Dearest Bubby,
It has been almost a month since you passed away. I re-play the day of your surgery in my mind all the time. You were expected to recover, your heart as good as new. But that was not meant to be, Bubby. We thought we had more time with you. We thought that there would be plenty of opportunities for all the visits, all the trips, all the hugs and all the kisses that we meant to bestow on you in the future. We're sorry, Bubby.
- I think about you every day. I wish I had thought about you more earlier.
- I bought you a beautiful birthday card for your 75th birthday next month. Now I cannot send it to you. It is sitting in my drawer. I wish that I had not waited for an occasion to send a special card to you.
- I wish I had taken more time to hear about your experiences in the Concentration Camps. I know that you didn't like to talk about it. Yet despite this, you agreed to be interviewed by the Shoah Foundation so that we would have your testimony preserved forever. You were so courageous, Bubby. I don't think I realized what it took out of you.
- I wish that we had completed the memory book that I bought you. You were so pleased to receive it. Thank God, we recorded your family tree. We recorded the name of the school you attended and the friends you played with before the Nazis took you away. We recorded your courtship with Zaidy. But we never got around to recording much of the details of your life afterward. I thought I had more time. Now I will never know.
- I didn't visit you enough after I got married. I know that you understood that I was busy with my new responsibilities, and then I was busy with my baby. I should have made more time for you. You were always there for me, Bubby. I should have been there for you, too.
- When I did visit you and the baby was fussy, I left earlier than I wanted to. I should have stayed longer at my visits with you. You were always so happy to see me. I'm sorry, Bubby.
- I wish that I had offered to go shopping for you and help you out more. When I offered and you declined because you didn't want to bother me, I wish that I had insisted more.
- Toward the end, you used to talk a lot about your aches and pains. I thought it wasn't good for you to focus on this so much, so sometimes I would change the subject. I should have had more patience, more understanding. I didn't realize how sick you were, Bubby.
- I wish that I had thanked you for so many things, Bubby. For cooking all those wonderful meals when I stayed over by you, and for treating me like a queen. For taking such an interest in every aspect of my life, and in my friends' lives. For telling me in your blunt and honest way, when I was doing something wrong. And above all, for making me feel so loved and special, even when I didn't do anything that great.
- The night before your surgery, when I said good-bye, I wish that I had hugged you tighter. I wish that I had kissed you more. I wish that I had told you that you were the most wonderful grandmother, that I was so lucky to have the privilege of being your granddaughter. I wish that I had said good-bye like it was the last time I was ever going to see you. I didn't know, Bubby. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
I can't change what happened. I can't take it back, Bubby. But I am trying to do what I can. Jewish guilt has gotten itself quite a reputation, but we both know that it is not the Jewish way. The Jewish way is to feel regret over our actions, and then do something constructive about it. That's what I am trying to do by writing this, Bubby. Maybe we can prevent some other people from feeling what I am feeling over you.
I will never forget you, Bubby. I will always tell my children about you. I will tell them about your special qualities, about how selfless and giving you were. I will tell them about your unshakeable faith, despite all your hardships and suffering. I will try to emulate your ways, Bubby, so that you can live on through your children and grandchildren, forever.
With love, forever and always,
Your granddaughter.
Dedicated to the memory of my beloved grandmother.
(22) David Goldstein, July 7, 2020 12:45 AM
True to life
A lesson we all seem to learn the hard way. Hopefully, some of us will learn from your sharing. Especially important that we use mistakes to learn from and commit to improve , rather than hold guilt.
(21) Kathy Stein, March 17, 2007 4:24 PM
Definitely makes you think about the time you allot for those who love you.
Most of us can relate to this article. There is always someone we feel guilty about not giving the proper time and respect until it is too late to remedy our actions. Then the regret is overwhelming.
(20) Anonymous, March 15, 2007 5:41 AM
It is never too late. I am sure that your grandmother received your letter special delivery from Hashem.
(19) Anonymous, March 14, 2007 5:49 AM
its nice and lovely how i wish my grandmother was alive for me to read this to her hearing.
(18) Mindy, March 8, 2007 10:31 PM
So true and regretable
I have an elederly great grandparent, whom I visit abproximately every three weeks. Truthfully, I don't feel so guilty over this because she w a real witch, and made the family and my grandmother miserable until she told my grandfather that it was either her or his mother. He chose his mother, and they divorced. I never really had much of a relationship with her to begin with, so I feel bad when I see an old lady who still retains a trim body and a sharp tongue. We do, however, have an upstair neighobor who is in her advanced 70s that we visit once a week at the end of Shabbos. Every time I leave her I feel as though this may be the last time, and I tll myself that I should vivist more often. We all feel that guilty feeling that we don't do enough for our elderly- and we don't. I wish we could push ourselves to spend more time with them. Thank you for your inspiring letter!
(17) Anonymous, March 8, 2007 3:55 PM
Similar Situation...
Unfortunately, there are people who have lost relatives of the "younger" generation, who didn't get a chance to say good-bye.
