In September 2004, Dove did something radical for a player in the beauty industry: it launched an ad campaign that didn't feature the typical size-0 model, but real women who clearly defied the starlet-skinny chic that had come to represent the media "ideal" of the female form. Dove also encouraged women to share their ideas about the campaign on their web site, hoping to stimulate discussion about beauty, whose definition had become narrower than the pencil skirts displayed in fashion magazines.
Seven in 10 girls feel inadequate about their looks, performance in school, and/or relationships.
"Low self-esteem among girls and young women has reached a crisis level," said Dr. Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., a psychologist who collaborated on Dove's Real Girls, Real Pressure national report on the state of self-esteem. The report revealed that seven in 10 girls feel inadequate about their looks, performance in school, and/or relationships. Most disturbing, girls with low self-esteem are engaging in harmful and destructive behaviors that can leave a lasting imprint on their lives. These include disordered eating, cutting, smoking, drinking, and bullying. "This report confirms the dangerous consequences arising from hang-ups about looks, academics and popularity on a girl's sense of self-worth and self-acceptance," she adds.
Dove's research doesn't come as a surprise to anyone in the field of mental health today. Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Ed.D. is the author of two books on girls' self-esteem: The Truth: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything and The Enchanted Self. Holstein notes that in her 25 years as a practicing psychologist, the pressure on tweens and teens to look sexy has intensified greatly. She also sees a corresponding decrease in girls' ability to access positive thoughts about themselves and their skills. Too often, she says, girls and women have a warped view of how they really look.
"I counseled a 17-year-old girl who was tall and gorgeous, but she felt gawky. She hid under long hair that covered her face, and needed her mom to speak for her. If girls somehow get the message that they don't ‘rate,' they can really suffer from body image problems," she observes.
Holstein believes that females suffer more acutely from media influence than boys because they internalize messages around them more easily, whether those messages come from home or outside. As a result, the trend of young girls dressing in risque clothing that a generation ago would only have been worn by streetwalkers exacerbates the problem. "We've lost that feeling that a woman is a queen in her own right," she says.
Lyn Mikel Brown, professor of education at Colby College in Waterville, Maine, has documented the confusing and negative messages that marketers send to girls in her book, Packaging Girlhood. "They want to sell a message of ‘girl power' but the products and clothes aren't about changing the world, they're about the look of the girl, which is increasingly ‘pinkified' and sexualized," Brown says. "‘Tween' is a marketing term used to encourage younger and younger girls to self-objectify, often aiming for a model of a girly Paris Hilton or Brittany Spears."
Brown says that while many parents worry about protecting girls from being bullied, they are also purchasing the very merchandise that undermines a girl's sense of self. "The pinks quickly turn into hot pinks and reds, which are used to sell everything, even pink energy drinks that contain an herbal appetite suppressant," she notes.
Talk It Out
When speaking to parent groups, Brown tries to raise awareness about the subversive impact of current marketing on girls' self-esteem. This includes not only the sexualized clothing, but also popular books for tweens and teens featuring "mean girl" motifs. "Sisterhood is powerful is a slogan that is so in the past," Brown notes. Her organization, Hardy Girls, Healthy Women hopes to foster a healthier sense of self for girls, and includes resources and suggested questions for parents to ask their daughters to help them both think more critically about media influence.
"We can't stop the media, but parents have a lot more control over this than they realize," Brown believes. Holstein agrees, and urges parents to talk frankly with their daughters about how some of the current fashions make them feel. If a girl just shrugs and says, "That's the way everybody dresses," she advises parents to counter, "Let's find the very best choices so you can be comfortable."
"You have to give girls a true base from which to make good decisions about what they wear and what media they consume," Holstein says. "Parents may shy away from these discussions because they fear sharing too much, but there are ways to share what is right and true without over exposing your own feelings or your own past."
When a girl feels good about herself, body image will fall into place.
