“I have noticed that there has been an increasing tendency for parents to escort children to and from school while still wearing their pajamas and, on occasion, even slippers.”
When Kate Chisholm, a school head in Darlington, in the northeast of England, penned a letter on January 20, 2016 to pajama-wearing parents asking them to please “dress appropriately in day wear” when dropping off their children – and when attending school events – her request ignited a storm of debate and quickly went viral.
Some parents reacted by showing up at school-drop off the following day wearing full night-wear attire. Others, Ms. Chisholm insists, have been supportive. The discussion has been so passionate that Ms. Chisholm disabled her Facebook page in order to stop receiving comments and abuse. Parents throughout England and beyond have reacted to her letter, with some defending their rights to dress as they like, and others saying enough is enough when it comes to extending sleepwear into public spaces.
I can identify with the parents on both sides of the sleepwear-as-daywear debate. Like many parents, I’ve worn sleepwear to drop off a child: one morning, my son woke me up, desperate for a ride to a celebratory breakfast at our synagogue that was starting in five minutes. Pulling on a hat and coat, I blearily drove him; I remember thinking “this isn’t so bad – it’s sort of convenient rolling out of bed and into the car” – until we arrived.
“Yvette, so good to see you!” a friend called out, inviting me in to join the celebration. I shrank back into my seat: I hadn’t even brushed my teeth yet. “Can’t stay” I murmured, and was about to reverse out of the lot when the rabbi strolled up to my car with a big smile. Leaning into the car, he too invited me into the celebration. “Maybe later” I said without moving my lips, gave him a nod, and drove home. It was sort of like being in one of those nightmares where everyone around you is dressed except for you. Worse still, I reflected as I drove home, if I’d spent an extra five minutes getting dressed, I might have decided to stay for the celebration too.
Dressing well – or at least appropriately – can play a surprisingly deep role in our development. One recent study found that students who started wearing a uniform to school began behaving more responsibly, racking up fewer absences. Other studies have shown that dressing in a more serious manner profoundly affects the way we think.
“Putting on formal clothes makes us feel powerful, and that changes the basic way we see the world,” says Abraham Rutchick, Professor of Psychology at California State University, Northridge. He found that wearing more formal outfits sparked creative thinking: subjects who completed cognitive tests while wearing suits and other formal clothes used more abstract thinking than their more casually-clad peers.
Another study measured how people felt while wearing white doctors’ coats. Subjects who wore a white coat were found to be more attentive and careful when completing tasks. They became more detail-oriented and accurate after donning the coats. Yet when those same coats were described as painters’ coats, their effect disappeared. It seems that people subconsciously try to live up to the clothing they’re wearing, and clothes that are associated with higher-level performance actually improve the way we perform, feel and behave.
That’s the opposite of the message we send when we wear PJs out of the house – not only to those around us, but to ourselves as well. Yes, it is a lot easier and quicker to dress in pajamas sometimes, but it comes at a cost.
Modern research echoes traditional Jewish thought: that what we wear reflects and even shapes who we are. It's not only the inside that matters.
(12) Shelley, September 4, 2016 7:59 PM
Never will wear robe to carpool again.
I also was awakened by a child needing an urgent ride to school. Against my better judgement, I drove to school in my robe and unfortunately got a flat tire. How embarrassed and humiliated I felt waiting for the AAA man to put on the spare while in my robe.
It is worth the time to dress like a mentsh, an elevated soul, than be caught in a compromised state.
(11) Deborah, August 24, 2016 1:23 AM
Absolutely Unacceptable in Most Cases
I'm 21, and already I bemoan how low British society has fallen that parents stroll into school wearing pajama's. Call me uptight and prim if you like, but I find this unacceptable in most cases. Children should see their parents lead by example on these things. Informality might be fine in social settings, but not in an institution of learning.
(10) Mike, February 15, 2016 3:50 PM
Your children are watching you.
As parents it is vitally important to set an example for your children. They want to look up to us. They want to admire us and be like us. My parents woke up early everyday. My father was ready for work early and wore a suit. My mother prepared breakfast for us each morning. Mom never wore pajamas while driving us to school. After dropping us off she had a very busy day. This left an impression on me that has lasted my whole life. I would never go out in public wearing pajama bottoms. In today's America there is a growing move towards laziness in dress and crudeness in language. I see it everywhere, even in my office. As Jewish parents we have an obligation to teach Torah values to our children. A Jewish mother is the matriarch of her family. On Shabbos she is honored as a Women of Valor. Everyone knows that "Mother" is that special person who sets the tone of a Jewish home. Her impact on our childhood is monumental and that is why it is so important for Mom to behave and dress in the manner that is expected of such an important person.
(9) H.E.Brown, February 10, 2016 11:57 AM
Pajama's
We are living in a world, especially in the USA, among a bunch of of lazy slob's. Lot of spoiled grownup brats which leads to more brats. JUST TAKE SOME TIME TO PUT ON SOME DECENT CLOTHS WHEN GOING OUT IN PUBLIC.
