People talk about strange things at five in the morning. Maybe it’s because of the eerie light of the fading moon. Or maybe it’s the pre-coffee, brain fog. To get to spinning class this early, most of us are up by 4:30am. We climb on our bikes while the sky is still black and star studded, and we vent to each other as we warm up. Hilary has an awful boss who is driving her crazy. Katherine’s son is failing in school. Patty’s husband has just lost his job. Ann’s mother is in the hospital. Kim’s car broke down again. We complain. We console. We cycle as the first light of day climbs through the trees.
But this week everyone is speaking about Christmas. First there is the tree discussion. Where to buy it. How they bring it home. Who decorates it, and who doesn’t bother anymore. Then the shopping conversation begins and seems to go on forever. The list of people to buy presents for. What to buy. How to wrap it. When to hit the stores. And then there is the cooking discussion about dishes that I’ve never even seen. Recipes for ham and shrimp cocktails and the sauces to go with them. When they serve eggnog. If they serve eggnog. When they drink eggnog. If they drink eggnog. How to cut the calories in eggnog.
And then the family dynamics topic arises. How Uncle Jeffrey always ruins the holiday. Why the sister’s new boyfriend doesn’t want to come and why the mother thinks this is a red flag for their relationship. How the husband can’t stand guests and always sits in front of the television while she has to deal with all the coats and greetings herself.
I am nodding in sympathy throughout most of these conversations until Heidi glances at me.
“Are you already finished this year, now that Thanksgiving and Hannukah have passed?” she asks me.
“I’m all done,” I answer. The other women look like they want to throw their water bottles at me. No standing in long lines in crowded stores. No buying the wrong presents for the wrong people with a maxed out credit card. No ham or eggnog or pine tree needles all over my living room floor.
“Hey, stop glaring at her. Don’t forget she has five kids,” Linda pipes up for me. Everyone laughs. Half the class has no children, and a few others have a maximum of two kids. But five? This makes me officially the craziest cycler in our group even if I don’t have to buy all of them presents during the worst week to shop in America.
And then I explain how anyway, I make Shabbos each week. As the instructor tells us to raise the resistance on our bikes to a steep hill, I go through my weekly to do list for Friday. How we all dress in our finest clothing. How the table is set with China and silver. How there are fresh flowers in a vase and shining candles. How we say blessings and sing songs and speak about our week.
They don’t believe me. Every week? You do that every week?
And as we switch our dials back down to a flat road, Lizzie yells out, “You’re like making Christmas every week!”
I laugh, but I don’t tell them what I’m really thinking. Making Shabbos is a lot of work. But it’s a different kind of work than the stressed out, make-this-all-go away kind. Getting ready for Shabbos fills me with peace the same way that the Sabbath itself fills me with peace. I love the smell of our kitchen on Friday mornings when all the food is in the oven. I love preparing my kids’ beautiful outfits and setting out our fanciest dishes. I think about the reflection of my Shabbos candles in the window; how they light up the darkness with their tiny flames. How they shine in my children’s eyes as I bless them. How they bring the joy and wonder of all of Creation into our home.
I love creating space for a day with no to-do list. It’s like getting off the bike, stepping back and making a place within myself to just be. But I can’t talk because we’re now in sprinting mode. Barely able to breathe. Pedaling furiously towards dawn. Afterwards, we head out of the gym with our towels around our necks and our hearts somehow lighter.
“Happy Holidays!” I call out as I head to my car.
“Have a good Sabbath!” Katherine yells back. And I think about how blessed I am. To have the light of Shabbos. To have the light of peace. To have the light of family. To have this precious cycling for the soul. Wrapped up just for me in the layers of Creation. As the sun sets this week on Friday afternoon, I cover my eyes and bless the infinite flames. And say thank You for making me a Jew today.
(36) Bobby Spiegel, December 28, 2020 4:55 PM
Inspiring perspective on Shabbos
Thank you for a very interesting article and for this inspiring perspective on Shabbos. Living in Southern CA where hustle and bustle are normal (prior to COVID) were easy distractions for me. I am inspired by the many articles through Aish and so enjoy reading them. Keep up the great job!!
