Mrs. B had been my patient for 10 days. She had come to the hospital because of difficulty breathing, complicated by a history of chronic pulmonary disease, lung cancer, breast cancer, and other things. She was 75. I liked her immediately, she was intelligent and funny. Seeing her was my favorite part of the day. We connected from the beginning.
She had a daughter whom she did not want to burden, a brother, and grandchildren. Her granddaughter’s name was Amy; she had recently gotten married. During all the time we spent together, I never saw anyone visit her. I felt she was somewhat lonely, but I was humbled by her positive spirits and strong will.
Related Article: Mr. Stein's Mysterious Ailment
Yesterday things were looking better. Her numbers were up, her wheezing was gone. We were planning to discharge her to a rehab center where she would complete her recovery and soon after go home. She wanted to go because there were “bills to pay” and she missed her neighbors.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “I feel like dancing,” she replied.
We stopped by her room for one last checkup and she looked ready to take off. A few minutes into our visit, another patient’s heart stopped. Doctors were called to help and I ran to assist. When I came back to Mrs. B, her room was full of doctors and nurses; she was breathing very heavily and her heart was racing, so the staff was trying to control her pulse. I saw she was scared. I held her hand and asked her about her plans after discharge. I asked her about her daughter and grandkids. She could barely breathe but was eager to tell me. After a half hour, her heart went back to normal and things seemed under control.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I feel like dancing,” she replied.
Before going home last night, I went to check on Mrs. B. one last time. She was doing well. She had heard she was going to be transferred to the cardiac unit so we could watch out for more arrhythmias like the ones she had experienced earlier in the day.
“Doctor, I’m not going to come out of the hospital,” she said to me. I told her about a study in which patients who thought they wouldn’t come out of the hospital were more likely to die in the hospital than patients who thought they would. I made her tell me she’d come out of the hospital fine. Then I told her that I was going home, that I had only stopped to say goodbye.
“Don’t go home,” she implored.
“What should I do?”
“Sleep here!”
“Why do you want me to sleep here?” I asked.
“Because I trust you.”
“And you don’t trust anyone else?” I asked, laughing.
“I don’t,” she replied.
We laughed again. I told her I’d see her first thing in the morning. As I was walking out the door she said to me, smiling, “Bright and early tomorrow, Doc. I’ll be here.” I smiled back at her and went home.
This morning I came to the hospital to find out that she was intubated. She had gone into respiratory failure and had to be transferred to the critical care unit. I went to see her immediately. She was heavily sedated, intubated, and wearing cushioned gloves to prevent her from hurting herself or anyone else. The nurse told me she had been combative.
The woman laying in the bed looked nothing like Mrs. B; she didn’t even look like a person. The monitors were beeping and flashing, doctors and nurses were coming in and out of her room, pushing me away. I told the doctor in charge I wanted to wake her and say good morning to her, I wanted her to see a familiar face, she must had been so scared! He asked me not to wake her since she had been very combative. So I didn’t.
A few hours later, I was walking to the cafeteria when I got a text from a classmate – Mrs. B’s heart had stopped and she was dying. I ran to the critical care unit to find a sea of white coats and blue scrubs coming in and out of the unit. There was almost no space to move. I pushed my way through the crowd and into the room. The doctor in charge asked, “Would she want CPR or for us to let her go?”
The staff was frantically calling her family, but they were not getting through. I kept on thinking how they’d feel to find out later they had missed this call, a last call. Everyone was at a loss. From the back of the room I said, “From what I knew about Mrs. B, I think she’d like us to try it all, until the end.” I suddenly understood she was dying and I was the closest person to her who could be reached at this moment.
“Start CPR!” said the physician in charge. They all rushed to their positions and began CPR.
"We need more people to help," the nurse said. "Would anyone want to help?” I jumped to put on some gloves and rushed to her side.
She was dying. I prayed for her as I performed CPR.
The doctor looked at me and said, “It's your turn, give it your best.” I pressed on her chest until I thought I’d pass out from heat. Someone else took over, and we alternated every two minutes, for many long minutes. She was bleeding through her neck and unresponsive. She was dying. I prayed for her as I performed CPR.
