Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

No blame required.

Comments (19)

(12) Yonatan Shaked, April 20, 2015 4:08 AM

Read, don't blame!

Rabbi Salomon is right; it’s mysterious! Read, find out, don’t blame!
It’s also important to read about other individuals diagnosed with BPD. I suggest this memoir:

(11) Anonymous, August 16, 2012 1:58 PM


I have been diagnosed by 3 different doctors with bpd, I am a poster girl for it, and im in my own world at the moment amnesia, disassociated, but i know im in alot of pain, more than i can handle, i cant cry! so i cutt, but each time i go deeper, like challenging myself, i know im sick... but i dont know of any other option. my life was over the minute i understood what life is about

(10) Anonymous, June 24, 2012 9:09 AM

I need a program

I was recently diagnosed with BPD. Does anyone know of any outpatient programs that have successfully treated individuals? Is there any program in Israel? I am at rock bottom. I am 30 years old. I grew up frum from birth. I started breaking shabbos to smoke a cigarette. I am losing the interest in remaining religious. My family does not have any idea how to deal with me. They have not been very supportive. They only push me away further because they have no patience for my mood swings. I reached a point where I feel if I dont leave brooklyn that my life has come to an end. I have been in therapy for two years with a good therapist. However, these characteristic traits only came to the surface within the last year. I am experiencing a lot of emotional pain and I want this pain to end.

Joe, July 3, 2012 2:00 AM


Dear anonymous (10) For a moment I thought I'm the one who wrote that comment:) I'm too 30 years old with BPD and have challenges to stay Ehrlich too, Although I know deep inside I really want to be Ehrlich. life is miserable what can I say. I can only say to you what I saw written: "This is the reason Chazal wrote in Gemara that if a person is not suffering in the generation of the End of Days, know that this person is not a Jew!!! If someone tells you he is not suffering, he is not the son/daughter of Avraham Avinu, zs'l." http://shiratdevorah.blogspot.com/2012/02/tikkunim-of-last-generation-before.html Seems like we are of the "batter Jews" out there...lol Anyways have a good life, feel batter and enjoy yourself. Perseverance is our only chance.. Sincerely Joe

Avital, August 13, 2012 3:05 AM

I feel for you!

Hey, I totally understand what your saying and have felt that way many times before! There are programs! Me and my family got helped in a program called DBT, near LIJ. There is a place in Brooklyn called Relief, they are experienced in dealing with Bpd! call (718)431-9501, speak with Devorah Levinson, or Rabbi Binyomin Babad. In israel there are places but not sure of any off hand. Anyways good luck!!! their is a solution to your problem!! I know it may seem so overwhelming and unbearable!!! I truly understand those feelings I live them all the time, But they do pass, and things generally have a way of working out if you stick through storm, one of my favorite sayings that i think sums it up "Dont wait around for the storm to pass, just get up and dance in the rain" :) I hope that you find the help that you need!!!! Good luck!! You can do this!

(9) Gila Ariella, February 13, 2012 5:18 AM

BPD is serious bizz!

Bracha, I totally hear where your comming from.. however you need to think for a second what its like for relatives, spouses, and friends of bps individuals to constantly be drawn into the emotional roller coaster that they are stuck on! I understand your pain!! And I know that their is hope out there, dbt is a therapy that supposedly works wonders with borderline!! good luck hon! but Just be ready to hear people say "hurtful" things about bpd and dont let it get to you!! because you know your side and they know theirs!! you know what im saying?! itl help you shrugg it off if you look at it that way! hatzlacha rabba!

