Actor Keanu Reeves “ain’t taking no chances”. That’s the text of a Twitter post that’s gone viral, garnering hundreds of thousands of likes and comments within hours, as well as other posts that are taking social media by storm. The internet is suddenly agog by an unusual quirk in Reeve’s behavior: in photo after photo, the star poses with women – but never touches them.
One Facebook page shared several recent photos of Reeves with an array of women: in each picture, instead of placing his arm around a woman, he held his hand up instead, clearly standing near but not touching his companion. His hand can be seen dangling behind the women, instead of placed on their waists or shoulders.
Reeves hasn’t commented about the reason for his non-touching pose, but plenty of his fans have speculated that the 54-year-old actor doesn’t want to risk giving women unwanted attention or physical contact. A typical comment was “A true gentleman”, supposing that Reeves is deliberately not touching women in photos order to signal respect his female co-stars and fans.
The world has woken up to the seriousness of sexual harassment due to the “Me Too” movement. Reeve’s no-touching stance signals that maybe it’s time to re-think the way we expect men and women to behave in public.
This behavior has ancient precedents. Judaism has long recognized the power and problems that can come with physical contact – and has advocated Reeve’s approach for thousands of years.
Many observant Jews live by a rule called “shomer negiah”, which means that men and women who are not married or closely related to each other don’t touch each other, at all. So when they pose in photos with members of the opposite sex, like Keanu Reeves they’ll refrain from draping an arm around each other or placing their hands on each other.
The ramifications go further than the occasional awkward photo. It limits many of the behaviors that have led to accusations of sexual impropriety in recent years. There’s no hugging or cheek kissing. No awkward embraces or pats. When men and women have one-on-one meetings, they make sure that they do so in a room where the door is open and their behavior can be easily observed. It’s a dignified way of relating to people that fosters an environment where people are focused on each other’s minds and words – not on each other’s bodies.
Based on the viral Twitter post, it seems that people admire Keanu Reeves’ decision to refrain from touching women. It’s a sign of his respect of the opposite sex. In a world rife with the objectification of women (and men) we can all learn from his example.
(17) Yak Fatzko, June 24, 2019 7:19 PM
Correction
The rule or rule set is called "Shmiras Negia" not "Shomer Negia". One who observes Shmiras Negia is called a "Shomer Negia" just as one who observes Shmiras Shabbos is called a Shomer Shabbos.
(16) Anonymous, June 22, 2019 11:49 PM
Right
I agree. Totally.
(15) mg, June 18, 2019 3:45 AM
Read this book!!
For all of you who are having a hard time understanding the meaning and the power of shomer negiah (watchfulness of touch; otherwise known as touching the opposite gender) I would suggest the book, Magic Touch by: Gila Manolson.
Can be purchased on Amazon.
I AM NOT RECEIVING COMMISSION ON THIS!!
However, I always had a hard time understanding this concept and this really cleared the air for me. Now, I even WANT to be shomer.
Hatzlacha to you all, may G-d protect you!!
(14) Anonymous, June 15, 2019 10:18 PM
good concept, bad example
once more making saint from an actor who doesn't state the reason for his behaviour. why bring his name as an example, when we know people who do it out of respect and state so too.
(13) artichoke, June 15, 2019 9:39 PM
It's self defense, not respect, not a compliment.
I wouldn't call it a sign of respect. If we respected women, we would trust them and be willing to engage in normal affectionate touching.
However things are hostile now, and we won't give you any ammunition.
(12) Anonymous, June 14, 2019 8:04 PM
Not always appreciated
I am a VP at my office and have a policy to only meet with females with my door partially open OR in a room with a window or glass door. Few months ago the female HR director came down for a non-important and non-private matter. I asked to keep the door open and said I was sure she understood. She said she did not and eventually sent me an article which said my policy was inappropriate for not allowing privacy. Not true. I allow a closed door meeting in a room with a window. But she doesn't care. So sometimes you just can't win.
(11) Reuven Frank, June 14, 2019 2:30 AM
Yesss!
I KNEW I liked my fellow left-hander for more reasons than that.
(10) Ian Cannon, June 13, 2019 8:58 PM
Avoid women at ALL costs!
With all of the FALSE sexual harrassment allegations against men going on,...why the hell would ANY man want to touch ANY woman!?A man's life can be ruined forever!?
