"Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere," Helen Gurley Brown famously quipped during her long reign at the helm of Cosmopolitan magazine. Gurley Brown, whose career as a cultural force spanned more than 50 years through her bestselling books and editorial direction of the magazine, died at the age of 90 on August 13. She catapulted to fame with her 1962 book, Sex and the Single Girl, which became a huge bestseller and led to Gurley Brown’s appointment as editor of Cosmopolitan.
An unremarkable general interest women’s magazine with drooping circulation, under Brown’s direction, Cosmo moved boldly and unapologetically toward salacious and racy content, ratcheting up its readership to more than 100 countries. While other women’s magazines in the 1960s and early '70s still emphasized the homemaking arts, Cosmo offered tutorials on the arts of seduction. Today, Cosmo’s covers are so explicit that they are often hidden behind small shields on the magazine rack in supermarkets.
Gurley Brown’s career ascent began in the 1960s, an era that had all the ingredients for cultural upheaval: growing social unrest, including the upending of previously unquestioned social mores, the advent of the birth control pill, the burgeoning feminist movement, and her own breezy endorsement of young women engaging in freewheeling physical intimacy with men, with zero regard to marriage, let alone any lesser form of relationship commitment. She encouraged young women to “sow their wild oats” just as men in secular society were expected to do. Earning the ire of both feminists and social conservatives, she promoted the idea that women should become the playthings of men, exploiting their looks and feminine charms to get what they wanted from men, whether in the boardroom or the bedroom. She made the concept of being a “good girl” seem oh so 1950s.
Though she championed promiscuity among the single set, she remained married for 51 years to her husband, producer David Brown, and maintained that theirs had been a loving and faithful relationship. Well into her 80s, Gurley Brown continued to dress for attention, wearing Manolo Blahnick slingbacks, mini-dresses, and fishnet stockings. "To be desired (physically), in my opinion, is about the best thing there is," she told the Washington Post in a 1996 article.
Having worked her way up from an impoverished childhood to the pinnacle of professional success, she extolled the virtues of self-discipline. As she said in the same Washington Post interview, "Self-discipline is the cornerstone of my life. [It] means making simple little decisions. You have a cheese omelet instead of a hot fudge sundae. You exercise every day... You keep your temper – you don't go around reaming out everybody although you'd like to – you just shut up. You do the thing that's good for you. And it reaps such incredible rewards."
Ironically, she failed to recognize that the rewards of self-discipline also apply to physical intimacy.
Ironically, she failed to recognize that the rewards of self-discipline resulting from work habits, diet, exercise, and holding one’s temper also apply to physical intimacy. Undoubtedly, the unprecedented candor she brought in her magazine to discussions about some of the most intimate issues in a woman’s life helped many women who felt confused, intimidated or frustrated by their feelings in these areas. However, she trivialized physical intimacy as so much fun and games.
Yet the stakes were very high, and the costs paid have been dear. Since the cultural upheavals of the 1960s, in which Gurley Brown was a major player, our culture has seen a meteoric rise in levels of depression, particularly among teenagers and college students, feelings of loneliness and alienation, a devaluing of marriage, and rampant cases of sexually transmitted diseases, which can lead to infertility. The casual “hook-up” culture that was the logical result of Gurley Brown’s cheerleading has made it that much harder to develop the deep emotional connections that human beings people crave in intimate relationships.
The disastrous fallout from the promiscuous path counseled by Gurley Brown and others like her, particularly for women, has been well documented. In recent years reams of studies and several books, including memoirs from young women, have chronicled the emotional scars they carry, as well as the resentment they feel toward men, who have an easier time separating their emotions from acts of physical intimacy. Women, for biological and spiritual reasons, cannot help but feel emotionally bonded to men with whom they share the most private of moments. When meaningful emotional connections fail to result from these casual encounters, many women – and often, sensitive men – are plunged into bouts of depression.
Some of the books that have effectively rebutted the Gurley Brown philosophy include Unprotected, by Dr. Miriam Grossman, Unhooked, by Laura Sessions Stepp, The Thrill of the Chaste, by Dawn Eden, and Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good, by Wendy Shalit. Fortunately, based on the overwhelming evidence that Gurley Brown’s advice on how to live a “fun” and fulfilling life have been such abysmal failures, more young people are “just saying no” to the oxymoronic term “casual intimacy.” (As one example, the web site www.loveandfidelity.org lists news and blogs about campus programs that promote marriage and reject the hook-up culture.)
