When Adult Kids Live at Home

4 necessary rules for parents.

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Comments (1)

(1) Mike, August 18, 2015 10:42 PM

thank you and feedback

Dear Rabbi Solomon,
I watched your video and also viewed it together with my mother. As the child I fully agree with what you said, particularly with the point "Rules". It appears that when there is no consensus on what is expected and what is optional, there will be disappointments and frustration (which could be easily avoided).
I would say however that a talk on "Rules" in the family should not include accusations such as "you never do xyz..."
Furthermore, it would not contribute to a relationship where the child is to be seen as an adult when he is simulatenously accused of behaving like a child (when in fact it had more to do with the absence of a clear understanding in the family on who bears what responsibilities)

I do want to say that this is an opportunity that should not be waisted by the parents and it is surely the wrong time to mix a productive discussion (that would lead to peace and to the increase of self-esteem of everyone involved) with destructive / non-constructive critcism.
Everyone involved should resist the temptation to vent anger, because this is the wrong time.
Apparently in different countries it is more common for children to live with their parents until marriage, also in Israel.
Maybe this change is also a great opportunity to do tshuva and to improve and deepen the relationship of parents and children, since Judaism needs the conversation between generations. Also it is an opportunity to mend a previously strained relationship, in the sense as it is described in the book of Micah at the end (3:23-24), and also 3:22,
that the heart of fathers will be turned to the children, and the heart of the children will be turned to their fathers
"lest I come and smite the land with utter destruction"
and in 3:22
Remember ye the law of Moses My servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, even statutes and ordinances.
,part of which is honoring parents

 

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