In fact, the Dove report validates the hunger that girls have for parental input: in their survey of more than 1,000 girls, 67 percent of girls ages 13-17 said they turned to their mothers as a resource when feeling badly about themselves, while 91 percent of girls ages 8-12 do so.
Soul Image
But according to Gila Manolson, a Jerusalem-based author of The Magic Touch, Outside/Inside, and Head to Heart, and an internationally renowned speaker, "Body image is a red herring. The real issue is soul image, because when a girl feels good about herself as a person, her body image will fall into place." Manolson notes how striking it is that some young women with whom she has spoken and who are average-looking and even "Rubenesque" in figure consider themselves beautiful, even sexy. "These girls exude the confidence that comes from having a healthy soul image," Manolson observes. "And confidence is very attractive."
Manolson admits that it's far easier to develop a healthy soul image in Jerusalem than in New York or Los Angeles. Still, "I believe that parents influence a girl's self image more powerfully than all the media," she says. "The media project images of non-existent women. Any woman who had Barbie proportions would have died of malnutrition."
Her prescription for healthier body images among girls is more drastic: "Disengage from the media," she counsels. "Fashion and women's magazines are toxic to female self-esteem." Because these magazines only feature "perfect-looking" women (whose images have all been airbrushed and digitally manipulated), having these magazines in the home "is like an IV dripping heroin in a girl's veins. Many studies have shown very clearly that the more exposure women have to these magazines, the lower their self-esteem falls, while men's satisfaction with their wives also drops after viewing this material."
When Manolson speaks to women on these topics, she's often asked about how to deal with men, who now have unrealistic and shallow expectations about female beauty. "It's a painful subject, and men need a huge reeducation about this. With every part of the body so readily available to view, we are losing the ability to have true intimacy, because women feel inadequate and men have unrealistic expectations. We need to recreate the idea of true intimacy based on appreciating another person's unique beauty, both inside and out."
Tzniut is an internal self-definition that frees the need to flaunt yourself physically.
Manolson believes that the Jewish concept of tzniut – modesty -- is the most powerful antidote to this problem. "Tzniut means deeply knowing who you are. It's an internal self-definition that frees you from any need to flaunt yourself physically," Manolson explains. "Women who possess tzniut have their physical privacy protected; they are simply not on display for ogling or judgment by the public's critical eye. The beauty industry feeds off women's insecurities, so the biggest enemy to that industry is a woman who has a healthy soul image and who carries herself with modesty."
All agree that true self-worth must come from within. In her practice, Holstein helps patients think of times in their lives when they felt good about themselves, and asks them to bring in things they have written or made that show their talents. She then helps patients build on this base to create a foundation of inner worth. "Too many women are only able to tune into messages they have gotten from the outside world, which too often do nothing to affirm their worth," Holstein says. "It takes more work to access the positive messages they've received in their lives."
Manolson also prescribes a steady diet of altruistic activity, being with friends, and reading worthwhile books to fill the time that women might have otherwise spent watching TV or reading women's consumer and fashion magazines. "There's nothing better for self-esteem than doing something for someone else. After a while, you'll be able to radiate happiness."
(20) Hali, August 19, 2012 11:27 PM
Kvod Bas Melech Pnima?
I started going to elementary yeshiva in 5th grade. It was sold as the ultimate place for respect and dignity. It was an all girls' school It didn't take long to discover the cliques that already existed. The Morah and the principal were wonderful role models who lived their Torah everyday but, somehow, they ignored the obvious snobbiness of some girls to the others. Having just left public school system, I was amazed to see that except for the longer sleeves and skirts, things were not that different. Luckily, at that young age, I kept sight of the vision of what the Morahs taught, the role modelling of Sorah, Leah and Rochel, of Pninah and how it applied to my situation. In high school. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful chevra of girls who accepted me and now I am raising my own children in the light of Toras Emes. Baruch Hashem!