(8) Anonymous, March 1, 2011 4:37 AM

Well, I believe people as the ones who commented before seriously complicate BPD's lifes, and also get on my nerves. To the assertion "His condition affects all the family", I would ask in return, how much the family, especially parents, has promoted his condition?. Maybe the peace and quite you cannot have is just the one you were unable to give to your son. On the other side, I think the approach to Borderline Personality Disorder reminds nowadays highly stereotyped, and both society and theraphists are incapable of aprehending the deep grief which these individuals suffer from and how much weight relies on there shoulders. I really hope science grows and future generations can have better answers, and especially comprehension, to this "misterious illness"

Bracha, February 8, 2012 1:56 AM

I love what you said

I myself have borderline personality disorder!! it is by far the hardest thing in the world to deal with!! The emptiness and emotional waves that we experience constantly make us feel hopeless and bring us into despaire. Alot of peopel have no idea what its like and are quick to judge!!! I cant stand such people!!! if only they knew what its like to live a day with bpd!!!!! :(

Anonymous, February 8, 2012 2:12 AM

You are amazing that tyou are able to look into the pain of thsoe suffering with bpd!!! I agree with what you said completly! Its so sad that people tend to disregard the feelings of those with bpd and focus only on what they "do to other" living with bpd and going through it is no joke!!! people need to step back and try to help those with bod instead of critisizing them. They should never know what its liek to live such a life! The emptiness that people with bpd feel just about erases all their sins!!! it is the most intense pain in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I have been through alot but after having seen my sister who suffered from bpd take her own life because she couldnt handle the emptiness i realized my life is a piece of cake! People like me only see the bad things that people with bpd do and we selfishly judge them!!! they are not well!!! they need our help!!! I honsestky believe that they are God golden tresures. He makes them empty so that they will call to him.. After the tragic death of my 19 year old sister I have tried to find meaning and reason from it. I started to reach out to others with bpd and tell them her story and help them realzie their potential!!! its there!!! God lovess them ssoosososo much1!!!!! if only they cud see it and believe it!!!! My poor sister might have been able to hold on if people understood and tried to help her instead of saying hurtful and disgustingly degrading comments about her!!! Im enraged with the way society puts down bpd'ers they are people and desreve help, and respect!!!

(7) Anonymous, November 5, 2009 4:52 AM

BPD only comes out when the relationship is already formed

married couples find out that their spouse is BPD only after they get married because they feel insecure about relationships and need to secure their loved one. It is devastating. People don't know why this person is difficult or why they have no mazal with this person. If the BPD wants to punish someone who they need to, they will, and the recipient will not understand why this happened to them. It is urgent that we all educate ourselves about this, because it is tricky, and its a miserable experience to be connected to someone who has this.

Anonymous, February 8, 2012 1:59 AM

I cant believe you would say something so insensitive!

I have bpd! and I am learning how to manage it. Pleas for the sake of all of us out there who suffer from it everyday eveyr moment of our lives!! dont go around spewing shallow comments about bpd! its very offensive! yes you should educate yourself about bpd! but its doesnt say in the Torah Viahavta Lereacha Kamovcha(excluding people with bpd!) seriously think twice before you say stuff like that pleas! It hurt to read that!

Nachman Eliyahu, May 1, 2012 11:33 PM

Done make general statements.

I think saying that people with borderline personality disorder (bpd) dont have good marriages is very wrong beacause your probably basing it on an individual or an article or video but not statstics or actual evidence. Its major rechilus (false loshon hara) to say that "people" with bpd make peoples lives miserable, because you are lbaisng it on your own experiences . You can say things half heartedly but god judges us all the same if you look at your fellow as an illness instead of a human being it will surely come back to you. My wife suffers with bpd, and I stick kby her side all the time. No! its not easy! and no, I never would have been able to get through it if I didnt prepare myself to give marriage my all, however she is the best thing that ever happened to me! I understand completely that its not easy to live with bpd or those who have it, but its doable if you have the right attitude! "The problem is never the problem, its how you deal with it"

(6) SusanE, July 12, 2009 1:54 PM

Aren't Some People Just Mean and Nasty?

