone else's use of profanity, but I can find substitutes.
(21) debbie, September 21, 2019 2:30 AM
Thank You! FEELING it's offensive is a REAL Feeling!
Love the explanation you gave about animal vs human when it comes to offensive language. It's hard to explain but some of us FEEL offended by certain words and your explanation helps me to explain why. The spoken words we use and hear are like an invisible energy lingering around us. We create a reality with words. People will "believe" the book "The Secret" yet deny the concept of spiritual elevation --the REAL secret!
(20) Rachael, September 11, 2019 5:18 PM
Profanity among those who have other means
I sadly gave up my subscription to "The New Yorker" magazine some years ago because of the liberal use of profanity among the writers and the paths many of the high caliber cartoons were going down. Among the writers for the magazine, these were supposed to be the elite, and cream of the crop of authors. They couldn't draw on the wealth of the English language in their writing and had to resort to "F" this and that, among other profane words ? The cartoons couldn't offer slices of life outside the bedroom among all the ways of romantic relations nowadays? Really really sad.
(19) Marc, September 11, 2019 2:26 AM
If you don't use the words, you can't be accused of it
I don't use profanity. Period. Not in my vocabulary. I was speaking to someone on the phone at work one time and he accused me of cursing at him. I had an irrefutable defense. I don't use those words. If I never use them, i can't be accused of using them. If I don't speak Chinese, I can't use a Chinese word because it is not in my vocabulary. Same thing with profanity. Can't be any more simple than that.
(18) Anonymous, September 10, 2019 12:01 AM
When was Pres. Trump foul mouthed? When did he "regularly use profanity? " You just made the article political and as soon as I read those lines I stopped reading!
OK, September 10, 2019 9:31 AM
Agree 100%!
Totally ruined what should othewise have been a very good article!
Ben, October 2, 2019 4:09 PM
Ummmmmmmm
When indeed: https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1179422987684077568
(17) MESA, September 9, 2019 2:07 PM
Fun fact: when Lucille Ball was pregnant, CBS insisted that clergymen sit in on the script-writing sessions to make sure that nothing objectionable got written. Desi Arnaz found a rabbi, a priest, and a minister (yes, literally) to sit in with them and they helped. It was the clergymen who suggested using the word "expecting" which would not only satisfy the network but would play into the jokes about Desi's accent.
Thank you Rabbi Goldberg for this article. It's true that we don't need to use vulgarity. There are more refined ways to express ourselves.
Anonymous, September 9, 2019 6:56 PM
To commenter #17 Mesa
That anecdote is hilarious! Lucy and Desi were shrewd as could be, in addition to having strong comedic talents.
(16) Rachel, September 9, 2019 2:50 AM
A few things
I suspect that the Virginia law is not enforced. It would probably violate the First Amendment.
I do not use the words the author would likely find objectionable. But language, especially the English language, is constantly in flux. There are terms that were offensive in Shakespeare's day that no longer cause a stir. There are terms and expressions I hear used commonly, including by rabbis and teachers, that I still do not use because they are vulgar, even if not obscene.
Language has power because we give it power. I would respectfully suggest that we should all give some thought to whether our words may be offensive to others, even if they are not offensive to us. And context matters. The word for a female dog is appropriate when discussing dog breeding but is an insult if used for a person. Many non-Jews think the Hebrew word for a non-Jew is an offensive epithet. Think first, speak second is a good rule for all of us.
Nancy, September 9, 2019 10:16 AM
To commenter #16 Rachel
Yes! Thinking first and speaking second is the way I try to live every day. I love what you wrote about the English language constantly changing. With that said, I am by no means perfect and have used my share of 4 letter words in certain situations.
(15) Batya, September 9, 2019 2:11 AM
Potty Mouth Abounds
I told my children growing up that people who use that type of language are "low" people and it is sad they do that. The situation has gotten sadder. Refined speech once indicated good breeding, education, and manners. Now it is endemic at all levels.
It really pains me that this important Torah lesson has devolved into a political discourse surrounding the current President. It is all over.