(19) Anonymous, November 12, 2009 7:44 PM
I remember that Dove campaign
I remember that 2004 Dove campaign and while it seemed so refreshing that they were advertising for "real women", let's not forget that Dove placed a billboard on the Major Deegan Highway in N.Y. of 5 or 6 women in their undergarments. They were "real women" with real figures, but if we want to make a a point about modesty and teaching our children to dress modestly and have their inner beauty shine, that totally inappropriate billboard cannot be ignored. I remember years ago dating a man who told me on our second date that I did not dress up enough for him and then asked me if my nose was crooked. When I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore and how horrible he made me feel about myself, he aplogized and said "I guess I am looking for a super model and I should just be happy with a very pretty girl". Men are so affected by the media world and it has such a horrible ramifications on women and girls. Men need to learn how to guard their eyes and women need to learn about modesty and true inner beauty. That perfect combination could fix a lot in the world today.
(18) Anonymous, October 25, 2009 1:37 AM
This happens to often.
IThis is very sad, but very true. I am twelve. Even though I prefer to stay away fron non Jewish society, it happens in the most religious of places. I think its so sad how once you see these, thiers nothing you can do to get out! Even though thier are many magazines that encourage, "Its the inside that matters.", it always fetures a perfect girl on the cover. It's so sad...
Anonymous, January 10, 2018 1:46 AM
me too. I'm also 12.
(17) Anonymous, September 27, 2009 5:29 AM
I reveal the hurtful truth
your article pierced a sharp needle in my heart. I am now in the dating market, and age 19, and it has been so hard for me! not because i am not pretty, skinny, nor tall, as a matter of fact I am, with all modesty, among the top prettiest, thin and tall, yet I feel I can do better. I am never completely satisfied, I am determined to enhance my physical appearance. My determination leads to obsession. I know I am not alone in this picture. thousands of girls veer their focus away from all other values and shift towards physical appearance....
(16) m. fishman, March 15, 2009 11:57 PM
the mothers are at fault also
Your article is so right on. A problem I don't usually see addressed (or even hear dear Dr. Lauua talk about directly), is the responsbility that the mothers have for this deplorable situation. Why should a teenage girl (or younger) not dress as they do, when this is what they see day in and day out on their mothers? My heart breaks when I see a scantily-clad "mother" (I assume such) in the mall, etc. with her daugher in tow, and of course the daughter is going to copy the mother, whom she looks up to, etc. etc. enuf. Thanks for the article.
(15) Ruth Rachel Anderson-Avraham, March 13, 2009 6:42 AM
We Are All a Beautiful Part of Hashem's Creation...
Each and every one of us is connected to Hashem, and reflects the love and beauty of his creation... When we remember that we are a unique part of Hashem's creation, we understand that we are a unique part of one whole, worth no more, or no less, than any other part... To love Hashem, is to love also His creation, to love ourselves...
(14) Shoshana, February 28, 2009 10:08 PM
the inner message
As a Jewish Woman who as a teenager went to find myself on a path that was quite dangerous. My parents did the best they could although I was a stubborn teen with my own mind and I learned the hard way that flaunting the physical self was a message from my soul.I did alot of soul searching and found that the more I listen to my inner message which is of the soul the more I see the truth of modesty. and that my physical self carries my inner self and the way I present that self to others says a lot about my inner self, my soul. Thank you for this vital information.
(13) Rachel, February 18, 2009 12:47 PM
Sons and daughters
I've got one of each. I have continually given my son the message that women & girls are to be treated with respect, regardless of their physical appearance, scholastic ability, etc. My son is now 14 and will very quickly note the shallow values he sometimes sees on television programs, etc. And my daughter really appreciates seeing a boy up close who does not treat girls like objects!
(12) Tova Saul, February 18, 2009 12:15 PM
Co-ed education
Perhaps a lot of this problem would be solved if boys and girls had separate educations. When they are together, there is a huge amount of mental and emotional attention expended on impressing the opposite sex, and competing with the same sex. A heck of a lot of insecurity and lack of confidence results in so many kids. Separated, everyone acts in much more relaxed genuine ways, and can form better friendships between individuals and as a group. Girls are like cocoons---they need to be sheltered until mature enough to be butterflies.
