We've been enduring this quarantine with, thank God, four beautiful children ages 2, 4, 5, and 7. Last week, we were blessed to bring our newborn baby home from the hospital, exactly 24 hours after having given birth (due to new corona regulations). All of this in our two-bedroom apartment, on the fifth floor, with one bathroom!
Today I tried to take a shower.
About one minute in, my five-year-old came knocking on the door. She had been on her morning conference call when the phone died. I got dressed and helped her enter her access code from another phone line.
Take two. My two-year-old son waited about five minutes, and then, as if on cue, came to knock on the bathroom door. It was an emergency. He needed to use the bathroom. I got dressed and went to help him.
Exactly five minutes later, there was another knock on the bathroom door.
Not sure whether to cry or to laugh, I suddenly realized: I am Hillel!
The Talmud relates a story one man bet another that he could get Hillel angry. He waited until Friday afternoon, with the added pressure of preparing for Shabbat, and kept interrupting Hillel's shower to ask ridiculous questions. Hillel answered each query patiently. Ultimately, the frustrated man told Hillel that he had lost him 400 zuz. Hillel responded that it is better that he should lose the bet than that Hillel should become angry.
With the third interruption, I realized that God had recreated a similar wager to play itself out in our apartment. Would I be as patient as Hillel?
In fact, that wager has been playing itself out here for almost three months!
Could I be patient with a spouse trying valiantly to work from home despite the chaos?
Could I be patient with the Wi-Fi, the four simultaneous conference calls, and the technical troubleshooting?
Could I be patient with children who really could use a break from homeschooling and a chance to play in the playground?
Could I be patient with the people who could make it easier if they weren't so busy self-isolating?
Could I be patient with the tiny Lego pieces that we keep stepping on?
It hasn't been easy.
Rebbetzin Devora Kigel suggested looking at life as a play, and to look at everyone else as though they are merely reading their lines. The mother-in-law is reading her mother-in-law lines; the husband is reading his husband lines; the children are reading their children lines.
And I get to choose my own lines.
Today's aha moment was that with this coronavirus, I am being given a chance to recreate one of the Talmud's greatest stories about Hillel.
And today the opportunity was too obvious to miss. I kept my cool.
Let's see how I do tomorrow.
(8) Karen, June 13, 2020 12:40 PM
Showers may be overrated. Understanding is not!
I love your observation! Thank you for sharing it!
(7) Chaya Lew, June 11, 2020 6:06 PM
You have captured my thoughts during this coronavirus period...
One thing I have learned and grown to appreciate and thank Hashem for is the fact that my family can be contained in a smaller space and still get along and even more so, look to each other for help and advice. That realization is priceless... I will probably miss not having everyone under my feet (sometimes) when iym this trying time is over.
(6) Anonymous, June 11, 2020 6:01 PM
Beautiful story
I hope that you are Hillel more says than not - as you need to be - until we are no longer homebound.
(5) Sarah, June 11, 2020 5:23 PM
First of all, mazal tov on the new addition to your family! And congratulations on working on your patience. Hillel would have been proud of you.
Regarding "Could I be patient with the people who could make it easier if they weren't so busy self-isolating?", I can understand that it's frustrating not having help in your condition. I don't know if the said people would help out if there wasn't a pandemic which forces upon us isolation, but not withstanding, please try to learn the laws of lashon harah (derogatory speech). Just imagine how many people, reading your article, will start wondering if you refer to your mother, mother in law, or somebody else, instead of focusing on the positive message of acquiring patience. We are obliged to honor our parents and our in-laws, and everybody else.
Once again, mazal tov, and remember, we are obliged to judge people favorably, and lashon harah is forbidden (except in some instances, which is not the case here)
(4) Anonymous, June 11, 2020 2:22 PM
This is a lovely article - apart from one offensive sentence:
"Could I be patient with the people who could make it easier if they weren't so busy self-isolating?"
I am one of the many who are at high-risk and are therefore self-isolating. I offer no apologies for being unable to make the author's life easier by taking a life-threatening chance of not self-isolating!! Those of use who self-isolate are not "busy self-isolating," but are stringent with the mitzvot to take care of our health and to choose life!!"
(3) Yael, June 11, 2020 11:28 AM
I love this!
The next time I'm totally overwhelmed and feel myself losing it, I'm going to think (hopefully): This is my Hillel moment. What a brilliant reframing line!
(2) Anonymous, June 11, 2020 11:24 AM
great article ! thanks for sharing !
(1) Debbie Rasmussen, June 11, 2020 11:16 AM
Thank you
Thank you for sharing the story of your day and I pray that it will continue to be the story of your life.