Contradictory Advice
Diane Medved, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author of six books on family and relationships. She observes, “Helen Gurley Brown offered contradictory advice for women seeking fulfillment in every arena. She urged women to be powerful and seize what they wanted for themselves, yet proffered articles with titles like, ‘Six ways to get your man to listen to you.’ While telling readers to become powerful in the workplace, she also implied that life isn't much more than looking good, working out and getting a guy to notice you. In contrast, Jews believe there are three entities involved in an intimate relationship: the groom, the bride, and God. Helen Gurley Brown might have agreed that there are three, but probably that they were the man, the woman, and her mascara.”
Gurley Brown claimed that the message of her magazine was: “Just do what's there every day, and one thing will finally lead to another and you'll get to be somebody. And being somebody is a very nice thing to be." Yet her own actions belied that claim. The numerous face lifts and other cosmetic enhancements that she admitted to, even into old age, reveal that to be “somebody,” it sure helps to look artificial. One would need a microscope to find the number of articles in Cosmo devoted to developing a sense of inner beauty and dignity amid the avalanche of paper extolling the latest fashions, make-up, and flirting for success.
“I've had many clients who defined themselves by their looks, and they never found happiness until they built a strong, secure relationship – because that wasn't dependent on outsiders' reactions that day,” Dr. Medved continues. “Cosmo readers learned a lot about pleasures that are skin and nerve-deep, but very little about creating a permanent bond that can weather life's difficulties as well as its joys. But if you have no faith in God or anything beyond yourself, you might as well get another face lift, even if you're 80 years old.”
Gurley Brown was right when she observed, “Most 20-year-old women think they're not pretty enough, smart enough... don't have the job they want, they've still got some problems with their family. All that raw material is there to be turned into something wonderful.” Young women today increasingly realize that the recipe for making their lives into “something wonderful” will not be found in the pages of Cosmo magazine.
(32) Lynn, June 21, 2013 5:32 PM
Values are Important to Question
Somehow I didn't learn the cosmo values. But sadly, I did learn that it is important to be very pretty & my friends & I didn't enjoy our early 20s like we could have. We can choose to think for ourselves or let the media decide what is right for us..I think it is close to an avera to let the media of today decide our most personal choices.
(31) Batya, October 26, 2012 4:42 PM
I'm young (over 18, under 25) and I can tell you that very few girls in my generation take cosmo seriously. I remember sneaking copies into school and laughing over their ridiculous advice in the locker room with my friends. We knew it was silly (as a note, I did not attend a religious school and most of my friends were non-religious/non-Jewish)...I think that cosmo is more a symptom of our messed-up society, it's not really a cause. Just my two cents.
(30) Katie, August 27, 2012 5:14 PM
fluff
As a young woman I knew that cosmo magazine was a bunch of fluff and most young people know that to
(29) Scott, August 26, 2012 5:25 AM
Even more controversy for a non-entity
My sister is a rather angry person. I like to talk to her for about twenty minutes and then if I'm not careful I get drawn into her world. She sticks little needles into the conversation to get a rise out of me and then next thing you know I'm in a discussion on a subject that leads to an arguement and there goes an hour. She does get attention. Why don't I just ignore her? She's my sister. If she were anyone else I'd simply avoid her. "Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere," it's a good tag line. It expresses contempt for pretty much well everyone's moral standards. Assuming that everyone has moral standards. It's something that should be ignored, like Cosmo. It's just a needle sticking in people to get attention. Ms. Brown and her little needle...well I can just ignore her and have done so successfully for forty three years. Why don't you? Should women strive to be attractive in appropriate ways? Sure. Why not? As a man I try to make myself attractive by keeping fit, well groomed and dressing well. My wife appreciates it. Is being interested in fashion and beauty and popular culture bad? Not necessarily. My wife likes to keep herself reasonably fashionable, mainly I think because it makes her feel attractive. Nurtures her girlish side. It's good for the marriage. Personally I think she'd look great if all she owned was burlap bag and a pony tail. But it's really not about me. Does she read Cosmo? No. She has common sense. Most women I know with common sense don't read Cosmo. Most women who are raised with self-respect really don't feel like they need an article on 30 ways to please their man or a ten day diet to get them into that summer bikini. Those that do...well they probably don't read Aish. Life is too short for silly people. All you did by mentioning Ms. Brown on your website is to sell a few more magazines for Cosmo. What if Cosmo threw a culture war and no one showed up? That's what I'm saying.