(16) Anonymous, March 7, 2007 5:48 PM
I too know how it feels
I recently lost my grandmother whom lived with us for nice part of the year. I would come in and give her a kiss on her check and walk away, always thinking she will be there tomorow. although my kids had the privalige to be with her full time and remember her. the day she passed away i cried to know end, my G-d she is not here today. with this experince i must say that i am more aware of my family and my parents everyday. what keeps me going is a picture of my grandmother i hung at the front door so i can try never to forget her.
(15) Anonymous, March 7, 2007 3:24 PM
To Anonymous "this letter made me turn white" Please be assured that the dream of your dear Grandmother was real and true.
(14) Anonymous, March 7, 2007 3:16 PM
no need to apologize so much
I think your Bubby understands, because she was once the grand daughter to her Bubby. Because she knows how much you love her and she had the life experience to know what it's like to be young, to be a young mom. Maybe you can forgive yourself for the judgment of not being or doing enough. I'm so confident that your Bubby loved and cherished you exactly the way you are... just as you love and cherish your children, and, G-d willing your grand children.
May you live a long and healthy life so you can be the loving Bubby to your precious grandchildren.
(13) Anonymous, March 7, 2007 11:50 AM
wow....what an inspiring letter....lets try to appreciate everything we have now, and not wait untill its too late.
(12) Anonymous, March 7, 2007 2:08 AM
"A letter to a grandmother". It is never to late to send. I am sure she got it special delivery from Hashem.
(11) Maria Dodoc, March 6, 2007 12:56 PM
Beautiful.
(10) Anonymous, March 6, 2007 11:57 AM
This letter made me turn white
Hi,
I am not sure who wrote this letter but a year and a half ago my Grandmother was Niftar the same way having the same experiences. That is not normally a coincidence so I am not sure what to say. I went to the hospital to wish her luck we all said while surgery is long she would have no problem. Next day I got a call saying she was Niftar. My Grandmother went through Aushvitz and met my Grandfather in the states having never talked about the war or her experiences. Ironically she opened up for one purpose the Shoah foundation with Steven Speilberg of all casues. I did not make enough time and when told she was Niftar I cried all night. I wish I had been a better grandson too. I could not beleive it but that night I had a dream where she told me its ok it was meant to be that way. Not sure if it was real sure felt that way. It is really what keeps me going on this.
(9) leora, March 6, 2007 12:05 AM
thank you
This was absolutly beautiful. I cried while reading this, because I know how true it is, yet so easy to forget. It's true about all the people special to us in our lives. What a beautiful way to put feelings into words and share it with so many others. Your bubby has a wonderful granddaughter.
(8) Tammy Ben-Dayan, March 5, 2007 9:29 AM
How Inspiring
What an incredibly inspiring letter. It really made me thought. This woman, this special grandmother lives on in special ways and is inspiring other people even after her passing. She has certainly inspired me to visit my grandparents more and to make more of an efort with them. Thank You
(7) Anonymous, March 5, 2007 9:15 AM
This made me cry because...
...the Bubby in this letter sounded just like my own mother. I'd like to send this to my daughters before it's too late and they have to write letters like this...
(6) Myrna, March 4, 2007 11:23 PM
regrets
My mother recently passed away. To all of you I say...you never know when the last time will be the last time. Don't forget to say "I love you"
(5) Sharon, March 4, 2007 9:48 PM
TOO LATE
It was touching and memorable - Loved It!!!!
(4) Hilary Lee Fergenson, March 4, 2007 10:45 AM
Interesting article
I really enjoyed reading this article and was very touched by it. Reading this letter made me reflect on all the times when I visited my grandmother in the nursing home during the last few years of her life and read different issues of the Reminisce magazine with her to let her know that I cared.
(3) May Chwick, March 4, 2007 10:30 AM
THIS WAS VERY TOUCHING. I AM A GRANDMOTHER OF SEVEN. I HAVE GIVEN THEM TIME, LOVE, MATERIAL THINGS AND I STILL THINK AND DO FOR THEM. I HOPE THAT I AM REMEMBERED THIS WAY.
(2) sonja, March 4, 2007 7:59 AM
Very moving letter. My grandparents perished in the holocaust so I never had the priviledge of knowing them.I never listened to my parents stories enough, nor asked enough questions. Now my older grandchildren behave as the author of this letter.I would send them a copy of this letter but they would fall bad for the moment and continue as before.I wish for them a very happy , peaceful life. We all have regerts and hindsight is always 20-20.
(1) Anonymous, March 4, 2007 5:55 AM
Constructive Regrets
Thank you for your beautiful letter to your grandmother. I'm sure your grandmother knew how much you cared about her. After my mother died (I was only 23), I realized how fragile life is and have tried my best not to stay angry with people )something I learned from my father). When I have a fight with anybody (family, friend or just an acquaintance), I always try to mend my fence as soon as possible saying "if they died and I hadn't made up with them, I've lost my chance to tell them I'm not angry". I try to call people (or email them) often to let them know I'm thinking about them, knowing that tomorrow may be too late to tell them. The greatest honor you could give your grandmother is to tell your children what a special person she was.