With no response there was nothing left for us to do. “Anyone else has any ideas?” the doctor asked. Silence filled the crowd. No ideas. He asked us to let go. “1:06 is the time of death,” he said. Suddenly the coats and scrubs were marching out of the room, the equipment was turned off, the tension was over.
I walked out into the waiting room and grabbed a chair. My classmates where waiting for me, speechless. I started crying and a few nurses came to console me. “You did good… you did your best…” All I could think about was how sadly she died, surrounded by strangers. I wondered if she knew I came to visit her this morning, and compressed her chest until she was gone.
I know I did my best. I don’t regret one antibiotic I suggested for her, or one x-ray. But I’ll always regret not having told her last night how much I enjoyed getting to know her and how honored I felt that she trusted me so much.
(49) H.E.Brown, March 19, 2017 2:22 PM
Death
I have seen this happen so many times. It is like God gives you one more time to look around.
(48) Anonymous, October 28, 2014 2:39 AM
article unknown time of death a response
very touched. I am 75 years old, having survived breat cancer and most aware of my morality.I pray that my loved ones don't abandon me.My late husband and I poured a lot of loved into them, but one never knows.
(47) Kevin, October 27, 2014 3:16 PM
My Apologies
I'm sorry if my comments were inappropriate. I very much appreciate this site and this story which is so touching. The doctor really cares for his patients. Thank you, Kevin Williams
(46) Erica, October 27, 2014 12:19 AM
I really don't comment on these articles even if I am very moved. But i had to say something and give you chizuk after everything you gave to this patient. You were clearly so loyal and dedicated to her and I think she knew that. You should feel good not only about how you helped treat her medically, but how you were there for her emotionally. I think your actions spoke loud and clear to her and that's why she expressed to you that she trusted you.
(45) Anonymous, October 27, 2014 12:16 AM
No
I was in intensive care for 2 weeks with acute pancreatitis. My family was alerted that I could be a goner. I of course knew nothing. I was not told i might be at my end of life. My family was. But you know what if I didn't make it I would never have known I died. I have no idea whether my Dr. and my care givers would have cared a wit. They told me nothing before or after the 2 week ICU experience. I discussed it all in a one way conversation with G-d. To date it hasn't helped that he had been silent .
(44) BERNIE SIEGEL, MD, October 26, 2014 9:29 PM
SHE KNEW YOU WERE THERE
PEOPKE HEAR AND THEIR CONSCIOUSNESS IS STILL FUNCTIONING IN COMA, ASLEEP AND UNDER ANESTHESIA. SI SHE KNEW YOU WERE THERE AND CARED ABOUT HER. HER CONSCIOUSNESS MAY CONTACT YOU TO SAY THANK YOU SOME DAY IN A UNIQUE WAY SO YOU WILL KNOW IT IS HER.
valerie, October 28, 2014 3:02 AM
bernie siegel/she knew you were there
your name is a sight for sore eyes!! long time ago, a wonderful friend, jackie, (and i) read your words - it kept her going for ten years with pancreatic cancer - incredible what an impact you can have on another human being - you made such a huge difference - be well, Dr.
(43) Kayla, October 26, 2014 7:30 PM
heartbreaking
How sad what you had to go through. Everyone above said such thoughtful things - it is hard to add to it. But, I must say one more thing: you should know that by telling them to give her CPR, you gave her every last minute of her life. You did an unbelievable mitzvah and chessed for her. Her soul went purely up to Hashem at the right time. I hope you never again have to experience such an event.
(42) Jaya, September 8, 2014 1:04 AM
You !
How I wish there were more people like you ! Bless you .
(41) Tonna Chavez, December 1, 2013 4:39 PM
She knew you were there...