I've known someone who would belittle her husband or start a fight with one of their children and scream horrible things to them about how badly they treated her. Then as soon as she gained control over the issues, she would bring on the tears and say how sorry she was. It got so that the family and friends would not bring up certain topics and would not ever disagree with the woman. She was that good at manuipulating. The woman had total control over everyone. She kept them on edge constantly, and controlled every situation and always she would create a crisis . Also when someone was being congratulated or honored for some good deed, she would bring on the tears and say her kids never did nice things like that for her and look how hard she worked for them. Then her kids would hang their heads and say we're sorry Mother. She planned things out nicely. One could predict that she would ruin a family vacation, by creating a crisis. She went on a tour with a group of women in the same club, and on the way she said she was ill, and they must take her to the emergency room in the upcoming town. So they did. Then they called her husband to come and get her. Of course she was fine and nothing was wrong with her, but she was enraged that the vacation wasn’t cancelled for a day or two because of her. I told her she might have the rest of them fooled but I wouldn't put up with her behavior. Remember this woman and I spent time together shopping and doing neat things. She was a bright and cultured woman who could talk about many subjects. Putting a label like Borderline on her seems to excuse her horrible behavior. How does that help her adult children now?

(5) Anonymous, July 10, 2009 2:59 PM

Reply to (1) Anonymous -

When can the mentally ill be held accountable? It's when they show signs that they know that what they are doing is wrong, and they do it anyway. It's when they go to some lengths to TRY TO HIDE EVIDENCE OF THEIR FORETHOUGHT.

(4) Anonymous, July 3, 2009 10:17 PM

A life-long condition?

Thanks for the reminder of what I've been dealing with for 25 years and how to approach it.My eldest son was diagnosed with this syndrome 20 years ago,studied at a special school for 10 years and after the army lived with his girlfriend.Now he has split up with her and has moved back home with me.After having been on my own for so long I had got used to a calm and peace at home,but after my son returned all the difficult past returned too with all the unpredicted and spontaneous behaviours.He stopped his medication at age 16 saying he didn't need it any more.Even though he knows he has a problem,he refuses to get help as he thinks he can deal with it alone.His conditon affects all the family.

Anonymous, February 8, 2012 2:03 AM

Why dont you take him to dbt counseling! It helped me alot with my bpd!! Bpd tells us that we are okay even tho we knwo we arent. The truth is he probably is afraid to face what hes thinking. He probably also doesnt want other people telling him he has a problem.. its a tough situation and I feel for you as a mom of such a monsterous disease. Look into DBT! I think you may find it useful.

(3) Anonymous, July 2, 2009 2:59 AM

What if they she's unwilling to admit she has a problem?

I know someone like this - anything can set her raving at any time, with no rhyme or reason. She says things in a way that can be very hurtful - but she does not see how her words can have such an effect. I've tried to discuss this with her several times, but she refuses to acknowledge that there is any sort of problem. I have to interact with this person on a near-daily basis - how should I deal with it?

(2) Anonymous, July 1, 2009 1:15 AM

great video

Thank you for clarifying this. Hope others find this as helpful as me.

(1) Anonymous, June 21, 2009 6:58 AM


I've came across at least one individual with a borderline personality disorder at my first college, and she seemed to be the most blunt person I've ever met - even so, who would I to be to judge upon whether this was about blame. Blame implies intent (at least according to Dr. Phil). Chances are, individuals with BPD were raised in an atmosphere of potentially hostile parents - if they were not necessarily born that way...As for another disorder, Asperger's syndrome, can blame really be impinged on these individuals? Many of these cognitive disorders tend to be overlapping, where it can be difficult to determine a correct diagnosis, even by some professional. I happen to have AS, and sometimes people think I come across as having obsessive compulsive disorder. I am eager to learn from my mistakes, especially in a social atmosphere where I am trying to work on not interrupting during conversations almost compulsively. Sometimes when I make certain mistakes or blurt something out, I don't always know I am making such a mistake until someone tells me afterward (and then I feel rather ashamed about it, due to how sensitive I am. So, how does one really differentiate mental illness from blame?


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