Passover is all about family. The Seder concentrates on the children. The focus of the holiday is on strengthening the bond between one generation and the next. The children ask, the parents respond – and the result is everlasting and priceless memories.
But if you were forced to put a price tag on those precious moments that create family ties, would you be willing to say they’re worth $13 million?
That was the amazing test faced by a professional major league baseball player just a few weeks ago – and his stunning response was a lesson with profound meaning for every one of us.
It happened to Adam LaRoche, a veteran who played 12 seasons in the majors, previously for the Washington Nationals and more recently for the Chicago White Sox. Adam came to spring training expecting to continue a tradition of long-standing, so important to him that it was included in his contract. He was a father who homeschooled his son Drake and took him along to the clubhouse frequently so that he could be a father figure regularly overseeing his son’s growth to maturity.
For Adam, spending time with his son was at least as important as reaching fame in his field of athletic expertise, a profession which had the added bonus of being extremely rewarding financially. And so Adam made sure that Drake would be with him as much as possible. He taught Drake discipline and responsibility by encouraging him to help out in the clubhouse and filling the role of the bat boy. Best of all though, Adams efforts gave them both the opportunity to spend time together – to foster the kind of relationship that ensures understanding, love and respect between two generations.
Drake was the team’s mascot and the other players enjoyed having him around. It isn’t uncommon for some players to bring their sons to the clubhouse, especially someone like Drake who is now a teenager. For more than a few players it’s part of baseball tradition. But in spring training this year the Executive Vice President of the Chicago White Sox had a change of heart about the boy’s presence with the players. Adam LaRoche was told he could no longer bring Drake to the ballpark at all.
As Adam LaRoche put it, “I had to make a decision. Do I choose my teammates and my career? Or do I choose my family?” Adam had a year to go on his contract which would pay him $13 million for the season. He could resign and forfeit that money, or he could accept the new limitation on his relationship with his son.
LaRoche said the decision was easy. “Of one thing I am certain: we will regret not spending enough time with our kids, not the other way around. This was likely to be the last year of my career, and in no way was I going to spend it without my son.”
On Passover we are meant to acknowledge that our families come first.
So Adam LaRoche won’t be playing this season. He chose family over fame and fortune.
But this is far more than just a story about a ballplayer and his once-in-a-lifetime test of the value of a father-son relationship. As Passover likes to remind us, all of us need to reflect on the importance of making the right decision when it comes to a choice between our career or our family, between the growth of our portfolios or the progress of our children.
As the Jews were about to leave Egypt and for the first time identify as a nation, God commanded them to come together individually in their respective homes – not in a temple or synagogue – and share in a religious ceremony which would bond them as families. Only after that could they then become Am Yisrael – the people of Israel.
For thousands of years, every Passover we ensure our future by re-creating the only guarantee for our survival. We have a meal in which we talk to our children. We join in a Seder at which we discuss who we are and where we came from. We inspire our children and talk about our values. We have a warm and open relationship with our children based on honest dialogue, on frank discussion, on meaningful questions and answers. We need to join in a Seder because it is a paradigm of a warm and loving family.
Passover is our first historic step to peoplehood. On Passover we are meant to acknowledge that our families come first – and if we don’t recognize that we are still enslaved as much as we were in Egypt. Slaves to taskmasters who come in the form of careers which demand 24/7 obedience. Slaves to taskmasters offering obscene monetary compensation at the price of distancing ourselves from our loved ones. Slaves to taskmasters who force us to choose the profane over the sacred, the insignificant over the truly important.
Too bad that one of the wealthiest men in the world didn’t learn this lesson until it was too late. Sam Walton was the multibillionaire CEO of Wal-Mart, the fourth largest U.S. corporation. As he was lying on his deathbed, he struggled to get out his last three words on earth. He had given his life for his business. In that area, he succeeded beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. Yet, it was at a price. He hardly spent any time with his wife, his children, and his grandchildren. He didn’t allow himself the moments of loving interaction, of cuddling a grandchild on his lap, of playing and laughing and rejoicing with his loved ones. His final three words? “I blew it!” He had the billions, but by his own admission he had failed.
At the Seder, surrounded by family, we continue the tradition of old. We celebrate a holiday dedicated to the ideal of freedom – the freedom which comes from making the right choice between the slavery of the marketplace and the sovereignty of our home and our loved ones. Like Adam LaRoche, we too know that is worth far more than $13 million.