No guilt! Honestly...she knew you were there, truly! Her body was still there and you all were doing everything humanly possible to help her. But, her soul was already leaving, being greeted by her loved ones...and G-d was there. You were a friend and a blessing to her...she was not alone. G-d places people in our lives when we need them...you were both there at just the right times for each other. You helped her through to the end of her life and she helped you to move forward with your own. She was able to share her life stories with you and you were there to hear them! What a beautiful blessing you were able to be to each other! And...what a blessing your article was for me! Thank you for sharing your experience. After losing my David this past Dec. 2012...well....to put it mildly...life moves on with or without us. And guilt or implied guilt by others...holds us back as I believe it does the souls of our loved ones. The best thing that any of us can do for our loved ones as well as ourselves...is live our lives to the fullest! We will always remember them and their souls are always with us...but, what a disservice it would be to our loved ones to hold onto any guilt or bad feelings. Nope...my experience with death in my own life has been...no matter what, we are never truly alone in death...there are so many on the other side to greet us when we pass. And of course, G-d's light is all around...and He is beaming
(40) Marlene, July 31, 2013 6:27 PM
Yael, what a gift you gav e this lady!
Yael, I doubt that you realize what a gift you gave Mrs. B. To be in the care of a doctor who really cares is rare these days. She needed you so much and you were there for her.
I am turnign 78 in September, g-d willing, and in very good health. I would love to have a doctor like you to care for me when it is my time. My family is very close, infact three of my kids live with me, so I won't be Mrs.B, but I still would love to have a doctor like you. I am in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, DC. Where are you?
(39) Jobin, February 22, 2012 4:56 PM
heart touching liness..
heart touching liness..
(38) Henry Mauer, September 23, 2011 7:44 PM
what a touching series of events
What a touching series of events; and so eloquently written. The author, a compassionate, young physician is a medical and a people maven; a mench.
(37) Larry Borntrager, May 9, 2011 2:37 AM
Leaving this world for the next
What a heartfelt account of wanting to be there as a person was leaving. As heartwrenching as it was, I feel so blessed to have been there during my wife of blessed memories passing. When I sensed that she was slipping away, I gently told her I release her, you're free to go. I stood there almost mesmerized as she took her last breath. I apreciate your strong desire to be there, simply be there.
ladydi, August 15, 2011 6:49 PM
she wasnt alone
This lady didnt die among strangers - her beloved relatives who had passed on earlier were there to "welcome"her........so please dont feel guilty!!!
(36) A. Edwards, May 3, 2011 3:22 AM
Mrs. B's transition
Yael, you did all that you could. Don't you think that Mrs. B already knows that?. She told you that she trusted you; that should tell you that she considers you to be a friend, and G-D knows it too. When she said to you that she is not coming out of the hospital; she already lost her will to live.
(35) marge schwartz, April 3, 2011 10:46 PM
with tears in my eyes i enjoyed reading this article Thank you for sharing it with me
(34) Yael Zegen, March 1, 2011 10:58 AM
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on my article. I decided it was only fair to answer your questions. I do not regret not staying in the hospital the night before her passing. As medical students (I am one) and physicians, it is important for us to keep caring for ourselves and our families while caring for our patients. We put our hearts on our jobs every day, we work long hours, and what re-charges us and makes us the individuals behind the coats are our families and friends. Our time at home is fundamental; if we stayed in the hospital every time a patient needed us, we’d never leave. That’s why we have shifts (and they are long!) I don’t actually believe she was serious when she asked me to stay; it wasn’t uncommon for her to joke that way. I think she was scared and wanted me to know she trusted me. The regret is not having expressed the tremendous amount I gained by participating in her care and getting to know her in such a beautiful way. Regarding CPR, of course it was started immediately when she coded (her heart stopped), and was going on by the time I got to the unit. The question was how aggressive an intervention she would like, considering her chances of survival at that moment were dismal. Regarding her family, I never knew much more than what I told you. She talked about them as individuals, but not so much about the family dynamics, or why they weren’t visiting. Lastly, someone mentioned her disapproval of us not having discussed her wishes for end-of-life care with her. This should probably have been my call, but I was so busy planning for her recovery that I forgot to think about the possibility of her not recovering. I missed that chance, it was a mistake. If I would have for one second thought that she wouldn’t make it, I would have asked her for her wishes and I would have said goodbye. I missed that chance with all its ramifications. That was the point of the article.
