As a little girl, I loved the wedding scene in Fiddler on the Roof. I watched it over and over again -- friends and family gathered together, their flickering candles light up the night as the white chuppah flutters over the young bride who circles her groom.
And Tevye, the bride’s father sings: “Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play? I don’t remember growing older, when did they?”
Sunrise. Sunset. Swiftly fly the years.
As my husband and I walked our youngest daughter to the chuppah this past week, I lived the words of this song. With God's magnificent sunset as the backdrop, I held my daughter’s hand and a stream of emotion filled my heart.
All my life I had prayed for this very moment. And now that the moment has come, I am filled with wonder. Where did all the years go? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I held this little girl in my arms, cuddled with her, stroked her cheeks and wiped away her tears? When the others grew too old for bedtime stories and giggles with mommy, this was the child whose little hand fit perfectly into mine. I held onto childhood laughter, bike riding with the wind, and hot chocolate with marshmallows floating on snowy winter nights. Who else would sing with me on top of our lungs and dance around the house till we would fall down breathlessly together?
Love you forever
How I would smile when she would totter in my shoes, put on my ‘mommy’ things and make believe that she was me. Each Purim we would dig out the little bride costume, the veil and the crown, and look in the mirror together with dreamy eyes.
When she was a little girl we would read a story together called Love You Forever. At the end of the book my daughter would lean into the crevice of my neck and listen as I’d sing the last words on the page.
“Love you forever. Like you for always. As long as you’re living. My baby you’ll be”
I would kiss her silken curls, we would sing the Shema and say a prayer for all those we loved in our lives. I’d watch her eyelids slowly close, listen as her breaths deepened and think that these days would last forever.
The other night I took out a folder I’ve kept, tucked in the bottom of my closet. Stacked inside are all the cards my little girl ever gave me. Colorful pictures before she was able to really write. Big red hearts, a smiling sun and rainbows with the word MOMMY spread across the page. Happy feelings somehow fly out of the papers scattered across my floor. Then the letters begin. Each carefully written as my baby starts to string her words together and embrace life. "Dear Mommy", they each open. "I love you so much."
My heart melts as I see her childish scrawl. First grade. Second grade. Where did the time go?
Homemade Mother’s Day cards, birthday wishes and some just because.
I read and re-read. A little tear trickles down my cheek.
Dear Mommy,
I love you so much and when I get married I will miss you soooooooooo much but now is not then and now I wish you 2 words-Happy Birthday. I love you mommy.
Well, then is now.
It is time to thank God for the gift of life that I have been given to watch over. For the joy of bringing children into this world. For the hugs, the kisses, the triumphs and yes, even the tears. For the privilege of carrying these souls inside of me and then trying oh so hard to create a path, despite it all, so that I know that my parents, Zaydies and Bubbies live on.
When I was a little girl one of my favorite places in the world to be was in my grandparents’ home. They had been deported to Bergen Belsen, lost an entire world, and were cut by the shards of pain and suffering that tragic time would bring. Yet despite the darkness of their lives, they gave me only love. When my Zayda would bless me his soft white beard would flow over my face. I felt safe even strong somehow. He would place his hands on my head, whisper the holy words and cry. I was named for my Zayda’s mother who was killed in Auschwitz. Perhaps the grief of the past and the hope of the future collided. Sunrise. Sunset.
I see my little girl now grown, beginning life anew.
I have hopes and dreams. I have prayers that soar.
It is hard as well, to know that those days of my little girl are memories now to be carefully taken out and gingerly revisit.
Sometimes we wish we could go back in life, but no. The caterpillar becomes a butterfly and it is time to spread your magnificent wings and fly.
I love you my little girl.
I pray that you build a home together with your wonderful groom filled with Torah, blessings, and joy. May the footsteps of your bubbies and zaydies create a path for you so that you always find your way. May their tears, their sacrifice for our people, their legacy, and their wisdom shine as a beacon of light for you always.
xoMommy
(23) Arona, August 9, 2019 4:57 PM
I'm not crying...You're crying!
I knew I should not have read this b/c I knew I would be a mess after. And I am. I have a 2.5 year old daughter. We have a book of this song from PJ Library and she makes read it to her all the time. I love reading it with her. She knows the song by heart and sings it all the time. It always makes me think of her wedding day and how I'll be such an emotional mess then too. B/c time really does fly so quickly. I cherish every day and every minute with my daughter. When I give her hugs, I take a few extra seconds before I let go. B/c I know one day, she'll be all grown up and living somewhere not with me, and I'll miss her so much. I'm so thankful to Hashem for this precious time with her and I enjoy it always. I feel like I should call my mother now.
(22) Anonymous, July 26, 2019 6:08 PM
This is a great true life story, one that sometimes is overlooked. We should always cherish the moments we have with our family, they are precious.
(21) Dorothy Bienen, July 25, 2019 10:26 AM
A HEARTFELT PIECE
WHAT A BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN PIECE AND TRIBUTE TO GREAT PARENTING! A MOTHER PAVES THE WAY FOR HER DAUGHTER WITH SUCH LOVE AND CARE.....MAY THERE BE MANY SUNSETS AND SUNRISES OF NEW AND JOYFILLED EXPERIENCES IN THE FUTURE.....MAZOL TOV!!!
