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Why are so many women attracted to guys that just aren’t so nice?
Many of us have swallowed the idea that equates masculinity with being macho, what some people refer as toxic masculinity. Macho often comes with behavior like showing off, feeling superior, being self-absorbed, arrogant, and aggressive. Macho men treat women as objects and can behave in a controlling fashion.
A man doesn’t have to be macho to be masculine. A genuine masculine man is confident yet open-minded to others. He treats a woman as an equal partner and inspires respect. Real men understand that it takes courage and strength to become vulnerable and show their emotions. They exert self-control, rein in their anger and make others a priority in their life.
Some women are turned off by a nice guy because they have bought into the erroneous definition of masculinity, confusing macho with masculine. Nice guys are in fact a great catch; it‘s certainly not a reason to write him off. Nice guys exhibit healthy behaviors that everyone should be on the lookout for.
The most important thing to look for in a long-term relationship – and especially in marriage – is someone who is kind and compassionate. Dating the fun, noncommittal bad boy can sometimes be exciting, but he is also likely to not answer your calls, ghost you, and come with less-than-wonderful personality traits.
The nice guy is the one who is going to be there for you during rough the times, the one who’ll take care of you when you’re sick in bed. He’s loyal and caring, two super important traits to look for in a spouse. Don’t expect Mr. Macho to suddenly change his nature and turn into a kind, selfless soul.
Sometimes we are more focused on chemistry, passion, spontaneity and fun than good character traits. A relationship shouldn't be boring or lack passion – but it’s crucial to have your priorities straight and factor in character towards the high end of the scale. When you’re in a committed marriage, the most important things become having a kind person next to you day in and day out who is dependable, stable, loyal and exhibits loving behaviors. Sharing your life with someone who doesn’t treat you kindly isn’t anyone’s idea of a happy ending.
Nice guys tend to say thank you and show their appreciation for what others do for them. They pay attention to you and are attune to what you like. It feels good to be appreciated. This is healthy for both partners in a relationship, and it means that in the long run, you’ll be more likely to do the same for them, and both of you will feel grateful and appreciated.
Nice guys care more about treating you well than looking good in front of others. Being with a nice guy, you’ll be number one in his book. Choosing a cool guy means you’ll more likely be second to him and his needs. A cool guy may put you down because he thinks it makes him look good. He may crack a joke at your expense because he was able to get a laugh, and then say, “I was just kidding, can’t you take a joke?”
A mensch will ask for your opinion and actually care about what you say. Cool guys will talk about their opinions and great ideas, obliging you to listen without engaging you in conversation. They will “fan their feathers” to impress you and talk at you, more than with you.
I think it’s time we reconsider who would make a healthy life partner. Ladies, look around. What do you see? A bunch of nice guys who you are friends with but could never marry? Why are you turning down responsible, reliable, good-hearted, emotionally available guys who have the potential to make you happy?
Don’t overlook the nice boy next door type. When it comes to a life partner, choose a nice guy.