Marla, May 3, 2011 5:04 AM
SHE ALREADY NEW...
Dear Yael,I just ran into this article by chance! It is simply lovely how much you care and cared for this patient.. but I've had an insight that might clarify something for you... She already KNEW how much your interactions meant to you...THATS WHY SHE TOLD YOU SHE TRUSTED YOU!! So don't think for 1 minute that she did not know that you were there for and with her,,,cause she absolutely DID!! People know when you are being authentic,sincere, and genuine...ESPECIALLY when they are in a vulnerable position like illness.....so keep on being the devoted person you are...and MANY MANY BLESSINGS AHEAD! Fondly, Marla
Anonymous, October 27, 2014 7:14 AM
profound
having just lost my mother your article had great meaning for me.
Thank you for sharing it, it has given me some consolation.
gert levitan, October 29, 2014 4:04 PM
Thank you for being who you are
I have regrets that I will not get to know you.
I have made all my wishes known to all those close to me..it is so important,and should I be hospitaized at my end--they too will know my wishes
Thank you for letting us hear from a doctor's perspective-how
there are people like you out there.
I'm 85 and so I feel that life has been good to me and hope that
my end shall be with dignity.
A Shana Dank.
(33) Anonymous, February 27, 2011 8:08 PM
sorry that she did not have you by her side when she wanted you.
i wonder if you feel guilty not being there when she asked you to.
(32) James Kendall, February 23, 2011 9:50 PM
It can come like a breeze
My father will be dead nearly two years ago this June and the powerful shock of something so still as his death still echoes through me. He had Stage 4 multiple myloema, so the knowledge that he was going to die within a 6 month period of time was a forgone conclusion to the family. But with many detestful things in our lives, we pushed the enevitable away from our daily lives. There were two moments that stick with me in relationship to the last few weeks of his life. The first was when we were alone in the house and Mom was getting groceries. My family wasn't religious but I take my faith fairly serious. He looked outside the windown andput his hands across the kitchen table, turned to me and asked why he was going through all of this pain. I so badly wished I had a better answer than "I don't know", but it was all I had since Mom came back in the driveway a minute later. I think Dad knew he didn't have long at that moment. The next came on a sunny weekend where my brother and myself was helping Mom clear some brush near the house. Dad was far too weak to even get on the porch but watched from the kitchen. After a few hours of work he told me to get my brother. We both went up to him and all he could really say is that he had two hard working boys. Three days later I just had the feeling to stop by the house. Mom said Dad was sleeping, so I stayed to talk with her for a few moments. She checked on Dad and told me she thought he was dead. I got up and went to the room to check his pulse and breathing. He had died. His death came like a breeze, insomuch that it just didn't seem real..but he knew it was coming. I am just thankful that unlike the lady in the above story...my Dad wasn't really alone but had us there with him.
(31) Donna, February 23, 2011 3:26 PM
Thank you for sharing
My Dad died at 55 and I never got to thank him for the legacy he gave us. I took care of my Mom when she "walked on" from breast and colon cancer. I held her hand and continuosly kissed her cheek until the last heartbeat left her body, There were 9 children and I loved Mom very much. Your story gave me goose bumps. At least you cared enough for her to trust you!! The little town my Mom came from called her Mrs. B too!
(30) Bobby5000, February 23, 2011 12:26 PM
My friend died at 53 before I said goodbye.
We had a nice neighberhood group of guys who played poker, talked, and hung out. The group disbanded and I told stories about my friend Steve. I heard he moved to Florida but sadly I didn't reach out to him. He died at the young age of 53. I could have said hello, sent a card but didn't. To call, convey a nice word, express appreciation, is easy and meaningful.
(29) dov, February 23, 2011 3:35 AM
so sad the loneliness
I appreciate your dedication so rarely found in todays world of instant anything. Yes you did good ,at least she had a kindred soul that cared ,I understand . To feel safe and secure for a short while. As we say sometimes you are the best forget the rest to one of a kind Dov
(28) bsusterb, February 23, 2011 1:40 AM
What a pitty!
