“I’m looking for my husband!”
The anguished cry flew out of my radio, filling my kitchen. The woman’s emotion was so raw; I felt tears come to my eyes.
“I want to tell him I love him,” the woman on the radio said, and burst into tears.
The interviewer on NPR was reporting live from the Navy Ship Yard in Washington DC, in the midst of the police search for Aaron Alexis, the former naval reservist who shot and killed 12 people in the office complex on Monday, September 16. He was interviewing a woman whose husband was a civilian employee there, and she’d rushed to the scene as soon as she’d heard about the shooting.
“All I want is to know that he’s okay,” she said. “All I want is to tell him I love him,” she said over and over again.
Listening to her anguished words, I cast a glance out my window, where I could see my husband building our sukkah. I thought of my own tears not so long ago, pleading for any reassurance about his well-being. A year ago, my husband was sick with a life-threatening illness, and I too pleaded. All I wanted was reassurance that he’d still be there for me, that he’d go on living.
For a few intense months, everything I wanted was so simple. It all boiled down to one hope: that my husband stay alive. Everything else that had ever bothered us, that had ever seemed important – social obligations or home maintenance or all the millions of things that normally filled our days – receded to absolute nothingness. “Please let him be okay,” I’d think all day long. And, like the woman today on the radio, all I wanted was to be able to tell my husband I loved him.
A while later the reporter announced that the woman’s husband had been found unharmed, and I gave a sigh of relief. The carnage was far from over, but I knew that for her, at least, the worst of the nightmare was past. For a long time, perhaps forever, she’d look at the world with different eyes. That she’d remember her moments of terror, when all she wanted in the world was her husband’s life, and nothing else really mattered.
Esther Jungreis noted that the people trapped in the World Trade Center or on the hijacked airplanes on 9/11who were able to make final phone calls in their last moments all said the same thing: “I love you.” Confronted with death, they were aware of what was truly important in life. Nobody picked an argument. Nobody talked about money or the family business. Each caller simply said, “I love you.”
Like the bystanders in the Navy Yard, when confronted with tragedy, we find that we only have those three important words to say.
I watched my husband put the finishing touches on our sukkah, the make-shift hut where we’ll soon be spending our time and eating our meals during the holiday of Sukkot. Despite my husband’s best intentions, it’s a rickety structure, and I see the wind shake its fragile, fabric walls.
Leaving our solid homes to spend time outside reminds us how vulnerable we each are. We are on earth for a short time, and none of us knows when our visit will end. Today, 12 families in the Washington DC area are mourning their loved ones. In the aftermath, let’s mourn the victims and honor their memories.
And this Sukkot, let us look at life clearly, and remember the important things in life. And let’s be sure to turn to the people who mean everything to us and tell them, “I love you.”
(11) rayla, October 3, 2013 5:55 PM
Amazing article! Not taking things for granted it s/t I work on every day!!
(10) Rachel, September 22, 2013 1:21 PM
Other Dying Words
My attorney husband had one client whose dying words were to remind her family about a tax discount for early tax filing. I suppose it was her expression of love for her family that she wanted them to pocket the tax savings. It sounds unbelievable, but it really happened!
(9) tziviya, September 18, 2013 4:32 AM
Gun control is not the answer. Morality is. Boys and girls should not be in school together. People need to dress more modestly. All video content everywhere should have a G rating. This will enable people and empower people to build happy homes, the source of peace and wellbeing.
(8) Anonymous, September 18, 2013 3:47 AM
All I wanted was reassurance that he’d still be there for me?!
All I wanted was reassurance that he’d still be there for me?!
(7) Bill, September 18, 2013 2:38 AM
This did not have to happen
We taxpayers never stop paying for security. Information about this erratic psychotic man were called-in by police to authorities and got nowhere. What does homeland security even mean?
(6) Bob, September 17, 2013 10:24 PM
Love will overcome hate and despair: vigilantly love life. Hate and despair can so easily invade the minds of men and women, and even children, but only through heart-felt love - the sentiment of God within us - can the heart beat more soundly than meanderings of the mind.
(5) IrisB, September 17, 2013 7:20 PM
Love is what matters
Our friends' son in law was a civilian at a business meeting in building 197 yesterday during the shooting. Our friends' daughter could have been that woman the author heard on the radio. I am happy to say that Jessica was able to tell Dave that she loved him as he was able to come home last night safe and sound.
Why can't the members of the NRA see that there are far too many guns out there and gun control is necessary? Aaron Alexis should not have been able to get his hands on a gun.
Anonymous, September 17, 2013 9:24 PM
Never Forget
Never forget that Hitler banned Jews from owning guns so that they could not fight back. As Jews, we must change our position to promoting individual rights and freedoms which our history is replete with. What if a rapist or burglar broke into your daughter's home? Would you not want her to be able to defend herself by having a gun to protect herself? The shooter is known to be mentally compromised. It is often the case that an unbalanced person does such horrible things. But taking away guns from from law abiding families that want to protect their families and homes from criminals is just plain wrong!
(4) Diana, September 17, 2013 6:34 PM
So moving
Yvette, this is so moving, I hope your husband remains in good health and you'll enjoy many more years together! Love you all, many blessings for the new year in your home and in your lovely sukkah!
(3) Samuel, September 17, 2013 6:24 PM
very moving
It's very sad that it takes a tragedy such as this to remind us all about what is really important in our lives. "I love you," should be used much, much, more.
(2) Anonymous, September 17, 2013 2:59 PM
Life and Death
Fully understand the woman lookling for her husband's anguish, as well as the writer's pain and hopes for her husband's recovery. My own husband was sick for many years, finally passed away last April, and while we sorely miss him-know he is no longer in pain. Still, I wish for his presence though know this hole in my life will not be filled, at least not until I go where he is... All I can say to anyone, married or not, with our without children or other loved ones, DO appreciate those you do have in your life, bec. it really won't be forever.
(1) Anonymous, September 17, 2013 2:53 PM
It's tragic
It is so tragic that almost every week, your blog begins with the horrifying news of shootouts, hurricanes and disasters. But hurricanes and disasters are natural events. The amount of mass shootings that have taken place in this country is astounding. It will come to a point, if it has not already, that people will become desensitized to the news. The brother of someone I know, was shot in the head by a disgruntled employee about three years ago. Without warning or notice, the shooter walked into his office and shot him in the head. No thought of a family left behind, no thought of anything, but doing the deed, and of course the shooter killed himself. People say it is not safe in Israel. At least in Israel people know who the enemy is. Here, someone can innocently walk into a mall or movie, or anywhere, and some lunatic can just open fire for no reason at all. When does this stop? How do we protect ourselves? Move to Israel. I wish I could!