(7) Rivka D, April 21, 2016 9:28 AM
Laroche had an unreasonable request
There are millions of parents who homeschool in this country, and not one of them expects that every day will be "bring your kid to work" day. Some companies allow that, but only once a year. Is Adam a single parent, so the kid's mom can't parent while dad is at work? No. Even on a work day, is Adam away from his family all day? Probably not - as for every parent there is time before work, and after work. There are many days Adam is not working, when he can connect with his son, and participate in homeschooling him. This is just an ego trip for Laroche: I should get whatever I want because I am such an important guy.
(6) MESA, April 18, 2016 2:19 PM
I think Lisa said it best. Most of us want to spend more time with our families, but we also have to pay rent/mortgage, put food on the table, and pay yeshiva tuition. And we're not making millions.
(5) Anonymous, April 18, 2016 11:57 AM
You actually think he helped his son by homeschooling him?
I know if a woman who homeschooled her son.. He has no friends no social life. No school trips. He eats lunch alone. To me his mother ruined his life, so don't go praising a father who homeschools his son... It's not about the son. It's about the father who wants to mold his son into what the father wants. Poor kid
Rivka D, April 21, 2016 9:39 AM
Most homeschooled kids don't suffer like that
All homeschooling families that I know participate weekly in a lot of group activities: They may go together to hire a math, science, or art teacher for a small group. Usually meet weekly somewhere for strictly social purposes. The kids themselves connect with each other by phone, by computer, and arrange to get together just like kids in regular schools. BUT they never suffer from bullying, peer pressure to try drugs or steal from mom's purse, required to put up with a bad teacher for a class.... Yes, I know as adults we frequently have to put up with people we don't like at work, but we have the option to change jobs, change employers. Kids stuck in a class with a bad teacher, or even a good teacher but another student who picks on them have no way to get out of the situation.
(4) Rachel, April 17, 2016 6:24 PM
Slavery vs choice
Let's be clear that there's a huge difference between being owned by another with the power of life and death over you, and allowing oneself to become enslaved by material pursuits. I don't know anyone who prefers to be at work, but most people have no choice. I know my career suffered to some extent because of my absence on Jewish holidays, a sacrifice I was able to make. Contrast that with the fate of Jews in Nazi occupied Europe, or the USSR.
(3) Anonymous, April 17, 2016 4:52 PM
not exactly the same
First of all, I read all of your articles and own many of your books. I followed this baseball saga and it seemed that the boy was there too much. There was no outcry by teammates. A child doesnt belong with a parent at work all of the time.
Pam, April 18, 2016 4:37 PM
What is too much
I agree....I followed the story and he was bringing his son "to work" just about everyday. I don't believe being in the locker room and in the dugout everyday is the place for a 14 yr old boy.
(2) Mort Friedman, April 17, 2016 3:03 PM
Lisa has it right
Lisa has it right. Nothing more to add.
(1) Lisa, April 17, 2016 10:13 AM
This article should be about how absurd it is that in America we pay ball players a bit too much for hitting a ball with a bat!!!
This 13 million dollar package was nice albeit I'm sure he has enough money to last him a while. In our lives where money, unfortunately plays a huge role, it might not be such a easy choice to choose family over a nice chunk of change. Most parents do want to work less but has too many financial obligations!! Let's not overlook the fact he was getting an absurd amount of money for hitting a ball with a bat, to me that inandofitself is quite lucky!! Adam did have that choice to choose family over money & yes we need to learn from it. But we are all not that lucky!
Canuck, April 17, 2016 3:30 PM
I agree!
Many parents i know, myself included, worked horribly long hours at our jobs. Those workloads greatly compromised our ability to be good parents. But if we had refused we would have lost our jobs, & our primary obligation was to make a living for our families.
Toly, April 18, 2016 6:04 AM
Not much of a sacrifice or a test.
He was in the majors since 2004 (11 years), earning average of $5 mil per year (maybe more), giving him $55 mil over his career. I am guessing that $10 mil of those is enough for him to live life as he wishes, with a luxury of home schooling his kids, spending every day all day with the family for the rest of his life. If he did this on his first year, that would have been a real test, although I am sure that a team in the majors would have given in to his demands since he was good.
Articles like that are very annoying to me, although I normally enjoy Rabbi Blech's writings. I do agree with the point of the article, just that the center example is poorly chosen. In fact, using people that are so statistically "out there" like the baseball player or Walmart CEO is not useful for regular folks who cannon imagine most of what these people have of face in their life. Even the famous example of Sandy Koufax not playing on Yom Kipur is not that courageous since he knew that he will not be fired, and in fact went on to pitch 3 of 7 games in that World Series.