(9) Mario Zamora, June 13, 2019 6:35 PM
Touching is normal
I don’t agree people can’t touch one another. Even kisses on the cheeks are normal. What’s wrong with humans touching each other appropriately? Problem is inappropriate touching or getting too close inappropriately. We all know what’s approriate or innapropriate. Even children know it somehow. People who get in troubles is because they’re being inappropriate. Like ViceP. Biden. You can see how uncomfortable those women were with him practically breathing on their necks. Doesn’t he know what’s appropriate or not? Come on. I have a lot of Jewish women friends that we are always happy to kiss each other on the cheeks while greeting and I will never change. I’m not doing anything inappropriate. Let’s call it for what it is. What’s wrong is wrong and what’s right is right. I have nothing to learn from Keannu Reeves. I just respect what he chooses.
Menashe, June 18, 2019 4:25 PM
You miss the whole point!
Mario,
You just don't get it!
You are missing the whole point!!
Daniel, June 26, 2019 10:21 PM
Not our way
Thankfully, the Jewish moral laws are not decided by the whims of people, which changes from place to place and era to era, but by G-D who created humanity and knows what is best for them.
Klaudya, November 5, 2019 11:00 PM
are u sure?
Have you ever ask you female "friends" or acquaintances, or co-workers,if they like the kissing in the cheek or hug at all time? have u ever ask them what they would prefer? it is a chance that some of them don't really like it or would prefer just a greeting, but they are shy to express it to you to not make you feel bad.
I never liked it the cheek kiss or hug while greetings males, it was uncomfortable, even if I did appreciate the person. That type of proximity is not necessary. It has been a relief for me since I am shomer negiah.
(8) Nancy, June 13, 2019 6:33 PM
Let's use some common sense, good judgment and halaka here
These laws were meant to reinforce the sacredness of touch. However, I have read differing rabbinical viewpoints on shaking hands. I am NOT advocating a more casual approach. I just believe we need to think and explore. Finally, I admit to being impressed with this decision that Keanu Reeves has made but I would rather read about someone who is NOT a celebrity. Re: Mike Pence and being alone with women not his wife. As yourselves this question: When is Mike Pence ever really alone?! Wouldn't he have secret service agents around hims constantly no matter what he is doing out in public? This is why I am skeptical of his policy of not being alone with women who are not his wife/not related to him.
Shoshana-Jerusalem, June 16, 2019 3:47 PM
not the reason
These laws of not touching were not to reinforce the sacredness of touch, though it might also accomplish They are commanded because it is forbidden to touch anyone you are not married to as this might give pleasure, or lead to something else. This has been the kedusha -holiness- of the Jewish home throughout the thousands of years of Judaism. The Torah is G-d's word to His people. It is the Manufacture's instruction manual, telling us how to use His world.
(7) Jonathan Shopiro, June 13, 2019 3:14 PM
Ignoring the elephant in the room
The article discusses hugs, etc., but doesn't mention shaking hands, the most common form of touching. If you refuse to shake hands with persons of the opposite sex in social and business situations you will mark yourself as a weirdo and make them feel disrespected. Shame on the author for trying to sweep this important issue under the rug.
Rob, June 13, 2019 5:52 PM
Law and leniency
The position of yireai shamayim, those in awe of heaven, is that whatever happens as a result of keeping Jewish law like shemiras negiah is from God, e.g. loss of business deal, strained relations, etc. and thus should be willing risk the consequences. That said, some rabbis hold that in such delicate as making a living, shaking hands or doctor touching patient other business or professional purpose is not done for derech chibba, licentious purposes, and thus not a transgression of the intent of the law. Some hold to the law, and never touch under any circumstances expect to save a life. Some are more lenient, but touching in purely social situations is not within the spirit of the law.
(6) Chaim, June 13, 2019 2:58 PM
Double standard
But when orthodox Jews don’t touch women, they’re accused of being disrespectful and misogynistic. Double standard, anyone?
Clifton, June 13, 2019 5:02 PM
Assuming
Dear Jonathan. Do you know for a fact the good Dr. intentionally excluded hand shakes from her story?
Why so serious? You have no idea what she or any other writer has on their mind and I think it somewhat shameful to insinuate such things.
As one who does not try to shake hands I agree with you that one can be shunned so I try to be aware of that in doing so.
