You're at the park bench or bar mitzvah dinner, and you smile with friendly ease.
"Hi," you introduce yourself, "I'm so-and-so, what's your name?"
The look on the other end makes your smile freeze. Her eyes go up and down, taking careful inventory of every detail. It lasts just a millisecond, but it feels like forever.
In the space of that look, a zillion calculations are instantly performed, ranging from the cost of the ring on your finger to the make-up you wear, multiplied by your dress size and divided by the number of chocolate smears on your kid's stroller.
And then, after a heart-stopping moment, the eyes go down again, the nose goes up, and the world stops as your self-esteem takes a dive.
"I'm so-and-so," comes the polite reply, but it is clear that your offer of companionship has been rejected.
Cliques and social torment do not only happen in our daughters' first grade. Apparently there is no universal law which dictates that these immature and hurtful social practices are shed during puberty and completely disappear by adulthood.
Well, I would like to propose a radical new social construct. Meet "The Plain Jane Society," where everyone can play and everyone's good enough to join. The initiation ceremony is pretty simple: it consists of a small wave, a smile, or even a quiet "hello." According to the Society Handbook, people of all financial standing, dress sizes, levels of cleanliness and professions may join as they wish, and membership is always free.
In our society, we value people because they are...people; created by God, in His divine image. Our mission is to foster brotherhood or sisterhood, and to have a great time just getting to know new members or schmoozing with long-standing ones. On a deeper, more esoteric level, we hope to bring about world peace just by virtue of our happy demeanors and the way we all get along with each other.
If you're a human, you're in like Flynn, and make no mistake about it -- the Plain Jane Society wants YOU!
You do not need to bring last year's tax forms when you sign up for the PJS. In fact, we've decided to forego a membership application since there's not much in the way of joining criteria. Instead you can just kind of walk up, introduce yourself, and expect to be registered immediately on the spot. If you're a human, you're in like Flynn, and make no mistake about it -- the Plain Jane Society wants YOU!
We figure it's time to grow up and grow out of those painful social situations which make you feel like you've walked the gauntlet and that you just don't measure up for beans. The social barbs, the chilly receptions, the nose-in-the-air evaluations and the snobby rejections, we think, are best relegated to the school yard where five-year-olds can do their worst until they finally realize these foibles won't get them very far in life.
We're a pretty heterogeneous mix, perhaps due to the largesse of our admissions policy, but surprisingly that seems to make our society much more interesting. I'd hardly prefer a club where everyone who joined was more or less a clone of the next member.
Our society even has a slogan -- "Come as you are!" It just seems to sum us up best. We're accumulating members in droves, and so far we haven't heard a single complaint.
I love that I can be accepted just the way I am. I don't need to put on a show in order to be respected and accepted. I don't need to be wearing Chanel and driving a Mercedes. I don't need to be fake. Other members will just come over to me and say hi -- it's great! I've made loads of new friends this way. - A happy PJS memberSnobbery is a thing of the past with the Plain Jane Society. It just wasn't working for me. I used to be one of those snobs, who looked you up and down and gave you the sense that you just weren't cool enough for me to exchange more than two words with. But one day someone else did that to me, and boy did it hurt! Then I heard about the Plain Jane Society, where everyone is a member, and I liked the concept. Today I go over to everyone I see, introduce myself, and start to chat. That's the way it works, and it's very freeing."- A former snob turned PJS member
Recruitment is always open for the Plain Jane Society, and we've stopped mailing membership cards; it was becoming cumbersome. So the next time you're approached by a friendly, smiling face, you can assume it's one of our members, reaching out to say hello and offering you the gift of free membership. We hope you'll sign up -- there's really not very much to lose, and there's everything to gain.
In fact, why not start a branch in your neighborhood?
(17) Chaya, September 3, 2018 1:44 AM
You are better off than her.. help her out
What causes a person to act snobbishly? Isn’t it her insecurity to associate with anyone outside of her “acceptable” social circle? You are in a much better place than her... help her feel better about herself by focusing on/ complimenting on an internal attribute, and help her discover her internal beauty!
(16) Anonymous, December 26, 2007 8:12 AM
This article should be posted in every Jewish
Community to stop acting like Hollywood and judging everyone on looks, money, status. And look at a person's character traits. A nice package can be ugly on the INSIDE- WHICH TO ME IS WORSE THAN NO BEAUTY ON THE OUTSIDE! PLEASE THINK ABOUT THIS!
GREAT ARTICLE HERE! THANKS FOR IT!
(15) RL, December 23, 2007 5:52 AM
Place on Shul bulletin boards!
This article should be posted on EVERY Shul bulletin board on the Upper Westside of Manhattan!
(14) Mindy, December 23, 2007 3:35 AM
AMAZING!!!
Perfect!!! Couldn't've been put better! Our society definitely needs a wakeup call! The beginning was SOSOSOSOSOSO accurate!! We all experience that!!! LOL, this was great! The picture that goes on top is exellent, as they alwaya are.