(35) Silky Pitterman, December 27, 2020 8:52 PM
Thank you
What a great article! As I light my Shabbos candles each week, eyes covered by my hands, I thank Hashem for giving me this gift of Shabbos. I am grateful for the opportunity to speak to Him, thank Him for what He has given me and whisper my prayer with wishes for my family, for all the Jewish family and for the world.
(34) Gary Froehlich, December 25, 2020 3:46 AM
Blessings
We only had two children my youngest will turn 40 this year. Only having two children is one of my many mistakes. One of the finest memories I have is being father of the bride. I wish I had more than one daughter. Now we have three granddaughters and three grandsons. My children learned from my mistake
(33) Rachel, December 24, 2020 8:19 PM
Shabbat is stressful, eggnog is kosher
When my kids lived at home and we had guests, I did not feel peaceful preparing for Shabbat. Like everyone, I am horrified by the toll of Covid-19, but the lack of social obligations has been a pleasure. And many of the big companies produce kosher certified eggnog. It’s a mixture of eggs, cream, a sweetener, and spices. You can add rum, whiskey or brandy. It’s delicious although only to be enjoyed occasionally because the ingredients are high in calories. We love to have it as a special treat at this time of year.
Silky, December 27, 2020 8:59 PM
Keep your calm
When my kids were young, we often had guests for Shabbos meals. My husband wanted the food t be fancy and special. He wanted many different side dishes. I was very stressed out. Then I decided that I would just keep it simple. I would make the same (simply done) foods I normally would, but more of it. It isn't more stressful to make 2 chickens instead of one etc.
You have to do whatever you need to to keep the stress level down. Simpler foods, less guests, plastic dishes...whatever you need to enjoy Shabbos.
And don't feel guilty about enjoying some eggnog after you seuda. I like mine with a little rum and extra cinnamon on top.
(32) Anonymous, December 24, 2020 7:35 PM
Glad I don't do Christmas
Now That I am retired Shabbat is a piece of cake. My husband gets out the bread machine so we can have home baked challah. I decide on dinner, and set the table for 2. We have a relaxing meal.
My friends who do Christmas are stressed about presents for every relative under the sun. Spend way too much on people they are not fond of. Feel required to decorate their home and bake and bake and bake.
and then a week later they have to deal with New years eve.
The only people I buy presents for are my grandchildren.
When my children were young we had the traditional sock night, book night, pj night (my daughter still wants this) etc. They only got 1 toy from me. (as a single mom I had a limited income). I think Christmas is just too nuts with people needing to go over the top with toys etc.
(31) Bobby5000, December 22, 2020 5:33 PM
Jewish values on Christmas
Particularly this year there is a substantial need for Tzedakah. You can check if there are programs to help children in foster facilities or housing and get them small presents, or help with food drives. One can see nice things with Christmas and the idea of helping people.
(30) tatyana, December 27, 2013 8:00 PM
Baruch Hashem we areJewish!
As a recent and extremely happy Shomer Shabbos I can relate to the article completely. My life before and NOW are 2 different lives. I feel sorry for those who never experienced the beauty and, let's face it, the benefits of Shabbos.No running to the stores, no phones, no car! My long life friends feel sorry for me, I feel sorry for them. And G-d bless America for giving this opportunity, to learn and to be who we are.
Thanks for writing.
(29) ESTHER HARRIOTT, December 26, 2013 3:16 PM
I am comforted to know there are others like myself, i am not alone. my family does not see SHABBAT as i do, the joy of lighing my candles, singing beautiful songs to welcome SHABBAT and the presence of the MOST_HIGH. thank you for sharing. I am happy i dont do christmas. I am grateful for what i experience every SHABBAT. there's nothing like preparing for SHABBAT. Shalom
(28) Miryam, December 26, 2013 1:25 PM
Gentiles Feel Sorry for Me...