(8) Lisa, February 8, 2016 12:40 PM
Carpool wearing sweatpants !!!!
In the NY winters what's better than sweatpants while driving carpool?!?! Getting dressed means your ready to face the day!! At 6:30... & no coffee yet... I need my ( non-span X) down time!! Lol
(7) Dvirah, February 7, 2016 6:30 PM
Behavior Modelling
I have always felt that if I want my kids to get up on time in the morning, get dressed and out to school on time, they must first see me getting up, dressed and being ready to leave on time. That sends the strongest message. Even on days that I don't go out to work, I make sure I'm up and dressed to say good-bye. (If one is really tired and has the time to do so, it's OK to strip and go back to bed once the kids are in school.)
(6) Judy, February 5, 2016 4:58 PM
Be prepared
When I was a child, my mother told me about a woman in our town whose toddler ran outside one morning. She had to chase him down in her night gown in full view of everyone. From that day on, the first thing she did was get dressed.
(5) Dina, February 4, 2016 9:07 PM
This explains why when my niece was in high school in N. California, she would wear pajamas to school! When my mom (her grandma) asked what she wanted for Chanukah, she said pajamas to wear to school! Mom & I were both appalled. Pajamas in high school!
So, now it's no wonder parents wear pajamas and bathrobes to drop their kids off at school.
It tells me that people are a bit too lazy to get up 15 minutes earlier and dress appropriately to take the kids to school or go to the grocery. I guess that explains why there are so many cars in the Starbucks drive thru instead of people going inside.
And, for prayer, my siddur also says to dress appropriately even if praying at home to show respect for Hashem.
And, I know about that student experiment. That is one reason that as an RN, I got upset when what used to be the nice white uniform and cap were exchanged for scrubs. Scrubs may look cute, but what happened to the professionalism. Now, one doesn't know who the RN is versus the aides, or cleaning person unless they have a name tag.
At least, the author learned a good lesson when her rabbi invited her to join the party. How embarrassing it would have been and how much nicer to be dressed, with teeth brushed and able to join the party.
Good lesson learned.
(4) Anonymous, February 4, 2016 6:18 PM
Psychology of Clothes
Many have heard of the Stanford Prison Experiment, where a number of carefully selected young men, screened for any issues, were chosen to participate in a reenactment of prison life. The men chosen to be prisoners were "arrested" and brought to Stanford University's basement where a mock prison was constructed. The "prisoners" were given uniforms, as were the "guards". What happened next shocked everyone; the guards began being extremely cruel to their prisoner counterparts, and the prisoners staged numerous rebellions. The violence escalated to such an extent that the experiment, which was supposed to last two weeks, had to be terminated only six days in. Much research has been conducted on this experiment; everyone was wondering what caused these normal men to act so insane. It was concluded that the uniforms of the "guards" and "prisoners" had a tremendous psychological impact and influenced the men's behaviors.
What we wear influences our thoughts and actions! When we dress respectfully, we behave respectfully, and when we dress slovenly, we behave as such. When a Jewish woman dresses modestly, it has a strong impact on her behavior.
(3) MESA, February 3, 2016 2:56 PM
I write about fashion and style from a tzniut point of view. One thing that I try to express is that what you wear does affect how you feel about yourself and about everything else. When you dress in frumpy, unattractive clothes, let alone pajamas, you're not going to feel good about yourself. When you dress neatly in attractive clothes, you feel better.
(2) Nancy, February 3, 2016 1:36 PM
Sometimes the "easy" action is the wrong one.
It is challenging to get kids and yourself out of the house in the morning. If a parent has been up all night with a colicky baby, it would be MUCH easier to throw a coat over a t-shirt and a pair of PJs. However, we never know who we will be meeting at school. I'm not saying one has to dress to the nines to get into the carpool lane. We just need to distinguish between at home clothes and street clothes. With that said, I wear PJs to bring my trash to the curb. I've become too self conscious to wear them to the drive thru to pick up a half gallon of milk. Again, I'm not trying to be judgmental/critical of anyone.
(1) Mom in Jerusalem, February 3, 2016 10:14 AM
Getting dressed to pray
It seems to be a cultural thing - seeing many local women in robes, snoods and slippers going grocery shopping even those who live in the heart of town. If a woman is cooking and cleaning all day, she might feel that putting on a nicer robe to go out is called getting dressed! That said, I agree with Yvette that the formality of being dressed exudes an aura of dignity and puts the wearer in a different frame of mind. That's why, even though I work from home and don't have to get dressed, I won't pray in a robe because I feel it is more respectful to be dressed when standing before G-d and that attitude helps me concentrate better (or as the article puts it - better performance). And once I've prayed first thing in the morning, I remain that way for the day's work in my home office because intuitively, it makes me feel more businesslike.