A wonderful story filled with realism and emotions, but I was left dry and frustrated at the fact that this lady could have been so dastardly forsaken by her relatives to the point of them not be willing to look after her on her very last moments in this world. That, more than her passing away (which is our final destiny in this world) is what made me feel so sad and angry at the same time. No human being who has a relative nearby should be left stranded to die all alone. The bad things we do in life as well as the Mitzvahs we maliciously abstain from doing specially to our nearest of kin. May the good Lord forgive them.
(27) Carole F. Allen, February 22, 2011 8:40 PM
Thank you!
I would only pray that I could be so fortunate to run into a Doctor who was this caring, because health care today seems to take so much out of our Doctors, the really caring ones seem to have disappeared. Thanks for sharing such a personal story of how you felt about this lady, and that just because we are elderly we are really human beings with lots of feelings of our own. Opening up as you did is very brave and tells me a lot about the kind of Doctor you will end up being. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT OTHERS!!!! Shalom to you!!!
(26) Jessica, February 21, 2011 10:36 PM
an idea
Although I am personally moved by your obvious connection to this patient, and as a physician, I appreciate and know those moments well, I am appalled that there is no mention here of an actual discussion about her wishes. While it seems that you were her confidant, her support, and maybe even her friend, you have a responsibility as a physician to give her the autonomy to state her position on things like intubation and CPR. Of course, given that this conversation was not had, CPR based on your convictions about her opinions would be worthwhile. However, many studies have shown that patients do not always offer up their wishes without being asked. This is a commentary on the medical society as a whole-- our feelings and halachic beliefs do not get to shield us from asking the hard questions. Instead, they should make us stronger in our paths to heal when healing is possible and to let go when it is not. As a side note, CPR delay was not likely the reason for its failure. As stated by another reviewer, it was likely not delayed. The reason for CPRs failure is because she had <5% chance of surviving to leave the hospital after cardiac arrest, based on her co-morbidities, intubation, age, etc. This is "surviving to leave," without any comment on her possible quality of life. She seems like a lady who may have appreciated the opportunity to weigh her options with all of the information. She may still have chosen to have CPR, etc, but at least it would have been her choice and not anyone else's.
(25) , February 21, 2011 9:50 PM
Though he does not identify his relationship, Mr. Zegen was/is apparently, a medical student. And, while I understand the main message herein, there is an obvious background issue that should be addressed here as well. And that is, simply, why wasn’t this woman’s family involved in some capacity in this woman’s last days (or hours) here on earth? Yes, the author states that she did not want to burden the daughter, but why didn't the daughter or brother or granddaughter make it their business to somehow be involved, regardless of the woman's obtuseness? Mr. Zegen may not know this answer, or he may purposely not feel it is relevant to the story. I for one was disturbed to read about this woman’s obviously uninvolved family. The author’s message would not have changed, but the story could have been made more compelling if we could have known the whole background story as to why this woman’s family was absent from her life during her last day or two on earth.
(24) steve, February 21, 2011 8:44 PM
If she was in a private room and didn't have to witness the horror that was in the bed next to her she'd be alive and home today. For the brain is connected to the heart.
(23) Anonymous, February 21, 2011 6:39 PM
This happened to me. My mom was in the hospital, when I spoke with her she told me how much she loved me, how proud she was of me, and begged me to come to her hospital bed that night. It was in February 17 years ago; I told her I will see her ie"H when she will be coming home in 2 days, as she was told by the doctors. I was afraid, actually terrified to fly in the Winter time. That night as I said saying Tehillim for her the whole nite, I had this weird feeling that I talked with her that evening for the last time. By 3:30 I was so exhaused that I stopped and went to bed. I was woken up by 8:00 o'clock AM the next morning that by mom passed away around the time I stopped saying Tehillim for her. Each time her Yahrzeit comes around I am reminded of the fact that I didn't heed her wishes. The sad part was that in the end I did fly to her bedside to bring her home for burial. Thanks for this beautiful article it gave me Chizuk. My mom's Yahrzeit was just recently. I hope you get comfort from the fact that you were there with her a lot and made her last days pleasant and rewarding ones. She had a friend when she needed it the most. Tisku Le Mitzvos; may all of Klal Israel be Socher to hear the Shofar of Mashiach and that Hashem should wipe all our tears and sorrows away. Hashem moche Dimos me kol Panim.