My non-Jewish friends and co-workers show a weird mixture of pity and disdain toward me because
I do not celebrate Xmas. They invite to their himes to "see the tree", and have dinner, watch them open their gifts. It is all I can do to avoid feeling bombarded by the holiday that is not my holiday, and has no meaning for me. Although I wish them the best for their season, they still percieve me as a pitiable scrooge. They make Channukah jokes, and bid me to "make the most of it anyway." What can I say to that? As I watch Jews in mixed-marriages celebrate Xmas with their non-Jewish spouses, see their bewildered, lost facial expression, my comkittment to Judaism is strengthened. Great article! Thank you!
(27) Brian, December 26, 2013 11:12 AM
Xmas really is like Shabbos...
When I have tried to explain Shabbos to goyim, and what it's supposed to reflect, I often relate it to the feeling of Xmas. There's the same stress - and there is a clear stress, especially in the Winter when it gets dark earlier - and the same excitement and anticipation. Except for lacking gifts and commerciality - gladly - the idea is the same: appreciation and privilege of life, and the convergence of interests and family into a unit. Guests and kids have a sense of importance and there is a tradition all feel part of. Somehow, the very fact that it's ever week helps us avoid that yearly 'culmination' thing that makes Xmas so calamitous if not anti-climactic for many Christian families, in that it can rarely live up to it's billing. Where Shabbos comes again next week, if we bickered about something this week, and for that, amongst so many other things, I am very appreciative...
(26) Sharona Malka, December 26, 2013 4:03 AM
plenty of our own
I agree, we Jews should definitely look at what we have instead of others. Shabbos/Shabbat is a beautiful day to rest and recharge both our body and soul, and connect to others and G-d.
The gentile holidays are all around us and it looks enticing to many, While many secular individuals just do it as a cultural thing with no mention of the guy, still he is the reason why Christians celebrate it. So while a secular individual might have a tree because it's nice, we need to realize what the holiday represents (about the guy). Therefore we shouldn't do something that says we believe it, even when someone doesn't believe and just wants to celebrate.
We have plenty to celebrate of our own holidays like Shabbat and the holiday Purim and Sukkot and others
(25) lois, December 26, 2013 3:40 AM
living in Israel
Matti is so right BH we live in Israel.. Come join us and feel real freedom! The conversations here in spinning classes are
the new recipies for Shabbat. If you are secular or not
.
(24) Ari, December 25, 2013 10:35 PM
Being a Jew on X-mas
I was so glad that Hanukkah was on Thanksgiving this year. For once I didn't have to explain to everyone that Hanukkah is NOT Just like X-mas... (not even close). Being SO far separated from Christmas made it even easier to ignore the hype and insanity of the X-mas craze. I got up this morning, walked the dog, put on Tephillin, had a bagel.... you know, the usual. Then, Chinese food and a movie with the family. The perfect day off, with no guilt.
(23) Mati, December 25, 2013 6:22 PM
Jews that have the least inclination to do something for Xmas
are being JewISH and not living as a Jew. They are like the Christians that are ChristianISH, the Buddhists that are BuddhistISH, the Muslims that are MuslimISH, the Mormons that are MormonISH, the atheists that are atheistISH, the chefs that cook chefISHly instead of like a chef should, the mechanics that repair your car mechanicISHly and not like a mechanic should, the doctors that doctorISHly doctor, shall I continue...?
(22) Matti, December 25, 2013 1:58 PM
Find Christmas craze annoying?
If you are tired of the fuss and feeling an outsider, there is a (well it's not easy) solution. Make Aliyah! The whole country is Jewish!
YoJewMama, December 25, 2013 5:07 PM
if it weren't for the internet...
we wouldn't know it's even xmas. my kids don't know the xmas songs! so happy to be in the Land and hope the rest of the nation will join us soon! <3
(21) Raphaelle Do Lern Hwei, December 25, 2013 1:36 PM
This is a good way to keep Post Christmas Blues away
This is a very good idea. Celebrating Shabbos makes every week special. For those who have the whole family together at dinner time, this is also special.
