T-shirts imprinted with eye-catching sayings are commonplace, each competing with the other in cuteness and cleverness. One of my favorites that I've seen reads: "National Sarcasm Society -- Like We Need Your Support". Your choice of t-shirt is a personal marketing decision. You send the world a message of who you are and how you want to be perceived.
Imagine wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with your most personal information. Everyone who sees you knows about your social life, your preferences, your highest moments and worst defeats. No one would wear such a t-shirt because doing so is an abandonment of privacy, a destruction of the social boundaries we need to allow us to experiment and grow.
Misuse of Facebook is wearing that exposing t-shirt. Facebook, the ground-breaking social platform that has taken the world by storm, allows users to connect with others and share with them text and links, schedules and events, pictures and videos. Posting pictures of private moments for all to see, sharing with the world personal thoughts on all matters, broadcasting preferences to anyone who cares are acts of exhibitionism.
It is your choice how to use the Facebook hammer.
Responsible users, those who are mindful of their privacy and capable of maintaining proper boundaries, can overcome this problem. You always have to protect your personal information online, keeping a firewall between your real life and your online persona. Facebook, which is designed for personal revelation, is an ongoing temptation to overstep the boundaries of privacy. You are tasked with resisting the exhibitionist urge.
Facebook is not inherently good or evil. It does not invade your privacy nor reveal your personal secrets. If you use Facebook wisely, mindful that the internet is not your personal diary and that public information is, of course, public, then you stand to gain much from your experience. A hammer can be used to smash someone on the head or build a home. You must choose how to use that tool.
The Talmud has a saying regarding the harm caused by spreading gossip: your friend has a friend (Kesubos 109b). When you gossip to a single person, you tell the story to not just that friend but to every friend that he has. This is the danger of Facebook. Your embarrassing story is spread to your friends, who may very well convey it to their friends also. As this circle of intimates grows exponentially, so does the damage of your every indiscretion.
But this power can also be used for good. Your inspirational story is just as easily spread throughout the social network. Your good news or innovative idea travels to your friends, who in turn also have friends. Pretty soon the joy and excitement has brightened hundreds of people's day and stimulated many thoughtful minds. It is your choice how to use the Facebook hammer.
Related Article: Facebook Friends
The Echo Chamber
The Talmud states that one should ideally study under at least two teachers in your academic career (Avodah Zarah 19a). The varying viewpoints broaden your horizons, forcing you to think carefully and preventing you from entering a comfort zone of groupthink. Facebook, like much of the internet and cable news phenomena, can undermine that attitude. When we associate almost exclusively with people who think like us, we enter an echo chamber that reverberates with the same, single viewpoint. We never consider other points of view or question the constantly repeated ideas that surround us.
When we associate almost exclusively with people who think like us, we enter an echo chamber that reverberates with the same, single viewpoint.
Facebook amplifies this problem. The sharing of thoughts, articles, links and more within a social circle creates an enveloping online community of groupthink. The echo chamber is deafening. But it doesn't have to be. Facebook can serve the exact opposite purpose to those who are open to variety.
Your friend has a friend, and so on ad infinitum. This Talmudic principle, which serves as the theoretical basis of Facebook, can merge with the Talmudic advice of studying under multiple teachers to create a robust, educational experience. When social circles intersect, you meet people with different backgrounds and viewpoints. You learn about the experiences, thoughts and interests of people who think differently than you. Facebook, when used properly, is the solution to the internet. It breaks through the echo chamber. It expands your interests, teaches you new ideas and approaches, and allows you to see the world through other people's eyes.
The internet must be built on responsible netizenship. This requires living primarily in the real world and using the internet as a tool. You have to avoid addictive behavior and stay away from what you think are other people's oversharing. One person's exhibitionism need not be your voyeurism. Ignore it and move on. Seek intelligent conversation and stimulating topics. Facebook is a way to share with others what you think may interest them and to likewise share in what they think will interest you. To engage in the enriching experience you must find people who have something valuable to offer.
Using Facebook to build rather than destroy requires thought and planning. While responsible behavior is a learned trait, one who masters this skill faces vast opportunities for personal growth.
(15) SusanE, June 3, 2012 2:02 PM
See what a Year Brings?
I posted on this article being #8 on January 12, 2011. - - - - - - - - - - - Now it's a year and 1/2 later, and it did nothing for business. I found a few friends, relatives, others who like the same things as me. Looking at Facebook now we can easily see that Facebook isn't Social Media. And it was never meant to be that. Zuckerberg really sold us on that fallacy didn't he?http://www.technologyreview.com/web/40437/?nlid=nldly&nld=2012-05-22
(14) Dan Lucas, April 7, 2011 9:39 PM
Can my wilf forward something she sees on facebook to me using email?
(13) Anonymous, January 21, 2011 4:21 PM
Facebook, it's to keep people busy doing something.
(12) Esther, January 14, 2011 12:06 PM
How to use Facebook to build rather than destroy
I use facebook to look at pictures of people I had not seen in years. How they got marriete to, their kids, etc. Many years ago I told my daughters to remove their personal information about them. Many times they share pictures comments that I really do not like. "They want me to be there friend eventhou I block them". They get mad when I point out how I feel about but I am still there friend and usually they take away what I suggest was not good to share to the entire world. I was in NY with my parents. My nephew that is Mr. Perfect (great Job, great wife, etc) asked how I felt about my daughter’s gauge that she put a picture on facebook. I told him. I am not happy about it. I told her and is nothing I can do. I need to pick my fights with them and understand I can not control them all the time.
