Many of us go searching the world for our soul mate. We search at every event, in many cities and countries and online. Perhaps we should invert the question and instead of asking, “Where is my bashert (soul mate)?” let’s ask, “How can I get my bashert to come to me?” I suggest you spend 50% of your time and effort looking for your bashert and the other 50% of the time continuing to bring out your best self in order to draw your soul mate closer to you.

How do you get a great relationship to come to you?

The short answer is: Be magnetic. Here’s the long answer.

What is a magnet and what does it have to do with dating? According to Wikipedia, “A magnet is a material or object that produces a magnetic field. This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for the most notable property of a magnet: a force that pulls on other ferromagnetic materials, such as iron, and attracts or repels other magnets.”

If we apply this definition to dating it would read: “A relationship magnet is a person who produces a magnetic field. This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for a force that attracts or repels other relationship-minded singles.”

There are several important points worth exploring here:

A relationship magnet is a person who produces a magnetic field. You have the ability to produce a tangible field of energy around you. You impact the world around you just by having an impact on what is within your immediate reach, namely -- YOU!

Think about what is on your list of desirable traits in a mate. Chances are the list includes some of the following: warmth, kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness, a mensch, someone who acts in loving ways, is verbally articulate and lets me know how they are feeling, someone open, someone who laughs easily and often.

Now visualize the person you desire to meet. Have that picture in your mind? Imagine meeting this person. Now get curious: what kind of traits would that person be looking for in you? Do you possess those traits? Is your magnetic field projecting the right energy to attract the mate you desire? Take some time to evaluate and see if who you are is who you need to be in order to pull your mate closer.

This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for a force that attracts or repels other relationship-minded singles. This invisible force that we create can either attract or repel others. Have you ever been on a date and not been so interested? You put something out there that signals that you are not interested, in the hope they will pick up on those signals and lose interest as well. Or how about the reverse? Ever had a great date where both of you had a strong connection? Often my clients try to explain when things just “click” but can’t exactly put their finger on what worked.

I would say it’s the field that attracts one to the other -- what’s within someone as well as what’s on the outside that draws one person to another. The “click” is a magnetic moment. During that moment there is an electrical current running between two people. If one side suddenly becomes uninterested, the current breaks and the magnetism is lost. If you’ve ever felt that one moment you are connected and the next moment you don’t know what happened, what’s happening is that the other side lost interest (ie changed their magnetic field) and there is no longer a positive charge between you two.

Try to make a fair evaluation. Have you been attracting or repelling those you date? Has it been intentional or unintentional? Try to be more conscious of your magnetic field. If you like the results you are getting, i.e. attracting those you’re interested in and repelling those you don’t want, then you’re doing the right things. If, however, you are attracting those you don’t want and repelling those you are interested in, it’s time to make some changes and see if you can get different results.

So take some time this week to explore and investigate your magnetic field. First, do your own evaluation and see what you would like to change and what you want to keep the same. Then try speaking to a trusted friend and sharing this concept. See if they notice something about your field that you didn’t see or know. (Make sure it’s a good friend and ask them to be mindful about what they say; this is not a venting session about what you’re doing wrong, but rather a safe space for you to get some feedback.) Finally, take time to decide if you want to make any changes to your magnetic field and how you will go about getting the results you desire. May your soul mate be near and easily drawn to you!