Many people, especially older couples will feel a bit depressed when everyone leaves after the celebrations are over.
The Shabbos Friday night meal need not be one to stressful to prepare once we are in the habit to do so.
My lunch break is special in that way as I discuss the Bible verse of the day over email with my family (a bit like the parasha)
(20) Ester Devorah, December 25, 2013 8:19 AM
Thank you for reminding me once again
what is so very special about Shabbos, our day out of time...as I light my candles, specially rigged to burn longer, as those of my namesake did... how I love that special light that goes with 'our' day. My gentile friends know it is very special to me, but still, I think, don't quite 'get it'... but we do!!!
(19) Sarah Devorah, December 25, 2013 7:35 AM
Different Take-Part 2
I don't judge or try to make my Judaism better than any other religion because that does not work for me. I have to allow someone else to have a holiday and allow them to have be happy and complain if needs be. I have to be okay and teach my family to be okay without being included. For Jews I think that is hard because we have a history of being kicked out. I have to decide, to go inside and talk with H'S' to see what I can do with those feelings of being left out instead of trying to make myself better than or joining in because I don't like being left out. In the US there are lots of Jews who have Xmas trees and buy presents.
Regarding secular holidays I think they do them. They are called sports-baseball games, football, soccer. I am grateful that I get to have a Jewish mindset that allows me to look around me and be grateful to be in a society that does not persecute me and make me do what they do. I have a choice. I am allowed to ask H'S' for help in this country. I get to ask H'S; for help when I am waiting in longer lines. I am taught to do mitzvot and to smile in that line ,to let my neighbor whose rushing after work to pick up presents and get home to make dinner go ahead of me. That is my take on being Jewish in the secular world- looking at myself and seeing if anything honestly bothers me and what I can do to make myself and my fellows feel better.
(18) Sarah, December 25, 2013 7:32 AM
Different Take-Part 1
I prepare for Shabbas. I don't compare my Jewish holidays with the secular holidays. It is not helpful for me to compare one religion to another because they are very different.Shabbas is a mindfulness, restful spiritual practice for me. I stop. I don't cook, tear. There are lots of thingsI don't do. I focus my attention on H'S' , Torah and my Family. Being a Jew in the secular world is difficult and I think that needs to be said straight out. I have to deal with crowds whether I am buying presents or not. I have to deal with traffic. There are lots of things that I have to contend with and some of them are irritating. On the other hand, there are some really nice things that are done for Xmas and I don't get to participate in them. Some I think may actually be fun. I like looking at pretty lights. I saw one in the shape of a peacock!
(17) sandra, December 25, 2013 2:23 AM
Peace
I prefer the peace of Shabbat to the madness of xmas .
The temple on Shabbat morning the Hebrew words sung in a way that seems to sweeten my soul and spirit healing me in a way only they can . The hellos hugs and kiddish conversations . Oh and yes such great food ! So when xmas is ended I have far more then wrapping paper . I have Shabbat !
(16) Peter De Grathios Vink, December 25, 2013 12:53 AM
Excellently written. So nobody is offended because u wished happy Holliday and brought Lite ( Hashem) Muzel Tov
(15) Gail, December 24, 2013 9:47 PM
So Touching!
If that isn't the true meaning of what the Jewish people are about I don't know what is. This says it so well. Simply beautiful.
(14) Anonymous, December 24, 2013 9:29 PM
I wish that I could have had that in m life. I came from a family of mostly Russian heritage. My Mother became very ill and was institutionalized for 3 months when I was 6. When she returned home, she was never the same person. I became the mother. My Father did give us the gift of a partial Shabbot on Friday night. For a few years, we lit candles and said a few prayers, set the table in the formal dining room, ate Challah and made Kiddush. It was wonderful to have it, but bitter sweet because of my Mother and her voiced opinion of religion. She hated it. Needless to say, I grew up confused and miserable and was not able to create a marriage, a home and children. I will always miss this wonderful gift from G-d. In my later years I kept Shabbat for a few years with my neighbors, but older than forty at the time and single, it was very difficult to find a mate. After years of going to other peoples' houses and sleeping in their children's room, I became more and more lonely after Havdalah. I had to leave this beautiful ritual...for without a family, I felt increasingly empty. I miss the Sabbath, it is a great gift. I will always miss having a family, but it was not meant to be. Thank you.