(28) Anonymouse, August 24, 2012 5:40 PM
Blame vs. Responsiblity
HGB was publishing advice. There was nothing there that said following this advice was mandatory. To blame HGB for the actions of so many is to say that these young women (and men?) had no responsibility for what they did. If these people hadn't bought the magazine, Cosmo would have completely disappeared. It's just a lot easier to blame her since she was such a public figure than to say: Gee, I was really stupid when I took all her advice to heart.
(27) David, August 24, 2012 5:07 PM
?
Is it really appropriate to speak this way of the dead? Especially someone who just died? Different world view..sure. Not Torah values. Yes. Enemy of the Jews, no.
Lisa, September 23, 2012 12:36 AM
Agreed!
I was a child of the 60's and blossomed into a young woman about the time HGB became a household name. While I agreed with so much of the sociological backstory of this article, running like a thread throughout was a discomfort with throwing Mrs. Brown under the hearse....errr, bus. I am a non-Jew who loves to read anything I can get my hands on in regard to my spiritual heritage, albeit grafted. I wanted to say that David's comment was tasteful and that I agree. God gives us all the gift of making our own choices. Even then He mercifully saves us from the consequences of so many of them.
TT, November 19, 2014 10:23 PM
Not an enemy?
Why is someone who damages the spiritual and emotional health of our people any less an enemy than an Arab terrorist?
Torah value view: He/she is actually worse.
(26) Anonymous, August 23, 2012 11:36 AM
and older women...
As a child of the 60s and 70s (and an older woman now) I looked to these dynamic women for guidance. I was wounded by their advice. Yes, I "chose" but I was naive and there wasn't Aish back then to find me. Thank G.d I'm on track and the forces of immodesty are stronger than ever, urging young women of today. Ladies, we need to reach out to the younger women and connect.
(25) Miriam, August 23, 2012 2:55 AM
To paraphrase Rav Noach Weinberg (quoting Rav Shach):
If one woman could accomplish so much evil, imagine how much good one good woman can accomplish!
Pat Zacks, August 23, 2012 9:46 PM
What one good woman can accomplish?
Truthfully? Not much. It should be obvious that "bad" sells more than "good" in this society. It is human nature. I genuinely believe that HGB had no particular interest in her effect on women or society. Her goal was to sell magazines, and sell she did. I see her as the female equivalent of Hugh Hefner and his "Playboy philosophy." He probably laughed all the way to the bank, too. Perhaps along with teaching our boys and girls the way of a moral life, we should also teach them about marketing principles and their enormous effect on popular culture. Then perhaps our children would not so easily become victims of advertising. There's really no difference between that cute little green gecko selling auto insurance and HGB selling sexy magazines. I realize I'm harping on capitalism, and perhaps I'm jaded because I work in a large corporation, but I simply cannot believe that these people are out to change the world. It's all about making money, for themselves and for their stockholders. THIS is what we must teach our children. They aren't aware that, yes, ten million people CAN be wrong.
(24) Pat Zacks, August 22, 2012 10:22 PM
Too much analyzing???
I find something to agree with in almost every comment. However, I see Helen Gurley Brown as neither a destroyer of morals nor a liberator of women. If women chose to take her "advice" to heart, well, it WAS their choice. The first amendment of our constitution guarantees free speech no matter how contemptible. Ms. Brown was merely one more capitalist in our capitalistic society. She had an idea, she sold it to a dying magazine, the time was right, and she made a lot of money. That makes her a member of a pretty large club. Let the woman rest in peace.
Fred Holton, August 24, 2012 7:30 PM
"Club-Corruption"
Webster defines "Cosmopolitan" as belonging to all the world. Therefore, HGB deemed herself a world leader in advice for women to follow. I open the magazine and find articles such as, "Many ways to please your lover in bed". With lines like ,"Practice with a vegetable", and "Work your way from his toes to his pleasure zone". The wolf in sheeps clothing is more of a babylonian handbook than a stylish, glamour guide. Undoubtably Cosmo blazed a trail for the tatooed, illegitimate, interracial women of today to follow. Is there any wonder a fifty year old man, such as myself, can't find a woman who wants to be monogamous?