(11) cheryl, February 17, 2009 12:42 PM
image
when I was a teenager my brother called me fat. my own mother even said I should lose a few pounds. I spent most of my teen and young adult years thinking I was fat and ugly only to discover as I got older, it wasn't my outward appearance that people thought was ugly, it was how I felt about myself. As I began to feel better about myself, I started to take a little more care of my appearance. My personality changed and its easier for me to talk and interact with people. I was 5' 4" and 130 pounds! I sure wish somebody had stepped in and told them to have their eyes checked - I now have a friend who weighs about 240 pounds and says she wishes she could have a figure like mine, but is so confident and sure of herself that I don't think most people even recognize her size! It's not outward appearance but personality that makes the person.
(10) Ezza Amittai, February 17, 2009 10:12 AM
Conspiracy Theories
As a prior sufferer of body dysmorphia and anorexia, I truly feel for any girl or woman who feels badly about their body. My brother made the point that 150 years ago, people couldn't 'look at themselves all the time', i.e. through photos, videos, TV, magazines etc etc. They lived more from the inside looking out. If you look at today's 'supermodels' you might agree with the theory that the fashion industry is run primarily by gay men whose ideal of beauty is a young man's body, tiny hips, tiny backside, no breasts, wide shoulders. The woeful part is the lengths that girls and women go to, to look like a young male. If they knew where the archetype (which means 'MODEL') comes from, would they try so hard to conform to it? All my adult life I have been underweight through a strict regime of starvation, and I've had men from all backgrounds flocking around me eagerly, trying to win my hand in marriage. I have always had an innate sense of tzniut and dressed very modestly. I'm still holding out for a nice Jewish man B"H! Then recently I underwent more than a year's treatment for cancer and put on 45 pounds from the steroids. Men started running in the opposite direction!! And my ordeal actually made me a kinder, gentler, much more grateful person, and an even more observant woman. As I'm losing weight now, I see men starting to pay me attention again. It's hurtful how most men I meet don't see the immense spiritual change and beauty in me, but they notice when I've lost a few pounds. I gave up buying or reading those 'womens' magazines' years ago, when I became aware of how sick and discontent they made me feel. I can't watch TV much anymore either. I'm too busy studying Torah, mitzvoth and getting closer to HaShem, (Who seems to be the only One who wants to be with the still-chubby me, right now, B"H). In closing, I'd just like to say that HaShem created the human body in a miraculous fashion, the heart beats on its own, the lungs breathe, wounds heal. Then there's the mitzvoth and other acts of beauty and creation that we are blessed to be able to perform through our bodies. Every cell of it is G-d's awesome handiwork. Therefore it's an evil agenda that encourages ANYONE to degrade this amazing GIFT we have been blessed with. PS: Does anyone else notice that extreme thinness became fashionable in Western countries exactly when women got liberated and more powerful in the world? Lack of food makes us weak..... PPS: In India, only poor people are thin, and chubby (rich) women walk around with an air of superiority! So, as Elizabeth Taylor said, "You're not too fat, you're just in the wrong country!"
(9) Olina, February 16, 2009 4:55 PM
Soul Image
Good article! Confidence is indeed beautiful and a healthy soul image will always shine through. But, just a side note: I looked at Hardy Girls, Healthy Women link and found that the site promotes homosexuality. I'm sure the author didn't know...
(8) Yaakov, February 16, 2009 4:28 PM
both sides of the track
I agree that it is also men and boys who are part of the problem. A lot of girls self esteem problems I have seen actually comes from negative comments or lack of attention from males. We have a lot of the portion of blame laid at our doors for lapping up these negative images of women in the media. I have noticed of late that whilst women are angry for having low self image due to the media they then blame other women!! The models and actresses in these biased skinny campaigns are as much the victims of the situation as the girls being sold the products. Its like mass weaker pornography, the stars themselves are being exploited by a male run industry that is fuelled primarily by 'sex sells' and the subtext should be 'sex sells...mostly to adolsescent males'. This is something mothers need to discuss with their daughters and fathers with their sons.