Men should behave as gentlemen at all times. It is due to things like toxic feminism and the sexual revolution that some men were not brought up properly to know better.
artichoke, June 15, 2019 9:44 PM
chivalry is dead, women killed it
But toxic feminism happened, and you can forget about gentlemanly behavior. What you'll get is self defense. Asking for the old thing shows a lack of character on your part, a lack of caring about the position men are in.
Rachel, June 17, 2019 3:22 AM
What does being a gentleman have to do with this?
My father, of blessed memory, was a perfect gentleman, as expressed by speaking respectfully to everyone. While he would offer assistance if a woman needed it, for example due to age, disability, or pregnancy, he would never dream of laying a hand on anyone without their consent. Perhaps, since you identify as a vegetable, you don't understand the difference.
Annie, June 14, 2019 6:47 AM
Muslims are accused of this, too, and no amount of explaining has any effect on those who are determined to see sexism everywhere.
(5) eileen smith, June 13, 2019 2:58 PM
Meaning of Emunah & meaning of Chizuk? Thank you.
I am trying to learn about terms used and their English translations?
Thank you.
Reuven Frank, June 14, 2019 2:28 AM
Translations
Emunah is usually translated as belief.
You may also see "faithfulness", though.
Chizuk comes from the root Chazak, strong.
It is commonly used to refer to given someone else strength or aid.
BOL with your Ivrit.
I will try to answer your Hebrew needs.
(4) David, June 13, 2019 2:57 PM
I don’t touch women either
I also do not touch women. But it’s more from distrust than respect. Look what happened to Justice Kavanaugh - an unprovable allegation 30 years later! I don’t need that. I started when we got the anti-harassment law, which permits unprovable (aka possibly false) allegations to be made against any male and then presumes guilt on his part.
Dawn, June 13, 2019 3:24 PM
Unproveable?
Justice Kavanaugh was guilty, undoubtedly, but evidence was overlooked. His conservative position will be important in the expected cases sure to come to the attention of the Supreme Court regarding abortion. That is a double standard! without regard to regulating men's behavior. After all, 100% of pregnancies are caused by men.
Anonymous, June 13, 2019 4:43 PM
Undoubtedly?
Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh was not proven guilty.
zlate 1, June 13, 2019 11:22 PM
You are incorrect
Really? 100 percent of pregnancies are caused by men?
I have news for you, unless it is rape, it takes two to tango.
Powerful as men might be there can be no pregnancy without the women's contribution.
Yoni, June 14, 2019 5:32 AM
Ridiculous
NOTHING was proven against Justice Kavanaugh, just an unsubstantiated claim and some ridiculous reading of his high school yearbook by vindictive democrats determined to tear him down. This does prove the point. In today’s day, even someone 100% innocent can be torn down by hateful unsubstantiated claims. Certainly there’s no reason to give anyone any extra ammunition by touching the opposite gender. This besides the point that it’s forbidden by the Torah.
Anonymous, June 15, 2019 9:49 PM
Unproven, even unlikely
You assert that some overlooked evidence proves that Kavanaugh did something wrong.
That's a ridiculous assumption. Instead it's Blasey-Ford that vanished without a trace as various parts of her story were debunked.
(3) Dan Friedman, June 13, 2019 2:55 PM
Swing and a Miss
Reeves' decision has nothing to do with ethics or morals. He doesn't want his career and life ruined by some woman claiming "sexual harassment" because Reeves looked at her the wrong way 15 years ago.
Anonymous, June 14, 2019 6:51 AM
I would be inclined to agree; he is taking the sensible precaution of making sure that he does nothing that can be distorted later. It's a shame, I must say.
(2) Shimeon Weiner, June 13, 2019 2:14 PM
And Vice President Mike Pence?
Mike Pence has stated that he does not put himself in a compromising situation - ie alone in an office - dining etc - and he was mocked - called a prude, old fashioned. When really he was avoiding any temptation, eliminating questionable situations - and respecting both his wife and other women.
Shelly, June 13, 2019 4:41 PM
TRUE!
Shimeon,
I wrote about Mike Pence, as well. That is precisely what I thought...VP Pence being called old fashioned and a prude. If that’s what being old fashioned is, let’s get more people on board.
Thanks for your insight!
(1) Anonymous, June 12, 2019 6:26 PM
Good fences make good neighbors
If I don't know someone very well, I do NOT want to have any sort of physical contact with that person. For me this holds true whether it is a man OR a woman.