Shoshana-Dvora, August 27, 2012 5:14 PM
inter racial women
Fred, I 110% agree with your dislike of tattooed women ( I don't like tattoos on women, OR men!) But I take umbrage at your dislike of "illegitimate" or interacial women. If a person is born out of wedlock, so what! Many of us were, but we go on to live decent monogomous lives. As forthe interracial part, as long as your dating partner is Jewish, it's fine. Your attitude is racist.
(23) nuritg, August 22, 2012 4:14 PM
Can't women do better??
Could never get into Cosmo magazine, seemed shallow and weird
(22) Anonymous, August 22, 2012 4:19 AM
Helen
Cosmopolitan is dead on with a lot of articles. It happens to be quite crude and not in the spirit of Judaism, but the advise given does seem to make the women more attractive. The most beautiful women are tznius.
Lisa, August 22, 2012 5:33 PM
Cosmo.....we all took a peek!!
Cosmo never claimed to b in the spirit of Jewish law! It was perfect for the secular in the 1960's.....!! However , it seems we all took a little peek. Now we have other magazines that fit the Jewish women's lifestyle....it's about time!!
(21) SHOSHANA-DVORA, August 21, 2012 9:17 PM
Cosmo
Despie the trashiness, I used to subscribe to Cosmo because they do have some interesting, useful articles ( how to avoid being a victim of crime, for example). Also, I love make-up. But about 12 years ago there were 2 contradictory articles in the same edition. In one article, a woman said her boyfriend dumped her because she had told her girlfriends about their sex life.Thw author of the advice column warned her that this was not a topic for conversation with friends. I thought, " Right on!" I would dump my guy if he talked about our intimacy to others. But in another article, the writer advised young women to discuss their sex lives with their friends. I thought this was DISGUSTING to the max. I cancelled my subscription. A few months ago, I saw an online ad for a chance to win $10,000 from Cosmo. It wsa tricky; I ended up subscribing again ( and didn't win the money) But now, I see Cosmo hasn't changed. I will not waste more money on Cosmo. Helen Gurley Brown was a strong firgure; what a pity she didn't push for equal decency, not equal indecency.
(20) Kira, August 21, 2012 8:39 PM
Losing a little bit of soul
A couple of years ago, I read a letter in Cosmo, from a young woman who felt that every time she was with a man, she left a little bit of her soul behind with him. The response was extremely insensitive, essentially telling her to get over herself and that there's nothing wrong with just having a good time. Very sad.
(19) Salem, August 21, 2012 3:04 PM
The Blame Game
I feel this article, though well written and interseting with many great points, unfairly singles out Helen Gurley Brown. She was an important figure, but was not THE reason the tides turned. From what I have read and seen on TV the sixties were a time of total upheaval and Mrs. Gurley Brown was just one person of the time in the spotlight. That being said, the sixties didn't seem all that bad, it was the era of Jackie O : )
Anonymous, August 22, 2012 5:50 AM
except
I'd agree that it's harsh to single out one person, except that I personally feel victimized by Cosmo and the policies generated by Mrs. Gurley Brown. When I was a preteen (eleven-ish) my girlfriends and I read Cosmo like it was an instruction book for living. We admired the skinny models in their skimpy clothing, we devoured the sex advice and fantasized about how to seduce older men. As we got a little more experience under our belts, we did all the quizzes and compared our experiences against those described in the magazine. We measured ourselves against what Cosmo described as desirable, and felt bad about ourselves when we didn't measure up. It was only well into my 20s that I realized that Cosmo and similar magazines are trash.
(18) Anonymous, August 21, 2012 2:29 PM
I never could stand that shallow and materialistic magazine even in my twenties. It all seemed so surreal and superficial and the articles were all pushing people into immorality. The magazine articles seemed like recipes for a terrible life. What a poor influence for women and for society.
(17) Anonymous, August 21, 2012 12:22 AM
MISHPACHA, YATED, BINA, HAMODIA ETC.
Their is an incredible lack of intelligence in the pages of cosmo.. Thank Hashem, we have very informative reading material available to the Jewish community. Every week my family reads the Jewish magazine from cover to cover and I am confident that the content is beneficial in helping them grow in their Yiddishkeit.