(7) Tammy, February 15, 2009 5:20 PM
Girl Power
I was one of those girls that grew up with a poor self image. Both of my parents had low self images so neither of them were able to give me a positive self image. I was one of those girls that wound up in a destructive lifestyle as described in the above article. It took many years and much healing from G-d himself to get past the poor self image stuff. It wasn't until I got into my forties that I finally started to like myself and be at peace with who I am. I don't care about what others think of me anymore. It is crucial for parents to love their children as they are and to be positive and affirming influences in their daughters/childrens lives. The father daughter influence is huge on a girls life. But if parents have poor images of themselves and don't like themselves then it is hard to transfer a positive self image to your children. How can you give what you don't have yourself? I have heard and read for years about not blaming your parents for who you are as an adult but have come to the conclusion that your parents lay the ground work for who you are and it carries over into adult hood. It is up to you to forgive them and start on your own path to healing. Some things get so intrenched and ingrained within us. Its why we say we are never going to treat our children the way our parents treated us and then find ourselves doing and saying the same things we said we would never do or say.A lot of these things are spiritual issues. Satan uses people, things and situations to build huge negative strongholds in our lives which only G-d himself can break. It can be hard work but well worth the trouble.
(6) Debby, February 15, 2009 1:36 PM
Dove's Real Women?
At the same time that Dove introduced its real women campaign, they introduced the ad for its body wash by using the seemingly undressed model with a long plank-like body wrapped in thin ribbon... the wolf in a kid glove.
(5) Anonymous, February 15, 2009 1:34 PM
So sad
This article is so sad! I'd like to know who was the evil genius who convinced women and girls that letting themselves be ogled and treated as soul-less bodies, was somehow 'liberating'?
(4) Anonymous, February 15, 2009 12:24 PM
We need to get this message to boys in the shidduch scene and their mothers. They are much too hung up on girl's size! HG
(3) ruth housman, February 15, 2009 12:17 PM
a lifelong journey
For some, as indicated in this article, it's a journey that takes a person from one point to the other, from self hate to loving oneself, and for each woman, and also every man, there is so much in life that promotes standards that are imbibed that are not at all about soul, meaning who we are internally, and the recognition of individual personal worth. For many it's truly a passage that seems to have an inbuilt learning curve, meaning that realization, that what is "considered" beauty is actually not necessarily about who a person is, in terms of how they act in life but is a quick prejudgment based on qualities that really have nothing to do with the true beauty that is a person's inner worth. What does shine, is the realization that one is special and we are all of us special, and that we each have unique gifts to bring to the world. Every therapist wants their patients to one day look in the mirror and honor themselves, to see that beauty, reflected back, that is about soul, about compassion, and the owning of their very own heroic journeys to that place of reflection and inner truth.
(2) Yaffa Ganz, February 15, 2009 11:33 AM
Girls and Beauty
Has someone translated this superb, vitally important piece into Hebrew? French? Spanish? Italian? I'd love a Hebrew translation to start e-mailing around Israel. Any translators out there??????
m., August 22, 2012 9:27 PM
go to the top of the page and click on "ivrit"
try looking on the Hebrew aish website. Many of their articles eventually get translated to Hebrew.
(1) Yaffa, February 15, 2009 11:28 AM
As mothers, we have to protect our girls.
This is an excellent article, thank you for presenting the issue so clearly. I have raised four girls, now ranging from 17 to 25, and it hasn't been easy to help them have a healthy attitude of their own self-worth. Sadly after one of them left home 18 months ago she has ended up with depression and eating issues. But we recognise that Ha-Shem is bigger and stronger than any of this and will help her as she reaches out to Him. We, as mothers, need to take back the G-d-given responsibility of raising our daughters as women who know their G-d and know their worth in His eyes,and know where their strength truly lies.