(13) Suzie, December 24, 2013 8:52 PM
beautiful
I have never had to make a secret of how lucky I feel to celebrate Hanukkah which is not centered around gifts. Like all our celebrations it's about the central theme of our faith: they tried to kill us, G-d saved us, let's eat. But I never thought of explaining Shabbat the way you did. It's beautiful and brilliant and so true. Thanks for a wonderful read.
(12) Mike, December 24, 2013 7:55 PM
Well said Dani
(11) Jocelyn Ruth Krieger, December 24, 2013 7:03 PM
Making you a Jew?
We don't belong to the Mafiosa. We weren't "made" Jews by Hashem. Hashem gave us the Torah and we choose to live by it. If your mother was a Jew by Hallachah, you are a Jew. If she wasn't, and you chose to be a Jew, as I did, Hashem didn't "make" me a Jew, but I chose to live by the Torah Hashem gave to Moshe, not a man-made religion.
(10) Marta, December 24, 2013 6:58 PM
So we'll expressed! Thank u for giving form to my thoughts about Shabbat.
(9) Anonymous, December 24, 2013 6:55 PM
Thanks ...
... for this early-morning-females-picture; hopefully your fellow-cyclists find out where to read this report. :-)
(8) Anonymous, December 24, 2013 5:22 PM
Shabbos
Thank you for your touching article. Shabbos has changed our families lives. We often say to each other, "what would we do without Shabbos?" Even with all the work of preparing for Shabbos, I try to do it with holiness so that I can bring Shabbos in with Peace and not chaos. I ask G-d for help when I need it and that always seems to work. BH.
Thank you again.
(7) Suny329, December 24, 2013 5:01 PM
Thank goodness for our Jewish friends
I love the writers whimiscal look at her early day beginnings with friends,in a spinning class. Along with Christmas as well as Jewish traditional celebrations. We all need EACH OTHER IN LIFE HERE ON EARTH.
Thanks for this reminder.
I'm a devout Christian , love my dear Jewish friends.
(6) Sarah, December 24, 2013 4:46 PM
Love this. I feel the same way about Shabbat, I look forward to it each week bli ayin hara.
(5) Shoshana, December 24, 2013 4:43 PM
The Ups and the Downs of December
I found this interesting because of where and how the discussion took place: negotiating hills and valleys; sweating; laboring; maybe even muscle burn. And how the exercise did not seem to ease any tension in your friends because of their thought patterns, but it did for you for the same reason. This is truly what Shabbos is meant to be in our lives. Since my birthday is on the 27th, I look forward to post-Christmas sales :) TY for this article.
(4) Valerie, December 24, 2013 4:18 PM
Where is this spin class?
Where is this magic spin class that you can carry on multi-person conversations without being drowned out by the blaring music and the instructor shrieking at you? :)
(3) devora, December 24, 2013 2:44 AM
i have never heared a story like that
Love it?!!
(2) Dani, December 24, 2013 12:30 AM
Gentile friends
Seems like you have one more thing to be grateful for: Gentile friends, good Christians who respect our faith and stand by our side come good times, or bad. Thank G-d for righteous gentiles.
(1) Eema, December 23, 2013 4:56 AM
They only have one
Our children were asking me questions about Christmas and trying to understand why such a big commercial deal is made about it. Finally they decided it was because (along with Easter ) the Christians only get two holidays a year. Along with Shabbat, we get to make a huge fuss at Pesach, a live in holiday at Sukkot etc.