(16) Anonymous, August 20, 2012 11:27 PM
Hgb promoted a depopulation agenda that destroys families, the value of marrige and raising children by using the media for an improper portrayal of human sexuality and promiscuity.
(15) Anonymous, August 20, 2012 6:18 PM
NOW from the man's point of view
So teaching a young woman to be promiscuous makes her a better wife later on? or can one just "unlearn"? Gurley was a professor in "sl*t 101". And is responsible for the endless insecurity of women - even after they've married. WHY? She championed the myth of "taming the bad boy" which left us nice guys lonely & dismissed in our teen years. Of course, this form of HG's Kinsleyian mythology has helped illegitimacy & divorce more than could have been imagined. I've been happily married for 26 years to a wonderful woman and it's not due to any advice she learned in Cosmo. The cover on this "quasi-porn" mag to me as a teenager was self explanatory. HG wasn't an "ORIGINAL THINKER" (per "hazelgreen") as promiscuity/moral confusion/dismissal is as old as human existence. We boys looked at women on those covers as "sex objects" & regardless of the irresponsible rationalizations mentioned here. no guy wants their girl/future wife to be an object of "sl*tty" pleasure for any or all (including other women- ms gurley and cosmo clearly didn't respect boundaries). Certainly if my wife had even half of the lawless, rabid "openness" expressed by Cosmo "doctrine" lifestyles proposed there, I would have never married her. Many of us guys feel the same way...women who listed/read such tripe would become too corrupted to show "good judgment" even if they wanted to. Sorry for the FYI...but you ARE what you read, who you listen to. Judy is RIGHT ON! Only people that consider "spiritual gains" to be important through Torah and Prayer will be a successful woman and/or MAN. true love...like everything else that define the meaning of human existence is invisible -. Follow "goodness" with "purity" with your best effort. You’ll SEE the rewards that G-d will give you. Just like we've SEEN the mass failures in relationships & the hurt its' caused children - remember them? Thanks in part to "original thinkers" (not)) like Helen Gurley.
Daniel, August 22, 2012 2:33 AM
Even worse
is that women shun "inexperienced" guys. So what's to keep those of us who are "lonely & dismissed in our teen years" from staying that way FOREVER?
(14) Suzanne, August 20, 2012 4:54 PM
Cosmo was just the tip of the iceberg....
I congratulate anyone who grew up in the 60's and 70's and survived. Looking back, I feel that we were robbed of some of our childhoods, a whole lot of our adolescence and a lot of our young adult hoods. Everywhere ...the movies, the radio, the television, the popular songs and, yes, our high school and college teachers fed us a daily diet of leftism and contempt for traditional American and religious values. It's even worse now for our children. I'm not saying that a few of the things that were bought out during this time weren't valid (civil rights being an example) but the contempt for traditional and religious values was WAY too much. A lot of women AND men now bear the scars. In conclusion, as far as self empowerment for women goes, I wonder if it would have happened anyway because we have rapidly developed from an agrarian society into a high tech one and people are living so much longer now than they used to - so people have to adapt and develop a few different strategies for life.
Anonymous, August 21, 2012 2:39 PM
oy!
Spot on, Suzanne!!! Only those of us who lived through the 60s and 70s understand how thoroughly the media bombarded us with negative messages.....traditional values were attacked and assaulted by everything from song lyrics to sit coms.
Galia Berry, August 26, 2012 4:41 AM
There must be something wrong with me, but I grew up in the 60s - 70s and LOVED it. People were extremely idealistic and were disillusioned by many world and national events, which led them to question conventional things and search for Truth. This healthy and very intellectually stimulating questioning of values, the meaning of life, desire for more spirituality, etc. led many assimilated Jews back to their roots and was the catalyst and beginning of the modern-day ba'al tshuva movement.
(13) Anonymous, August 20, 2012 11:54 AM
To Leah--Cosmo has never represented itself as a magazine that will increase spiritual gains for women. However, it has been a forum for women to safely tell their stories. We really need to give women credit for making their own decisions re: their own sexuality, careers, marriage and children. Fortunately there are many other resources that a frum woman can turn to for advice.
(12) Lisa, August 20, 2012 10:29 AM
Gruen & Gurley
You got me at Cosmo!! Very impressed that you even acknowledged Ms. Helen Gurley Brown!! I'm sure Ms. Gurley would have loved having Ms. Gruen on her staff!