(20) Melinda Ball, July 25, 2019 10:11 AM
Beautiful article
Lots of mazel on your daughters wedding. I have one daughter who please g-d will be married for 6 years this fall. It is amazing how times just goes. Now my daughter and her husband are blessed with 2 little girls. Life is beautiful. Embrace every moment. Beautiful article.
(19) Anonymous, July 25, 2019 1:53 AM
Mazel tov!
Thank you for another beautiful article.May the new couple merit many happy and healthy years,being a source of nachas to Hakadosh Baruch Hu,klal Yisrael,and your esteemed family.May they continue and enhance the legacy of your family. I look forward to your articles! Mazel tov!
(18) Chana Gruber, July 24, 2019 5:26 PM
Mazel tov! Thank you for sharing! A great reminder to enjoy each stage of life.
(17) Riichard, July 24, 2019 10:49 AM
Beautiful!
What can I say that the other commentators have not already said. Thanks!
(16) Billy Gruber, July 24, 2019 3:51 AM
Mazel Tov on the marriage of your daughter. This was a very nice article to read
(15) Susan Fein, July 24, 2019 2:56 AM
Magnificent
I haven’t seen Slovie in years but her words and her neshama always touch my heart! She is talented and beautiful, inside and out!
(14) Anonymous, July 23, 2019 11:41 PM
Beautiful! Shep nachas
(13) Pearl David, July 23, 2019 11:10 PM
I love you forever
I read this book to my kids too/ now grown up and married with children of their own. Reading this article brought several emotions to my heart. I read it to my grandkids too.
(12) Anonymous, July 23, 2019 6:51 PM
This is so beautiful I cried. As a mother of 4 little ones, I feel overwhelmed most of the time and cannot wait for them to grow older so it gets easier. This text makes me realize that one day I will certainly miss those cute moments so I shall try to enjoy them more.
(11) roslyn blumberg, July 23, 2019 5:35 PM
beautiful
read it with tears in my eyes
(10) Anonymous, July 23, 2019 4:45 PM
Marrying off the baby
Beautifully written. I shared the same emotions & memories of dancing, reading books, dressing up, cards written, visiting days in camp, cuddling together, etc. and my baby is a BOY!!!!
(9) Anonymous, July 23, 2019 4:24 PM
wonderful.
Such a delightful loving sharing. Thank you so much. Definitely a keeper! Well done!!
(8) Julia Lutch, July 23, 2019 3:53 PM
Lovely, tender article BUT...
...the phrase “marrying off our daughter” reminds me of my parents using the phrase “when you’re married off”, and even as a young girl, I winced at this phrase, which always seemed dismissive. That phrase should NEVER be used. It carries a devaluation of women as mouths to feed, as extra baggage.
Jewish Mom, July 24, 2019 9:54 AM
The phrase is loaded for you personally
Julia, please bear in mind that although that phrase makes you wince and seems dismissive, most people who use it mean nothing of the sort. Your feelings and sensitivities are real and legitimate for you. I hope that people in your inner circle respect them, but they are yours. Most people aren't connoting a put down when they use that expression. Slovie is clearly bursting with love and is not demeaning her daughter when she shares her thoughts of marrying her baby "off". I've "married off" many children, thank G-d, and still have a few at home. I love them each dearly, they love coming with their families to Sabba, Savta and the dodot (aunts) for Shabbat. Not for a second did I ever feel that any of my children were extra baggage and another mouth to feed. They keep coming and when I host them, I feed many more mouths of their growing families. It's just an expression meaning that our children are starting off on their own and moving on to build their own nests. Just as when you see someone off, you don't mean that you're happy to get rid of them. It obviously has painful connotations for you but please try not to be offended when others use it. I'll just add that we parents really don't "marry off" our children - it's G-d who pairs two souls together and our role is just not to spoil things ;-)! Of course, if you're just referring to "the party" then if parents are involved in and paying for the wedding, they might feel they're "marrying off" their child. But that's not what I mean when I say that. For me, "marrying off" refers to letting go as a new couple sets out on their own path, the hopes and dreams for their future, the shift in my role in their lives and includes the holiness and joy of a Jewish wedding.
(7) Shlomo Elspas, July 23, 2019 3:47 PM
Daddies
I wish there were articles for daddies too
Jewish Mom, July 23, 2019 4:34 PM
Here's one
https://www.aish.com/f/hotm/48956301.html called Father of the Bride by Rabbi Ephraim Shore
(6) Anonymous, July 23, 2019 3:02 PM
Simply beautiful
A stunning article filled with deep love to the Almighty and your bride.
May this couple be blessed with a life together filled with love and devotion to our holy Torah and each other.
(5) Esther, July 22, 2019 8:30 PM
Thank you!
Thank you for this beautiful letter. time does have a way of passing by way too fast. my oldest is only 10, but it feels as if he was born a couple of days ago. your article reminds me to enjoy the hectic times, when the kids are still small and at home. only too soon they will be out of the house. Thank you and Mazal tov!
(4) Rachel, July 21, 2019 7:52 AM
Mazal tov and thank you
My oldest child and only daughter is engaged. G-d willing, this will be me next year....
(3) MESA, July 17, 2019 2:29 PM
Mazal Tov! May the new couple build a Bayit Ne'eman B'Yisrael.
(2) Alan S., July 14, 2019 11:45 AM
Mazel Tov!
Beautiful writing. It brought tears to my eyes.
(1) Anonymous, July 14, 2019 11:15 AM
Beracha and Mazal Tov, Slovie! May you continue a gorgeous relationship together in good health and happiness always :)