(13) Katherine Lipkin, December 22, 2007 3:11 PM
Why even put the energy
Why put any energy at all into fighting snobbism? Snobby people only can be snobby if they have people who are willing to get their feelings hurt by being snubbed. Plenty of nice people out there. Ignore the unfriendly ones, hang out with the great people - and great people can be beautiful or plain, wealthy or poor - and do mitzvots, and plenty of them.
(12) Annette, December 20, 2007 2:02 PM
aahhha ha hahaha loved it!
It's the only we club I need, won't leave home without it!
(11) Anonymous, December 19, 2007 7:15 PM
loved it!!!
I found this article humorous and refreshing. Thanks so much for the positive feelings it elicited! I want to join your club! Do you have any other great clubs to join?
(10) ReginaB, December 19, 2007 4:15 PM
I totally 100% agree.
I have come across a lot of those kind of people in my life, especially in my travels overseas, when I lived in Europe. If you didn't drive a Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Porsche or a car like this, were not hung like a "christmas tree", you weren't considered a "human being" worth to be associated with, especially in the big Apple I encountered a lot of those kind of people. But I got quickly over it. If you don't want to get to know the "real" me, not the superficial one, then you are not worth to be a aquaintance of mine. Superficial people are usually very insecure without their "security blankets of money or status". I value the inside of a person, his character and manners first before I want to know, what they own, how many cars they have, or how often they visited a "hotspot". It is sad, that after all we as Jewish people went through and are going through, that those kind of "status symbols" actions still matter. We don't have to imitate the "goyim". ReginaB.
(9) NR, December 19, 2007 9:41 AM
People with any modicum of intelligence assess others for their human qualities, not their status symbols. I've always felt that snobs are just not very smart.
(8) Anonymous, December 19, 2007 7:51 AM
We only want perfect fancy people to be friends
with, and if someone is simple both in looks and lifestyle no one wants any part of them for friendships and shidduchim. I know a man who is a Senior Citizen who only values a person if he or she has loads of $$, but if their morals are corrupt he does not care as long as they have the bucks. He values a person based on their wallet not their character traits at all. This article reminded me of this misguided soul.
(7) raye, December 18, 2007 12:56 AM
The "Dictator"
For lack of a more appropriate title, there is a subtle form of dictatorship that some very shrewd women can use. Unfortunately, these powerdriven maniacs have a support system. And they are never satisfied unless they can suppress anyone else's success, no matter how trivial.
(6) sarah kammen, December 16, 2007 9:31 PM
Riva, sign me up!
Knowing you as I do Riva, you practice what you preach. You are sorely missed here in Cleveland, but I at least hope to visit soon.
(5) Yaacov, December 16, 2007 12:00 PM
Why just women?
Couple of thoughts to only stimulate your vision to get a little closer to reality: 1)How to apply this also to men? You know, that species that seems to inherently pant after recognition of their merits
2)Why is "plain" your mantra? Does giving unconditional respect really necesitate plainess? What about doing so precisely because of your belief in their UNIQUENESS??
(4) Anonymous, December 16, 2007 11:54 AM
Go Riva Go
Riva, you make Toronto proud, time and time again! We miss you out here!
(3) Anonymous, December 16, 2007 11:37 AM
finally, H' pays mida kaenneged mida, give Shalom, get Shalom for us and Klall Yisroel
It's high time that this idea in its simplicity get the proper publicity. It's called Ahavas Chinam and is the opposite of Sinas Chinam. How many beatiful stories can be told on this. Please make this a theme by you, you cannot imagine what this can accomplish
(2) Mary, December 16, 2007 11:27 AM
one type theory
I love to collect theories of human personality and apply them in different circumstances with different people. Anyway one of the theories, applicable to men and women, says that there are 4 types- the relater, the thinker, the director and the socializer. I'm a thinker. Anyway relaters are very nice people. Socializers are social climbers and have a mouth on them and can be sarcastic and hurtful. They can be attractive and bright and stimulating but I personally know that I don't get along with them. The other type is Directors. Whether I get along with them depends on whether they are bullies or not. Just letting you know if it can help. A socializer looking to gain prestige is punished by a loss of prestige. I knew a woman who would hurt other women and use her position of literal power to make them crawl back to her which in her mind built up her prestige. Her typical victim was a relater. One woman did not do what she expected and asked to be transferred from under her based upon her abuse. She did not gain prestige over that incident. A director fears loss of control. A thinker fears embarrassment. A relater fears confrontation. All very interesting. I like to think God added nasty people to life like seasoning and maybe he overdid it. Anyone who marries one of these deserves what they get.
Yes you can have combination people.
(1) ruth housman, December 16, 2007 9:47 AM
At ONE meant
Sign me up. This sounds just faboulous and all plain Janes then become the beautiful people they truly are and see it in each other and themselves.
Right on, Sister!