(11) Anonymous, August 20, 2012 2:44 AM
Magazine Recommendation
Just curious. What magazine would you recommend for young women in their 20's and 30's. Thanks.
(10) Anonymous, August 19, 2012 11:50 PM
En Vogue
I know it's en vogue -- no pun intended -- within the religious community to bash the secular world. Yet, as a baalas tshuva who has been promised a good husband through the virtues of modesty and mitzvah observance, is noticing that in the world where there seems to be a limited supply of normal, good frum men (these are the shadchanim's words, not mine), seduction should be back en vogue. Maybe the author hasn't noticed, but there is indeed a shidduch crisis in the religious community-- one so big that on the back of a the Chofetz Chaim frum magazine, there are ples to encourage parents to marry off their sons off women their own age. Did that every happen in the world of Cosmo? Or did Cosmo encourage women to be their best selves, so maybe a woman of 28 could "gasp" marry a man who is 26. Perhaps the author disagrees with the methods used by Cosmo -- but at least in Cosmo world, men and women were getting together. In the frum world, it seems as if people are just staying single. Wonder what system G-d likes better.
Feeling for you, August 21, 2012 8:54 PM
Being single is hard
I'm single too, and I totally feel for you. But I remember when I used to dress in a way that was more seductive and I thought I felt so good from it, but the truth is that single and holy is happier than single and impure. It's still hard, and I hope the right one finds both of us really soon so that we can express our feminity in the way G-d wills us too! Keep davening and best wishes for a soul mate year!
lisa, August 22, 2012 3:27 AM
Gr8 observation!!
100% agree!!
(9) hazelgreen, August 19, 2012 10:48 PM
Let Helen Rest-inPeace, already!
Firstly, it is tremendously tasteless to discuss someone in this manner so very soon after her death..period! Secondly, for the time, HGB was a trailblazer! An original thinker and a point-of-view that allowed young woman to take off the blinders and know that they had CHOICES. I was just becoming a teenager in the 60's and Cosmopolitan was one of many "pieces of entertainment" that I had. NEVER,EVER did I feel that the "advise" in that magazine was more important than my own good judgement. It was meant to be simply "another part of the story".....What I admired so much about Helen was that she showed me that a woman could think for herself--that she could do whatever she set her mind to doing. Maybe instead of being so obviously judgemental and closed-minded, you might give the woman respect for having her finger on the pulse of a generation that represented the way it was then, and speaking to the questions that we all had.! Whether or not you agreed with her "advise" or not, wasn't the point,really! Just to be able to put it out there for discussion was empowering to me and all of my girlfriends--but then, I was never afraid of exploring the world,beyond my upper middle-class suburban world that I was brought up in. Helen,honey--you made an amazing difference to my generation in showing us that we can play with the "big box of crayons".....IF WE CHOOSE. Thank-you for your courage to be an ORIGINAL THINKER and for all of the just-plain-fun that you provided thru COSMO....Altho it's certainly another CENTURY, I'll always feel like a "Cosmo-girl" in my HEART......REST IN PEACE,dear lady...Well done!
Leah, August 20, 2012 12:12 PM
With all due respect, the "pulse of the generation" is not necessarily a good thing. Giving a green light to promiscuity and calling out the sexual desires of women as automatically acceptable - no matter what those desires may be is a very dangerous way of thinking and being. As the article suggests it has lead to many women to feel unfilled and depressed when they have wanton sex with no attachment, no marriage or anything that is respectable. Just exactly how wonderful is that? Your last statement is "I'll always feel like a "Cosmo-girl in my heart." It is interesting to note that you use the expression , "heart." The heart is place that is most fickle...."The heart wants what the heart wants." it's no surprise to see some of the covers of Cosmo "displaying" women as cheap garbage.....
(8) Ann, August 19, 2012 9:14 PM
When Comedy Turns to Grace
What a great article, Mrs. Gruen, and so true. I was one of those lost teenage girls who came of age under Cosmo's shadow, led by my poor mother, who was even more lost. Mrs. Gurley Brown, may she rest in peace, promoted the idea that men are candy and women are the wrapping: there for us to use and discard, and from which to peel ourselves quickly. What a sad legacy.