People forget that Lyndon B. Johnson was said to have cursed up a storm in the White House, and Richard M. Nixon was recorded on the famous tapes to have used ugly epithets. It is difficult to find "clean" humor and entertainment because the use of unrefined language is so normal in our society.
Arona, September 9, 2019 5:14 PM
vulgar speech is not the only kind of offensive speech
I would be careful what you tell your children. Telling them that "people who use that type of language are "low" people" is also offensive. Telling children that something is wrong or improper is one thing. But teaching children that another person is less than you is not ok.
Nancy, September 9, 2019 6:54 PM
I agree with commenter Arona
Also, someone can have good manners without possessing a formal education. The term good breeding could offend a person without meaning to do so. Does this mean that only wealthy people come from "good" backgrounds? However, I agree that the use of profanity has gotten out of hand.
(14) Ben, September 8, 2019 11:44 PM
There is something important to keep in mind
You can still love Trump, support Trump, think he's great for Israel, want your grandkids to marry his grandkids, etc. and still admit certain truths about his behvaior, or in this case his speech pattern. It's ok to say "I love Trump's policies and think he's a great president but I wouldn't want my young children to watch his rallies because he uses terrible language and speaks terribly about other people."
(13) Laurel Kennedy, September 8, 2019 11:35 PM
Rabbi Goldberg has said it all.
Apart from being 'disfiguring', profanity appears to be ever used to bludgeon, bully, hurt, or according to the mentality of the swearer, to impress.
'A beaut day', does not improve, with grovelling to what ever is the need of an emotionally, or academically illiterate person.
(12) Tuviah Dovid, September 8, 2019 11:19 PM
Kol Hakavod to Rabbi Goldberg for calling out the president
Rabbi Goldberg is upholding a principal Jewish value in calling out the president as a leading source of the viral spread of casual profanity. Judaism holds that leaders must be held to higher standards, especially in language. Moshe Rabbeinu was denied entry to the Promised Land, according to our Sages, at least in part because in the heat of exasperation he referred to the people as "you rebels." Consider how much more offensive, by numerous criteria, is the language so casually used by the president as recorded on the Hollywood Access tapes … and this is just one of many examples.
(11) Alan S., September 8, 2019 11:17 PM
about Trump
Rabbi Goldberg does not need me to defend his comments about Trump. I would rather not be able to say it, but Trump's every day verbal discourse has surely diminished the stature of the office.
I acknowledge that Trump does not use horrible vulgarities in public regularly, such as the F-bomb. And he is no worse than many other politicians, Democratic or Republican. Plenty of them curse regularly, but clearly not all. I have not heard Pence use a vulgarity, nor have I heard Schumer use a profanity either.
By the way, there are interviews with Trump 'off the record' yet published where he does curse up a storm. Recall what he said about certain "s**t" countries, as well as his interview with Billy Bush when he said, grab women by a certain body part?
For sure, Trump speaks lashon hora constantly, even when his language contains no profanities. His constant diminution and belittlement of anyone and everyone that dares disagree with him surely is as bad as if he cursed in public.
(10) Gail Morris, September 8, 2019 9:16 PM
Vulgar language
I so totally agree with you...
(9) Charles, September 8, 2019 7:58 PM
While totally agreeing with the article, one other profanity which really does disgust me is the use of "O my God", more often shortened to OMG. Mostly I find that it is the language of the younger generation whose grasp of language is at best minimal.
(8) Anonymous, September 8, 2019 6:30 PM
Disappointed!
A very poignant article with a great point. However, why ruin it by singling out our president? "The profanity epidemic starts at the top with our current foul-mouthed President regularly using vulgarity." Profanity certainly did not start with President Trump. This read to me like a personal attack and sounded worse to me than using "cuss words." Ok, the President is brash--by all means make the point you'd like him to soften it down, but to use terms like "our current foul-mouthed President" is disrespectful to the office and the man. I'd liked to have shared this article because it makes a great point, especially in the month of Elul; but IMHO with "side" comments like that, you might as well have cussed, you'd have said more with less.