(11) Eileen Kugler, January 12, 2011 11:04 PM
Danger of only reinforcing one perspective
The article makes a very good point about not only associating with people who have the same perspective. The fact that so many people get their "news" from pre-selected sources in the media, which simply reinforce their own perspective, is dangerous. We need to thoughtfully read information from other sources, and engage in dialogue with people who have different life experiences and perspectives. This can be done through social media, including Facebook or Twitter. Even more critical, we need to put ourselves in situations where we have the opportunity to personally get to know someone who is "different." In my work with diverse schools, communities, and workplaces I see how these cross-cultural interactions are essential to true personal growth and a healthy society.
(10) Gil Student, January 12, 2011 9:24 PM
Doron: Friend Me
Doron: Friend me and you'll see discussion on issues, based mainly on links to blog posts and articles.
(9) diamond, January 12, 2011 7:28 PM
limiting rather than expanding
Thanks for clarifying the limitations of Facebook -- which most people using it get involved with: the daily dumb down. Instead it could do SO much more. We need to LEARN how to use facebook. Great to be inspired by a rabbi on this.
(8) SusanE, January 12, 2011 3:49 PM
Facebook
Facebook has been around for a long time. It began in the early 1900's as 'slam books' where you have something either really good or scarcastic to write about someone. The writers even drew little pictures in them. The nasty ones usually weren't signed. I've had a couple in my shop for sale. They graduated to yearbooks with pictures of the people and they wrote on their pictures. Severe bullying and a few other things came along and now it's Facebook. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Think about Facebook.. Unless you are promoting a business, exactly what good has it done you? Truly, I've never seen such a monkey see monkey do bunch of people. Give 'em anything to play with or eat or to buy and tell them 'Everybody's doing it'. Then sit back and watch 'em go. They will put most of their energy towards buying it bigger or better or making it nastier than anyone else. Just becauses someone thought of it doesn't mean it suited to you. Like a full face lift and mini skirt on a 70 year old. Somethings just aren't meant for everyone. I just signed up on Facebook with my business. (I've started working again). 25 people showed up right away to be friends and all I entered was my hometown and college. I read some of their pages, and they have pictures and details of even their childrens lives for the world to see. How smart is that? I don't yet see a good outcome from Facebook the way it is generally used by the millions. I'll let you know if it makes business sense.
(7) Eliyahu, January 10, 2011 10:25 PM
Uniting
Facebook is also great tool to start a page of personal growth (in whatever area you can come up with) for family, friends, university students, communities, and for even larger scale activities. People can then get together and contribute their insights, links, etc. that have to do with positive development. Wisdom, unity, and growth can be flourish in such an environment.
(6) Anonymous, January 10, 2011 7:03 PM
one step further
When you realize you have posted something that is doing harm or spreading a misunderstanding - IMMEDIATELY DELETE your post. It is relatively quick & ez to fix. Sometimes we repost, without fact checking, do your due diligence, do your homework first. BUT in your haste - if you slip - just delete when you realize or if some one points out the post you put up is wrong or hurtful. DO THE RIGHT THING.
(5) Silky, January 10, 2011 6:12 PM
we have to avoid TMI
I think that a problem in our culture is that people give to much information (TMI). FaceBook, like Twitter, has made some people feel they HAVE to write something so they write waaaay too much about their lives. The concept of privacy, like modesty, is becomeing a thing of the past to many people. I enjoy FaceBook. I made some virtual friends who have become real friends. I brought my observance level up because I saw what friend in far out places were doing and realized that if they could, I, here in NYC, definatally should. FaceBook is also an easy way of staying in touch with friends. What I found, though, is that I have to always be on guard not to write TMI. I look over my status before I post. The temptations just to post something is big. I've learned that if I have nothing to say, I just say good morning. Period. OK, I do admit that friends say they like my coffee mug "up dates" in the morning so I do always talk about my mugs. Is that TMI?
(4) Doron, January 10, 2011 12:08 PM
The Dumb-down of Humanity
The problem is that human nature tends to force us to dumb down. Facebook inevitably turns into a list of postings of what kind of coffee so-and-so had for breakfast, to posts that encourage 'Likes,' regardless of how inane or without point they are. I like Facebook, but only as a way to express ideas, and I don't see a lot of innovations going on out there (besides the ‘idea’ of Facebook in the first place). Maybe you could send some better ‘Facebook friends’ my way, or maybe I’ll just stick to the real ‘friends’ that I already have. Nice article though! “Like”
(3) Anonymous, January 10, 2011 10:16 AM
customise your privacy settings
I Use Facebook extensively - I dont have 1000 friends and am selective of who I "add" it is a platform for me to communicate my thoughts and feelings to those closest to me, most often that are encouraginga and inspiring, but I also use it to vent frustration and what i feel is injustice - I feel my use thereof is therefore balanced and not positive or negative - the best way to avoid negative publicity is for those to avoid conduct that gets tongues wagging and if they risk behaving badly - there is a consequence and picking up a tab for it - not sure one needs to hide behind the good will and character of another and appeal to them not to disclose your poor conduct.
(2) Aryeh, January 10, 2011 4:08 AM
Freedom
It,s great to move about with freedom,but it take wisdom ,understanding and knowledge to use this devise wiseiy.
(1) , January 9, 2011 3:31 PM
Yes, thank you for your article, I will keep it in mind