(22) Dr Cohen, February 21, 2011 10:57 AM
to 20
The article does NOT imply that they didnt start CPR until they knew her wishes, if they wouldn't have, she'd be dead by the time yael arrived. CPR is performed in cycles. You complete a cycle and then assess what you want to do next according to how the patient responded. The article implies they had tried several cycles and she wasn't responding, so they didn't know whether to be extra aggressive to or to let go. The story implies this by saying "they rushed to their position" implying they already had positions, and "we need more people" implying there were already people doing CPR. Beautiful article, thank you.
(21) Beth, February 21, 2011 9:15 AM
He loved me
My husband had gotten up early, as was his practise, to go to work. My daughter then crawled into our bed with her new baby, her husband was away, and, before he left, I felt him lean his knees into the side of the bed, brush my hair away and kiss my cheek. He collapsed of a heart attack that afternoon and they couldn't revive him. He comes sometimes in my dreams. I wait to join him.
(20) anonym, February 21, 2011 3:56 AM
really?
The article implies that they waited to start CPR until they could find out her wishes??? Um, maybe thats why the CPR was not useful...
(19) Samson, February 20, 2011 11:38 PM
My Mother
This just happened to my Mother on Feb. 15th The last time I saw her was on the 14th but she had her eyes closed for about a week so I would just speak into her ear and she would not open her eyes but she only slightly moved when I did this so I figured she could hear me. She was just 69.......would have turned 70 next month. I was her first child way back in 1958......by 1962 she had her first 4 children. She was remarried in 1976 and had 8 more children. (2 sets of twins) Her husband died about 10 years ago of cancer. My 2 sisters both passed away in the 1980's so I guess she needed the next 8 children. 5 more daughters and 3 more sons. The daughters and the 2 daughters of my sister that passed away in 1989 stayed with Mom at the hospital until her last breath and the oldest daughter read from the Tanach to her. It is now even harder to do all the things after they pass since I am the oldest and have never done this before. I just turned 53 2 weeks before this happened. Khalomot tovim
(18) Rachel, February 20, 2011 10:13 PM
This is a very moving article. Thank you for sharing. May you continue to sanctify Hashem's name through your work in the medical field and inspire others. I'm so proud of you for publishing this story.
(17) Augusto Chiri, February 20, 2011 10:13 PM
Feeling sorry,sorry for me.
As I let my friend walk alone toward her car ,I saw that she had lost her "young"style of walking,this time she walk her age, tired and looking towad the earth. She is a wonderful person with a young mind,positive and kind,holdin no anger toward the people that put her and her family in Auscwitz.She is also caring and loving friend to all. Soon I am going to visit my friend and tell her how much I love her. Yael Segen,Thanks for the story.
(16) Chaya G. Rosenberg, February 20, 2011 9:12 PM
I was very moved by this article. Yael, I tell you that she knew for certain that you were with her at the end of her life and she did not feel so alone. Having your able hands trying to revive her, made her secure and less afraid. It was her time. Say some Tehillim for her, and I assure you, you and the nifteres will be comforted by it!
(15) Rose Glasser, February 20, 2011 8:13 PM
BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL- BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.
(14) Susan Ehrenreich Pabst, February 20, 2011 6:21 PM
Don't hold back good!
We do not know when our time to die will come so we must say all that is in our heart and do any kindness we can do!! Give flowers while your loved one lives! Send that card!! Welcome every good idea and act on it! When we are gone it will be too late to say "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you". Do it NOW!
(13) Ilene Richma, February 20, 2011 5:46 PM
MAY SHE FIND PEACE IN HER NEW LIFE
It is sad when a person is ill and has family and yet no one in the family comes to see the ill person. This world has become very selfish. We do not care for our elderly in the family as in years gone by.