Ben, September 8, 2019 11:35 PM
Are you serious?
The president is foul-mouthed. That's not disrespectful; that's simply a fact. It happens to be a fact that some of his supporters celebrate, and that's their right. If you aren't a fan of the president's language, as the Rabbi here clearly is not, that's his right, too. But you can't deny that he is indeed a foul-mouthed president.
Reuven Frank, September 9, 2019 3:52 AM
I think the point is...
Celebrities are admired and set "standards".
The point is that, as president, Trump should set a higher standard and have a higher regard and more respect for the "honor" and gravitas of his position than to resort to profanity.
In business, in private: he can do what he wants.
The point is he's the President of the United States and that warrants a different set of standards.
There is a place (in the Talmud, I think), that says that one doesn't behave in the palace of the king in the same manner one does in his own living room.
(7) Robert Orr, September 8, 2019 6:21 PM
Trump profanity
I have never heard Trump use profanity. Democrats yes, Trump no. If you think I am wrong, please give me an example
Ben, September 8, 2019 11:41 PM
Irony
Robert, I replied with about 10 different links to stories containing examples of Trump using profanity. Ironically, I think my comment was censored here because the headlines include profanity. I encourage you to use Google to find what anyone that pays attention is aware of, as the Rabbi here clear is: Trump uses profanity. A lot of it. Frequently. To some, it's part of his appeal. But to claim that you've never heard him use profanity - "Democrats yes, Trump no" is either dishonest or willfullly blind. You can't follow politics closely enough to beleive Democrats curse and Trump doesn't. He does. A lot. Again, I recommend Googling.
Anonymous, October 2, 2019 4:10 PM
Here's an example
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1179422987684077568
(6) Anonymous, September 8, 2019 5:29 PM
I am sorry to diagree; but, in my opinion,the vulgarity didn't start since the current president took office. I made Aliyah a few decades ago. During the few times I'd returned to America for a brief visit I was always startled by the fact that people couldn't complete a sentence without curse words when they wanted to emphasis their feelings -- such as disapproval or displeasure. I had forgotten what it was like. Baruch Hashem my children grew up here! The article, itself, is excellent and much appreciated.
(5) Anonymous, September 8, 2019 5:27 PM
Thank you!
Rabbi Goldberg once again clearly and intelligently expressed what I have felt for years. I no longer listen to what the person is saying but am only focused on the language used and how jarring and deeply offensive it is.
(4) Avraham Keslinger, September 8, 2019 5:15 PM
Pres. Trump does not use profanity in public
I do not know what the author means by "foul-mouthed" but public use of profanity is one thing that cannot be said about him.
(3) Nancy, September 8, 2019 5:12 PM
A happy medium
I agree that we are far too loose with the usage of 4 letter words in modern society. On the other hand, I would not want to return to the days when I love Lucy could not utter the word pregnant on TV. IMO the answer is to THINK before speaking. Btw--I too live close to the beach and I never get tired of walking along the boardwalk. Every time I am near the ocean it feels like the first time. The smell of ocean air is a true mood elevator for me. I mention all of these things because I believe there are MANY adjectives we can use to describe these feelings We do not need to resort to using 4 letter words.
(2) Ed Gaglardi, September 8, 2019 5:02 PM
Amen
Whenever I watch a TV show that uses obscenities, that is the last time I watch that show - ever. I don't watch much TV anymore.
H.E.Brown, September 9, 2019 1:19 AM
Profanity
ME TOO!
(1) H.E.Brown, September 8, 2019 3:10 PM
Swearing.
It really is a big problem today. I know of a person that only knows one word. Other's maybe 5 words. Down deep this is not normal. I like the old movies that where made in the fifties, because you know that they are fun to watch because the dialog is clean. Not so with movies today. Some are not fit to watch because of the profanity. A person of low a low IQ, has that problem. Maybe someday they will grow up. Maybe. ?????