(7) Miss Bliss, August 19, 2012 6:58 PM
She understood self-discipline very well, it seems
Ms. Gruen writes: "She failed to recognize that the rewards of self-discipline...also apply to physical intimacy." Does Ms. Gruen not think that a 51-year 'loving and faithful marriage' bespeaks self-discipline???
Anonymous, August 19, 2012 11:01 PM
Ms. Gruen is a wet-blanket!
Someone who is obviously so intimidated by anyone who has world-view has to make them look bad. Judy only sees the world from her tiny filter---sad,but true. I think that Helen's work was amazing, as was her marriage.
(6) Anonymous, August 19, 2012 6:06 PM
Sexual hypocrisy
Helen Gurley Brown had a manipulative -- even sadistic -- attitude toward young women. She advised them to be as sexually "free" as men while she herself knew that the key to her good marriage was being a "geisha," as she put it, toward her husband. Why didn't she give other women the advice she herself lived by?
(5) Ted Pringle, August 19, 2012 5:58 PM
A very good article (re Helen Gurley Brown and her p.o.v.).
I very much found 'food for thought' and soundly thought out points as regards Helen Gurley Brown's 50-year old concerns.
(4) Arlene Maletta, August 19, 2012 4:55 PM
Great Article
She used to make my blood boil, but I thought there was something wrong with me. You've set the record straight, beautifully!!!!!
(3) Anonymous, August 19, 2012 4:41 PM
I think we need to appreciate Cosmo magazine for what it is: an escape from reality. The models are airbrushed and made up within an inch of their lives. With that said, Cosmo has actually published some useful and thought provoking articles. Also, just because a magazine tells women that they CAN have sex without attachment it does not mean every woman WILL have it. Re: Helen Gurley Brown and her numerous plastic surgeries. She was merely trying to combat the rampant ageism that still exists in American society.
Leah, August 19, 2012 7:36 PM
You might want to re read the above article- perhaps
You're right, anonymous. Just because a magazine tells a woman to have sex without attachment, it does not mean that they will. It only increases the possibility by about 95%. I believe ageism will exist because there are people who give in to it. It does not bother those who focus on make spiritual gains and spiritual gains will not be had through some dumb promiscuous articles put out by a magazine that is making serious money by fooling young and old women into thinking that their time spent on earth should vacuous.
(2) glenda urmacher, August 19, 2012 4:18 PM
made the male/female standards equal
If nothing else HGB, gave women permission to be themselves. Not what their parents wanted, not what their future husbands wanted, but what they wanted. Whether it be a job, an education, a career, marriage and children of one's own, the choice was theirs. And yes the option was there for the pill, to chose when one wanted to start a family. Not an accident, or the dictates of one's religion, but able to put off pregnancy until it was feasible. Rape, incest long hidden ,and shunned ,and the victim shamed, and made to feel at fault for what happen is out of the closet, along with being gay. You reported on all the negatives, but there were many positives, and yes religion lost some of its holds on women, and that too is great. It allowed men to see the feminine side, and finally start on the proccess of becoming real men, who go to work, earn a living, and have the number of children they can comfortably afford without going on welfare, or bleeding their community dry, and depriving children of basic necessities.
Anonymous, August 21, 2012 8:59 PM
Different definition of feminisim
It seems like your definition of feminism is for a woman to be able to do what she wants. In Judaism, expression of feminism is to be able to do what G-d wants. The freedom that society has engendered is not necessarily a good thing, as such freedom can lead to being bound by our passions, which can lead to a frivolous life. Instead, the freedom to control our passions, is what we aim for and why such magazines our so detested.
(1) Sheryl, August 19, 2012 3:54 PM
Thought provoking article, but......
Author Judy Gruen has written a well-crafted article on the legacy of Helen Gurley Brown. As a young woman in the 70s, Gurley Brown's concept of women learning to enjoy sex was both novel and enlightening. With the passage of the years, I have come to agree with Gruen's conclusions, but do believe that Gurley Brown unleashed the repressed sexual mores of the 1950s for women. Now men and women can enjoy sex equally and relationships are strengthened because of Gurley Brown's influence.
Anonymous, August 21, 2012 9:01 PM
Torah commands men to give maximum pleasure to the women
This makes a lot of sense but Judaism already thought of this ages ago. Torah law commands men to give maximum pleasure to the women in intimacy, and so, while there may have been feelings of being repressed elsewhere, in our world, woman were well taken care of with regard to marital relations. If anything, women get the better end of the deal.