(12) hadassa, February 20, 2011 5:30 PM
the last time...
I wish you'd stayed with her. So very sad.
(11) Anonymous, February 20, 2011 5:24 PM
Me Too
Less than 30 days ago, my mother passed away. The family appreciates sincere staff. It is much appreciated. I do feel that it is Bashert when it is a time to go. Don't get caught off guard-do NOT live in REGRET. Do what you can for them when they are alive. Even if it is JUST a phone call. Remember it is not always the other person-it can happen closer to home. G-d help us all.
(10) toby, February 20, 2011 3:51 PM
you have to believe, attitude has a lot to do with survival,
you are right, living and staying in the now, living life to the best each day, it's o'k to cry, and much better to laugh, thank you for caring and sharing
(9) Linda Z., February 20, 2011 3:40 PM
Beautiful tribute
I loved this article. My Mother (G-d rest her soul) recently passed on in a similar fashion. I truly believe that Yael Zegen's words will help elevate Mrs. B's neshama. Everything that touched her heart in the physical world is still carried with her in her neshama as she journeys to the next world.
(8) Bernard Yablin, February 20, 2011 3:28 PM
Time for dying
As it states in Kohelet,you cant always predict the beginng and ending of life.
(7) Anonymous, February 20, 2011 3:11 PM
Lovely story. I'm not a crier...but, I did. Bless YOU...yourtoo close to your work and I hope you can let go
oyourwork...andIhope you can letloose...sometime.
(6) Emily Armstrong, February 20, 2011 3:01 PM
She knew
As her soul leaves the body, she can see what goes on around her. She knew and saw your love and caring. Take comfort trom that and know that you made her happy. God Bless!!
(5) Anonymous, February 20, 2011 2:58 PM
you'll never know
I take it you are a medical student. I was one too in my younger years. I was always impressed by the fact that death- until the very last stages- is impossible to predict. I I saw people in the hospital who were deathly ill- who recovered, and I saw people who looked fine, and then moments later were gone. It only confirmed my belief that these things are not in our hands. As doctors, we are only G-d's instruments on this earth and we must do our best, but the mysteries of life are beyond us. Regrets? always. Even as my own father lay dying, the staff told us it would be days. It was less than 2 hours. I could not have told him enough that I loved him to not have regrets. All you can do is your best with your patients. The rest is in G-d's hands. Mrs. B. knew you cared about her. It was her time. May she rest in peace.
(4) Anonymous, February 20, 2011 2:30 PM
the lesson is: always try more with people, one never really knows, especially if you have been invited to do something for them.
I believe I get my strength in life because I know I have tried hard to help my old parents. So as I go forth I have no regrets, no guilt, just loving thoughts for them and it provides one with lots of confidence.
(3) Linda, February 20, 2011 2:29 PM
I think she knew
very well how much he tried, just because we don't see what's going on in the spirit we shouldn't be discouraged. she was problbly hovering over him watching the whole thing, when she was called up higher. when it's you're time, you must go! and why should she want to stay and suffer with her illnessess anymore? This world is not a wonderful place to be, it's our eternal home we go to school for, all our lives, that we long for. If it were a young person, or child, we can be more sorrowful, but she had finished her work and care here. Be glad that these brave soldiers have finally gotten to rest. They were a blessing to know.
(2) ruth housman, February 20, 2011 2:22 PM
forgive yourself
I am sure she knew you were there for her, always, because she saw your heart beat and just "knew". The deeper message is we never know, for any one of us, when it is the very last time, and if we are cognizant of this, we would be so much more compassionate and loving each time knowing that it could be good-bye. So make all good byes good, and spend time realizing compassion is the currency we are meant to use, to spend, and this is true wisdom, about healing, about us all.
(1) Natalie, February 20, 2011 1:35 PM
Yael you are truly wonderful! Mrs B was very blessed having you with her. my mom in law died 2 months ago in hospital and although she was totally comatose she was very blessed in having her family around her at the end. May you always have that compassionate empathic way about you.